Self-love, self-care, this journey is all about giving to your “self”. This is not a selfish thing to do since the end goal is the same as it was before, only now you want to be able to give to others and share of yourself without feeling depleted in the process. Everyone benefits when you take the proper time and energy for yourself first and then have enough left over to give to everyone else. There is no exhaustion, stress, anxiety or resentment attached to that way of living your life. Some people already instinctively know this is the way to do things, others like me must fall on their face first before realizing that there is an easier, healthier way to live life.
When I was younger, I was the codependent queen, and had absolutely no boundaries and no idea what self-love and self-care looked like. In all honesty, until later in life, I didn’t even know there was such a thing. I also didn’t eat right, I didn’t sleep much, I don’t ever remember drinking water and thought if I was working hard or going to school and still taking care of the kids then I was doing the right thing. I used to joke that I would pass out from exhaustion at the end of the day, but that was ok because in my mind I was ambitious and hard working. What I didn’t realize was that not having boundaries or putting my needs at the forefront, I was setting myself up for a complete physical, mental, and emotional breakdown. I learned the hard way that when you don’t take care of your mind, body and spirit, then eventually you will be forced to.
Journaling and baby steps are what will get you started on the self-care of your mind and your inner world, and focusing on your physical health will get you started on the self-care of your body and your external world. Just like you can’t give, give, give without refueling yourself on the inside so you have more left to give, you can’t live the physical life you want to without the proper care of your body and physical health. A healthy body requires you to eat healthy, drink water, exercise and sleep. You take care of your car and respect it so that it continues to get you around and you must give that same respect, care and maintenance to your body so it will continue to get you around. When you neglect yourself, you neglect your health. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, not sleeping and many other issues are sometimes signs that your body is giving that you aren’t taking proper care of it. Listen to your inner voice and listen to your body – they will always guide you in the right direction. Practicing self-care of your body will help with your healing and in turn help you to feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself that will trickle down to everyone you are in contact with. Be a role model to those around you and watch them follow your lead.
This is a mind, body, spirit journey and they work together to create balance, so you will have to get serious about treating your body with respect. The same concept I mentioned last week that losing yourself took time so finding yourself again is a process, remember that it doesn’t take a day to get out of shape so getting back in shape is a long process as well. My suggestion to help get you started in the self-care of your body is to make food and cooking a joyful part of your life. We all have a relationship with food, and it can be a wonderful thing when it is a positive relationship - but just like with people, our relationship with food can become toxic. I used to love to gather recipes and cook when I was younger - and then for a long time I didn’t. I just ate to eat and, most of the time, I was eating the wrong thing, eating too late before bed, or not eating at all during the day until dinner and putting myself in starvation mode. There was no joy in cooking, I was just robotic about eating and would prepare and eat the same things over and over. Now I love to cook again, and I spend a lot of time talking food with my kids and coworkers and swapping recipes. Every time I get together with my kids, who are now grown adults, it’s all about the food and what you buy and where and how you make it and what’s for dessert and are we going to make it or buy it. My son and I swap photos when we make something healthy – it helps keep us accountable. He is on this same journey, so eating right and exercise is what is helping him refocus as well.
You will find that eating healthy in this grab and go society is not easy, but the advice that was given to me was plan your meals ahead and shop the perimeter of the store because that is where all the real food is. Pay attention to the layout: bread, meat, fruit, veggies, nuts, milk, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs - that is all on the perimeter. Try to stay away from the inside aisles because that is where the artificial sugars and preservatives live. The cavemen had it right - so gauge it like that - if it isn’t or wasn’t alive or comes out of the earth then it probably isn’t good for you. Eat clean. Try to find a fresh market and shop there for your fruits and vegetables - it makes eating healthy quite easy. Shopping there becomes an experience, and you will be taking time for yourself. Try to eat 3-5 small meals a day, and if you are away from the house a long time every day, make it convenient for yourself. Eating healthy is much easier if you prepare for it every day. Go out and buy yourself a cool lunch bag - a nice size one - and pack your food to take with you. Lunch boxes were a big thing back in the day so tap into your inner child in the process. Ask yourself what color you want - do you want pockets - what would make you smile when you look at it. This is a small way to remind yourself that you matter.
Exercise is important as well. When I lived in Florida, I noticed that the older generation there have it all figured out and that’s why they are living their best life well into their 80’s and 90’s. They are at the gym and walking the mall every day because they know the secret - keep moving. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. My son gave me advice that he heard, and it was pick your hard. Do you want a hard life when you are older filled with medical issues and doctor visits or do you want the hard right now of eating right and exercising. They are both hard so pick your hard. You make choices for yourself everyday just try to make a better choice each time. We also tend to make excuses for ourselves why we can’t do things so start slow. You do not want to join the gym – that’s fine then go outside and walk. Love carbs - fine just make sure to balance it with protein. Eat salad - it’s the easiest way to get a lot of nutritious things in one meal. You don’t like lettuce - do a pasta or spinach salad - find what works for you. Cold cuts, soup, and things like that have a high sodium content so make sure to read the labels it will blow your mind. Remember that eating healthy does not mean denying yourself. Everything in moderation is ok and everything must have a balance. This part of the healing journey saves your life because we need our health to be able to live a long happy life. Being healthy requires coming off autopilot so be present in the decisions of eating and exercise the same as you are doing for everything else.
My belief is that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience not the other way around, so if we want to continue with the experience, we must respect our health. This is true for every age, but when you get older it becomes game on. I always feel like after a certain age we are asked do you want to continue because if you do then get it together because you are not a kid anymore and can’t eat like one. If you want to stay here on this earth, then you must put in the work and eat right and exercise. You will be decluttering your life as well, which we will talk about in a future blog, but eating healthy and exercise are a way to declutter your body. Excess weight and extra pounds are sometimes just a wall of protection we put up and can be trauma and/or resentment which we are holding onto. Let it go. Journal. Free yourself up and you will feel lighter physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is all connected. Make a conscious decision to want to be here and take care of you because you matter.
This life is worth living.
In love and light,
Fran
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