My phone call the other day lasted for almost an hour, and my old coworker joked around that he reads my blog but hasn’t read anything about himself in it yet. I thought that was funny, but then it made me think of how my next blog should be about that time and about relationships. There is a big age gap between us, but something about us from the very beginning just clicked. We understood each other in a professional way and the age gap and watching the interaction he had with his family gave me hindsight of a personal life I had already lived. At that time, my coworkers and I were all going through our own personal experiences, but work was the place where we really had it together. We worked well as a team, our store was very successful, and we formed a very strong bond for that time we were there. I was already well into my spiritual healing, and I am very grateful that I understood why we were brought together for that period of our lives. I understood that it wouldn’t last because it was just a season in our lives where we would gather up the strength we needed before moving on to the next step. That decade in time was where I healed from my past, went through some very difficult experiences, got my youngest son through high school as a single mom, and that job was exactly the place where I needed to do that. I always say that I couldn’t have gotten through that time in my life being anywhere else. My manager and my coworkers were my support system. I loved going to work, I had financial security, and I am very grateful for everyday that I spent with them. Most of the people I worked with were younger than me, and I was being given a glimpse to see the world and the mistakes I had made through a new set of eyes. They helped shape who I would become moving forward and, in that time, I became a better employee, coworker, salesperson, manager, designer, a better mom, and a good friend. I walked away from that experience with more knowledge than I went in with, and a better understanding of who I was as a person. After we hung up, I took notice of how far I have come and how much my life has changed since we worked together. I could look back with clarity and see how grateful I am for that time and embrace that right now I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
We go through life having work relationships and personal relationships and a lot of times people are in and out but leave a very big mark on our lives. Those are the people that are here for a reason. They aren’t meant to stay, but maybe just meant to teach us something, or give us a new viewpoint, or shake us up because we aren’t quite on the right path. Everyone is a teacher if you can look at everyone with an open mind and be grateful for every interaction. I am very blessed and have many people who have been in my life for a season and left a big mark on my life before heading on their way. I am also very blessed and have many people who are in my life for life. Those are the family and friends that know you, support you, and are always there for you no matter what. Years can go by, even forty years, and you pick up right where you left off. They accept you flaws and all. You are witnesses to each other’s lives beginning to end. You are who you are because of them. They are the opposite of the people who you look back and say that you are who you are in spite of them. Those are the people who may not be your biggest cheerleaders, but they are your biggest teachers. They hold your lessons, and they hold the mirror up to show you who are you and what you need to change. They teach you what it means to practice self-love.
At the end of the day, our relationships are what we make of them. Our relationships, both good and bad, have an impact on who we are. We must be open to change and be open to letting people be who they are, and if needed, let them go. They are in our lives to love us, or maybe just to teach us to love ourselves when we aren’t. The lesson is to be grateful for every single person who touches our lives while they are there, because you never know if God’s plan is for them to be there for just a reason, just a season, or for life.
In love and light,
Fran
Trusting your intuition is the best way to show love and respect to yourself. All relationships start with self and how healthy or unhealthy those relationships are depends on how we are treating ourselves and how we are showing up for ourselves every day. When we go through trauma or a life where we give our needs and power over to other people, trusting our intuition is a very hard thing to do. We worry too much about what other people think or say. We are filled with doubt and find it hard to rely on ourselves, trust ourselves, and to listen and trust that little voice inside that is always trying to guide us. You know that little voice that we ignore and then once we ignore it and don't listen to it, quickly realize that yes, we should have listened because it was right. Well, that is you. Learn to listen to you and not ignore yourself. You know what is right for you, your guides know what is right for you, you just need to listen and trust. We must learn to block out the noise, the opinions of others, and learn to trust that we know what is best for ourselves. Once we do that everything else falls into place.
Sometimes trusting your intuition is hard because when you are trying to heal from your past, your ego is in the way still trying to protect you. We must teach ourselves to come out of survival mode and let our walls down. We are learning to be vulnerable and see a world outside of chaos and not always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is why trusting our intuition and our guidance becomes very important. A healthy ego knows the difference between what is ok for us and what is a threat. When we live through trauma, our ego views everything as a threat. We spend our life walking around with our guard up and walls so high and so thick nothing can get in or out. We are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, not realizing that those walls are also keeping us from being loved, giving love to others and experiencing life in a healthy way. We are sabotaging our own happiness. Trusting our intuition and embracing who we really are helps us find that healthy ego once again. We begin to understand the difference between living and being stuck in survival mode. We must remind ourselves that life is different now and that level of protection is no longer needed. Our bodies know the old way, and we have to teach it a new way. We must learn to relax our bodies and our mind and come off of always being on high alert. Listening and trusting our intuition is where we find the strength and the guidance to do that.
