Go with the Flow

I am sure I have already stated how important it is to Go with the Flow when you are trying to create a new life for yourself, but I was recently reminded of just how important it is. I am a former control freak so going with the flow is not necessarily one of my strengths. This is one of those lessons that I must keep learning repeatedly and always reminding myself to stay out of it and Let Go and Let God.

Last week my son read my blog, Creating a New Life, and said yes, I’m doing that and now that I’m going with the flow like my brother does it is all working out. No more stress, no more time limits, no more high expectations, just learning to live one day at a time and one moment at a time. We were talking about how my youngest son has it figured out because he doesn’t let anything bother him. He naturally has a go with the flow attitude, and everything seems to work out the way he wants it to. The rest of us deal with OCD, being control freaks and forever getting in our own way and only now learning the trick to living a more peaceful, healthier life. Stay out of it, go with the flow and let life happen for you and it will all work out.

As you move along on your healing journey, this go with the flow attitude will become very important for you too. The middle of change is where we begin to feel uncomfortable because we are no longer in the old and haven’t quite reached our new. Our new normal is not our comfort zone just yet, so we begin to try and control everything. Our comfort zone may still be how we were functioning in our toxic past, and we are trying to move away from that. We are coming out of survival mode. Trusting in our choices and what we envisioned for ourselves must take priority. Releasing our expectations of how we think everything should show up for us is key. We were stuck in a limiting belief system, so our minds can’t even grasp how wonderful life can be. When we sit back and let life unfold for us is when we will begin to see the wonder of what we asked for. Life will show up grander and more abundant than we ever imagined it could. That is if we can learn to release control, stay out of it and just go with the flow. Our mind set must be that we are deserving and will allow good things to happen for us.

Our minds may begin to wander off which is why going with the flow can be hard. We hear these little voices in our head don’t do that, do this, that won’t work, but this, but that, and these are all signs to quiet down your mind and get back in charge. I am at this stage right now because so much change is happening, and remembering to go with the flow is trippin me up. My insides want to resort back to survival mode because things aren’t working out exactly as I had planned. I start trying to control everything and all that does is become a block for what I really want. I am trying to control outcomes, and I am not listening to my intuition, I am tired, I am hungry, wah wah wah. This is what I hear when I don’t go with the flow. I hear nonsense. I am trying to control situations, when the truth is the only thing I can control is myself. What I need to do is just focus on what I have to and let the rest figure itself out. When I remember to just sit back and relax, I can see that life is trying to work out better than I imagined. When we learn to just focus on ourselves, that’s when life will happen exactly how it is supposed to. I know that I must have trust and faith. I have put everything I want in motion, so now I just must let God and The Universe do what they need to do. I have to stay out of it.

I have been on this healing journey for a long time, but every time I am working on reaching a new level and a new goal it’s like starting all over again. The same fears try and come up only now it doesn’t take as long to get back on track. I am stronger now and have more knowledge and experience, so getting back on track is easier. Now I may just need a gentle reminder, or I will see a sign or hear something that states no that is no longer you, what are you doing, you already learned that lesson. Sometimes we are tested to see if the lessons are sticking. Sometimes staying out of it and releasing control is how we stay calm so that we can see and hear those signs. I know for me, when I am not going with the flow and running around trying to control everything, I hear and see nothing. I am in panic mode. I am in control freak mode. I can tell you for sure, nothing works out when you are coming from that place. That is the place when I make a mess of what I have created or where I want to go.

I understand that when we are first starting out with change, giving up control can be the hardest thing to do. The best way to go with the flow is to remind yourself every day that I can’t always control my external world, but I can definitely control my inner world. Bring it all back to self. Self-love and self-care and having trust and faith in a force outside yourself is always the best way to go. Let Go and Let God helps me get back on track every time. Look up and remember that someone is always looking down willing to help us and guide us.



In love and light,

Fran

Choices

Not making a choice is still a choice …

When I heard this, it made complete sense to me because I am a former procrastinator. I would think things to death so afraid of making the wrong choice that I would end up making no choice. Overthinking turns into analysis paralysis. The problem with never trusting yourself to decide from this or that, here or there, is you end up staying in exactly the same place. That fear and indecision can keep you from growing and moving forward to what your heart desires. Your procrastination and never taking that leap of faith could be that one thing keeping yourself from living a beautiful and very fulfilling life.

Sometimes we can get so comfortable in our misery that making a choice to do anything differently seems so frightening and unattainable. Sometimes blocks are just walls of illusion we have put up for ourselves. Trusting in our healing and in our own choices is what will conquer your fear and remove those blocks. Our ego will tell us don’t do that because of this and don’t do this because of that. The ego tries to protect you from things which are now what you desire, because your ego has not yet learned that you are out of survival mode and just trying to live. We can get lost in our mind and in our thoughts so just staying the same feels more comfortable. It may seem easier, but it is definitely not better. You must learn to take charge of your ego and learn to trust yourself and break down those walls that are no longer needed.

