I hope everyone is doing well. I now live in the Northeast, we are in the middle of Summer, it’s hot and sometimes uncomfortable to sleep, so I thought this would be the perfect month to talk about Sleep Hygiene. We were in the middle of a heat wave, central air is currently not a part of my world, my apartment never reached below 80 degrees, I only have a fan in my room, and was still able to fall asleep the same way I always do - which is almost as soon as my head hits the pillow. That is the week I knew for sure what this next topic should be. I am a former insomniac, and have come a long way since those days, so wanted to share what I have done over the years to help myself become a better sleeper.
The bedtime routine I follow now is not something that was created overnight. Like anything else we do with healing, it starts out with baby steps of change, and with commitment becomes our new normal. I have stayed with people who can’t believe the rate of speed I can fall asleep. The last girl I stayed with while waiting for my apartment, let me sleep on her sofa and claimed she was still talking to me and I was out cold. I do not like that I may have seemed rude, but I am grateful for being able to do that with such ease now, and my former self is just as grateful. While in the grips of chaos and trauma is usually when our sleep cycles are hit the hardest. I can remember going through cycles of nightmares where I was afraid to sleep, when my life was filled with worry about other people and I couldn’t sleep, the cycle of menopause where the frozen washcloths in my freezer were my only relief, or being a mom to teenagers where sleeping while they were out driving was not an option for me. I am not sure if what I do now would have mattered back then, but those times are when I decided that the only way to continue was to get some rest and is when I started focusing on how to do that. We cannot work or think clearly without sleep. Our mind, our attitudes, our relationships, our health, everything that we want to stay in balance depends on us getting a good night’s sleep. We all have a different rhythm and the amount of sleep may vary, but the one thing we do all have in common is that if we don’t learn to take control of ourselves and our mind before bed, then our minds will race and we will wind up staring at the ceiling or counting sheep for hours and wake up not feeling rested.
The first thing I would like to talk about is what I started doing to help with the mind chatter before bed. I started making lists. I would keep a list of things I wanted to do each day of the week and putting it on the list meant I created space and calm in my head because I no longer had to remember it. I would cross everything out at the end of the day and if it wasn’t completed before the end of the day, then I brought that item to the next day. I didn’t have to remember it or think about it again because the list would be waiting right there for me in the morning. The feeling of accomplishment when crossing things out was also a much needed, and a great way to bring positivity into my life. The belief that whatever I couldn’t handle I would hand over to God while I was sleeping became important to me as well. I trusted that I would wake up with the answers that the continuous loop in my brain or staring at the ceiling would never show me.
The second thing I did that was most helpful was I started a routine. I stopped staying up watching television and falling asleep on the couch, waking up with a neck ache and then going to my room where I would be up for hours. I took control. I made sure to be in bed by 11pm no matter what. Whatever I didn’t accomplish by that time, including unwinding, could wait and I still follow that same routine. I may veer off the 11pm and if I am tired go to sleep earlier or stay up a little later if I am watching a great movie and not dozing off, but I will always try to stay in that same time vicinity so my body clock stays in check - and I will always make myself go to bed. Now my body automatically knows that if I am turning off the television, turning off the lights, locking the front door, brushing my teeth, taking off my jewelry, drawing down the covers, putting on the fan, it is sleeping time. My body knows that, so now even in a hot apartment I will fall asleep in a few minutes of my head hitting the pillow.
My family and I understand now how important white noise is to our sleep and keeping out the chatter, so we never attempt to sleep without it. We all use a fan for that, and just the noise is enough to adjust the silence where thoughts will try and work their way in, and the noise of the fan hums us to sleep. I first tried using music on my clock radio but found my mind singing along to the tunes and keeping me awake. I also tried to keep it low enough so that I couldn’t make out the words but eventually bought a small fan to keep on my nightstand and have been using that for years.
Your bedroom should be the place away from the other rooms of the house where your body knows right away it can feel rested. Choose colors that create a soothing, calming environment, and choose sheets, pillows and blankets to suit your comfort, and try to keep it as strictly a bedroom. My preference is no television in the bedroom, but understandably that is not everyone’s choice. I used to fall asleep to the sound of the television, which is why it is now removed from my room and included in the list of what I turn off in my living room before sleep. The fan is now my background noise so a television in my room is no longer needed for something to fall asleep. This also works for me because I want to start my day by 6-7am and having no television keeps away the urge to stay up late. The bright screen on your phone is also not a good idea right before sleep, so try and keep all of your scrolling to the living area and put that in your routine and the list of things to turn off or silence before bed.
Those are the basics to get you started, and next month I will continue this topic and write about breathing techniques and other tools I used that helped me to calm my body and my mind once the quiet set in for the night. Remember what I said earlier, this was not an overnight fix. This all started with baby steps and a desire for change. This is something I have spent years working on, and I am finally at a place where I say goodnight, and you won’t see me or hear from me again until morning.
A good night’s sleep is something I wish for you as well.
In love and light,
Fran