Protecting Your Peace

We are now a week away from completing this year-long journey together, and I was trying to think of something valuable you could take with you, and needed, as you continue along on your own healing journey. Protecting your peace. Now that you have worked so hard and made all these changes, the most important thing for you to do is protect your peace. Your body was so accustomed to chaos and noise, so once you find your happiness in the calm and in the silence, protect it. That progress is yours and boundaries will be very important. This is not your new normal yet, so until it is, you will be tested by people and situations trying to veer you off track. Stand your ground and protect what you have worked so hard to attain. Never give your peace or that power over to anyone but yourself.

This is easier said than done, so why remaining present in your thoughts and decisions is still important. Being on autopilot is the easiest way to go off track, so remain in the moment. I have been on this journey for a long time, and still reminding myself to stay present. Old habits and toxic, chaotic ways of doing things are always trying to creep back in to deter us from who we are now. The good news is the old ways will begin to feel uncomfortable. The new you embraces the quiet and enjoys the silence because you are growing comfortable in who you are now. Once you get there you will feel the need to protect it with everything you are.

I have mentioned in previous blogs, how you can tell me that two plus two is five and I will say ok and be on my way. That is because I do protect my peace and will choose what situations require me to engage and what ones require me to take the high road and walk away. I no longer feel the need to be right or prove I am right if it means a disruption in my energy field. The knowing I am right is enough for me. Once you engage in negative and toxic situations or conversations, watch your body and mood change. Be aware of what you want to take on because you are not required to take on everything, especially other people’s stuff. You have the choice. There is always a choice to engage, to pause, to walk away, to forgive, to discuss, you make the choice. Self-love and self-care are how you make those decisions. Remember there is no wrong choice, as long as you aren’t coming from a vengeful place. Always make decisions coming from a loving place, and that means a self-loving place as well.

Boundaries are something I have always struggled with from a very young age. When you are codependent and trying to live your life being a good person, sometimes making decisions for yourself becomes hard because you are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings – or afraid of what people will think. We don’t understand self-love, so we become people pleasers. The best advice I have picked up along the way is to stay confident in your own decisions knowing that people react to your decisions based on their own “junk”. When someone isn’t there for you or supportive of you, then that usually has to do with their perception, not yours, so important to know who you are and be secure in who you are. We must live our lives the best way we know how based on what is right for us. That is how we stay in our strength and that strength allows us to keep giving. When we do things for other people, not in our own best interest, then we slowly give our strength away to the point we have nothing left. We get lost. That is when we grow angry, and resentful, and eventually shut down and have nothing left to give. We allowed someone else the control. We give away our peace.

This healing journey is a never-ending journey of self-healing, self-care and self-love. You will take three steps forward and then one step back. You fall, you get up. You will notice that once you reach a goal or milestone in your life, you will reach another. Your boundaries and your intuition grow stronger every single day. You learn to trust yourself and rely on yourself like you never have before, all while learning to balance mind, body and soul. You now understand that it is all dependent on self.

Setting boundaries and trusting my intuition are the two most important things I work on every single day, and for me, they work hand in hand. I understand that I can never be balanced or happy if I am working on one without the other. When I trust my intuition and my gut knowing that I oversee my own life, I am finding my peace. When I set strong clear boundaries of what I will and will not tolerate, I am protecting my peace. Once I understood the combination, I became more comfortable in my own skin. I run the show of my life. My thoughts, my decisions, my choices, my struggles, my failures, but also my accomplishments are my own sense of self. The peace I found and worked so hard for I protect with self.


In love and light,

Fran

The Path to Here

I know I have been very open with this blog about my healing and my struggles, but I should have formally introduced my story a long time ago. Sometimes it takes us a while to be comfortable being that vulnerable and opening ourselves up to other people and this is something I have been working on for a very long time. I grew up trying to hide so many things about myself, so as an adult opening myself up has been an ongoing process. Years ago, is when I decided to just embrace everything about myself good, bad, pretty, ugly and just put it out there. I have no secrets, and I am an open book. I remember years ago thinking that when I die, I want everything about myself to be known. I never want to die with a secret that comes out after I am gone. I want to make sure my loved ones, especially my kids, know everything about me while I am here. I never want them to not know a part of me or find out something later that I’m not here to explain to them myself. I’m pretty sure that’s why my kids and I have such a close relationship. We have all been through a lot together and decided a long time ago, let’s just own it. This is who I am, this is what we went through, take it or leave it. This is who we are, if our pain is too much for anyone to handle, we respect that and can part ways amicably. Other’s perceptions don’t really matter because at the end of the day, we know who we are, we know our story and we will always have each other. I think also with age comes that take me or leave me attitude which I now embrace wholeheartedly.

I have mentioned many times throughout the last year that one of the main reasons for starting this blog was so that I could pass all the information that I’ve learned on to you. While attending The Southwest Institute of Healing Arts (SWIHA), where I did my spiritual studies, I had the honor of meeting so many instructors who were very generous with their knowledge and all the tools I needed to be on this healing journey and to help others along the way. I also had a friend I met right before that when I was at my lowest, about fifteen years ago, who taught me so many things that I will be eternally grateful for. She taught me about healing. She introduced myself to my true self with words like intuitive, empath, vibration, and positive and negative energy. She also introduced me to essential oils, crystals, teas, baths, tarot, and just learning to be ok with myself and my relationship with God. She taught me to embrace my spiritual side and everything I had been hiding and pushing away since I was a little girl. She ran a business at the time, and I didn’t have the money to pay for her services, so we bartered babysitting and laundry services. I had something practical she needed, and she had the wisdom I needed. Her Grandpa was Native American Indian, and he always told her that we have everything we need right here on this earth to help us to survive, and to heal. After over a decade later, I can honestly say I believe that, and I live that.

I always say that I am more in touch with God and my spirituality now than I was during twelve years of Catholic school. The reason for this could be because, at that age, I did not want to be told what to do. I did not want to be told what to wear. I was more focused on trying to figure out where I fit in. It didn’t help that I was also growing up without a mom, so I already felt different and that I didn’t belong anywhere. I honestly believe that all my struggles from a young girl to a teenager combined with all the wrong decisions I made, as well as the right ones, all got me to the place I am right now. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I have a wonderful relationship with my kids, and I finally have a wonderful relationship with myself. I have family, I have friends, I love where I live, and I have a sense of community again and I’m allowing myself to open up to a new way of living and be seen and be heard. I am learning to love.

She also taught me about being an empath. My whole life I could feel what others are feeling, but until I understood what that meant I couldn’t decipher others’ feelings from my own. I was a chameleon. I understand now that’s why I struggled so much in my second marriage. He suffered from PTSD but, at that time, I had zero boundaries and couldn’t tell his feelings of despair from my own. Without understanding the boundaries that I needed to have in place, I thought his feelings were mine. I slowly became him. His pain became my pain, and his anger became my anger. That time in my life took very long to recover from, and the most impactful event in my life that finally sent me on this journey. When you hit bottom and feel so broken and so lost in who you are there is no other way but up and to heal. I can still remember the day with clarity when I picked myself up off the floor and knew that if I didn’t, I was going to die. Maybe not that day, but if I didn’t heal my soul and find a better way to live, then my body would eventually fail me. My kids were my whole world, and they needed me, and I knew at that moment I had to do this.

Once that choice was made the healing showed up - and the people to help me heal also showed up. I always say that my studies at SWIHA saved me, and I didn’t find the school - it found me. I was introduced to a world of people who were just like me and found myself in an environment of healing and spirituality where I finally felt like I belonged. The crazy part is everyone I studied with in my classes said the same thing, they were guided there. I embraced two years of studying and received my Integrative Healing Arts Practitioner Diploma which allowed me to add Spiritual Coaching and Hypnosis to my resume. A few years later I also became a Reiki Practitioner. The world of combining my background in art with my spiritual studies is the healing through art existence I strive for. That decision to work on myself knowing I was the main ingredient in my life that had to change, is where this journey really began. I went back to the beginning of who I was and who I was meant to be in this lifetime - and that is when I began to heal. That is when I became a healer.