When you have a big fear of change, your choices can start out as small as deciding what to have for dinner. The goal in the end is to be living a healthier way than you were in your past, so in the beginning just start small. Always start with choices that will be for yourself and what is in your best interest. Small choices and change leads to bigger choices and bigger changes. Looking too far down the road can be scary, so the one day at a time will come back into play. Always ask yourself what choice I can make for myself today that will benefit my joy and happiness. Remember that this will require you to come out of your comfort zone. When you have built walls of protection for yourself, small choices will be the best way to go so you don’t overwhelm yourself in change. Once you look back after a year or so you will be able to see how all those small changes you made for yourself, and all the choices to better yourself, they led you to big change. Once you are more comfortable with change and trusting your choices, these choices will become bigger and maybe all the way to a career change and new relationships. Choices will lead you to a positive life and you will begin to let go of what no longer serves you. You will begin to trust your choices and the vision you have for yourself. Detach in love from your past and be grateful for everything it taught you.

When I look back to my life a decade ago it is unrecognizable to my life now. Once you start making better choices for yourself, life seems to take you in a new direction, a healthier direction. I noticed once I started to trust and believe in the new life I was creating, all the people in my life also followed suit. We were all making better choices for ourselves and keeping each other accountable. We were learning that we were connected and what one person did or didn’t do for themselves affected the others. We are all connected energetically, so choosing to live a healthier, more productive life made life easier on each other. We were no longer worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop; instead, we were all living our life and focusing on the positive and focusing on self. The crazy part is that when you focus on self and are happy, your relationships also become healthier. My son always says that you can tell the level of our healing by the way our conversations have changed. Our conversations used to revolve around drama and chaos, and now our conversations revolve around food and working out and self-healing. Our conversations revolve around what makes us happy.

Living a healthier, more peaceful life is a choice. Staying the same out of fear of change is also a choice. We get to decide which way we want to go. I understand that sometimes the fear of change comes from fearing people will not be happy with our choices, but that is people pleasing and a dangerous place to live. Most of us on this healing journey come from a past where negativity and toxicity had its grips on us. We were frozen and afraid to walk away from the people who hurt us. I can look back now with clarity and see that walking away would have been a healthy choice and staying is where I lost my sense of self. Staying in a toxic environment because you have a fear of walking away because you will be hurting the person who hurt you is a big red flag to work on self. Decisions we make should never come from a place of fear, guilt, shame or worrying about what outsiders will think or say, but always from a place of self-love. Our choices must come from our internal world and not our external world so that we are coming from a place of owning our own power. Our choices must come from within. When your choices are coming from a positive, healthy place and a place that you know is for positive and not negative, that’s when you know you can trust it.

The one thing I can tell you from my experience, is once you learn to trust in who you are and break through that fear of making new choices for yourself, so many new doors will open up for you. You will be presented with doors that you never even knew were there waiting for you. A life you never imagined for yourself begins to unveil itself. I believe that once you make a choice for change and for a life that is healthier and more positive, then right away the Universe will have your back and show you more. You feel like you are being given a reward for all your hard work and it keeps you wanting to do more for yourself. There is no limit to what you can achieve.



In love and light,

Fran

 

Creating a New Life

It’s not about the destination, it’s all about the journey …

I am posting my blog later in the day today because I was attending an all-day real estate seminar. I am in a learn whatever you can while you can phase right now and scheduling that around work seems to be all over the place. While driving down the road this morning to attend the seminar, I couldn’t stop looking at the trees along the highway, which I am sure is because I am used to Florida where everything is just green. The leaves are beginning to change color here now that Fall is upon us and has become my favorite time of year since I live up north. The view as I sat in the passenger seat seemed like the perfect photo for this week’s blog because it was a reminder that the road ahead is filled with many twists and turns, many unknowns, but what a beautiful view.

Creating a new life isn’t easy and comes with many challenges. When I packed up my life two years ago, I had a plan and a destination for my life in mind. I quickly found out that was not the plan God and the Universe had for me, and I would have to adjust accordingly and trust the process. Yes, the initial plan was mine and a good one, but the changes and healing that took place the moment I landed up north was nothing I was prepared for. I mentioned in a previous blog, that I had been gone for thirty years, but my past was right here waiting for me to deal with the moment I got back. You can stuff feelings, run as far away as you like and for as long as you like, but eventually you will have to make peace with the choices and actions of your past. That was the part I was not ready for. I opened a new layer of healing that I didn’t even know was still there. Issues I thought were healed and gone came right back up and screaming to be heard. I was completely unaware that there was more healing lying dormant just waiting for me. Looking back now over the past two years, I wouldn’t change anything. I can see with clarity every experience and every minute of healing was another steppingstone for me to get right where I am now. I am starting a new job, a new career, looking for a new place to call home, and my life is in a deep sea of change. Scary but also very exciting.

