A Reason, A Season, For Life

I received a call the other day from an old coworker who was more than a coworker and became a very good friend. The place I worked for almost a decade became my home away from home and the people there became like family. It was the second time I had that experience in my life, and I know deep in my heart it is always orchestrated that way. Life is all about relationships and what we make of them, and people are put in our lives to teach us lessons we could never learn on our own. Other times those relationships are placed there because we need an anchor to hold us down while we go through the turbulence of life, we need them while we are going through the big lessons and doing the most learning and gaining the most strength. Those are the people who touch our lives in a big way, and we forever hold a special place in our hearts for them. We may part ways, but the impact of that moment in time is carried with us as we move forward on our journey. They help shape who we are.

My phone call the other day lasted for almost an hour, and my old coworker joked around that he reads my blog but hasn’t read anything about himself in it yet. I thought that was funny, but then it made me think of how my next blog should be about that time and about relationships. There is a big age gap between us, but something about us from the very beginning just clicked. We understood each other in a professional way and the age gap and watching the interaction he had with his family gave me hindsight of a personal life I had already lived. At that time, my coworkers and I were all going through our own personal experiences, but work was the place where we really had it together. We worked well as a team, our store was very successful, and we formed a very strong bond for that time we were there. I was already well into my spiritual healing, and I am very grateful that I understood why we were brought together for that period of our lives. I understood that it wouldn’t last because it was just a season in our lives where we would gather up the strength we needed before moving on to the next step. That decade in time was where I healed from my past, went through some very difficult experiences, got my youngest son through high school as a single mom, and that job was exactly the place where I needed to do that. I always say that I couldn’t have gotten through that time in my life being anywhere else. My manager and my coworkers were my support system. I loved going to work, I had financial security, and I am very grateful for everyday that I spent with them. Most of the people I worked with were younger than me, and I was being given a glimpse to see the world and the mistakes I had made through a new set of eyes. They helped shape who I would become moving forward and, in that time, I became a better employee, coworker, salesperson, manager, designer, a better mom, and a good friend. I walked away from that experience with more knowledge than I went in with, and a better understanding of who I was as a person. After we hung up, I took notice of how far I have come and how much my life has changed since we worked together. I could look back with clarity and see how grateful I am for that time and embrace that right now I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

We go through life having work relationships and personal relationships and a lot of times people are in and out but leave a very big mark on our lives. Those are the people that are here for a reason. They aren’t meant to stay, but maybe just meant to teach us something, or give us a new viewpoint, or shake us up because we aren’t quite on the right path. Everyone is a teacher if you can look at everyone with an open mind and be grateful for every interaction. I am very blessed and have many people who have been in my life for a season and left a big mark on my life before heading on their way. I am also very blessed and have many people who are in my life for life. Those are the family and friends that know you, support you, and are always there for you no matter what. Years can go by, even forty years, and you pick up right where you left off. They accept you flaws and all. You are witnesses to each other’s lives beginning to end. You are who you are because of them. They are the opposite of the people who you look back and say that you are who you are in spite of them. Those are the people who may not be your biggest cheerleaders, but they are your biggest teachers. They hold your lessons, and they hold the mirror up to show you who are you and what you need to change. They teach you what it means to practice self-love.

At the end of the day, our relationships are what we make of them. Our relationships, both good and bad, have an impact on who we are. We must be open to change and be open to letting people be who they are, and if needed, let them go. They are in our lives to love us, or maybe just to teach us to love ourselves when we aren’t. The lesson is to be grateful for every single person who touches our lives while they are there, because you never know if God’s plan is for them to be there for just a reason, just a season, or for life.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Trust Your Intuition

My last post I wrote about signs and to be open to what you see and what you hear. Once you are willing and open to doing that, the next step is to believe the signs you see and what you hear and the only way to accomplish that is by trusting your intuition.

Trusting your intuition is the best way to show love and respect to yourself. All relationships start with self and how healthy or unhealthy those relationships are depends on how we are treating ourselves and how we are showing up for ourselves every day. When we go through trauma or a life where we give our needs and power over to other people, trusting our intuition is a very hard thing to do. We worry too much about what other people think or say. We are filled with doubt and find it hard to rely on ourselves, trust ourselves, and to listen and trust that little voice inside that is always trying to guide us. You know that little voice that we ignore and then once we ignore it and don't listen to it, quickly realize that yes, we should have listened because it was right. Well, that is you. Learn to listen to you and not ignore yourself. You know what is right for you, your guides know what is right for you, you just need to listen and trust. We must learn to block out the noise, the opinions of others, and learn to trust that we know what is best for ourselves. Once we do that everything else falls into place.