Thank you for reading my blog and getting to know me, and I hope in doing so, you have been getting to know yourself again as well.


In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Our Mental Prison

 

As we get closer to the end of our year-long journey together, I thought the topic of brain health would be important since the topic has come up twice for me this week. Once someone sent me a video talking about the brain and success versus failure, and the other time I was at mediation class and the instructor was talking about self vs ego and how we are in a constant battle with ourselves every day.

The mental prison we put ourselves in is usually a product of past experiences and our ego trying to protect us. What happens is we are protected from the negative, but our ego is also shielding us from all the good things we could be experiencing. Fear, comfort, safety, these are all words I have mentioned before and obstacles we must get through. Our mind starts overthinking and going to worst case scenarios, rather than focusing on the good that can happen, the love and the joy that could be found if we could only change our perspective. Our outer world doesn’t change until we do. The change always lies with us and changing our perspective.

The way it was described is that our brains find it easier to focus on failure rather than success, danger rather than safety. When you think about the lives our ancestors lived, how cavemen lived, this wiring makes sense. In our modern world, our brain doesn’t need this wiring and has to be told we are successful, we are safe, it is ok to do this or that. We no longer have to look at the negative or worst case scenarios just to survive. That is why we find it so hard and feel like we must rewire our thinking, it is because we do. The ego hasn’t adapted much to our modern way of thinking so is always still right there screaming to be heard. We must learn to silence it, train it to feel safe, let it know that the self is in charge. Once the ego learns to take a back seat that is when our true self appears.

Now that I am years into my healing, I can look back and see where my true self was just lying dormant in the background allowing everything in my external world to control me – and that included situations and people. At the moment, I didn’t understand what I was doing, but looking back now I can see it clearly. I was always focusing on something, but my focus wasn’t on the right things. My focus was never on myself, it was always on responsibilities and a list of things to do. I didn’t know how to put myself first and thought it was selfish not understanding it was necessary. Self-care and self-love weren’t words in my vocabulary. I was living my life as just a product of my upbringing, instead of seeing that I could break free if I wanted to. I always felt like a prisoner in my own mind, in my own life, never understanding that I was the one holding the key the whole time.

We can get lost in our ego mind when we feel like we are being diligent, because we are busy with work, responsibilities, our everyday life and not leaving ourselves a minute to think. Our ego wants us to be that way because then we don’t have time to stop and think, we won’t have time to work on ourselves, we won’t see that there is another way, an easier way. The talk I was listening to the other day focused on being the right busy and the wrong busy. The wrong busy is filling up our day with work so that we can avoid everything we should be dealing with. The right busy is understanding that there should be a balance and there should also be a focus on just being. We should never use work as an excuse to not deal with ourselves. We should never put work over our feelings. Love and relationships are what makes us feel whole. Love for others and self-love included. When we are busy being diligent with everything but ourselves, that is when the ego takes over – that is when we lose ourselves.

Our mental prison is filled with self-doubt, low self-esteem, fear, avoidance, procrastination, everything that the mind uses to talk ourselves out of what we want. When we learn to quiet that mind, that is when our desires will take the forefront. Meditation and visualization help us do just that. Focus on what you want your life to look like rather than what you don’t. Danger and failure are easier to focus on that is why this will take time and training yourself to think differently, feel differently. Once we do that then the people and situations which once controlled us no longer will. They no longer can because our authentic self is in charge. We unlock the prison; we break free.

Moving forward this week, take stock in how you move throughout your day. Are you running? Are you trying to fill a void with things to do, so you don’t have to deal with your life? Are you using work distractions and responsibilities to keep yourself from feeling? Avoidance is just putting off the inevitable. All the pain and disappointment that we spent a lifetime stuffing must be dealt with to move forward and live the life we were meant to live. Remember the only thing keeping you from getting to the light at the end of that tunnel is you. Learn to dismiss the negative lies of the mind. Learn to just be. Face your life and feel everything and then let it go. Don’t ignore your pain, your anger, your depression, whatever you are dealing with. Be with it. Acknowledge it and work through it. You, alone, hold the key to that mental prison and to your own happiness.



In love and light,

Fran

The Path

Here we are in the first week of the new year. Goals are set, gym bag packed and already it has started. What did I say I wanted to achieve this year, how am I going to get there, what do I have to do? Oh, that’s right, stay focused.

The photo I chose for this week was a reminder that if only the path was that easily defined, then I would have no issues staying on the lit-up path. It would be easy to see what is right in front of me and just walk easily ahead. But right there is the darkness, the voices, the delays, the obstacles, just waiting for me if I veer off the path just a little bit or look too far up ahead. I know that in the darkness I can’t see clearly, and I understand that my journey is that of light and to just keep moving forward. I do know that, so why do I look like a cartoon character who walks in circles that look like a hundred infinity symbols rather than a straight line going from A to B. The answer is because I am human. The answer is because I am still learning and I am still healing.

I did start my goals for this week for the new year in order to forge ahead on my path, but in doing so, I also realized that part of myself still moves through darkness, still living in survival mode. This is the reason why I walk the lit-up path looking intoxicated, unable to walk a straight line, rather than with grace in a straight line. While working on career goals with my coach at the office this week, I realized that part of my outlook and reasoning is still attached to a past that no longer serves me. I make plans and I have goals, I know what I need to do, but when I get down to the details of what I need to do there is a block. There is confusion. There are parts of myself still on auto pilot and stuck in a protective mode that I no longer need. I am not allowing myself the full vision. I am cutting myself short. Yes, at one time I had to walk around with a suit of armor and looking too far ahead was a scary place. Yes, at one time I had to be careful that my thinking was my own and I wasn’t being controlled by people other than myself, but that is not who I am now. I have come a long way since then, so now I must remove that protective suit of armor and allow myself to just be who I am. Trust myself and trust my intuition. I must allow myself the room for growth and to embrace everything that I want to be and do for myself. After over sixty years of being on this earth it is finally time to make plans for my future and the life I always envisioned for myself. I am giving myself permission to be happy.

Some people who read this would say who does that. Why would someone need permission to be happy? Those of us on this healing journey don’t need an explanation and understand that statement clearly. Words like guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, trauma, overwhelmed, confusion are words that remove happiness from our dictionary. Our word becomes protection. Our word becomes survival.

This week I had that lightbulb moment where my biggest goal for the new year must be to come out of survival mode so that I can work on my goals. Seems like a twisted way to look at it, but it made complete sense while trying to make a detailed list of what I need to do to achieve what I want by the end of the year. My goals session felt more like a therapy session when seeing how many blocks I have when trying to focus on the details of my life. I have studied Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, also known as the pyramid of life, so you would think by now I would be more towards the top of the pyramid where self-esteem and self-actualization lie rather than at the bottom step of survival. But I am more like a runner in training going from the bottom step up to the top step, always mentally and physically exhausted from the up and down, the in and out. But I think that’s ok too, at least I am not staying in the same place.

If you aren’t familiar with the hierarchy of needs, please do a quick google search. You may see yourself struggling in the same way, but that is ok too. We aren’t meant to be so strict in our thinking and not see that it is part of the process to go through many stages and many different situations throughout our lives. One change, one job loss, one divorce, one death in the family, can put us back at the bottom step in survival mode. The lesson is to not stay there and keep moving and growing. Change happens quite often, and we must be willing to adapt to the changes. We must also remember to remove our protective armor and let down those walls when we are ready. We hinder our own growth with fear and lack of trust in ourselves when we don’t. That’s the part I struggle with the most. I have to remind myself that I have everything I need for success. I have done the work, I have done the healing, now it's just one leap of faith to get to where I want to be.

