Love vs Darkness

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs; love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1Corinthians 13:4

I have a plaque hanging on my wall with these words. I have had it for years and years. I can remember the day about 15 years ago when I was looking at it and a lightbulb went off. I was reading the words and thinking those words are the opposite of the reality of my life, and it was in that moment that I began the process of waking up. I could see clearly how all the choices I made throughout my life had brought me the opposite of having real love in my life. My comfort zone was the opposite of love – it was darkness and chaos. What I saw as love was just negativity disguised as love because I had no boundaries and always settled for less than I deserved. Self-love and self-care weren’t a part of my world. My unhappiness was no one’s fault but my own and change was needed.

Love is everything about our true self – it is who we are. When we are balanced, we come from a place of love, and we can give it and accept it freely. Love is patient, it is compassionate and kind, it feels good, it is positive, and it is balanced. Love is the equivalent to God and everything we see as good in the world. People who are spiritual believe that love is the only thing that is real and everything else is an illusion and a lesson to get us to a place of self-love and true happiness.

Darkness and negativity are the opposite of that. When you are living in that space what you think is love, it really isn’t. The reality of that existence is the opposite of my plaque, and it is not kind, is not patient, it is rude, it is easily angered, and you feel as if you are always walking on eggshells. That is not love. We don’t really see it because we are living in a bubble that we have created for ourselves. We have lost perspective of what is love and what isn’t, behavior we should accept and what we shouldn’t, our boundaries are non-existent, and we have opened the door to being disrespected and taken advantage of. We were not respected by others because we weren’t respecting ourselves. We were looking outside of ourselves for love and validation, and never found it, because all along we should have been looking to ourselves for it first.

Love includes a healthy sense of self-love, boundaries and ego. A healthy ego is ok and helps to keep us motivated - but once you go past the point of not having compassion and empathy for our fellow human beings then you are in dark territory, and you are coming completely from your ego and that is a very unhealthy place to be. The ego and negativity become wrapped up into one when you are coming from a dark place. That place is a very me centered place and sees life that way and you have lost all sense of self. You live life with a wall up where you cannot give love or receive love. There is no light in your life - it is all darkness. I have first-hand experience watching this happen to someone and it becomes a very painful experience for all involved. The person you knew is still standing right in front of you, but they have become the exact opposite version of themselves. This happens after hurt and past trauma are buried so far down and you have created a false self to show to the world. Spiritually speaking you have holes in your true self and your aura that have allowed negativity to pass through and you completely lose your sense of self.

When you do not help yourself and do the work to heal trauma then darkness takes over who you are and over time you become a very angry, bitter, resentful, mean spirited, self-centered, negative individual. Darkness takes over the light in you, which is where all your decisions and actions that benefit the goodness in the world come from. When you come from a place of darkness then you no longer come from a place of love and compassion. That darkness creates a wall around your true self, and you cannot hear or feel goodness and love because the ego is now at the surface of who you are and is the one running the show. You have a distorted view of the world and hear and see everything in a negative way. “You” are buried way, way deep under that darkness that surrounds you and you are its prisoner. When taken to the extreme, it becomes a narcissists’ existence, and they have usually passed the point of no return. You can usually spot them because everything is about them and everything about them is negative. You can just feel uneasy in their presence, and they lack having empathy and compassion for anyone. That is why it is so important to deal with your pain and your trauma before it takes over who you are. I have been at the crossroads of that feeling of being so tired and shutdown and just wanting to give up. Remember there is always a choice. The choice is to give into darkness and let it take over who you are, or fight and choose to take back your life. Self-love and focusing on healing and living will always allow you to break free from the grips of darkness.

People who I have met on this journey are very good people and carry a very bright light. People who have gotten lost on their path and forgot to keep healthy boundaries can become magnets for darkness and negativity until they heal themselves. We become the perfect victim for the codependent narcissist dance. When not healed, we take on others' darkness instead of staying in our light. Narcissists see our compassionate side as weakness (which it is not, once we are healed it is our best strength) and they try to feed off our goodness and steal our light because they have none left of their own. This becomes the battle of good vs evil - even in our own homes. In a spiritual sense, they become our best teachers on our journey because they shine a flashlight on all the places of ourselves that need to be healed. They show us where we have allowed their darkness in because we weren’t loving ourselves or treating ourselves with love, kindness and compassion. We accepted less than what we deserved and not being treated with love and respect by others became our normal. They show us where to draw boundaries and the places in ourselves where we need healing so that love can enter our lives again. They wake us up and show us what we are lacking in our lives … which is self-love. Once we practice self-love and self-care, and do the work and healing needed, we can break free from the grips of darkness and negativity. That is when we are able to live in a place of goodness surrounded by love and light. We will be free to allow and accept joy and happiness into our lives - we will be healed.

In love and light,

Fran