Build a Routine

Healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. Healing just doesn’t show up for you one day – it is something that we must work at every single day. We became stagnant in our lives and allowed toxic people and situations that aren’t going to just leave because we want them to. People get used to how we are and get confused when we show up differently, and we face resistance. Change takes a lot of work and determination, but it can be done. We must be stronger than the resistance we face. We must be in charge. Healing is a complete overhaul of your mindset and your lifestyle. Setting boundaries and building a routine that you can stick to will help you stay organized and on track.

When I first started my healing journey, I purchased a calendar and put it on my refrigerator. I wrote down everything that I wanted to accomplish every hour of every day of the week, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I did that and stuck to that schedule for years until it became my new normal and I no longer needed a reminder to schedule relaxation and fun into my life. I also carried a small notebook with me and made a list of things to do every day. When dealing with toxicity and negativity, the mind becomes very active with nonsense, and you become very forgetful. The notes and the calendars helped me with this until a new, positive routine became a part of my world. I still use the notepad on my phone to help me stay on track with my list of things to do. I still do this because once you write it down, you no longer must store it in memory and that frees up space in your mind for more important things. I have become so reliant on my lists that I joke around now that if it isn’t on my list of things to do then it isn’t getting done.

A new routine is very important because most of us get stuck in a rut of where life is happening to us, and we are no longer running the show. We allowed people and situations to rule our day, forgetting that we have the power to say no or to do things differently. A routine puts us back in charge. Everyone’s routine will look different because it is personal, it is yours. Do you want to join the gym, then make time for that, do you want to start going to church, put that on your schedule and stick to it. Do you want to make time for friends and loved ones, then make it a conscious choice to block out time for that. We always complain that we don’t have time, but it is crazy how we can find the time when we really want to. I work a full-time job and would have been the first to complain that I don’t have time to write a blog. I made a strict schedule for myself and now I work full time, write a weekly blog and I am taking an online course to get my real estate license. My weekly routine is set in stone right now so that I can achieve the goals I set for myself. Once those goals are achieved, then I can readjust my schedule and have more free time on my days off, but my basic daily routine will always stay the same. I stick to my routine because life works better for me that way. I feel in charge and in control of my time, my life and in control of myself. I decide how much sleep I need to function at my best, what I eat, where I go, who I allow into my life, what boundaries I need, and my routine helps me to do that.

Building a new routine does require discipline and a new way of thinking, so we stumble around at first until we find what works best. When we are lost in negativity, it is easy to lose control of our life, but a healthy routine helps us to gain control and develop a new, healthy mindset, which in turn helps to live a healthy, happy life. Once you build a healthy routine for yourself, then there are certain things you will do every day that are never changing. A healthy sleep and eating schedule are the most important, so find what works for you. Remember to journal every day. As I mentioned in a previous blog, remember to take five minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful. I have been on this journey for a while and have turned those five minutes into an hour. I make myself go to bed by 11pm every night because I want to sleep 7-8 hours every night and want to be up between 6-7am. When I do that, I have enough time for myself before work so that fits best with my schedule right now. Some people like to exercise in the morning before work, some prefer after work. You have been getting to know yourself again, so figure out what you want in your life and find what schedule works best for you.

Routines are important but don’t get so reliant on them that when you are forced to adjust for something unexpected, you get lost and angry. Sometimes we are tested and forced to face how badly we want a new life. We are forced to fight for our new life and our new routine. We were once at the hands of a very negative lifestyle and that past will show up and test us. Those are the times it is important to remain calm and dig deep and pull out everything you know to be true about who you are now. Building a routine requires a new mindset and all the lessons you will be learning will come into play. Balance is always key. Learn to go with the flow and readjust. Stay in charge. Be positive. Enjoy your life.


In love and light,

Fran

Obstacles

The hardest part of this healing journey is knowing when to rest and when to move forward. We oversee our own life, but Divine guidance is always out there, and that guidance sometimes shows up as obstacles. We are making changes, we are journaling, we are being present, we are practicing self-love and then bam – life hits us right in the face again. Our first reaction is to get angry and look up with an "are you kidding me, I’m doing everything right, what is going on". We must remember that these obstacles and struggles are happening for us, not to us. We don’t grow and learn the most when life is easy, we gain our knowledge and strength during the hard times. When faced with an obstacle, we must remember to take a moment and regroup and see if we are on the right path. I have learned that the obstacles are placed in front of us to help us take a moment and rest and gather up our strength for the next chapter, and then sometimes obstacles are placed in front of us because we are heading the wrong way and must change direction.