As you move forward this week on your path, remember slow and steady and break your focus down to small actions. This week my plan is to look at the path ahead. But then my plan is to bring that focus inward and look at the month ahead, the week ahead, and then take each step one day at a time. Ask myself everyday what I need to do today to achieve my goals, what do I need to do to make myself happy. This journey is all about self and that means self-love, self-healing, self-focus, and self-development. Once we focus on that, everything else in our outer world will work itself out.

In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Looking Ahead

 New Years Eve and wrapping up the holidays while getting ready for 2026 seemed like the perfect time to write about looking ahead. I read something today that said if we take care of the past, then we can enjoy the present while making plans for the future. I loved this because it reinforces another saying I embrace, which is that living in the past brings pain, living in the future brings anxiety, but living in the present brings peace. They are two totally different perspectives which force the same positive outlook on life by remembering that the only place to be is in the present. At first it may seem confusing but remember that living in the past and taking care of your past are two completely different things, the same as living in and stressing about the future is different than planning for it. The philosophy I hold near and dear to my heart is to look back when you must, look ahead when you can, but the only place to be is in the moment. When we are hanging on to people and circumstances that no longer serve us, we get stuck. Let go of fear because avoidance and procrastination will try and hold you back from the future you deserve. The fact is the past is gone we can only learn from it, the future isn’t here yet so all you can do is plan for it, and the only place in time that you can fully enjoy your life is in the here and now.

I am a former live in the past, carrying my baggage tied to my ankle kind of gal, so I know how hard it is to let go while trying to deal with your stuff and still look ahead without freaking out about it. Sometimes looking ahead while trying to live in the moment seems like trying to achieve the impossible. The one thing that helped me was acceptance. Acceptance that this is my life now and everything I thought to be true wasn’t and maybe it was all for a reason and now I must find the power in my pain. The goal is to be open to anything and everything, embrace who I am, and learn a whole new way of living. Detach in love with what isn’t working. Hate no one and regret nothing. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Respect their journey. Forgive everyone for what they didn’t know and respect their place in the world. Accept when it is time to part ways and be grateful for the love or the lesson or both. Try and see everyone as a teacher and everything as a learning opportunity. Trust a force outside of yourself and go with the flow. This is how I live my life now and it allows me to look ahead without fear and look back without pain. This new outlook on life allows me to just be.

Every year right before New Year’s Eve I like to set goals for myself for the upcoming year. Long term goals vs short term goals, wants vs needs, practical vs wishes and dreams, words vs pictures, anything and everything. That is my look ahead. That is my vision. Then I make notes for my notes of the steps I need to make those visions come true. Then I let it go and focus on the daily. Every small task I focus on everyday should bring me to the bigger picture. The year ahead is all baby steps. Small and steady.

Vision Boards have always been a great way for me to get ready for the new year and can also be a tool for you to bring out your creativity. I used to go crazy with them. They can be as big or as small as you want. Making it a collage is the best way to get words and pictures into your vison. You want a new car? Put a photo up. Want a new relationship? hang a photo of that face. No one in mind and just want more love in your life then just put a heart. Want a new job? Find a photo in a magazine of what you would like to be doing. This is how you manifest your life. Not a vision board type of person, then fill out sticky notes of everything you want to do the upcoming year. Make notes and lists and reminders whatever you must do so that you see it and read it every day.

Your thoughts become your life so pay attention to what you are thinking about. Always think about what you want and not on what you don’t. Fear based thoughts can become your reality the same as positive thoughts and why it is very important to censor your thinking. Do the same with how you speak. I spent way too much time clearing toxic energy from my life, so you will never hear me talk negative because I am very careful not to ever feed that type of energy. That type of energy tries to work its way into everything but can only get in if you allow it and if you give it the room to grow. Shut it down before it starts. Darkness can’t live in the light so just stay positive and shine your light.

We have been on this journey together for a while now, so before the time strikes midnight, please look back at the past year to see how far you have come. Look ahead to see where you want to go, and then tomorrow, the first day of the year, just enjoy the day. Be grateful. Be in the moment. Be proud of who you are and how much work you have done on yourself. Live your life being fully present because that is the only way to experience all the joy that life has to offer.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

In love and light,

Fran

 

 

The Holidays

This blog will be a little shorter than usual, but I did want to make sure to post this week. I understand that not everyone celebrates Christmas, and I also wanted to make sure to touch on this subject because the holidays come with so many mixed emotions. There are many people who dread the holidays because they are just a trigger, and it takes everything they have just to get through them. They walk around with a smile so you may not even notice who they are. They may open to a select few or no one at all. Be nice to everyone you meet the next few days because you never know what they carry inside.

When I look back over my life and the holidays, some are wonderful and some not so wonderful, some I had money some I didn’t, some I was happy and others filled with sadness, some I was out shopping and looking forward to Christmas Day, and then others I put on my holiday face all while just wanting to hide under a rock until they were over. The holidays can be a time where it feels like every other day in the week and doesn’t stop throwing curve balls at you just because the calendar says it should. Life happens and life goes on. There is one holiday season particularly, a few years ago, that was surrounded by confusion and sadness knowing a loved one would soon be gone but is also one of the holidays I hold dearest to my heart. Watching my cousin plan and participate in a holiday cookie party from her bed is always a reminder that the holidays are what you make of them.

This year I decided to put up a Christmas tree and decorate a little, which I haven’t done since 2019, the last Christmas before my youngest little birdy left the nest and I sold our home. At the time we didn’t realize it would be the last year we would be decorating the house and turns out it was the same year my son and his friends surprised me by decorating the whole outside with lights while I was at work. It was such a magical moment. I didn’t realize it had been that long and that was the last time, until I went to show someone a picture of how much I love to decorate for Christmas and had to scroll back so far through my photos. It was in that moment I realized it has taken me this long to find myself again since losing my cousin who I spent almost every holiday with and being on my own while navigating through life trying to figure out who I am other than someone’s mom.

A friend had suggested I put up a Christmas tree since I just moved into my new apartment, starting a new life, and she knows I love the lights. I am so happy I did it. I may not have visitors this year, but the beauty found in Christmas this year was for me. Those on this journey know everything happens for a reason, so no surprise that decorating my tree also became part of my healing. That night became a trip down memory lane since my ornaments are a history of my life with my kids, my cousin, and being in Florida for thirty years. I was not ready for my solo celebration to be a healing moment filled with such nostalgia and missing them, but it was. Always funny how that works out. I couldn’t be with my boys this year because I started a new job, and then ironically by myself while putting up a tree after six years, stuffing how much I missed them and not ready for them to be adults and no longer need me like they once did came flooding in, along with the realization that maybe that’s why I haven’t put up a tree since they all moved out.

After shedding a tear or two, I decided not to read too much into it and take it as a lesson to be grateful for the time we had together when they were young and acknowledge that this is my life now and my boys are grown and I’m getting old … and that’s ok. When I pack up my tree next week, I am going to separate all the ornaments for myself and each of my four sons. My plan is to set them aside as a gift for each of them for next year so they can get as much joy from them as I have all these years. My Christmas tree this year holds every decoration and emotion tied to my past, and next year will represent a new chapter of whatever I decide. My tree moving forward will represent a new beginning embracing a twinkle of my past along with who I am now.

Those in my small circle know that when I’m not at work I prefer to spend a lot of time solo, so I had a friend reach out to me today to make sure I wasn’t planning to spend the holiday alone. I told him I’m working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day counts as my day off so yes, I want to be alone lol, but I’m not, I’ll be traveling after work to spend two days with the fam. Sometimes solitude for healing is ok and then you must take notice of when it no longer is and make yourself do things until it becomes your new normal. It becomes your healing. It becomes your growth and becomes a part of the future you.

