Looking Ahead

 New Years Eve and wrapping up the holidays while getting ready for 2026 seemed like the perfect time to write about looking ahead. I read something today that said if we take care of the past, then we can enjoy the present while making plans for the future. I loved this because it reinforces another saying I embrace, which is that living in the past brings pain, living in the future brings anxiety, but living in the present brings peace. They are two totally different perspectives which force the same positive outlook on life by remembering that the only place to be is in the present. At first it may seem confusing but remember that living in the past and taking care of your past are two completely different things, the same as living in and stressing about the future is different than planning for it. The philosophy I hold near and dear to my heart is to look back when you must, look ahead when you can, but the only place to be is in the moment. When we are hanging on to people and circumstances that no longer serve us, we get stuck. Let go of fear because avoidance and procrastination will try and hold you back from the future you deserve. The fact is the past is gone we can only learn from it, the future isn’t here yet so all you can do is plan for it, and the only place in time that you can fully enjoy your life is in the here and now.

I am a former live in the past, carrying my baggage tied to my ankle kind of gal, so I know how hard it is to let go while trying to deal with your stuff and still look ahead without freaking out about it. Sometimes looking ahead while trying to live in the moment seems like trying to achieve the impossible. The one thing that helped me was acceptance. Acceptance that this is my life now and everything I thought to be true wasn’t and maybe it was all for a reason and now I must find the power in my pain. The goal is to be open to anything and everything, embrace who I am, and learn a whole new way of living. Detach in love with what isn’t working. Hate no one and regret nothing. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Respect their journey. Forgive everyone for what they didn’t know and respect their place in the world. Accept when it is time to part ways and be grateful for the love or the lesson or both. Try and see everyone as a teacher and everything as a learning opportunity. Trust a force outside of yourself and go with the flow. This is how I live my life now and it allows me to look ahead without fear and look back without pain. This new outlook on life allows me to just be.

Every year right before New Year’s Eve I like to set goals for myself for the upcoming year. Long term goals vs short term goals, wants vs needs, practical vs wishes and dreams, words vs pictures, anything and everything. That is my look ahead. That is my vision. Then I make notes for my notes of the steps I need to make those visions come true. Then I let it go and focus on the daily. Every small task I focus on everyday should bring me to the bigger picture. The year ahead is all baby steps. Small and steady.

Vision Boards have always been a great way for me to get ready for the new year and can also be a tool for you to bring out your creativity. I used to go crazy with them. They can be as big or as small as you want. Making it a collage is the best way to get words and pictures into your vison. You want a new car? Put a photo up. Want a new relationship? hang a photo of that face. No one in mind and just want more love in your life then just put a heart. Want a new job? Find a photo in a magazine of what you would like to be doing. This is how you manifest your life. Not a vision board type of person, then fill out sticky notes of everything you want to do the upcoming year. Make notes and lists and reminders whatever you must do so that you see it and read it every day.

Your thoughts become your life so pay attention to what you are thinking about. Always think about what you want and not on what you don’t. Fear based thoughts can become your reality the same as positive thoughts and why it is very important to censor your thinking. Do the same with how you speak. I spent way too much time clearing toxic energy from my life, so you will never hear me talk negative because I am very careful not to ever feed that type of energy. That type of energy tries to work its way into everything but can only get in if you allow it and if you give it the room to grow. Shut it down before it starts. Darkness can’t live in the light so just stay positive and shine your light.

We have been on this journey together for a while now, so before the time strikes midnight, please look back at the past year to see how far you have come. Look ahead to see where you want to go, and then tomorrow, the first day of the year, just enjoy the day. Be grateful. Be in the moment. Be proud of who you are and how much work you have done on yourself. Live your life being fully present because that is the only way to experience all the joy that life has to offer.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

In love and light,

Fran

 

 

The Holidays

This blog will be a little shorter than usual, but I did want to make sure to post this week. I understand that not everyone celebrates Christmas, and I also wanted to make sure to touch on this subject because the holidays come with so many mixed emotions. There are many people who dread the holidays because they are just a trigger, and it takes everything they have just to get through them. They walk around with a smile so you may not even notice who they are. They may open to a select few or no one at all. Be nice to everyone you meet the next few days because you never know what they carry inside.

When I look back over my life and the holidays, some are wonderful and some not so wonderful, some I had money some I didn’t, some I was happy and others filled with sadness, some I was out shopping and looking forward to Christmas Day, and then others I put on my holiday face all while just wanting to hide under a rock until they were over. The holidays can be a time where it feels like every other day in the week and doesn’t stop throwing curve balls at you just because the calendar says it should. Life happens and life goes on. There is one holiday season particularly, a few years ago, that was surrounded by confusion and sadness knowing a loved one would soon be gone but is also one of the holidays I hold dearest to my heart. Watching my cousin plan and participate in a holiday cookie party from her bed is always a reminder that the holidays are what you make of them.