Trust me when I say that I know this all sounds easier said than done. I still struggle with knowing whether this is just me making mistakes, or is this a sign, should I stay, should I go, decisions, decisions, decisions. This is where journaling, meditation and being present comes into play. We get caught up in life just doing, doing, doing and forget to listen and forget to pay attention. Divine guidance is always there to help keep us on track, so of course that is when the obstacles will show up. The obstacles, both big and small, are sometimes placed there to slow us down. I can remember a while ago, before my healing started, when I was stuck at home because my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to fix it. I was angry, I was sad, and I felt like here we go again. Looking back, I can see that it was set up that way to make me stay put because the time was not right for me to move yet. I was struggling and wanted no part of where I was in life, and if I had money and a car, I would have taken off instead of figuring it out. I ended up staying in Florida for another decade and that was exactly where I needed to be. There were things I needed to take care of, more learning I had to do, kids I had to raise, people I needed to help, and looking back, I wouldn’t trade that time in my life for anything. That is the time in my life where I found my true calling, and once the obstacles were removed, I was able to leave. I left Florida a year and half ago with everything wrapped up the right way. The kids were grown and supportive, no hard feelings, no relationships up in the air, no loose ends, it was a very peaceful transition. That was a very new experience for me considering my past was always filled with such chaos. I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and just leave because it was hard, and I had enough. Ironically, running away from the hard would have made my life even harder than it was, and I would have missed out on so many important lessons in life that made me so much stronger. My healing journey and all the obstacles put in my way have shown me a much better way to approach life.

The next lesson to navigate through when faced with obstacles is do I go through this alone or do I ask for help. You must learn to find the balance. Some doors and lessons we are meant to go through alone. Those times require detaching from negative people and situations and going within. Those are the times that require solitude and getting to know yourself again. Journaling, meditation and focusing on self is meant for that time. Other times, we are meant to reach out because we are not meant to always go through life alone. Solitude for reasons of avoidance and withdrawal are not healthy and that is the time to reach out for help. That is the time if a hand is offered to you, reach back and take a hold of that hand knowing that you are loved and supported on your journey. There are also times when the obstacles are so hard and knock us completely off our path, and that is when an angel will step in to help pick us up. Those are the times in my life I am most grateful for. Those are the times when we are so lost in our own bubble that we can’t see that we have been camping out at the obstacle not even trying to get to the other side of it. We didn’t even realize that we gave up.

Balance is always the key to everything and while you are healing you will learn how to distinguish what is an obstacle, what isn’t, and what is healthy and unhealthy behavior. You will get to know yourself again and understand your wants and your needs. You will find your strength deep within and you will find your voice. Obstacles that stop you in your path and make you forget who you are will be a thing of the past. Life is not a destination, it is a journey, so be sure that you will meet up with other obstacles as you move forward. The difference is they will no longer paralyze you with fear, but just be something to work through. Each time you face another, you will have more knowledge and more strength to overcome them, and they won’t seem so hard. You will have a new view of them and a new outlook on life. You will understand that obstacles in life are there to help you, they are not there to hurt you. You will embrace change and whatever obstacles come with that change. You will understand that you are being Divinely guided and in complete control of your own destiny.


In love and light,

Fran

Being Present

Have you ever reached for your coffee and didn’t notice you already drank it? Or driving down the road and wondering how you got there? Lose your keys? Misplace your wallet? Many times, we just move through life on autopilot not taking the time to notice our surroundings. We spend time with people but not really present, or we just rush through our day not taking the time to enjoy the moments. We move mindlessly through our lives just doing, but not necessarily being. I have learned through this healing journey how precious life is and the importance of taking it all in. We are never promised tomorrow, so it is important to appreciate everything that life has to offer us today.

I noticed when I was on vacation recently how I was not doing that anymore. My brain is all over the place and I’m only half listening. I’m not watching where I am going and covered in bruises from bumping into things. In that moment I realized I am on the opposite side of mindfulness; I am no longer present. I think a lot of times that happens when we make major life changes and start to feel overwhelmed. I made a major life move a year and a half ago, and I’m sure that is also the time I stopped practicing mindfulness. We get thrown in survival mode, doing what is needed, forgetting that life is passing us by. The important lesson about living a healthy, happy life is to understand that it is all about the journey, not the destination. We must remember to take it all in, because every step of the way is important and can be so beautiful, but we must be present enough in our own lives to be able to see it. We should appreciate the people in our lives and make them feel important while we are here.

I was happy I noticed that in the first few days of my recent trip because I was able to be present with my boys and take it all in. This was the first time in five years that we were all together, and we ate, we laughed, and we were fully present and engaged. My heart is full, and I will remember conversations and every moment of my trip with them. I also came back knowing that it is time for me to be present and mindful once again in every aspect of my daily life. I must come off autopilot and come out of survival mode. Once again, I can see myself slipping and allowing my past to dictate my present. In my past blogs, I always talk about how you must be present while trying to heal and it is very true, and it is always ongoing. I may have healed so much in the past decade, but each step has a new step after that, and it is very easy to get lost and remain stagnant on a step. We get tired, we get complacent, but the trick is to keep moving and keep growing.

I mentioned that life is a journey not a destination, but we do have to set goals for ourselves that we want to reach. Once you reach that goal make a new one. Keep moving. My goal was to get to New Jersey and start a new life for myself. I have achieved the beginning part of that goal, but my life still doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it. Yes, I made it here, but what I realized on my trip is that I am not living, I am just surviving again. I am stuck on a step. My life looks different than what I imagined it would be once I got here because, as usual, the Universe had other plans for me. That is ok but I think I got lost and confused about what to do next. What I must do now is be present and be mindful and pay attention to the signs and listen for the guidance. When we are living one day at a time and one moment at a time, then that guidance does come, and we can see it and hear it. When we are all over the place like I have been, then it is easy to miss it. I became complacent, I became stagnant. I settled for less than. Once again, it is time for me to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. It is time to make moves and oversee my destiny. I know better than to let life happen to me. The lesson is to just keep going. Be in the moment. Be mindful. The Universe always has a better plan than anything I could imagine.