I would like to take this time now to wish you all a very Happy Holiday. This blog did end up being the same length as always and maybe a reflection of my healing. This is not an easy journey and not an easy time of the year. As you navigate through the next week and your own healing, remember that this time of year can be hard, but it can also be where you find your strength. Do what you must to stay in control of your emotions and your life. Practice self-care and self-love. Do not give more than you have and remember that the people we are with is what makes it special and makes it memorable.

In love and light,

Fran

 

A New Normal

Now that we are coming up to the end of our year journey together, I am trying to be more selective of the topics I choose to write about. The purpose of this blog is to share with you everything I have learned from my experience with healing, and I want to make sure I share all of it with you. The one topic that came to mind last night as I was fumbling around with my new life, is feeling comfortable in your new normal whatever that may look like for you. The most important thing to remember is that you must get comfortable feeling uncomfortable until the changes you made for yourself have been there for a while, until they become your new normal. The in-between is that place where you are no longer in the old way of doing things, but your new normal way of doing things is a very uncomfortable place. Time and staying dedicated to your new self and your new life is what helps with that. We are creatures of habit, and we get comfortable even if that place is unhealthy and uncomfortable, and it is what we know so we stay there. That’s why so many people will make plans for change and then choose to stay stuck. It is also why we will make changes and then go right back to the old way of doing things. Change is scary and coming out of our comfort zone feels very uncomfortable. We must have trust and faith in the changes we made for ourselves while we are in that part right before it becomes our new normal. The ones who take the leap of faith and never look back are the ones who can tell you that the other side of that uncomfortable feeling is a new life, a better life. It is a place where your new normal is better than anything you ever imagined for yourself. It is the place you find peace.

The holidays are a great time to notice when life looks different and the changes that happened in the previous months aren’t our new normal yet. The other side of that is people wanted to make changes, but didn’t, and now feeling angry, sad and sometimes just pretending they are happy. The holidays are here, and the commercials say we should be happy, so the masks go on. But we must give ourselves permission to be who we are and remember that life happens no matter what day of the year it is. Allow yourself the time to process all of it. Marriage, divorce, birth, death, children moving out, children being born, combining families, retirement, losing jobs, finding new ones, life happens and asks us to evolve with it. The one thing we can rely on is that life always changes and maybe the lesson is to not get too attached to any of it. Go with the flow of change and trust in the plan of God and The Universe and be open to all of it.

This topic came up this week because I am at that place right now where I am extremely uncomfortable. My kids aren’t with me for the holidays, there’s snow, I’m cold, finally made it to the gym so everything hurts, I’m in a new job, a new apartment and nothing right now for me feels normal. But then I remembered that this is exactly what I signed up for. I signed up for a change. I made the choice to move where it’s cold and where it snows. I made a choice to have the next chapter of my life look completely different than the last. It does and I did that. The lesson now is to trust every single decision I made. I must have faith and trust in what I can’t see up ahead. I must have the confidence to keep going. I must remember that I have learned so much and the decisions I make now are based on knowledge and healing, they are never based on fear. That is my new normal, trusting in myself and my intuition is my new normal, and what is going on externally in my world right now just hasn’t caught up yet; but it will. The place where life delivers me only the good that I ask for isn’t something I am used to, so it isn’t my new normal yet, but I am starting to trust that it is.

Most of us on this journey spend our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop and believe that good things don’t happen to us, so I am better off staying stuck than risking being hurt or disappointed. I am here to let you know that’s just negative self-talk, all an illusion, and the opposite is true. You are deserving of a new life and a happy one. Take that leap of faith and then stay in that uncomfortable place for a little while knowing that feeling shall pass, and once it does you will be living the life you always dreamed of.

In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Time

Time is a gift. Time is also one of our most important teachers. Time is one of those things in life where we have many different emotions attached to it. Time is what we use to analyze our life. Sometimes there is too much, sometimes not enough. Time has a mystical, magical quality which guides us in the way we relate to our day, our lives, and to each other. On one occasion, you can be at work anxious to leave, where ten minutes feels like a lifetime, and then on another occasion, you can connect with an old friend after forty years and feel an overwhelming sense of joy like not a day has passed. Twenty-four hours in a day can sometimes feel like it’s not enough, then when you are involved in an activity you don’t like or with someone you don’t want to be with, it feels like too much. Not enough time, too much time, it is all in our perspective and the emotions attached to it. The lesson that I have learned is that time is a gift, and we should use it wisely. Time should never be wasted or taken for granted no matter what the circumstance, because we never know what tomorrow will bring.

When I look back on my life, I can see with clarity the moments I wasted time and the moments when I was present and cherished it. I can remember the times that now feel like wasted time, because I did things (or didn’t do things) out of fear or just not having enough confidence to move forward. I can look back and see the times where I was stuck or confused and know for a fact that I would do things differently. We can never get back the time lost or wasted, but we can always move forward with the lesson that time taught us. We can never look back with regret because we were just doing our best with the knowledge we had at that time. We learn lessons and gain knowledge and then do better. We get wise with age. The mistakes I made in the past are part of who I am now, and all those mistakes and lessons molded me into who I am now. Now that I am older and have learned a lesson or two, I navigate through my day, my work, and my relationships very differently than I did when I was younger. I am no longer in survival mode, now I feel present. My day to day, yes if you know me, then you know that I fight the clock because I am trying to squeeze too much in a day and get lost in what I am doing; but when it comes to respecting the time we have here, that I am fully aware.

My biggest lesson attached to time is learning patience. I am learning to balance what I have learned with the reality of knowing that time is not going to rush things along for me just because I took half of my life to figure things out and now would like things to unfold quickly. The reality is the steps, and the lessons are still there, and you have to go through them. I must respect the Divine Timing of how my life unfolds and the way other people around me navigate through their day and their lessons. I must respect that time is different for everyone and their perception of time may be different than mine. Our timelines and lessons may be the same or they may be different, they may lag behind, or they may pass me by, they may be my students, or they may be my teachers, they may be in my life for a short time, or they may be in my life for a long time. Only time will tell.

We live in a world of instant gratification, phone in hand expecting instant replies, so patience is something that isn’t as part of the norm as it once was. I grew up waiting for the bus, waiting to find a pay phone, waiting to get home to listen to the answering machine, waiting to turn 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50. Now that I look back you would think I had patience down to a science, but I don’t. I am a part of this world now and want things quickly and love my next day shipping. The lesson for me, and should be for everyone, is to not put that same expectation on people and relationships. When it comes to certain things, I have all the patience in the world, but when it comes to other things, patience is something I am learning to navigate through. I always say when my time here is up and I am asked what the hardest lesson to learn was, my response will be patience and forgiveness. Patience with myself and with others, and forgiveness for myself and for others for what we didn’t know. Patience, forgiveness, healing, they all involve time, and the lessons learned in that time, and I am still learning to respect and navigate my way through all of them.

As we are approaching the New Year, I like to set goals. This is a great time to set goals for yourself on how to use your time wisely. Be present and be in the moment. Make that call, see that movie, take that class, go on that trip, see that concert, whatever your heart desires. Our time here doesn’t have to be measured in years; it can be measured in how much we loved what we did and how much we loved who we were doing it with.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Fill the Well

We are officially in the Holiday Season which is why I would like to take this week to talk about taking care of you. Before time gets away with a list of things to do, please take a moment to take a break and regroup. You must give to yourself first if you expect to be able to give to others without resentment and/or exhaustion. When we are tired, we tend to say yes to where we should have said no. We agree to things we shouldn’t or don’t stand up for ourselves because we are tired, and we think it is easier to just give in. We are learning that is not true, we are just being avoidant of our feelings. Every action has a reaction, and giving your power away to someone else is never a healthy choice for yourself because you will end up feeling resentful. When we are taking care of ourselves and standing in our power then we are present and making decisions for ourselves that come from a healthy place. What and who we give to is coming from a strong foundation we created for ourselves. The only way to do that is to Fill the Well and take some time and give to yourself so that you aren’t giving to others from a depleted place.

