Fill the Well

We are officially in the Holiday Season which is why I would like to take this week to talk about taking care of you. Before time gets away with a list of things to do, please take a moment to take a break and regroup. You must give to yourself first if you expect to be able to give to others without resentment and/or exhaustion. When we are tired, we tend to say yes to where we should have said no. We agree to things we shouldn’t or don’t stand up for ourselves because we are tired, and we think it is easier to just give in. We are learning that is not true, we are just being avoidant of our feelings. Every action has a reaction, and giving your power away to someone else is never a healthy choice for yourself because you will end up feeling resentful. When we are taking care of ourselves and standing in our power then we are present and making decisions for ourselves that come from a healthy place. What and who we give to is coming from a strong foundation we created for ourselves. The only way to do that is to Fill the Well and take some time and give to yourself so that you aren’t giving to others from a depleted place.

When you are first learning about self-love and self-care, filling the well can be as simple as going for a walk or taking a few minutes for yourself to just breathe. Once you are more comfortable with putting your needs first, filling your well will be a normal part of your life. The flowers I have posted in this week’s photo are from a store near my sister’s house and I love them because they always have all the colors of the color wheel. Every time I see them, they are a reminder for me to live my life in color, no longer in the darkness of black and white. When I go and visit her, I do the same routine every time and it is a conscious part of filling my well. I wake up earlier than my sister, so I walk to the corner store and say good morning to the nice lady that works there, order coffee and a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll, I grab water and bananas for us, I take a photo of the flowers at the front counter, and I walk down to the bridge and have my coffee. I take in the view, send a friend a Good Morning from SI photo, and I make sure to be present and mindful in that moment. The whole process takes about 20-30 minutes but fills my soul in a way that nothing else can. I start the day feeling grateful instead of frazzled because I woke up and ran out the door to head home without taking the time to slow down and take advantage of the moment being presented. We are never promised tomorrow, and for that reason my sister and her dog and the beautiful view right down the street from her apartment, are a part of my world now that I will never take for granted.

When I first started this journey, filling my well was as simple as taking a moment on my back porch to journal. I didn’t yet understand the importance of self-love and self-care and was at a point where I was completely depleted. I was being taught the importance of giving to yourself first if you want to be able to give to others. I wasn’t doing that and was left in a place of complete emotional and physical exhaustion. I am here to share with you that there is another way to give, a healthier way to give, and that way involves putting yourself first. It is not selfish, it is necessary. I take time for myself now and have more left over to give than I ever have in my life. The biggest difference is that now I can feel when I am giving too much or working too much and not taking the necessary time for myself, so I immediately stop and regroup. I look around and take inventory if I am getting enough sleep, taking the time to eat, drink water, rest, listen to music, journal, do things that make me smile and make me feel good. I am a bit of a loner, so I have to make sure to set time aside for the people I love. Be grateful. Be thankful. These are all the things that fill my well and keep it full so I can keep going. Most of us on this journey are givers by nature, but the lesson we are learning is to also give to ourselves. Once we do that, we can give so much more than we ever imagined.

My life looks very different than it did a decade ago, and today part of filling my well includes making a yearly dinner trip to the city with my sister and my nieces. I am looking forward to it because I know that my heart will be full. This holiday season, I encourage you to do the same and give to yourself too. We are the creators of our life, so make sure to plan things for yourself that you know will make you happy. Buy yourself a small gift, go somewhere that makes you smile, call a friend, anything you can think of that will fill your well. Those of you who are just starting out on this journey, if that feels too overwhelming, then just make a list for what you want next year to look like and get mentally ready for change. Make yourself a promise to not agree to anything you don’t want to, honor yourself and your feelings. Give to yourself so you have enough left over to give. Allow yourself to be who you are. That is always the best gift you can give to yourself, and that alone you will notice that your well will slowly start to fill again.



In love and light,

Fran