Find Your Safe Space

When I started this blog almost eight months ago, I had a plan and knew exactly what I wanted to write about. I had been working on my second book for the past decade, and this blog was my way of putting all of that together. My plan at the end of this year of blogging is to have my book finished. I had all the titles written out ahead of time, but then a few weeks into this journey, I realized that there was a bigger plan at play that I had nothing to do with. I would hear from you that what I wrote about was exactly what you were going through – and this began to happen week after week. I understand that when you have faith and trust there are no coincidences, so that was when I decided to just listen and wait before I would commit to start writing. I knew what I wanted to write about, but I also knew if I waited and stayed out of it the words would flow through me more freely. I would find the topics and the words that were meant to reach you. I believe in Divine timing, so I began to look at my blog the same way I deal with life. I no longer get attached to my outcome or my way of doing things, so I do not get attached to what I plan to write about for the week. We are all connected, and all being guided so I wait before I start to write. I wait for the ideas, the nudges, the struggles, and the synchronicities. I wait for everything to be presented to me, and every week without fail it all comes together. I am learning to let go and let God and in turn that helps us all.

I wasn’t sure what I would be writing about this week and then I was hanging out with my cousin and the title for this week presented itself. She mentioned reading my blog last week and was very touched that I was very grateful that right now I am in a very peaceful, stable environment where I feel very safe. I understood in that moment that I found my safe space and while you are healing you will have to do the same. You must find the people and places that help you feel safe while you are making changes. You must fill up your well and replenish your energy. Right now my cousin does that for me. Your safe space can be a person, it can be a room in your home, a chair, a park, a place where you go and grab a coffee, it can be anywhere. Your family can be your safe space or if your family is your issue then you will have to create one for yourself. You must put in the positive while you are removing the negative. Your life must always be about balance. When I first started my healing journey, my safe space was sitting in my car while my son was at the skatepark. I had a coffee, a journal and a pen and an hour to myself and looking back now, those moments I took for myself saved me.

When I was younger, I always had a chaotic, non-traditional home life, but I always had family around and that was my safe space. I always say that my siblings were my world, but my extended family is what gave me structure and a sense of belonging. They are why I had a shot at normalcy. Growing up without a mom took that feeling of normalcy away from me. I always felt different because of that, but what saved me was my cousins. Once I made this move back up north, they once again became my sense of belonging. Cousins are your best friends through family and accept you for who you are no matter what. They helped me find a sense of belonging because as kids they were my childhood and everything that is fun and then as adults, they remember everything about my life that trauma may have erased. They are my past, the rocks for my present and my cheerleaders for my future. They are my tribe.

If you aren’t blessed to have cousins and family and friends in your life - then find your tribe or create one. Find the people, or even one person, who helps you to feel comfortable in your own skin – the person who accepts you for being you. I have my family and friends who go back to childhood, but I also have a soul family who I have met along the way. These are the people who understand my spirituality - understand phrases like Divine timing - let go Let God - be mindful - the moon is full tonight charge your crystals - that’s because Mercury is retrograde - just sage it – etc. These are my people who understand me on a soul level and the reasons why I no longer hide who I am and what I do. They helped me to feel safe to be myself. They embraced who they were which made me want to embrace who I was. I no longer felt the need to hide that I was different, I was free to be me.

Most of us on this journey have learned to shut down and isolate and stay quiet because that was easier. Healing requires you to come out of that shell and change the old way of doing things. It requires you to be vulnerable. It requires you to come out of your comfort zone and be around people. That vulnerability must be balanced and won’t come out without an internal or external place of feeling safe to do that. If you are not ready for that just yet, then this blog every week can be your safe space. Your safe space becomes the place where you find mental and emotional stability, so setting time aside every week to read will help you begin to create that safe space for yourself, within yourself. As children, we may have been denied that feeling of safety, but as adults we can get it back. We can create what we didn’t have. We become our own advocates for self-love and safety. We spent a lifetime seeking love and validation outside of ourselves, not realizing that the secret to having it all lies within. We create our life, we create our destiny, and we create our own happiness.



In love and light,


Fran