When you are first learning about self-love and self-care, filling the well can be as simple as going for a walk or taking a few minutes for yourself to just breathe. Once you are more comfortable with putting your needs first, filling your well will be a normal part of your life. The flowers I have posted in this week’s photo are from a store near my sister’s house and I love them because they always have all the colors of the color wheel. Every time I see them, they are a reminder for me to live my life in color, no longer in the darkness of black and white. When I go and visit her, I do the same routine every time and it is a conscious part of filling my well. I wake up earlier than my sister, so I walk to the corner store and say good morning to the nice lady that works there, order coffee and a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll, I grab water and bananas for us, I take a photo of the flowers at the front counter, and I walk down to the bridge and have my coffee. I take in the view, send a friend a Good Morning from SI photo, and I make sure to be present and mindful in that moment. The whole process takes about 20-30 minutes but fills my soul in a way that nothing else can. I start the day feeling grateful instead of frazzled because I woke up and ran out the door to head home without taking the time to slow down and take advantage of the moment being presented. We are never promised tomorrow, and for that reason my sister and her dog and the beautiful view right down the street from her apartment, are a part of my world now that I will never take for granted.

When I first started this journey, filling my well was as simple as taking a moment on my back porch to journal. I didn’t yet understand the importance of self-love and self-care and was at a point where I was completely depleted. I was being taught the importance of giving to yourself first if you want to be able to give to others. I wasn’t doing that and was left in a place of complete emotional and physical exhaustion. I am here to share with you that there is another way to give, a healthier way to give, and that way involves putting yourself first. It is not selfish, it is necessary. I take time for myself now and have more left over to give than I ever have in my life. The biggest difference is that now I can feel when I am giving too much or working too much and not taking the necessary time for myself, so I immediately stop and regroup. I look around and take inventory if I am getting enough sleep, taking the time to eat, drink water, rest, listen to music, journal, do things that make me smile and make me feel good. I am a bit of a loner, so I have to make sure to set time aside for the people I love. Be grateful. Be thankful. These are all the things that fill my well and keep it full so I can keep going. Most of us on this journey are givers by nature, but the lesson we are learning is to also give to ourselves. Once we do that, we can give so much more than we ever imagined.

My life looks very different than it did a decade ago, and today part of filling my well includes making a yearly dinner trip to the city with my sister and my nieces. I am looking forward to it because I know that my heart will be full. This holiday season, I encourage you to do the same and give to yourself too. We are the creators of our life, so make sure to plan things for yourself that you know will make you happy. Buy yourself a small gift, go somewhere that makes you smile, call a friend, anything you can think of that will fill your well. Those of you who are just starting out on this journey, if that feels too overwhelming, then just make a list for what you want next year to look like and get mentally ready for change. Make yourself a promise to not agree to anything you don’t want to, honor yourself and your feelings. Give to yourself so you have enough left over to give. Allow yourself to be who you are. That is always the best gift you can give to yourself, and that alone you will notice that your well will slowly start to fill again.



In love and light,

Fran

Give Thanks

 Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. I know I talk about this a lot, but that is because practicing gratitude is the easiest, strongest way to change your situation, get you out of a victim mentality, and allow you to see all that you have standing right in front of you. Gratitude for what you have opens doorways to more than you could ever imagine for yourself. Not everyone celebrates the holiday, but being tomorrow is Thanksgiving, today felt like the opportune time to discuss gratitude again. We have ten weeks left on our journey together, and now that you are understanding the work and the lessons, showing gratitude for what you have and how far you have come will help you get to the next level. Whenever I am feeling stuck, I start the process again and give thanks for what is around me.

The end of the year is also a great time to give thanks, because the end of the year is when you will start to feel like you are being tested – and that is because you are. God, The Universe, whatever you see as your Higher Power, wants to know that you are heading in the right direction. You are being held accountable for what you asked for. Are you showing appreciation for what showed up for you? Have you learned your lessons or is your stubborn butt still doing things the same way as you always have and expecting different results? Are you running the show or is it your ego? Are you grateful or are you complaining about what hasn’t changed? Are you in charge of your life or handing over your power to someone else? The Universe wants to see that you are in control or come the New Year your life will go on repeat, and you will be learning the same lessons as before. New doors can’t open until you close the old ones. New lessons, new situations, new people, new love, new scenarios can’t enter your life until you learn the lessons, leave the past in the past, and show you are ready for a new chapter. Clinging to a past and ways of living that no longer serve you creates a block to move forward. Blocks are illusions set on your path for you to work your way through. Learning the lessons, practicing self-love and showing gratitude is what helps to remove those blocks. Once you learn the lesson your perception changes and the blocks will disappear.

I always find that when I am feeling stuck in that place, showing gratitude for what I already have gives me that nudge to get out of my own head and keep going. You cannot be in a negative place while showing gratitude, so is always the best way to pull yourself out of a negative mindset. Whether you believe in God or not, you can see with your own eyes how people can have everything and lose it in a moment. You can see how someone has everything they ever wished for standing right in front of them, but they can’t see it or accept that it is really for them. Knowing that you are deserving of what you have and what is being offered raises your vibration to a positive place of receiving more. Practicing gratitude gets you to that place of receiving more. I am at a point right now, where I know that I don’t have everything in life that I want, but I am sitting in my apartment right now typing on my computer and know for a fact that if I don’t appreciate and be grateful for this milestone I just reached, then I risk it being taken away. Blessings and gifts show up for us every day, and it is our job to accept those gifts and show gratitude for them. Once you allow your ego and negativity to take over, those gifts and blessings will be taken away and eventually doors will close, and blessings will no longer show up for you. Free will is one thing we do have on this earth, and how we choose to live our life is always our choice. Showing gratitude is a choice and one that comes with so many positive results.

Tomorrow and for the next few days, take a moment to give thanks and be grateful for where you are and all the lessons you have learned. Then take another moment to look around and see who and what is in your life. Ask yourself if this is what you want, is this where you want to be, are you heading in the right direction for where you want to go. Then make a promise to yourself that you will make changes where needed, you will honor who you are by practicing self-love and by practicing gratitude. Look forward to the New Year with nothing but positivity knowing that you have a plan and trusting that The Universe will always have your back. I know from experience that is always the truth if you are giving thanks for what you already have and having faith and trust in where you want to go.

Have a wonderful day tomorrow. I am grateful for all of you.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Reflection

We have completed nine months on our journey together and have three months left. I know a lot of us are starting new jobs, finding new places to live, ending relationships, starting new ones, or just on a pause while trying to figure things out. Today is the first day in months I’m not bouncing around, and you can see the backseat of my car. I finished moving everything out of storage before work yesterday, and I am waking up today finally feeling settled. I do have a few more things to do, but I have a place to call home and creating a safe space for myself so that I can continue moving forward. Thank you to everyone who opened their homes and their hearts to me the past few months while I made this transition - you have no idea how deep down my gratitude goes.

I thought today would be the perfect time for us to reflect on the past forty blogs before really jumping into the last stretch of our journey together. Sometimes just taking a moment to see how far we have come or revisit a lesson from the past helps to give us focus on where we would like to go. The lesson is to make a plan for the future but stay grounded in the present. I know this is what I need at this moment and maybe you will gather some insight if you do the same. Remember to practice gratitude today for how far you have come and for the unknown of where you are going. Let trust and faith be your guide and allow your strength and intuition to shine through.