Each steppingstone since I got here held a new experience, or a new lesson, and a new way of living. Some of those stones were connections, some reconnections and some just a visit to my past. I am understanding that sometimes creating a new life requires you to revisit someone or something before letting it go so you can move forward in a healthy way. Other times creating a new life requires you to revisit people and take them along on your journey. Sometimes they walk beside you and other times may require you to be their mentor, be their guide. These experiences along the way, both good and bad, are all part of the journey and moments that would have never happened if I tried to jump right from a to z and only focus on the end goal. I would have missed out on so much if I wasn’t aware to take things slow and understand that I should be going with the flow. The journey, and all the moments and experiences in between are where your focus needs to be and where you must be present and take it all in. The experiences before you reach your destination can be the most needed because they help define who you are, and how you handle the journey will help shape who you become.

Many of us who have a traumatic past have developed black and white thinking – its this or that, it’s up or down, its good or bad, not realizing that there is a whole gray area out there and sometimes that middle part of life is where the best part resides. Life doesn’t always have to be so dramatic and/or chaotic. There doesn’t always have to be something exciting or eventful going on. Sometimes life can be just quiet and peaceful, and you can just be. That is the part of the journey that I didn’t understand at first because everything about my life was chaotic. Sometimes when we aren’t comfortable in the peace and quiet we will unknowingly create drama and chaos because that’s our comfort zone. We may become so focused on the end game that we forget to enjoy the middle. Sometimes the truth is we may not know how to enjoy the middle.

I am proof that you can learn to enjoy the middle and be comfortable with the unknown. I am proof that you can go from trauma to trusting in something bigger than yourself to the point you will take a leap of faith whenever offered the chance. I know that I relocated my life and came here with a plan and an end game in mind, but looking back now if that end game happened as soon as I got here, I would have missed out on so much of the journey. The people and experiences over the past two years have changed me and made me stronger. I have laughed, cried, reconnected with old people, formed relationships with new people, and created a new life for myself. That new life I have created is evolving and changing every day.

I have no doubt that a new life, a beautiful life, is always right there waiting as soon as you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, take a few chances, have faith and just keep going.

 

In love and light,

Fran

Boundaries

When I always talk about boundaries, I am usually coming from a place of setting my own. I have worked very hard at finding that balance of where you start and where I do, what I should accept as good and bad behavior, how I should show up for you, how you should show up for me, not over give, protect my space, the list goes on. Once you heal from a difficult past and took the time to do the work and create boundaries you begin to protect them with your life. These boundaries are not like the walls that you created in your past for protection, but these are the boundaries that you create to live a healthy life. I can give a lot of myself to you, but my boundaries are set, and I will pull back when needed. I will pull back when I am not being met with the same as what I am giving. Understanding reciprocity and boundaries are what help me to show up for you in a healthy way.

What I was reminded of this week is that other people are also doing the work and setting boundaries, and it is important to respect their boundaries as well as my own. Looking back to my own healing journey, I became very aware that other people around me may be in a place right now where walls of protection are required because they are still figuring it out. We do not want to give in to someone being stuck and pull us back down, so it is ok to detach with love and give space where space is needed. Maybe they are in a place where they want to keep their healing hidden and don’t want to voice that space is needed. This journey can sometimes feel that being vulnerable will open us up to feeling judged. Healing is already hard without adding more layers to what we are dealing with, and solitude feels safer. It is never our role to get in the way of someone else’s journey, and why it is important to respect that space may be needed from us. We must acknowledge that not everyone is on the same timeline as we are. They may be a few steps ahead or they may be a few steps behind. Everyone is on their own journey and at their own pace, and we must respect that. Healing comes with an understanding that I have already been through what you are going through, and I should be compassionate and be aware of what others may need from me. When you are further along on your journey, respect where people are knowing that is where you have already been. You have already grown beyond that space they are in. Remind yourself that I may not have any control of how you live your life, but I do have control over how I show up for my own. People need boundaries the same as you. Respect their journey, respect how much time it takes because this process cannot be rushed.