When I look back on my life, I can see clearly now when I did not trust myself and trust my intuition and ended up going down a very difficult path. The signs were there, and all the red flags were flying in my face, but I chose to ignore them anyway. Remember we do have free will so everything is a choice and ignoring our needs, handing over our power to others, and ignoring our intuition is also a choice. I really don’t have all the answers as to why I did that, but I can see how experiencing those difficult times made me stronger and wiser and I came out on the other side with very valuable lessons. I can tell you without a doubt that all the lessons revolve around self-love. The lessons were needed because of the self-love I was not giving to myself. Those mistakes I made came from not believing in myself and not trusting myself. I have since learned to forgive myself for what I didn’t know at the time. Now that I know better, I try not to ignore that little voice and the guidance that is given to me. My gut and my intuition are and have always been right and I have learned to respect that.
The best advice I can give on how to learn to trust your intuition and your guidance is to slow down. Learn to embrace the quiet and the stillness because it is in the quiet that we find the answers. Keep journaling because that is also where we find the answers. Listen to yourself. We live in a very fast world, so it must be a conscious effort to find the quiet. The noise drowns out your inner voice so finding peace is important. Remember every day that you deserve to have peace and quiet in your life. Take those moments for yourself every single day and let your intuition guide you to happiness.
In love and light,
Fran
Some people will say these signs aren’t real and it is all in your head, but that is their take on it and it doesn’t have to be yours. Learn to trust what you believe and block out the noise. We all receive signs; it is just being open to them that sets us apart from each other. Signs are everywhere. Look and you shall find. They may come in a word, in a song, in a picture, in a number, in a tiny voice you hear, just be open to guidance and you will receive it. My cousin and I are big believers in pennies really are from Heaven and a loving hello from the other side and we find them everywhere. I have a jewelry box filled with pennies that I find on the ground. You can say that it’s a coincidence and pennies are everywhere, but when you put it in the context that I usually find them when I’m going through a hard time, or when I am thinking about someone who has passed, then it is hard to view it as just a coincidence. Plus, I am a believer that there are no coincidences, and everything is on purpose and for a bigger reason that we just can’t see.
I will share a few signs that I look for, but everyone is different and stay open and you will begin to rely on your own signs for guidance. Many people have not heard of angel numbers, yet there are people, like me, who believe deeply in the symbolism of angel numbers and their powers. Since ancient times, it was believed that Divine forces send us messages through different numbers, and each number has its own symbolism, and it will bring us a different message. Once you start googling numbers that you see all the time, you will begin to understand the message sent to you from the other side. The more you do it the more comfort you begin to find. I research them as I go. I will google Angel Number XXX or XXXX and take notice of the one that speaks to me. There is one website I use a lot, but see what speaks to you, and be open and see where your guidance takes you. Pay attention to numbers and patterns you see. You may be nudged to look at the clock at times throughout the day. I always see ,my dad’s birthday and find comfort in that he is watching over me. Take note if you see 111 or 1111 … those are angel numbers and usually show up a lot in the beginning when you start your healing journey. I take seeing those numbers as a sign that I am on the right path or the thought I just had is right. They are like your cheerleaders letting you know you are doing the right thing. Everyone will have a different perspective, my son sees them as a sign to make a wish for what you desire. In the beginning I would see 222, 333, 444 and 555 alot – and that’s how I first navigated through this while looking for confirmation that the guidance I was receiving was real and meant for me. See what opens up for you and look it up. It is a wonderful way to feel guidance and that you are not alone on this journey.
Music is a very big one for me – music is my love language and also where I find signs and my guidance. Music hits me deep down to my soul so it is something I always pay attention to.
What I am going to share with you is my favorite experience of a sign being sent to me and why I am such a believer in being watched over from the other side. Over a decade ago, I traveled from Florida to New York to bury my older sister and it was the saddest, but also the most touching event I have ever been a part of. She brought so many people together and we all knew she was there with us every step of the way ... from all the little stories I heard throughout the few days, then the cell phone ringing just as the priest asked for a moment of silence and we all couldn't help but giggle, then to the limo having car trouble right before the funeral procession was set to begin ... this funeral had my sister's name all over it and we couldn’t help but laugh.
The most special moment of it all for me happened before I left. I woke up in the morning wanting to go and check on her resting place before I left for the airport. While driving in the car, my younger sister talked about how she had really wished she remembered to take a yellow rose home from the cemetery the day before. They were beautiful and she wanted to dry one and save it but was disappointed to find out that it was now too late because all the roses were buried with her the day before. Only a short while later when we arrived and walked over to the spot where she had been laid to rest, I looked over on the sidewalk and there was a stem with 4 roses on it just lying there - I was overwhelmed. It looked as though it was laid there just for us. I needed no other confirmation to believe that she was there and she was listening and she left a gift for us and I was so grateful for that. I knew it meant she was still all around us - watching and listening. I believe that to this day and it is a moment that I will carry around in my heart forever.
