This journey may seem overwhelming at first, but just remember it is a process and baby steps are needed. The truth is it took a long time to lose yourself, so the process of finding yourself again can take just as long. The comforting part is that as soon as you set the intention to make changes, then change starts to happen.
Please do not get discouraged when first starting out. This is all about baby steps and moving forward one step at a time. Your baby steps may be three steps forward and two steps back, or if you are carrying around as much baggage as I was, then it may seem like two steps forward and three steps back. You may journal one day and get triggered and lose your balance and find that it takes days for you to recover. Remember no matter what happens pick yourself up and keep going. You may feel like you are starting over again and again, but remember you are not. Each step forward you will be bringing the knowledge and lessons learned with you, so that next step forward may take you half the time as the last. Be kind to yourself on this journey. Everyone has their own story and baggage, so everyone moves at their own pace, and that is ok and part of healing. The goal is self-love, peace and happiness and is all that matters. Remember it takes as long as it takes.
Healing and making big changes for yourself can sometimes feel like a lonely journey while you are releasing the old and unsure of the new. You will be releasing unhealthy habits and sometimes unhealthy people as well, so it will be important to always reach out to family and close friends to help you stay grounded. Please keep an eye on yourself and reach out for additional professional counseling if needed. The stigma attached to needing help is being removed from our society, so please embrace that if needed. Seeking help is no longer viewed as a sign of weakness – it is a sign of strength.
Last week I mentioned that journaling is the easiest way to get started because that is the easiest way to let things go, but it is also the easiest way get to know yourself again. When you are first getting started, try and bring your thoughts back to the beginning - go back to the core of who you are. What did you like? What did you see for yourself in your future? Are you doing that? Have you forgotten who you are? Does someone else dictate your downtime? Right now, if I asked you what your favorite color is would you even know? Your answer to any of these questions can signal that you have lost yourself somewhere along the way. This journey is about self-love and becoming your own best friend so you may have to go back to the beginning to get to know yourself again. The nice thing about getting to know yourself again is that you will remember that your favorite color matters – you matter.
Baby steps are needed because at times you will feel like an emotional wreck, but please find comfort in knowing that it’s just part of the process. You will slowly be reminded of who you are and in turn may dig up something that has been buried and you need to let go of. You will also deal with things while you are asleep which is why on some days you may wake up feeling differently than when you went to sleep. Your dreamworld may become very active and you may start to have very vivid dreams and/or nightmares because your subconscious is also working on healing while you are asleep. This is why morning journaling helps because you immediately dump everything you woke up with on paper and left feeling lighter and free to start your day.
When you spend a lifetime giving, giving, giving with no boundaries set for yourself and stuffing your emotions, once you think you are finished something new will come up. There is no way we can deal with all of it at once, so it comes out slowly. The reference it’s like peeling back an onion fits perfectly. Once you heal a layer you are ready to deal with the next. Each layer may be harder to deal with, but each layer removed you will feel stronger and more empowered than before. Think of the layers as sweaters of protection you kept putting on that eventually covered up who you really were, and now you are slowly removing them to reveal your true self.
When I first started this journey, I remember I used to make lists for everything. My goal was to live a balanced life, but I was so lost and didn’t know where to start, so I began to make lists of things to do in a day. I wrote down everything – wake up, journal, shower, get kids ready, work, go to the store, make dinner, rest, hang out with kids, clean house, I wrote down everything and kept it in a notepad and carried it everywhere with me to help keep me on track. Eventually that daily list became a weekly list, and I added “fun” to the list. I printed out a weekly calendar and filled in every day on it and kept it on my refrigerator. The list was a reminder to work, rest, exercise, pray and play. Sometimes we are stuck in survival mode and fun, happiness and joy have been taken completely out of the picture, and now we must make it a conscious choice to put them all back in.
Those of us on this journey are good people with good hearts, but now we are learning to give that same love and compassion to ourselves. We are learning how to express our feelings, we are learning about healthy relationships, healthy boundaries, and in the extreme if your situation calls for it, you will remember that you deserve to be loved and trusted. You will start to feel stronger and letting someone else have control over you or making you feel like a prisoner in your own home will no longer be tolerated. The life that once felt so comfortable and familiar will start to feel very uncomfortable and scream out for change. Listen to that little voice inside your head - trust your intuition - and that’s how you will get through this and eventually have the life you want and always envisioned for yourself.
Go slow … and always remember to take it one step at a
time.
In love and light,
Fran
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