I did a reflection blog back when we were at the halfway mark, and I am going to post a few of those paragraphs below. The words will still hold true for those of you who made a commitment and are reading weekly and doing the work. Reflecting back is very important especially when you are so focused on change. I want you to take that moment of reflection so you can see how far you have come; I am sure your life looks a little different and feels a little different from when we first started.

Remember when you look back that even small changes are big changes. I will put a list of the previous blogs in order so you can see if there are any titles that jump off the page and maybe a sign that you would like to re-read that one again. You can go to the archives on the right of the page and click on those links to view a previous blog. I know this is a hard journey and we must keep our eyes forward, but every now and again you must look back and see and be proud of how much work you have done. Be kind to yourself and give yourself praise and credit where it is due, practice your self-love. Sometimes when you are caught up in your journey and your changes, it’s hard to see that. You are in a healing bubble and sometimes life just feels hard. That is why I want you to take this week to look back. Have you changed any habits, brought on new ones, eating better, taking more time for yourself, journaling, thinking things through instead of reacting, any little changes that have been helping you move forward. Have you noticed that you want to be more creative? Have you taken on a new hobby, are you walking or exercising? Do a check-in with yourself and see what changes you have made and the ones you would still like to make. I know for myself I have been wanting to start going to the gym. I still haven’t made it there, but I am still always thinking and talking about it. I know it’s just a block that I must work my way through. Usually, blocks are put there because once you break through them, you level up in a way and then new doors open for you. You gain new confidence and look better and feel better about yourself. This is the momentum of change. Sometimes we are stuck and have a fear of change, or maybe just taking a rest before making the next move, so keep an eye on yourself and trust your intuition to know the difference.

When you start feeling that momentum of change, sometimes it feels so fast and like you are now on a ride and you can’t get off. This is the moment that it is important to trust and go with the flow. Your life is now moving in the direction it’s supposed to be, and many changes are taking place, so it feels very fast. You will start to feel anxious wanting to tell yell wait, wait, I wasn’t ready for this, but be confident and know that you are. You are healing many things about your life so it must happen quickly and all at once or else you would be spending decades trying to heal and move forward. Trust the process knowing that you are the one who activated these changes for yourself. Be confident that you can handle this and one day you will look back on these moments and see clearly that these moments are where you find your strength.




In love and light,

Fran



List of previous blogs to reflect back on:

Blog 1: Out of Darkness

Blog 2: The Journey Begins

Blog 3: Ready for Change

Blog 4: Let it Go (Journaling)

Blog 5: Baby Steps

Blog 6: Self-Care of Your Body

Blog 7: Chained to Your Past

Blog 8: Love vs Darkness

Blog 9: A Spiritual Life

Blog 10: Self-Care of Your Mind

Blog 11: Your Inner Child

Blog 12: Self-Love

Blog 13: Healing Thru Prayer

Blog 14: Being Present

Blog 15: Obstacles

Blog 16: Build a Routine

Blog 17: The In-Between

Blog 18: Level Up

Blog 19: Gratitude

Blog 20: De-Clutter Your Life

Blog 21: Manifest the Life You Want

Blog 22: You Got This

Blog 23: Signs from Above

Blog 24: Trust Your Intuition

Blog 25: A Reason, A Season, For Life

Blog 26: Reflection

Blog 27: Unleash Your Creativity

Blog 28: Change is Here

Blog 29: Relax and Just Breathe

Blog 30: Pause

Blog 31: Find Your Safe Space

Blog 32: One Day at a Time

Blog 33: Seasons of Change

Blog 34: Living in the Moment

Blog 35: Boundaries

Blog 36: Creating a New Life

Blog 37: Choices

Blog 38: Go With the Flow

Blog 39: Positive vs Negative

Blog 40: A New Life 

A New Life

We are at week 40 and nine months in, so I thought A New Life would be a good title for this blog. It also happens to be the time I have started a new job and after bouncing around for the past few months, finally found a place to call home. I never imagined how long it would take me to get settled, and I mean really settled. I spent thirty years in Florida, so finding my fit here and my peeps outside of my peeps and a place to work and a place to live that I can call home has been a struggle. A good struggle, but still a challenge. I moved back up north two years ago this month, and this week saying I am beginning a new life again seems like an understatement. New job and new home in the same week can seem a little overwhelming, but I asked for change, and I got it. I have used the new life analogy before when referring to the changes I have been making the past few years. It takes nine months to create a new life, and the steps for major changes I have been making for myself seem to be in nine-month increments. Crazy how that works out … or is it lol. You know by now that I believe everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences, and there is a Divine plan and timing set in place for all of us.

When I first began writing this blog nine months ago, I mentioned that I was excited to see where this next year would take me. The changes have been incredible, and I can tell that everything I give out in my blog I do get back. I share information every week in the hopes that it will help all of you, and then in turn I have been receiving information from others that help me too. The cycle of getting back what you put out is amazing when you can see it in play. I have seen signs all the time that we are all connected and never really alone, which does help me in the times of change when I do feel very alone. I do believe that certain experiences we must go through alone because those are where the hard lessons lie. The Universe keeps us isolated, so we are only relying on ourselves. The distractions and people we rely on are taken away so that we have no distractions and are forced to learn what we came here to learn and experience. It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes when you are knee deep in it, but seeing the signs and synchronicities around does make it easier to handle.

I have mentioned before that I know I spend way too much time taking photos of the sky, but it is something I love to do. It started out as something I did for a friend when I first moved here two years ago to show him how much I loved being here and is something that just stuck and I still do it almost every day. The photo I used for this week’s blog I took the other day while moving into my new place. I see it as the most beautiful sign that we are never alone and there is love and light all around us. I can’t explain what is on the other side, and there is no proof that angels and guides exist, but on more than one occasion I have caught it on film and reminds me to quiet my doubts and have faith. You would think after a lifetime of having experiences like this that are considered out of the ordinary, I would never have any doubts – but I still do. The normalcy of living a physical life sometimes can cloud over the spiritual part of life that I rely on to get by. Sometimes they contradict each other and that is where you learn to trust your intuition and what you know to be true. The other day while trying to catch the sky and the sun through my blinds I was reminded of the beauty around us and to stay strong in my beliefs and to keep going. Keep being a good person when times are tough, stay strong through the hard times and remember that there is a bigger plan in place even though I can’t see it. Trust and faith must be what I rely on to get me through when I am on my own and have no idea where I am going. The most important thing is to just show up every day knowing there is a force outside of myself that always has my back.

I know that many of you are going through the same changes as I am right now (yes, another sign we are all connected). Change can be scary, but new jobs, new places to live, new relationships, these are all the best parts of life. We may be releasing parts of our past but move forward knowing it’s ok. Detach in love and be grateful for the people and the experiences and what they taught you. Everyone who we encounter is a teacher. They teach us what we love and don’t love about our situations and about ourselves, and we learn to change. We are guided to be better, to do better. They say that life isn’t about time, but about the lessons learned. We can start a new life over and over again until we get it right. We listen for guidance knowing it is out there for us. The past and all the experiences, both good and bad, are who we are. We embrace the journey, we embrace the healing, and we move forward knowing the best is yet to come.


In love and light,

Fran

Positive vs Negative

Be a proton.

I was talking with a coworker a few weeks ago about being around positive and negative people at work, and he made that statement. I loved it because it simplified and described exactly what we are trying to do here. Be a proton, not a neutron.