Be open to what you see and what you hear. These are signs meant for you to show you that you are loved and supported on your journey, and proof that your loved ones are never really that far away.
In love and light,
Fran
When I started my blog, my intention was to pay forward everything I have learned and show that I am proof there is light after darkness, struggle and chaos. I know from talking to a lot of you who read my blog that you are doing the work and are in the midst of this journey. I wanted to take this week to refresh on what I mentioned in the first few blogs so that you can check in with yourself and notice how much work you are doing and how far you have come in the past five months. Sometimes this journey is a very lonely one because it is all about self and healing self, so I am here to tell you and/or to remind you that you got this – we got this.I wrote in my second blog that changing your life becomes the fight of your life, but I know with hard work it is possible to come out on the other side stronger and more secure in who you are than you have ever been. I believe this for you with everything I am because I lived through it. I am re-posting my mini-guide to healing for you so you can do a check-in with yourself and see how far you have come or what changes you still want to make in your daily life. Remember you are worth it and continue to be present in every choice you make for yourself.
I know from my own journey that it is very easy to get tired and feel like you aren’t making any progress, but trust that you are. One minor change still creates change so be proud of yourself for where you are at on this journey. Be kind to yourself while you go through this struggle. Remember it is ok to cry – that is part of healing and letting go. Remember that it is ok to nap and to sleep when you are tired – healing is a lot of work and takes a toll on your body. You are healing your body, mind and soul, so you need good nutrition, healthy sleep habits, and time for yourself. Learn to listen to the signals that your body and soul are giving you because they always know what you need. Trust your intuition because it is trying to guide you while you make changes. You are learning all about self-love and self-care and growing stronger every day. You may not feel that way because you have been facing your demons and your struggles head-on. This can be an exhausting experience, so just know that you will be tired and rest is needed. This healing journey requires you to put your needs first and to take care of yourself. I learned that the down-time and needing rest is also where you will learn to be kind to yourself and get to know yourself again. Embrace this time because it will not always be like this. Once you start healing, life will start to pick up again – but in a good way. Rest now and be ready for it.
… and the journey continues.
In love and light,
Fran
Your Mini Guide to Healing
Remember that healing is work but worth every second.
Healing isn’t a destination it is a journey and can take years to a lifetime to achieve.
Be prepared for how different life will look in the beginning - you will feel as if you just took off a pair of sunglasses. You will be amazed and angry at what you see and wonder how you let things get that out of control. You must remind yourself that you did the best you could with what information you had available to you at that moment in time and moving forward you will promise yourself to do better and be better.
Don’t get angry at other people when you are angry with yourself.
Forgive yourself for where you are and what you didn’t know or couldn’t see and then move forward.
Remember your will for change has to be stronger than your fear of change.
Keep your eyes forward and out of the past. Focus on the here and now.
Remember that focusing on the past brings pain - the future brings worry - the present brings peace.
Love yourself. This journey is about self-love, so you have to love yourself and take time for yourself first. Loving yourself first is the only way you will have enough left over to give to everyone else.
Take 5 minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful.
Respect yourself - if you don’t then you can’t expect anyone else to either - you set the standard for how to be treated.
Forgiveness isn’t weakness - forgiving others helps to heal yourself.
Be grateful for who you are and what you have.
Learn to go with the flow - if you are forcing something to happen then don’t do that - that is a block put up to protect you and help you from going off your own life path.
When you hear something or see something three times pay attention – the message is for you.
Breathe.
Eat healthy - sleep 7-8 hours - drink water. Everything else is ok but in moderation.
Live a balanced life: Work - Rest - Play - Pray - Exercise.
Make room for the people and things that bring joy to your life: Live - Love – Laugh.
Meditate - even if meditation for you means sitting still with your own thoughts for a few minutes.
Pay attention to your thoughts and trust your intuition and you will be Divinely guided in the right direction.
While you are working on yourself try and stay away from negative news, tv, movies and negative people.
Find at least one thing to be grateful for every day. When you are grateful for what you already have then you will automatically receive more.
Keep a gratitude journal. Make it special and pick up a notebook with your favorite color and a cool pen you like, or you can get a small box or jar and write on post it notes and put them in it. If you don’t want to keep a real journal with pen and paper, then use the notes on your phone. I believe journals become like a portal to the other side and magical things happen when you show gratitude. At the end of the year, you can have a ceremony for yourself where you burn your journals. Ten years ago, I did a ceremony with a few friends and burned eight journals and it was a very healing experience.
