Last week I mentioned that healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. This week I thought it was important to talk about that moment in healing that I like to call the in-between. This moment comes after you have been doing so much work on yourself, and you reach a point where you start to question yourself and you begin to doubt yourself. You are journaling, you are practicing self-care, you are no longer feeding negative people and situations, and then one day you wake up and feel lost. You look around and realize that you no longer feel comfortable in your old life. Negativity and toxicity no longer fit you like a glove. The opposite is true, which is why your old life makes you feel very uncomfortable. You find yourself feeling uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. This place is what I refer to as the in-between because you feel confused. You no longer fit into your old life, but you haven’t yet reached the part where you are in a new normal of your transformed life. You begin to second guess your choices and wonder if you are doing the right thing for yourself. This can be a very scary place. You are at the in-between.
The good news is that this place is where you find yourself again. This is the place where it is very important to trust yourself. Trust that you are changing for the better. Trust that it is ok to feel confused and not know where you are going. This is where that trust in the universe and in yourself will come into play. You will be tested. You will have to make choices that show how much you are serious about wanting change and wanting a new life. Your old life, no matter how toxic and negative, also became your comfort zone. Once you release that comfort zone you will set yourself free. Learn to be comfortable in the quiet. Learn that life doesn’t have to be all about drama. You will be tested to see if you want to go back to it. People who are in your life and not on the same journey will show up to test you. Detach in love. Stand strong in your power and remember this is your life. You will be tested to see if you choose healing. This journey is all about self-love, so you will be tested to see if you are choosing you.
The in-between is an important part of this experience because many of us on this journey suffer from black and white thinking. We go to the extremes in our thinking and feel that it must be this way or that way. That is why the in-between makes us feel very uncomfortable. We want it all now. But there is another way. Once you find yourself at a stopping point in your healing practice gratitude, practice patience. Learn to get comfortable in the gray area because most of life happens in the gray area. Life doesn’t have to be only about extreme highs and extreme lows. We lived in trauma and chaos, so that was all we knew. The gray, quiet and peaceful area of life makes us feel very uncomfortable because we aren’t used to that kind of living. Learn to live life one day, one moment, one hour, one minute at a time. Remember when you feel uncomfortable, those are just old tapes playing until you get used to your new normal. Ignore those thoughts and learn to embrace the quiet. You will get to know yourself in the quiet, and you will learn to embrace a non-stressful, chaotic life. Once you move along on your journey the quiet and your peace become something you cherish. I know that I worked very hard to find that place and that is why I protect it with everything I am.
The in-between is the time to journal about your fears and where you want to go. Don’t try to rush the process, because this is the time to relax and meditate about what you want your future to look like. Think about it, envision yourself there. Fake it til you make it is a phrase used a lot because it works. Old tapes will try to keep looping in your head and your job is to turn them off. Your goal is to start playing new tapes for yourself. Even if you aren’t there yet, play those future tapes. Set goals for yourself. Keep your new routines. Look back to see how far you have come on your journey. Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend and cheer yourself on. My son likes to call them little w’s and big w’s. Big wins and little wins. The nice thing about healing is that every little w counts and gets you further on your journey. Remember this is a journey not a destination, so the in-between is just as important as where you want to be, and those little w’s will add up. You will learn lessons you didn’t even know you needed. The in-between is where you find your strength and confidence in yourself. The in-between is where you find all the knowledge you will need for the next chapter.
You will have many in-betweens on your journey because we are always growing. I started this journey over a decade ago and I am still learning new things about myself every day. Once you meet a goal you will set another one. You will gather up all your information and start to move forward and then find yourself at another crossroads. Every crossroad you will have more knowledge to fall back on than you did before. Each crossroad is easier because you know yourself better and you are treating yourself better. This is the time to rest and regroup and do a check-in with yourself to make sure you are heading in the right direction. Remember everything you have learned so far and congratulate yourself for how much you have grown. Heal – Rest – Grow - Repeat.
In love and light,
Fran
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