When we are talking about changing our life, we are always trying to stay positive, be positive, and trying to learn to look at the glass half full. We do this because we are trying to undo a life of toxicity and negativity. We were surrounded by darkness, and it became our normal. What we sometimes don’t realize, is it's important to stay positive because we are all connected, and our energy affects everyone around us. Our energy affects our friends, families, coworkers, people we meet at the store, and every single person we encounter throughout our day. We carry our energy around with us and exchange it with everyone. When you are trying to heal it is very important that you give out positive energy because that is what you are trying to get back. We are learning to be the light and the positive force and exchange that willingly. We are also learning to stay grounded in that light and not let negativity swoop in and try and steal it.

When you are new to healing it is very easy to let those around you still influence your thoughts and actions. Their moods are our moods, their troubles are our troubles, and eventually we lose ourselves to a life of manipulation. We are so out of sync with our own feelings and our own desires, that we don’t realize we are being manipulated. We are not in control, darkness is. There are the people who thrive on negativity and manipulating people, and there are those of us who have lost our light and living in negativity allowing ourselves to be manipulated. Once you are moving along on your healing journey you will be able to see the difference. You will become so strong in your light and positivity that darkness doesn’t have a chance. Think of a dark room, once you turn that light on you can see everything.

I always describe that moment as feeling like you took off a pair of sunglasses and now you can see. That moment usually comes with a lot of oh wow what have I done feelings. You didn’t realize how lost in darkness you were; you didn’t realize the level of manipulation and losing yourself, and you understand that change needs to happen. Some refer to this as an awakening because once you have hit this moment, there is no going back. The darkness that once fit you like a glove feels uncomfortable. The old ways of doing things don’t work. People who have been in your life for a long time no longer fit. There is a new you (the old you) waiting to be reignited. The only way forward is living a life of positivity and light so darkness can be removed. Your journey begins right here at this moment.

When you don’t take control of your past and stay in those negative feelings that’s when you become a neutron. You stay the same with no growth. A very negative person on the outside who has no idea the darkness and uncomfortable feelings they are projecting out onto the world around them. Everything is an issue, everything is a problem, they are angry and negative and want everyone to be as miserable as they are. But then you have the people who want to move away from that. They want to find their joy, their happiness, and they want to find their light again. The negativity makes them feel uncomfortable, so they are seeking a new way of living. Those are the people who are showing up in a new way, and they are doing the work every day. Those are the people like us.

The best advice I have to help stay on your new path is to seek out everything positive and stay away from everything negative. That is a very hard thing to do considering the world we live in right now, but it can be done. We are surrounded by gossip and negative news, greed and shady ways of living, so you have to learn to walk away. You must learn to be comfortable in your own skin. You must learn to trust yourself and your intuition that your way is the right way. I always say that if you are coming from a good place and a positive place then you can’t go wrong. When you have others’ feelings and well-being in mind then you can’t go wrong. When it becomes self-serving that is when you know you are headed in the wrong direction. When it is out of revenge or spite steer clear. Things like that may feel good in the moment, for a second, but your healing conscience will soon take over and realize what a mistake that was. While you go about your day be a good person, be a positive person, and on days you can’t just be your best. When you are at a loss of how to be your best, just give a stranger a smile - it works every time. The lesson is to work through your issues without feeling the need to throw that negativity at everyone in your path. They don’t deserve that the same way you didn’t. Work through it knowing that there is a very bright light at the end of that dark tunnel.

This journey can sometimes feel like the rockiest road you have ever been on. Three steps forward, two steps back. Tests, lessons, fear, doubt, everything on that healing path will try and take you off because the only way forward is finding the light within yourself. Self-love and self-confidence are where your true light and strength lie. The light lives inside, and it is your job to shine it outward. Be a light for yourself, be a light for others. This is the way to change the level and the vibration of your existence. Be positive. Be a proton.


In love and light,

Fran 

Go with the Flow

I am sure I have already stated how important it is to Go with the Flow when you are trying to create a new life for yourself, but I was recently reminded of just how important it is. I am a former control freak so going with the flow is not necessarily one of my strengths. This is one of those lessons that I must keep learning repeatedly and always reminding myself to stay out of it and Let Go and Let God.

Last week my son read my blog, Creating a New Life, and said yes, I’m doing that and now that I’m going with the flow like my brother does it is all working out. No more stress, no more time limits, no more high expectations, just learning to live one day at a time and one moment at a time. We were talking about how my youngest son has it figured out because he doesn’t let anything bother him. He naturally has a go with the flow attitude, and everything seems to work out the way he wants it to. The rest of us deal with OCD, being control freaks and forever getting in our own way and only now learning the trick to living a more peaceful, healthier life. Stay out of it, go with the flow and let life happen for you and it will all work out.

As you move along on your healing journey, this go with the flow attitude will become very important for you too. The middle of change is where we begin to feel uncomfortable because we are no longer in the old and haven’t quite reached our new. Our new normal is not our comfort zone just yet, so we begin to try and control everything. Our comfort zone may still be how we were functioning in our toxic past, and we are trying to move away from that. We are coming out of survival mode. Trusting in our choices and what we envisioned for ourselves must take priority. Releasing our expectations of how we think everything should show up for us is key. We were stuck in a limiting belief system, so our minds can’t even grasp how wonderful life can be. When we sit back and let life unfold for us is when we will begin to see the wonder of what we asked for. Life will show up grander and more abundant than we ever imagined it could. That is if we can learn to release control, stay out of it and just go with the flow. Our mind set must be that we are deserving and will allow good things to happen for us.

Our minds may begin to wander off which is why going with the flow can be hard. We hear these little voices in our head don’t do that, do this, that won’t work, but this, but that, and these are all signs to quiet down your mind and get back in charge. I am at this stage right now because so much change is happening, and remembering to go with the flow is trippin me up. My insides want to resort back to survival mode because things aren’t working out exactly as I had planned. I start trying to control everything and all that does is become a block for what I really want. I am trying to control outcomes, and I am not listening to my intuition, I am tired, I am hungry, wah wah wah. This is what I hear when I don’t go with the flow. I hear nonsense. I am trying to control situations, when the truth is the only thing I can control is myself. What I need to do is just focus on what I have to and let the rest figure itself out. When I remember to just sit back and relax, I can see that life is trying to work out better than I imagined. When we learn to just focus on ourselves, that’s when life will happen exactly how it is supposed to. I know that I must have trust and faith. I have put everything I want in motion, so now I just must let God and The Universe do what they need to do. I have to stay out of it.

I have been on this healing journey for a long time, but every time I am working on reaching a new level and a new goal it’s like starting all over again. The same fears try and come up only now it doesn’t take as long to get back on track. I am stronger now and have more knowledge and experience, so getting back on track is easier. Now I may just need a gentle reminder, or I will see a sign or hear something that states no that is no longer you, what are you doing, you already learned that lesson. Sometimes we are tested to see if the lessons are sticking. Sometimes staying out of it and releasing control is how we stay calm so that we can see and hear those signs. I know for me, when I am not going with the flow and running around trying to control everything, I hear and see nothing. I am in panic mode. I am in control freak mode. I can tell you for sure, nothing works out when you are coming from that place. That is the place when I make a mess of what I have created or where I want to go.

I understand that when we are first starting out with change, giving up control can be the hardest thing to do. The best way to go with the flow is to remind yourself every day that I can’t always control my external world, but I can definitely control my inner world. Bring it all back to self. Self-love and self-care and having trust and faith in a force outside yourself is always the best way to go. Let Go and Let God helps me get back on track every time. Look up and remember that someone is always looking down willing to help us and guide us.



In love and light,

Fran

Choices

Not making a choice is still a choice …

When I heard this, it made complete sense to me because I am a former procrastinator. I would think things to death so afraid of making the wrong choice that I would end up making no choice. Overthinking turns into analysis paralysis. The problem with never trusting yourself to decide from this or that, here or there, is you end up staying in exactly the same place. That fear and indecision can keep you from growing and moving forward to what your heart desires. Your procrastination and never taking that leap of faith could be that one thing keeping yourself from living a beautiful and very fulfilling life.

