Your Inner Child

Looking back to your childhood, what do you see? Imagine yourself five years old, nine years old, twelve, a teenager, what feelings come up for you. Most of us on this journey look back on childhood with mixed emotions. You may remember very fun times filled with laughter and normalcy, but you also held deep dark secrets of pain, guilt, shame, and fear that you didn’t share with anyone. These feelings left you feeling unworthy and stole your self-esteem and confidence. Looking back, I can remember feeling completely lost and disconnected from the rest of the world. I taught myself to shut down those feelings and put on a smile for the world to see. I wanted to fit in and seem normal to the outside world when that was the furthest from what I was feeling. I always felt like an outsider looking in. Those moments in time are where our childhood wounds began. Those are the moments that set up the lessons to learn throughout our lifetime.

Inner child work can bring up a lot of old junk, so may be something that you would like to seek counseling for. Professionals can help you deal with trauma in an extremely healthy way. When I was younger therapy was a sort of taboo, but fortunately that outlook has changed and today seeking outside help is very accepted and encouraged in our society. Until you are ready to do that, the best advice I can give is to focus on self-love and learn to be your own best friend. Give yourself the love that you feel you were not given or could not be given as a child. We learned to put our needs last or felt that we were not deserving of love so now take the time to give that love to yourself. Get to know yourself again. Look back to childhood what did you like to do – paint, draw, color, play music, sports, cooking. What did you like to wear – hats, sneakers, a frilly dress. Think about what made you smile, what will make you happy and learn to fit that back into your life, fit joy back into your life. Don’t think too much about it just do it. The best lesson we can learn from kids is that they know how to just be without analyzing everything first. Healing your inner child requires just that, learn to have fun again.

I spoke about journaling in a previous blog and how important it was to go out and buy yourself a cool notebook and a pen. Small things like that for yourself will go a long way. Take yourself out on a date. Go to the park, the beach, just outside for a walk. Learn to quiet your mind as soon as it tries to talk you out of it – and trust me it will. I recently went back to attending classes for exercising and meditation, and I can’t begin to tell you the number of excuses going through my mind before class for why I shouldn’t go. Learn to quiet those thoughts and go anyway. Remember that the “good’ voices will never try to talk you out of doing nice things for yourself. The negative voices, on the other hand, will do that all day long if you allow it.

Inner child wounds are usually at the root of what keeps us from having healthy adult relationships. Do you find yourself in volatile relationships? They say that anger is trapped trauma that needs to be released. Journaling and getting to know yourself again can help you work through that. I can tell you that after healing my past I hardly ever raise my voice or react with anger. I can always see ten steps ahead of what happens when you interact that way. My peace is so important to me that you can tell me that two plus two is five and I will not argue that you are wrong. I will say ok and be on my way because I no longer feel the need to be right. I do not seek outside approval because I have learned the importance of self-love and self-healing. I understand that everyone has their own wounds and ways of healing and dealing with things, so I do my best to respect that. Do I mess up sometimes, absolutely. The difference now is that as soon as it starts to happen, I am very aware that it is a very uncomfortable feeling and makes me feel bad for not having more control of my emotions and reactions. Anger, fighting, conflict, anything on the negative side of the spectrum no longer fit into my world. Fear and defense mechanisms no longer run my life. Reminding my inner child that I am in charge now helps quiet those wounds and keep negativity out of my life. My inner child being happy and feeling safe is important to me because that is also what keeps me happy, healthy and feeling safe.

Healing your inner child wounds is important because those wounds are usually what keeps us from doing what we want to in life. Fear and being vulnerable is what keeps us stuck and holds us back. We must learn to heal our inner child and help them to feel safe. Remember that wanting to be healthy must be stronger than the fear you have of the outside world. Remind yourself those fears are outdated. They are based on a past that is no longer here. Decisions need to be based on the present. Let your inner child know that you oversee your life now. My inner child knows that I have her back and I have enough love to give her. I make sure she is happy, I make sure she is loved, I make sure I do things that I know she needs in her life. Being alone and protective bubbles are not what she wants. She wants to be seen, she wants to have fun, she wants to interact with people, she wants to draw and read, and laugh. She wants what life has to offer and wants to be the person she was before self-protective boundaries were put up. She understands that to receive love you must also give it. The walls of fear must be taken down so that living a full, healthy and happy life can enter.

Embrace your inner child and embrace who you are. Healing your inner child heals your soul.


In love and light,

Fran