This year I decided to put up a Christmas tree and decorate a little, which I haven’t done since 2019, the last Christmas before my youngest little birdy left the nest and I sold our home. At the time we didn’t realize it would be the last year we would be decorating the house and turns out it was the same year my son and his friends surprised me by decorating the whole outside with lights while I was at work. It was such a magical moment. I didn’t realize it had been that long and that was the last time, until I went to show someone a picture of how much I love to decorate for Christmas and had to scroll back so far through my photos. It was in that moment I realized it has taken me this long to find myself again since losing my cousin who I spent almost every holiday with and being on my own while navigating through life trying to figure out who I am other than someone’s mom.

A friend had suggested I put up a Christmas tree since I just moved into my new apartment, starting a new life, and she knows I love the lights. I am so happy I did it. I may not have visitors this year, but the beauty found in Christmas this year was for me. Those on this journey know everything happens for a reason, so no surprise that decorating my tree also became part of my healing. That night became a trip down memory lane since my ornaments are a history of my life with my kids, my cousin, and being in Florida for thirty years. I was not ready for my solo celebration to be a healing moment filled with such nostalgia and missing them, but it was. Always funny how that works out. I couldn’t be with my boys this year because I started a new job, and then ironically by myself while putting up a tree after six years, stuffing how much I missed them and not ready for them to be adults and no longer need me like they once did came flooding in, along with the realization that maybe that’s why I haven’t put up a tree since they all moved out.

After shedding a tear or two, I decided not to read too much into it and take it as a lesson to be grateful for the time we had together when they were young and acknowledge that this is my life now and my boys are grown and I’m getting old … and that’s ok. When I pack up my tree next week, I am going to separate all the ornaments for myself and each of my four sons. My plan is to set them aside as a gift for each of them for next year so they can get as much joy from them as I have all these years. My Christmas tree this year holds every decoration and emotion tied to my past, and next year will represent a new chapter of whatever I decide. My tree moving forward will represent a new beginning embracing a twinkle of my past along with who I am now.

Those in my small circle know that when I’m not at work I prefer to spend a lot of time solo, so I had a friend reach out to me today to make sure I wasn’t planning to spend the holiday alone. I told him I’m working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day counts as my day off so yes, I want to be alone lol, but I’m not, I’ll be traveling after work to spend two days with the fam. Sometimes solitude for healing is ok and then you must take notice of when it no longer is and make yourself do things until it becomes your new normal. It becomes your healing. It becomes your growth and becomes a part of the future you.

I would like to take this time now to wish you all a very Happy Holiday. This blog did end up being the same length as always and maybe a reflection of my healing. This is not an easy journey and not an easy time of the year. As you navigate through the next week and your own healing, remember that this time of year can be hard, but it can also be where you find your strength. Do what you must to stay in control of your emotions and your life. Practice self-care and self-love. Do not give more than you have and remember that the people we are with is what makes it special and makes it memorable.

In love and light,

Fran

 

A New Normal

Now that we are coming up to the end of our year journey together, I am trying to be more selective of the topics I choose to write about. The purpose of this blog is to share with you everything I have learned from my experience with healing, and I want to make sure I share all of it with you. The one topic that came to mind last night as I was fumbling around with my new life, is feeling comfortable in your new normal whatever that may look like for you. The most important thing to remember is that you must get comfortable feeling uncomfortable until the changes you made for yourself have been there for a while, until they become your new normal. The in-between is that place where you are no longer in the old way of doing things, but your new normal way of doing things is a very uncomfortable place. Time and staying dedicated to your new self and your new life is what helps with that. We are creatures of habit, and we get comfortable even if that place is unhealthy and uncomfortable, and it is what we know so we stay there. That’s why so many people will make plans for change and then choose to stay stuck. It is also why we will make changes and then go right back to the old way of doing things. Change is scary and coming out of our comfort zone feels very uncomfortable. We must have trust and faith in the changes we made for ourselves while we are in that part right before it becomes our new normal. The ones who take the leap of faith and never look back are the ones who can tell you that the other side of that uncomfortable feeling is a new life, a better life. It is a place where your new normal is better than anything you ever imagined for yourself. It is the place you find peace.