Use crystals, sage, essential oils, meditation, prayer, Reiki or whatever speaks to you to protect yourself and make a safe space for yourself. Even a nice chair in the corner near a window can become a safe space to think, write or just be alone with your thoughts.
Last week I spoke about decluttering your life, and now that you have the old exiting your life, you will want to replace it with new. That is where manifesting what you want your life to look like comes in. This is a hard one because, in the beginning, we are constantly being pulled back into old ways of thinking and doing. The lesson is to know that you are deserving of anything you can vision for yourself. This part is all about understanding and putting out into the universe that you are worthy of change – you are deserving of better. This part is all about self-love.
This part of the journey was the hardest for me because I didn’t realize how far down my wounds really went. I knew I wasn’t happy, and I knew I needed to change, but I didn’t realize this part would force me to be present in what I am thinking and doing. I didn’t realize how my own negative thinking was creating my own unhappiness. Old wounds tell you that you are stuck, and you aren’t going to do better, and you aren’t going to be better. When we aren’t present, we resort back to old ways that no longer serve us. You must find a way to break old cycles and shut down those voices and manifest new voices. Voices that are loving and supportive and tell you to be anything you want to be, the voices that want you to be happy. Manifestation and setting intentions will help to create the life we want and then believing in it helps us to achieve those intentions. We must stay active and present in our thoughts and in our lives. We must oversee our destiny. Our ego likes to hold onto the old ways of doing things because it’s easy and its comfortable, but to find happiness you must break free from the old ways of doing things and find your true self. You must create a vision and a plan for change.
When I first started out, I had no idea what manifestation meant – I just knew that I needed a new way of doing things. The easiest way for me to get started was to create a vision board. I purchased a large cork board, and I put pictures and index cards with motivational quotes on them, and a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. I added both short-term and long-term goals to my vision. Short term goals can be immediate or weeks, months maybe a year away. Long term goals are different. These can be buying a car or a house, losing weight, getting a new job or a degree, things that take time but you want for yourself. My long-term goal I have always wanted to go on an art trip to Europe and see everything that I spent my life studying, and I know that when the time is right, I will go, and it will be with the right person. That is my long-term goal and always a part of my vision and what I want for myself. Every year on New Years Day, I update the board and update the goals. The old list stays and sometimes I add new ones, and I cross out what I accomplished and write thank you next to it. You do want to utilize gratitude for this part. The more grateful you are for what you already have and what you have accomplished the more you get. This is how you create positive change.
The other way I utilize manifestation is to work on changing my negative way of thinking and this is ongoing. When your mind runs nonstop with nonsense that isn’t true, manifestation and understanding The Law of Attraction helps to change that. We can’t have a positive happy life if our thoughts are always negative. We can’t create change if our mind is telling us we can’t. Negative breeds negative and positive breeds positive, it is as simple as that. Change the tapes. In the beginning stages of my healing journey, I taped stickies and index cards all over my house with positive things to say to myself every day. I am worthy, I am deserving, I am abundant, I am happy, I am enough. I would read them and say them out loud anytime I found my mind racing and drifting off to a negative scenario. This is also the time I became very in tune with my spirituality – and it is the time I learned to distinguish between the negative loud voices that said I wasn’t enough and started hearing the whispers that said I was. Eventually the positive whispers quieted down the negative chatter because I was forcing myself to listen and trust my intuition. Remember the positive voices will never be loud or say anything negative to you, the negative loud voices are the dark, shadow side of our pain so don’t listen to those. They are loud because they are fearful of change and trying to be heard and make you stay in your comfort zone and stay the same. This is why change is so hard and why you must fight for change. Don’t feed the negative voices by giving them energy – learn to ignore them and replace them with a positive thought. The lesson is that you are worthy of the fight and can move on from a toxic, chaotic, negative past. The lesson is that self-love always wins. Self-love and self-care will always bring the positive change you desire and create the life you want for yourself.
Setting intentions, creating vision boards, and positive self-talk are all ways to help you manifest the life you want. Read what you can about The Law of Attraction because it will be very helpful in changing your mindset. Our thoughts create our life. Our energy manifests our life. These are phrases you will hear and yes, they are all true. Manifestation is where you will start to see a world outside of yourself and understand you are not alone on this journey. You will start to understand signs, and you will start to question your old ways of doing things. Remember you are growing and you are learning. Pay attention to what you see or hear three times because it is guidance being sent to you. Learn to trust it. Learn to trust yourself. Be present. Manifest the life you want. This is the part of the healing journey where you are learning to love yourself and create the positive changes you want for yourself.
In love and light,
Fran