Respecting your boundaries and the boundaries of others requires a deep awareness that everything is a reflection of what we hold inside. When someone decides to cut you out of their life without warning, always remember that is about them and never about you so don’t take it personally. When you take it personal and make it about you, then that is a big red flag that something inside of yourself needs healing. That would be the perfect time to give them space to figure out their own stuff while you take the time to figure out your own. People show up (or don’t show up) to reflect to you what needs healing. In that moment ask yourself, do I have abandonment issues? Confidence issues? Co-dependent issues? Self-love issues? Take this time to work on you. The hard truth is we all need to be doing a little work on ourselves, so we show up for each other in the right way – in a loving way. When you find yourself coming from a place of hurt and anger, that’s a sure sign you have some wounds that need healing, and you have some more work to do. Feeling confused? Journal through it. I always find that when I journal the answers and guidance I am seeking will show up. The signs what to do next will always show up.

Some of us are on healing journey’s together with family members, lovers and/or friends. But it is more of a together, not together, scenario because this healing requires a lot of focus on self. We may not be on the same road or the same path; we are parallel to each other. We may still be in contact but may be a little ahead or behind. Once we do the work and learn our lessons, our paths may cross again and then we can walk the same road together. We must meet each other at the same level and vibration to find peace and balance. When we aren’t in the same spot, then the Universe may separate us because it is hard to heal together when you will be triggering each other the whole time. When healing is done in solitude it's all on you. The feelings are yours; the lessons are yours, and the consequences for your choices are all yours as well. There is no one to blame for the highs and lows for your life but yourself. This includes all relationships, kids, partners, lovers, friends, parents. Take a step back and let people do their own work and see what happens.

This is the new you, the healed version of you … so detach with love … whoever is meant to come back in your life always will.

 

In love and light,

Fran

 

Living in the Moment

My son has been away at work for the past month, and I saw a post he made yesterday for their last day of filming. The post was a motivational speech he gave to their followers that I found to be very inspiring. He stated “a lot of people focus on their future always forgetting to take a moment and just live in the present. We spend so much time wondering what’s next and instead we need to just slow down and just enjoy what’s right in front of us. He mentioned that we tend to stress about where we are going to be two years, three years down the line, but in the end it just all works out. Right now, he is just trying to live in the moment and enjoy as much of it as possible.” I was so proud, and his words were such a reminder that we should all be living in the moment and gave me my title for today’s blog.

I felt this is a great topic since we are spending so much time talking about doing healing work and setting goals. I am the one person who will tell you how important it is to just slow down and be in the moment, yet I am also that same person always looking to the future to see what I must do next. I have lists to do for my lists to do, so the struggle is real for finding that balance of having goals and for taking the time to be in the moment. Living one day at a time helps us do that. We have to remember that today involves a goal we already set in motion, and it is here right now and very important to acknowledge that. We must take that pause and enjoy where we are right now and give honor to that goal we reached before looking ahead to see where we are going next. Celebrate our achievements both big and small. Celebrate the people who are with us today and make them feel loved and respected and cared for. They should know that we are grateful for them showing up in our lives. We must also be grateful for the situations that are presented to us. When we keep looking ahead instead of focusing on today, we miss it.

Being in the moment does take a conscious effort because we always tend to fall into autopilot. I always use the example that when you go out and get a coffee or something delicious that you have wanted, make sure to take the time to enjoy it. Have you ever been distracted and doing a million things at once and finally look down and didn’t realize you finished your coffee or cup of tea you made yourself, or that piece of cake you waited all week to have on your cheat day. You weren’t present and missed out on the moment of actually enjoying it. That is why it is so important to take those moments for yourself to be present and live in the moment and take in every minute. Life is precious and time is precious and the only way to not waste it is to be present. Like my son said, slow down and focus on what’s right in front of you.

I do understand that for some people living in the moment just comes naturally, but those of us who are all over the place with their minds racing a mile a minute have to work at it. As I’m writing this, I also realize that we live in an age where we document everything. We always have our phones in hand ready to film or take a photo. I always give my kids a hard time for not taking photos and sending me photos, but it really is because each and every one of them know how to live in the moment. They aren’t distracted by sending mom a selfie lol, they are just enjoying what they are doing whether it be golfing or hiking or whatever activity they are enveloped in. Today I have a new understanding that I just have to let them be and if I get a photo I get one. They are doing life exactly as it should be. They are living in the moment and taking it all in and that I have to be proud of. The fact that they have that understanding and enjoying their life is worth more than any photo they would send me. Don’t get me wrong I will always love photos and they know that too, but I will back off and let them practice what I am always preaching. Enjoy every moment of your life because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

One way to help you learn to live in the moment is to pay attention to nature. Look up at the sky and see how beautiful it really is. I think I tend to spend more time looking up than I should, but I am fascinated with how much the sky changes day to day depending on how much sun or how many clouds are out. Now that Fall is here look at the colors in the trees. People watch. Anything that you can do to just make yourself slow down. I know I have a follower who has been watching a racoon for the past few months, so find whatever works for you. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and look at the world around you. Sometimes we notice something beautiful, and that moment can change our perception of who we are and where we are going.

 

In love and light,

Fran