The holidays are a great time to notice when life looks different and the changes that happened in the previous months aren’t our new normal yet. The other side of that is people wanted to make changes, but didn’t, and now feeling angry, sad and sometimes just pretending they are happy. The holidays are here, and the commercials say we should be happy, so the masks go on. But we must give ourselves permission to be who we are and remember that life happens no matter what day of the year it is. Allow yourself the time to process all of it. Marriage, divorce, birth, death, children moving out, children being born, combining families, retirement, losing jobs, finding new ones, life happens and asks us to evolve with it. The one thing we can rely on is that life always changes and maybe the lesson is to not get too attached to any of it. Go with the flow of change and trust in the plan of God and The Universe and be open to all of it.

This topic came up this week because I am at that place right now where I am extremely uncomfortable. My kids aren’t with me for the holidays, there’s snow, I’m cold, finally made it to the gym so everything hurts, I’m in a new job, a new apartment and nothing right now for me feels normal. But then I remembered that this is exactly what I signed up for. I signed up for a change. I made the choice to move where it’s cold and where it snows. I made a choice to have the next chapter of my life look completely different than the last. It does and I did that. The lesson now is to trust every single decision I made. I must have faith and trust in what I can’t see up ahead. I must have the confidence to keep going. I must remember that I have learned so much and the decisions I make now are based on knowledge and healing, they are never based on fear. That is my new normal, trusting in myself and my intuition is my new normal, and what is going on externally in my world right now just hasn’t caught up yet; but it will. The place where life delivers me only the good that I ask for isn’t something I am used to, so it isn’t my new normal yet, but I am starting to trust that it is.

Most of us on this journey spend our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop and believe that good things don’t happen to us, so I am better off staying stuck than risking being hurt or disappointed. I am here to let you know that’s just negative self-talk, all an illusion, and the opposite is true. You are deserving of a new life and a happy one. Take that leap of faith and then stay in that uncomfortable place for a little while knowing that feeling shall pass, and once it does you will be living the life you always dreamed of.

In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Time

Time is a gift. Time is also one of our most important teachers. Time is one of those things in life where we have many different emotions attached to it. Time is what we use to analyze our life. Sometimes there is too much, sometimes not enough. Time has a mystical, magical quality which guides us in the way we relate to our day, our lives, and to each other. On one occasion, you can be at work anxious to leave, where ten minutes feels like a lifetime, and then on another occasion, you can connect with an old friend after forty years and feel an overwhelming sense of joy like not a day has passed. Twenty-four hours in a day can sometimes feel like it’s not enough, then when you are involved in an activity you don’t like or with someone you don’t want to be with, it feels like too much. Not enough time, too much time, it is all in our perspective and the emotions attached to it. The lesson that I have learned is that time is a gift, and we should use it wisely. Time should never be wasted or taken for granted no matter what the circumstance, because we never know what tomorrow will bring.

When I look back on my life, I can see with clarity the moments I wasted time and the moments when I was present and cherished it. I can remember the times that now feel like wasted time, because I did things (or didn’t do things) out of fear or just not having enough confidence to move forward. I can look back and see the times where I was stuck or confused and know for a fact that I would do things differently. We can never get back the time lost or wasted, but we can always move forward with the lesson that time taught us. We can never look back with regret because we were just doing our best with the knowledge we had at that time. We learn lessons and gain knowledge and then do better. We get wise with age. The mistakes I made in the past are part of who I am now, and all those mistakes and lessons molded me into who I am now. Now that I am older and have learned a lesson or two, I navigate through my day, my work, and my relationships very differently than I did when I was younger. I am no longer in survival mode, now I feel present. My day to day, yes if you know me, then you know that I fight the clock because I am trying to squeeze too much in a day and get lost in what I am doing; but when it comes to respecting the time we have here, that I am fully aware.

My biggest lesson attached to time is learning patience. I am learning to balance what I have learned with the reality of knowing that time is not going to rush things along for me just because I took half of my life to figure things out and now would like things to unfold quickly. The reality is the steps, and the lessons are still there, and you have to go through them. I must respect the Divine Timing of how my life unfolds and the way other people around me navigate through their day and their lessons. I must respect that time is different for everyone and their perception of time may be different than mine. Our timelines and lessons may be the same or they may be different, they may lag behind, or they may pass me by, they may be my students, or they may be my teachers, they may be in my life for a short time, or they may be in my life for a long time. Only time will tell.

