Boundaries

When I always talk about boundaries, I am usually coming from a place of setting my own. I have worked very hard at finding that balance of where you start and where I do, what I should accept as good and bad behavior, how I should show up for you, how you should show up for me, not over give, protect my space, the list goes on. Once you heal from a difficult past and took the time to do the work and create boundaries you begin to protect them with your life. These boundaries are not like the walls that you created in your past for protection, but these are the boundaries that you create to live a healthy life. I can give a lot of myself to you, but my boundaries are set, and I will pull back when needed. I will pull back when I am not being met with the same as what I am giving. Understanding reciprocity and boundaries are what help me to show up for you in a healthy way.

What I was reminded of this week is that other people are also doing the work and setting boundaries, and it is important to respect their boundaries as well as my own. Looking back to my own healing journey, I became very aware that other people around me may be in a place right now where walls of protection are required because they are still figuring it out. We do not want to give in to someone being stuck and pull us back down, so it is ok to detach with love and give space where space is needed. Maybe they are in a place where they want to keep their healing hidden and don’t want to voice that space is needed. This journey can sometimes feel that being vulnerable will open us up to feeling judged. Healing is already hard without adding more layers to what we are dealing with, and solitude feels safer. It is never our role to get in the way of someone else’s journey, and why it is important to respect that space may be needed from us. We must acknowledge that not everyone is on the same timeline as we are. They may be a few steps ahead or they may be a few steps behind. Everyone is on their own journey and at their own pace, and we must respect that. Healing comes with an understanding that I have already been through what you are going through, and I should be compassionate and be aware of what others may need from me. When you are further along on your journey, respect where people are knowing that is where you have already been. You have already grown beyond that space they are in. Remind yourself that I may not have any control of how you live your life, but I do have control over how I show up for my own. People need boundaries the same as you. Respect their journey, respect how much time it takes because this process cannot be rushed.

Respecting your boundaries and the boundaries of others requires a deep awareness that everything is a reflection of what we hold inside. When someone decides to cut you out of their life without warning, always remember that is about them and never about you so don’t take it personally. When you take it personal and make it about you, then that is a big red flag that something inside of yourself needs healing. That would be the perfect time to give them space to figure out their own stuff while you take the time to figure out your own. People show up (or don’t show up) to reflect to you what needs healing. In that moment ask yourself, do I have abandonment issues? Confidence issues? Co-dependent issues? Self-love issues? Take this time to work on you. The hard truth is we all need to be doing a little work on ourselves, so we show up for each other in the right way – in a loving way. When you find yourself coming from a place of hurt and anger, that’s a sure sign you have some wounds that need healing, and you have some more work to do. Feeling confused? Journal through it. I always find that when I journal the answers and guidance I am seeking will show up. The signs what to do next will always show up.

Some of us are on healing journey’s together with family members, lovers and/or friends. But it is more of a together, not together, scenario because this healing requires a lot of focus on self. We may not be on the same road or the same path; we are parallel to each other. We may still be in contact but may be a little ahead or behind. Once we do the work and learn our lessons, our paths may cross again and then we can walk the same road together. We must meet each other at the same level and vibration to find peace and balance. When we aren’t in the same spot, then the Universe may separate us because it is hard to heal together when you will be triggering each other the whole time. When healing is done in solitude it's all on you. The feelings are yours; the lessons are yours, and the consequences for your choices are all yours as well. There is no one to blame for the highs and lows for your life but yourself. This includes all relationships, kids, partners, lovers, friends, parents. Take a step back and let people do their own work and see what happens.

This is the new you, the healed version of you … so detach with love … whoever is meant to come back in your life always will.

 

In love and light,

Fran