Sometimes we can get so comfortable in our misery that making a choice to do anything differently seems so frightening and unattainable. Sometimes blocks are just walls of illusion we have put up for ourselves. Trusting in our healing and in our own choices is what will conquer your fear and remove those blocks. Our ego will tell us don’t do that because of this and don’t do this because of that. The ego tries to protect you from things which are now what you desire, because your ego has not yet learned that you are out of survival mode and just trying to live. We can get lost in our mind and in our thoughts so just staying the same feels more comfortable. It may seem easier, but it is definitely not better. You must learn to take charge of your ego and learn to trust yourself and break down those walls that are no longer needed.

When you have a big fear of change, your choices can start out as small as deciding what to have for dinner. The goal in the end is to be living a healthier way than you were in your past, so in the beginning just start small. Always start with choices that will be for yourself and what is in your best interest. Small choices and change leads to bigger choices and bigger changes. Looking too far down the road can be scary, so the one day at a time will come back into play. Always ask yourself what choice I can make for myself today that will benefit my joy and happiness. Remember that this will require you to come out of your comfort zone. When you have built walls of protection for yourself, small choices will be the best way to go so you don’t overwhelm yourself in change. Once you look back after a year or so you will be able to see how all those small changes you made for yourself, and all the choices to better yourself, they led you to big change. Once you are more comfortable with change and trusting your choices, these choices will become bigger and maybe all the way to a career change and new relationships. Choices will lead you to a positive life and you will begin to let go of what no longer serves you. You will begin to trust your choices and the vision you have for yourself. Detach in love from your past and be grateful for everything it taught you.

When I look back to my life a decade ago it is unrecognizable to my life now. Once you start making better choices for yourself, life seems to take you in a new direction, a healthier direction. I noticed once I started to trust and believe in the new life I was creating, all the people in my life also followed suit. We were all making better choices for ourselves and keeping each other accountable. We were learning that we were connected and what one person did or didn’t do for themselves affected the others. We are all connected energetically, so choosing to live a healthier, more productive life made life easier on each other. We were no longer worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop; instead, we were all living our life and focusing on the positive and focusing on self. The crazy part is that when you focus on self and are happy, your relationships also become healthier. My son always says that you can tell the level of our healing by the way our conversations have changed. Our conversations used to revolve around drama and chaos, and now our conversations revolve around food and working out and self-healing. Our conversations revolve around what makes us happy.

Living a healthier, more peaceful life is a choice. Staying the same out of fear of change is also a choice. We get to decide which way we want to go. I understand that sometimes the fear of change comes from fearing people will not be happy with our choices, but that is people pleasing and a dangerous place to live. Most of us on this healing journey come from a past where negativity and toxicity had its grips on us. We were frozen and afraid to walk away from the people who hurt us. I can look back now with clarity and see that walking away would have been a healthy choice and staying is where I lost my sense of self. Staying in a toxic environment because you have a fear of walking away because you will be hurting the person who hurt you is a big red flag to work on self. Decisions we make should never come from a place of fear, guilt, shame or worrying about what outsiders will think or say, but always from a place of self-love. Our choices must come from our internal world and not our external world so that we are coming from a place of owning our own power. Our choices must come from within. When your choices are coming from a positive, healthy place and a place that you know is for positive and not negative, that’s when you know you can trust it.

The one thing I can tell you from my experience, is once you learn to trust in who you are and break through that fear of making new choices for yourself, so many new doors will open up for you. You will be presented with doors that you never even knew were there waiting for you. A life you never imagined for yourself begins to unveil itself. I believe that once you make a choice for change and for a life that is healthier and more positive, then right away the Universe will have your back and show you more. You feel like you are being given a reward for all your hard work and it keeps you wanting to do more for yourself. There is no limit to what you can achieve.



In love and light,

Fran

 

Creating a New Life

It’s not about the destination, it’s all about the journey …

I am posting my blog later in the day today because I was attending an all-day real estate seminar. I am in a learn whatever you can while you can phase right now and scheduling that around work seems to be all over the place. While driving down the road this morning to attend the seminar, I couldn’t stop looking at the trees along the highway, which I am sure is because I am used to Florida where everything is just green. The leaves are beginning to change color here now that Fall is upon us and has become my favorite time of year since I live up north. The view as I sat in the passenger seat seemed like the perfect photo for this week’s blog because it was a reminder that the road ahead is filled with many twists and turns, many unknowns, but what a beautiful view.

Creating a new life isn’t easy and comes with many challenges. When I packed up my life two years ago, I had a plan and a destination for my life in mind. I quickly found out that was not the plan God and the Universe had for me, and I would have to adjust accordingly and trust the process. Yes, the initial plan was mine and a good one, but the changes and healing that took place the moment I landed up north was nothing I was prepared for. I mentioned in a previous blog, that I had been gone for thirty years, but my past was right here waiting for me to deal with the moment I got back. You can stuff feelings, run as far away as you like and for as long as you like, but eventually you will have to make peace with the choices and actions of your past. That was the part I was not ready for. I opened a new layer of healing that I didn’t even know was still there. Issues I thought were healed and gone came right back up and screaming to be heard. I was completely unaware that there was more healing lying dormant just waiting for me. Looking back now over the past two years, I wouldn’t change anything. I can see with clarity every experience and every minute of healing was another steppingstone for me to get right where I am now. I am starting a new job, a new career, looking for a new place to call home, and my life is in a deep sea of change. Scary but also very exciting.

Each steppingstone since I got here held a new experience, or a new lesson, and a new way of living. Some of those stones were connections, some reconnections and some just a visit to my past. I am understanding that sometimes creating a new life requires you to revisit someone or something before letting it go so you can move forward in a healthy way. Other times creating a new life requires you to revisit people and take them along on your journey. Sometimes they walk beside you and other times may require you to be their mentor, be their guide. These experiences along the way, both good and bad, are all part of the journey and moments that would have never happened if I tried to jump right from a to z and only focus on the end goal. I would have missed out on so much if I wasn’t aware to take things slow and understand that I should be going with the flow. The journey, and all the moments and experiences in between are where your focus needs to be and where you must be present and take it all in. The experiences before you reach your destination can be the most needed because they help define who you are, and how you handle the journey will help shape who you become.

Many of us who have a traumatic past have developed black and white thinking – its this or that, it’s up or down, its good or bad, not realizing that there is a whole gray area out there and sometimes that middle part of life is where the best part resides. Life doesn’t always have to be so dramatic and/or chaotic. There doesn’t always have to be something exciting or eventful going on. Sometimes life can be just quiet and peaceful, and you can just be. That is the part of the journey that I didn’t understand at first because everything about my life was chaotic. Sometimes when we aren’t comfortable in the peace and quiet we will unknowingly create drama and chaos because that’s our comfort zone. We may become so focused on the end game that we forget to enjoy the middle. Sometimes the truth is we may not know how to enjoy the middle.

I am proof that you can learn to enjoy the middle and be comfortable with the unknown. I am proof that you can go from trauma to trusting in something bigger than yourself to the point you will take a leap of faith whenever offered the chance. I know that I relocated my life and came here with a plan and an end game in mind, but looking back now if that end game happened as soon as I got here, I would have missed out on so much of the journey. The people and experiences over the past two years have changed me and made me stronger. I have laughed, cried, reconnected with old people, formed relationships with new people, and created a new life for myself. That new life I have created is evolving and changing every day.

I have no doubt that a new life, a beautiful life, is always right there waiting as soon as you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, take a few chances, have faith and just keep going.

 

In love and light,

Fran