The Journey Begins

One of the main reasons for starting my blog is because I know I am proof there is light after darkness and hoping my story can help you on your own healing journey. Moving away from our past and who we were and how we did things is a process and can seem very overwhelming at first. The hardest part is knowing where to begin, so just remember that healing comes from within, and you are in control of your own life. We are creatures of habit so, in the beginning, making changes can be a difficult process. Every decision I made to move forward had to be a conscious choice and I spent a lot of time just trying to get off autopilot and break old habits and old ways of doing things. My advice is to take it slow and be kind to yourself and love yourself because that is what this journey is all about. The people I have met on this same journey all have one thing in common – they forgot to love themselves along the way and gave too much until they had nothing left to give.

We can get so lost when we aren’t loving ourselves because nobody is looking out for us. Many times, the reality of our existence is we gave up and started allowing ourselves to be verbally, mentally, and/or emotionally abused, and that can be true for work as well as our personal relationships. I have first-hand experience in toxic relationships, so I can understand how a person can lose themselves and choose to stay in environments and relationships that they should no longer be in. We can get used to what feels like a normal and comfortable way of living and be so far in before we even realize there is an issue. Once awake to the issue and the need for change, it is important to take a good look at yourself and your situation and start making healthier choices for yourself. You are free to do what’s best for yourself – so you must figure out what the negative hold is on you and work through that and break free. Learn to detach with love. Changing your life becomes the fight of your life, but I know with hard work it is possible to come out on the other side stronger and more secure in who you are than you have ever been.

Looking back, I could never imagine being pulled into such a dark place. Once I came to terms with where I was and where I wanted to be, I started making changes. I really had to take a step back, look within, and see where I was part of the problem. I had to take responsibility for how I was creating my own unhappy reality. Once it is there, it takes a very conscious effort to keep negativity out of your life and change your way of thinking, acting and reacting. Fear and anger must be replaced with love and forgiveness in order to live a healthier, happier life. I learned from the very beginning of this journey that the best way to do that is with prayer and learning to be your own best friend. I kept a journal for two years and wrote in it every morning. I prayed for healing. I prayed to be a better person. I prayed that I would learn how to come from a healthier place. I prayed for the strength to overcome my ego and live my life from my true self. I prayed and I thanked God for every little thing that went right. The more thankful I was the more positive things would come into my life. Over time I began to heal, and I started to live my life again. I slowly remembered who I was before I forgot who I was. I have faith, hope and prayer to thank for getting me through that darkest time in my life.

As I go through the next year sharing my blog, I plan to go into detail about journaling, prayer, gratitude, meditation and many other tools that helped me along the way. Change doesn’t happen overnight it takes baby steps. Hopefully through the year you can get yourself started and by the end of the year you will have learned enough about healing and have enough tools to help make these same changes for yourself. I always say that healing takes a lot of work and structure and dedication and making changes and waking up can be the hardest part of your life, but it can also be the most rewarding. I see the world in a whole new way now and embrace everything about my past both good and bad. I wouldn’t change any of it because every step along the way brought me right here to where I am today. I am very grateful for the life I have right now and all the people both old and new who are in it. Releasing fear and anger allows you to see that everything happens for us, not to us, and we are always learning and growing. Life is a gift, and it is important to see it that way.

The following list can be looked at as instructions to get started or, as I like to call it, my mini guide to healing. It is important to set an intention for yourself of what you want your life to look like in the next year. Better relationship, more money, stability, just peace, you decide what is the most important change that you want or need in your life right now. Your thoughts create your life, so once the intention is set then automatically everything you do every day and all the decisions you make for yourself, both big and small, will become geared towards reaching that goal. The most important part is to make conscious choices and decisions and take yourself off autopilot. You must wake yourself up and be in control of your own life. Small changes will start to happen right away, but I have noticed for myself that it always takes about a year to start to see the intention that I set for myself start to show up in my reality.



Your Mini Guide to Healing

Remember that healing is work but worth every second.

Healing isn’t a destination it is a journey and can take years to a lifetime to achieve.

Be prepared for how different life will look in the beginning - you will feel as if you just took off a pair of sunglasses. You will be amazed and angry at what you see and wonder how you let things get that out of control. You must remind yourself that you did the best you could with what information you had available to you at that moment in time and moving forward you will promise yourself to do better and be better.

Don’t get angry at other people when you are angry with yourself.

Forgive yourself for where you are and what you didn’t know or couldn’t see and then move forward.

Remember your will for change has to be stronger than your fear of change.

Keep your eyes forward and out of the past. Focus on the here and now.

Remember that focusing on the past brings pain - the future brings worry - the present brings peace.

Love yourself. This journey is about self-love, so you have to love yourself and take time for yourself first. Loving yourself first is the only way you will have enough left over to give to everyone else.

Take 5 minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful.

Respect yourself - if you don’t then you can’t expect anyone else to either - you set the standard for how to be treated.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness - forgiving others helps to heal yourself.

Be grateful for who you are and what you have.

Learn to go with the flow - if you are forcing something to happen then don’t do that - that is a block put up to protect you and help you from going off your own life path.

When you hear something or see something three times pay attention – the message is for you.

Breathe.

Eat healthy - sleep 7-8 hours - drink water. Everything else is ok but in moderation.

Live a balanced life: Work - Rest - Play - Pray - Exercise.

Make room for the people and things that bring joy to your life: Live - Love – Laugh.

Meditate - even if meditation for you means sitting still with your own thoughts for a few minutes.

Pay attention to your thoughts and trust your intuition and you will be Divinely guided in the right direction.

While you are working on yourself try and stay away from negative news, tv, movies and negative people.

Find at least one thing to be grateful for every day. When you are grateful for what you already have then you will automatically receive more.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it special and pick up a notebook with your favorite color and a cool pen you like, or you can get a small box or jar and write on post it notes and put them in it. If you don’t want to keep a real journal with pen and paper, then use the notes on your phone. I believe journals become like a portal to the other side and magical things happen when you show gratitude. At the end of the year, you can have a ceremony for yourself where you burn your journals. Ten years ago, I did a ceremony with a few friends and burned eight journals and it was a very healing experience.

Use crystals, sage, essential oils, meditation, prayer, Reiki or whatever speaks to you to protect yourself and make a safe space for yourself. Even a nice chair in the corner near a window can become a safe space to think, write or just be alone with your thoughts.

… and the journey begins.

In love and light,

Fran