We live in a world of instant gratification, phone in hand expecting instant replies, so patience is something that isn’t as part of the norm as it once was. I grew up waiting for the bus, waiting to find a pay phone, waiting to get home to listen to the answering machine, waiting to turn 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50. Now that I look back you would think I had patience down to a science, but I don’t. I am a part of this world now and want things quickly and love my next day shipping. The lesson for me, and should be for everyone, is to not put that same expectation on people and relationships. When it comes to certain things, I have all the patience in the world, but when it comes to other things, patience is something I am learning to navigate through. I always say when my time here is up and I am asked what the hardest lesson to learn was, my response will be patience and forgiveness. Patience with myself and with others, and forgiveness for myself and for others for what we didn’t know. Patience, forgiveness, healing, they all involve time, and the lessons learned in that time, and I am still learning to respect and navigate my way through all of them.

As we are approaching the New Year, I like to set goals. This is a great time to set goals for yourself on how to use your time wisely. Be present and be in the moment. Make that call, see that movie, take that class, go on that trip, see that concert, whatever your heart desires. Our time here doesn’t have to be measured in years; it can be measured in how much we loved what we did and how much we loved who we were doing it with.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Fill the Well

We are officially in the Holiday Season which is why I would like to take this week to talk about taking care of you. Before time gets away with a list of things to do, please take a moment to take a break and regroup. You must give to yourself first if you expect to be able to give to others without resentment and/or exhaustion. When we are tired, we tend to say yes to where we should have said no. We agree to things we shouldn’t or don’t stand up for ourselves because we are tired, and we think it is easier to just give in. We are learning that is not true, we are just being avoidant of our feelings. Every action has a reaction, and giving your power away to someone else is never a healthy choice for yourself because you will end up feeling resentful. When we are taking care of ourselves and standing in our power then we are present and making decisions for ourselves that come from a healthy place. What and who we give to is coming from a strong foundation we created for ourselves. The only way to do that is to Fill the Well and take some time and give to yourself so that you aren’t giving to others from a depleted place.

When you are first learning about self-love and self-care, filling the well can be as simple as going for a walk or taking a few minutes for yourself to just breathe. Once you are more comfortable with putting your needs first, filling your well will be a normal part of your life. The flowers I have posted in this week’s photo are from a store near my sister’s house and I love them because they always have all the colors of the color wheel. Every time I see them, they are a reminder for me to live my life in color, no longer in the darkness of black and white. When I go and visit her, I do the same routine every time and it is a conscious part of filling my well. I wake up earlier than my sister, so I walk to the corner store and say good morning to the nice lady that works there, order coffee and a bacon, egg and cheese on a roll, I grab water and bananas for us, I take a photo of the flowers at the front counter, and I walk down to the bridge and have my coffee. I take in the view, send a friend a Good Morning from SI photo, and I make sure to be present and mindful in that moment. The whole process takes about 20-30 minutes but fills my soul in a way that nothing else can. I start the day feeling grateful instead of frazzled because I woke up and ran out the door to head home without taking the time to slow down and take advantage of the moment being presented. We are never promised tomorrow, and for that reason my sister and her dog and the beautiful view right down the street from her apartment, are a part of my world now that I will never take for granted.

When I first started this journey, filling my well was as simple as taking a moment on my back porch to journal. I didn’t yet understand the importance of self-love and self-care and was at a point where I was completely depleted. I was being taught the importance of giving to yourself first if you want to be able to give to others. I wasn’t doing that and was left in a place of complete emotional and physical exhaustion. I am here to share with you that there is another way to give, a healthier way to give, and that way involves putting yourself first. It is not selfish, it is necessary. I take time for myself now and have more left over to give than I ever have in my life. The biggest difference is that now I can feel when I am giving too much or working too much and not taking the necessary time for myself, so I immediately stop and regroup. I look around and take inventory if I am getting enough sleep, taking the time to eat, drink water, rest, listen to music, journal, do things that make me smile and make me feel good. I am a bit of a loner, so I have to make sure to set time aside for the people I love. Be grateful. Be thankful. These are all the things that fill my well and keep it full so I can keep going. Most of us on this journey are givers by nature, but the lesson we are learning is to also give to ourselves. Once we do that, we can give so much more than we ever imagined.

My life looks very different than it did a decade ago, and today part of filling my well includes making a yearly dinner trip to the city with my sister and my nieces. I am looking forward to it because I know that my heart will be full. This holiday season, I encourage you to do the same and give to yourself too. We are the creators of our life, so make sure to plan things for yourself that you know will make you happy. Buy yourself a small gift, go somewhere that makes you smile, call a friend, anything you can think of that will fill your well. Those of you who are just starting out on this journey, if that feels too overwhelming, then just make a list for what you want next year to look like and get mentally ready for change. Make yourself a promise to not agree to anything you don’t want to, honor yourself and your feelings. Give to yourself so you have enough left over to give. Allow yourself to be who you are. That is always the best gift you can give to yourself, and that alone you will notice that your well will slowly start to fill again.



In love and light,

Fran