The mental prison we put ourselves in is usually a product of past experiences and our ego trying to protect us. What happens is we are protected from the negative, but our ego is also shielding us from all the good things we could be experiencing. Fear, comfort, safety, these are all words I have mentioned before and obstacles we must get through. Our mind starts overthinking and going to worst case scenarios, rather than focusing on the good that can happen, the love and the joy that could be found if we could only change our perspective. Our outer world doesn’t change until we do. The change always lies with us and changing our perspective.
The way it was described is that our brains find it easier to focus on failure rather than success, danger rather than safety. When you think about the lives our ancestors lived, how cavemen lived, this wiring makes sense. In our modern world, our brain doesn’t need this wiring and has to be told we are successful, we are safe, it is ok to do this or that. We no longer have to look at the negative or worst case scenarios just to survive. That is why we find it so hard and feel like we must rewire our thinking, it is because we do. The ego hasn’t adapted much to our modern way of thinking so is always still right there screaming to be heard. We must learn to silence it, train it to feel safe, let it know that the self is in charge. Once the ego learns to take a back seat that is when our true self appears.
Now that I am years into my healing, I can look back and see where my true self was just lying dormant in the background allowing everything in my external world to control me – and that included situations and people. At the moment, I didn’t understand what I was doing, but looking back now I can see it clearly. I was always focusing on something, but my focus wasn’t on the right things. My focus was never on myself, it was always on responsibilities and a list of things to do. I didn’t know how to put myself first and thought it was selfish not understanding it was necessary. Self-care and self-love weren’t words in my vocabulary. I was living my life as just a product of my upbringing, instead of seeing that I could break free if I wanted to. I always felt like a prisoner in my own mind, in my own life, never understanding that I was the one holding the key the whole time.
We can get lost in our ego mind when we feel like we are being diligent, because we are busy with work, responsibilities, our everyday life and not leaving ourselves a minute to think. Our ego wants us to be that way because then we don’t have time to stop and think, we won’t have time to work on ourselves, we won’t see that there is another way, an easier way. The talk I was listening to the other day focused on being the right busy and the wrong busy. The wrong busy is filling up our day with work so that we can avoid everything we should be dealing with. The right busy is understanding that there should be a balance and there should also be a focus on just being. We should never use work as an excuse to not deal with ourselves. We should never put work over our feelings. Love and relationships are what makes us feel whole. Love for others and self-love included. When we are busy being diligent with everything but ourselves, that is when the ego takes over – that is when we lose ourselves.
Our mental prison is filled with self-doubt, low self-esteem, fear, avoidance, procrastination, everything that the mind uses to talk ourselves out of what we want. When we learn to quiet that mind, that is when our desires will take the forefront. Meditation and visualization help us do just that. Focus on what you want your life to look like rather than what you don’t. Danger and failure are easier to focus on that is why this will take time and training yourself to think differently, feel differently. Once we do that then the people and situations which once controlled us no longer will. They no longer can because our authentic self is in charge. We unlock the prison; we break free.
Moving forward this week, take stock in how you move throughout your day. Are you running? Are you trying to fill a void with things to do, so you don’t have to deal with your life? Are you using work distractions and responsibilities to keep yourself from feeling? Avoidance is just putting off the inevitable. All the pain and disappointment that we spent a lifetime stuffing must be dealt with to move forward and live the life we were meant to live. Remember the only thing keeping you from getting to the light at the end of that tunnel is you. Learn to dismiss the negative lies of the mind. Learn to just be. Face your life and feel everything and then let it go. Don’t ignore your pain, your anger, your depression, whatever you are dealing with. Be with it. Acknowledge it and work through it. You, alone, hold the key to that mental prison and to your own happiness.
In love and light,
Fran
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