I have to be present and trust. You have to be present and trust.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Healing through Prayer

 When I attended SWIHA over a decade ago I was introduced to a world of religion, spirituality and many forms of prayer that I didn’t even know existed and developed a deep respect for all of them.

If I was asked ten years ago what my sense of what union with God or ultimate reality or the Divine is, my answer would be much different than it is today. I have always believed in God, dragged to church as a child, and then as an adult found comfort in that space. There were times in my life, the very dark times, when just sitting in church or going to light a candle, I would find myself in tears with an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love. Some people already grow up with such a connection to themselves and their belief systems, but my belief is that for people like me, there must be some sort of trauma or awakening that happens before you realize the union with Spirit and the union with self, we all have. Once you have that awakening life is never the same. You see life from a different perspective and everything changes. Life has new meaning, and your life seems to have more purpose. You realize that what you have heard over and over to be true, and that is, we are spiritual beings having a physical human experience rather than physical human beings having a spiritual experience.

I know that, for me, once that awakening happened and my spiritual journey began, my soul was touched, and I felt the Divine everywhere. Divine timing, Divine interaction, Divine protection, I was suddenly aware that I was being guided and I was being protected and help and guidance was always available I just had to ask for it. There was a connection that is hard to explain and was a different feeling that I had while sitting in church as a child. I could hear it, see it, touch it and developed a trust and faith in it. I finally understood that we are all one and connected. Life suddenly lost that lonely feeling of wandering around a planet with no purpose. I realized the higher purpose and that purpose is we are here to help guide people to their own awakening. The sense of that union blesses us with more patience, more compassion and a strength that makes us feel like we can do anything. We shine our light brightly awaiting the day that we return home.

The sense of that union with God and with each other also erased the fear of death. I found that very comforting since I have been dealing with death and losing close loved ones since the age of nine. Reincarnation suddenly made sense, and the pieces all fit together. We don’t die, we move on. Material things of the physical world don’t hold as much value, but you realize that we need this physical world to learn and grow. We can feel that middle place between Heaven and earth. We know that there is so much more out there than the eyes can see. It is such a beautiful, comforting feeling to know that. Once awake we have a deep love connection to spirit and to self. It is a love that is everlasting and a realization that so are we. Looking back, I could never imagine being pulled into such a dark place, but I always say that faith and prayer is what helped me through. When you believe in a force outside of yourself you always look up and ask for help, you can ask for guidance, you can be grateful, and you learn to quiet your mind and listen. You listen for guidance.

Prayer comes in many forms and can be done anywhere. When I was younger church on Sunday was where we went to pray, and I still have a deep love and connection with church. The difference now is that I no longer need church to pray or to feel closer with God. I pray and practice gratitude every day, so I now feel closer to God, the Universe and the spirit world more than I ever did while growing up. My way of prayer and worship now may not be for everyone, but it works for me and has gotten me through some very dark times in my life. Crucifix, rosary beads, candles are all items I was already familiar with to show reverence, but when you weren’t raised with a structured religion, then mala beads, incense, essential oils, Angel oracle cards, anything that speaks to you can also be used to set those same intentions and help you to form a relationship with God, the Divine, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. Utilize whatever makes you feel comfortable. Some people aren’t comfortable going to church but find that same sense of unconditional love just sitting and meditating at the beach or at the park. When you sit alone with yourself and practice self- love and gratitude you are coming from a very good place and can find so much comfort and healing with that. We may all worship and go about prayer differently, but the main goal is always the same. Healing. Love. Love for self and love for each other.

Structured religion has many prayers that are used depending on your religion, but if you just need to feel connected you may use the prayers below, that I have written, or just journal and see what comes up and write your own.



In love and light,

Fran





Prayer for Healing

Dear God, please take my pain

Help me to move forward in my life with confidence and grace

Knowing that everything that happens to me is happening for me

Give me the strength to see the lessons I have learned

Knowing that I must detach in love while leaving the rest behind

I look to the future with faith and acceptance of the plan you have set for me

I am grateful for all that I am and all the potential I have to be.

Amen



Affirmative Prayer

There is one Universe, and the loving Spirit is generous with all its resources

I trust and understand that I am one with the Divine and worthy of these resources

I see and feel the power of these gifts all around me

I allow Spirit to give to me in overflowing abundance

I accept these gifts knowing that they will help me on my path

I promise to utilize these gifts by living my life with the Highest Intentions set for myself and for everyone in my life.

I have faith that financial success will continue, and my life will exceed what I can imagine.

I am grateful for the peace, love, joy and stability brought into my life

Amen



Prayer for Thanks

Thank you for everything I have

Thank you for everything I am

Thank you for everything I can do

Thank you for giving me the strength and confidence to live my life

Always making a difference.

Amen