Self-Love

 I know I have been talking a lot about self-love and self-care in my previous blogs, but what does that mean? I know just a decade ago the concept of self-love was as unfamiliar to me as a foreign language. I viewed saying no to anyone or taking time for myself as selfish, but now I see it as the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. Self-love makes me a priority too and allows me to put up boundaries and protect my energy. Self-love allows me to fill up my cup, so I have enough to spread around. Self-love and self-care keep me from feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and keeps me from feeling cranky and snapping at everyone around me. Self-love allows me to spread more joy and more peace and bring more love into my life.

I knew this week I wanted to write about the topic of self-love, and I do most of my writing on Monday when I’m off. This week I had to work six days in a row, and I was finally off yesterday and beyond feeling burnt out. I was completely drained and looking at a blank page, in no way able to concentrate and write anything. The universe has been guiding me what to write since starting this journey eleven weeks ago, so I knew it was no coincidence that I was being forced to practice what I wanted to write about. I had to practice self-love and self-care so that I could replenish myself so that I would be able to write and not miss this week’s blog – and it worked. I took this week’s topic as something I had to do for myself yesterday, and now I feel so much better today.

When you aren’t sure what self-love is or how to go about practicing it, then just think of self-love as getting to know yourself again. Think of it as being your own best friend and giving yourself what you need. What do you like to do, what do you like to eat, do you need to exercise, or go to the doctor, do you need to talk, do you need to socialize, do you need to rest, do you need to be alone, ask yourself what you need. I was feeling depleted because I had just spent six days talking to people and giving of my time and energy and I knew I had to put that back. I had to ask myself what I needed. I looked around my apartment yesterday and realized I needed clean clothes so I should do laundry, I needed to journal, I needed to ice my back, I needed sunshine, and it was a beautiful day, so I wanted to sit outside. The more I checked in what I needed and did for myself throughout the day, the better I felt. I put music on and tended to my plants. I made myself a BLT. I went and sat out on my porch again. The more I did for myself, the more energy I got back. I was slowly refilling my cup.

Now imagine if I didn’t do those small things for myself and I kept going, going, going. I would be coming from a depleted place, and I would feel tired, and resentful that I felt so awful. The truth is if I didn’t set a boundary yesterday and just concentrate on myself, then feeling exhausted and drained today when I had to go back to work would be no one’s fault but my own. We must take time for ourselves and make ourselves a priority. We must tune into ourselves for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. We owe that to ourselves, and we owe it to the people around us who we encounter every day. The day is so much better when it can be faced with a smile and a positive attitude, rather than facing it with a look of despair and exhaustion because we didn’t take time for ourselves to refill our cup.

Self-love activities can be big or small and the list is endless. The most important part is to tune in to yourself and ask what you like to do. I am sure you are a giver and asking yourself what you like is never on the top things you think about. How about a bubble bath, a walk outside, a trip to the beach, go get a coffee or tea, just sit in your backyard and bird watch, do any one of these things and watch how fast your cup fills back up. Pay attention to how small things for yourself increase your energy level. Look at how positive your interactions with people become. I mentioned in a previous blog how I liked to journal in the morning because that is how I make time for myself before my day starts. Journaling in the morning helps me put myself first and then I don’t feel resentful throughout the day for giving to everyone else and then feeling like I never make time for myself. I make time for myself first and then the rest of the day I feel good about sharing of myself. I filled my cup first and then able to share my cup with everyone else. The same way they tell us on an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, this is the same idea. You must love yourself first before you can love anyone else; you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. This seems like a simple concept to learn, but it took me a lifetime to figure out.

I was thinking back to a decade ago when I first started this journey and didn’t really know where to start. When you are out of the bubble it seems easy, but I can remember being in it and feeling so broken and lost and all the joy sucked out of my insides. I do receive feedback and know that many of you are in that space right now and I just want to say keep going, keep fighting for yourself. I promise you that it does get easier. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time really does help and it all starts with self-love and self-care. I want to give you a list to help you get started and know that as you get to know yourself again, you will come up with a list for yourself. That list will include everything that brings you joy, brings you peace and brings you happiness, and you will learn to incorporate them into your daily life. You will be healed and then moving forward you will pass on all your knowledge to the next person you meet on your journey who will look to you to see how it is done.



In love and light,

Fran



Practicing Self-Love:

Love yourself and follow your intuition

Make yourself a priority

Set boundaries

Journal

Forgive yourself for all your mistakes

Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-affirmations

Learn to ask for help

Practice gratitude

Practice self-care

Eat healthy and get enough sleep

Be your own best friend

Learn to say no

Learn to detach in love

Meditate, journal, go for a walk anything to clear your mind

Go to the beach, go to the park, go on a hike, take a drive

Socialize, call a friend, join a club, be part of a group

Read a book, take a bubble bath

Watch a movie, go to see a play

Reiki, Massage, get your nails done, get a haircut

Mow the lawn, wash your car, do your laundry, tend to your plants

Draw, paint, play an instrument, listen to music

Try something new

Do anything, even for one minute a day, that brings you joy