When I moved here two years ago, I left Florida with a dream in my eyes and a plan. I quickly learned that God had a different plan so, as usual, my plan went by the wayside as soon as I got here. I thought I was returning home healed, not realizing that there was another level of healing that had to be unraveled. When you stuff your past like I did, it will always show back up when you least expect it. Trauma, hurt, disappointment, regret it all must be dealt with to move forward and truly be healthy and happy. You must take a good look at the person you were and the person you would like to be. I am learning that no matter how much you think you have healed, you will not be allowed to move forward until it is all dealt with – even the parts that you regret the most and almost destroyed you.
The most important part of this for me is to remember to just relax and breathe and go with the flow. I make plans but I don’t stay attached to them. I know I am moving forward because I am not in the same place I was when I got here two years ago, both internally and externally. My son always says that he has watched me live more of a life since I moved two years ago than I have over the past decade. He is happy to see me happy. My life is changing constantly as I try and figure out my next step and settle into a new life. I am starting a new career while re-emerging an old one. I am heading back to my safe space (thank you Cuz!) while I regroup and set up for my next place. The friends and family I have in my close-knit circle help me to stay grounded remembering how much I am loved and how good this change is for me. I have made new friends and new coworkers in the last year that I am sure will be around for a very long time. I used to be a bit of a loner living in a safe bubble I created for myself, but I am once again becoming more open to allowing change to happen knowing that what is meant for me will show up and what or who doesn’t show up for me isn’t meant to be in my next chapter. I am slowly detaching in love from my past while embracing a new future.
I mention relax and just breathe because this part of the journey can feel very overwhelming. You make plans and then the momentum is here, and you look around surrounded by chaos. Remember this isn’t chaos like the past, this is change. These are conscious choices that were made and not fallout from catering to someone else’s choices that you allowed to be made for you. There is such a difference, and you will know, and you can feel the difference. When you make changes for yourself, and they are not forced or being made by someone else you don’t feel resentment – you feel a sense of pride. Yes, it’s scary, but you are learning to trust your choices and your intuition and the decisions you make for yourself. Deep down you can feel it and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
My blog this week is a little shorter than usual, but I know that’s ok. I am learning that you can only give what you can give and do what you can do, more than that is just extra baggage we place on ourselves. Perfection is just an illusion and a way for us to try and control our outside environment. I understand that I have little control of what I have created for myself for today – the only control I have is to stay focused and do the best I can. I am surrounded by things I must do before heading to work because I switched my days off for my final moving day. The only way to get through today is just trust that everything will be fine. I will remember to relax and just breathe. This is not chaos – this is change. This is the change that I created, and I trust it.
We are the creators of our life - no one else should ever own that copyright.
In love and light,
Fran
In love and light,
Fran
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