Sometimes trusting your intuition is hard because when you are trying to heal from your past, your ego is in the way still trying to protect you. We must teach ourselves to come out of survival mode and let our walls down. We are learning to be vulnerable and see a world outside of chaos and not always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is why trusting our intuition and our guidance becomes very important. A healthy ego knows the difference between what is ok for us and what is a threat. When we live through trauma, our ego views everything as a threat. We spend our life walking around with our guard up and walls so high and so thick nothing can get in or out. We are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, not realizing that those walls are also keeping us from being loved, giving love to others and experiencing life in a healthy way. We are sabotaging our own happiness. Trusting our intuition and embracing who we really are helps us find that healthy ego once again. We begin to understand the difference between living and being stuck in survival mode. We must remind ourselves that life is different now and that level of protection is no longer needed. Our bodies know the old way, and we have to teach it a new way. We must learn to relax our bodies and our mind and come off of always being on high alert. Listening and trusting our intuition is where we find the strength and the guidance to do that.

When I look back on my life, I can see clearly now when I did not trust myself and trust my intuition and ended up going down a very difficult path. The signs were there, and all the red flags were flying in my face, but I chose to ignore them anyway. Remember we do have free will so everything is a choice and ignoring our needs, handing over our power to others, and ignoring our intuition is also a choice. I really don’t have all the answers as to why I did that, but I can see how experiencing those difficult times made me stronger and wiser and I came out on the other side with very valuable lessons. I can tell you without a doubt that all the lessons revolve around self-love. The lessons were needed because of the self-love I was not giving to myself. Those mistakes I made came from not believing in myself and not trusting myself. I have since learned to forgive myself for what I didn’t know at the time. Now that I know better, I try not to ignore that little voice and the guidance that is given to me. My gut and my intuition are and have always been right and I have learned to respect that.

The best advice I can give on how to learn to trust your intuition and your guidance is to slow down. Learn to embrace the quiet and the stillness because it is in the quiet that we find the answers. Keep journaling because that is also where we find the answers. Listen to yourself. We live in a very fast world, so it must be a conscious effort to find the quiet. The noise drowns out your inner voice so finding peace is important. Remember every day that you deserve to have peace and quiet in your life. Take those moments for yourself every single day and let your intuition guide you to happiness.



In love and light,

Fran

 

Signs from Above

Those of us on this journey sometimes struggle to know if we are on the right path. Yes, we do the work and we follow our intuition, but we still have doubts and seek confirmation that we are heading in the right direction. My advice is always signs, signs, look for the signs.

Some people will say these signs aren’t real and it is all in your head, but that is their take on it and it doesn’t have to be yours. Learn to trust what you believe and block out the noise. We all receive signs; it is just being open to them that sets us apart from each other. Signs are everywhere. Look and you shall find. They may come in a word, in a song, in a picture, in a number, in a tiny voice you hear, just be open to guidance and you will receive it. My cousin and I are big believers in pennies really are from Heaven and a loving hello from the other side and we find them everywhere. I have a jewelry box filled with pennies that I find on the ground. You can say that it’s a coincidence and pennies are everywhere, but when you put it in the context that I usually find them when I’m going through a hard time, or when I am thinking about someone who has passed, then it is hard to view it as just a coincidence. Plus, I am a believer that there are no coincidences, and everything is on purpose and for a bigger reason that we just can’t see.

I will share a few signs that I look for, but everyone is different and stay open and you will begin to rely on your own signs for guidance. Many people have not heard of angel numbers, yet there are people, like me, who believe deeply in the symbolism of angel numbers and their powers. Since ancient times, it was believed that Divine forces send us messages through different numbers, and each number has its own symbolism, and it will bring us a different message. Once you start googling numbers that you see all the time, you will begin to understand the message sent to you from the other side. The more you do it the more comfort you begin to find. I research them as I go. I will google Angel Number XXX or XXXX and take notice of the one that speaks to me. There is one website I use a lot, but see what speaks to you, and be open and see where your guidance takes you. Pay attention to numbers and patterns you see. You may be nudged to look at the clock at times throughout the day. I always see ,my dad’s birthday and find comfort in that he is watching over me. Take note if you see 111 or 1111 … those are angel numbers and usually show up a lot in the beginning when you start your healing journey. I take seeing those numbers as a sign that I am on the right path or the thought I just had is right. They are like your cheerleaders letting you know you are doing the right thing. Everyone will have a different perspective, my son sees them as a sign to make a wish for what you desire. In the beginning I would see 222, 333, 444 and 555 alot – and that’s how I first navigated through this while looking for confirmation that the guidance I was receiving was real and meant for me. See what opens up for you and look it up. It is a wonderful way to feel guidance and that you are not alone on this journey.

Music is a very big one for me – music is my love language and also where I find signs and my guidance. Music hits me deep down to my soul so it is something I always pay attention to.

What I am going to share with you is my favorite experience of a sign being sent to me and why I am such a believer in being watched over from the other side. Over a decade ago, I traveled from Florida to New York to bury my older sister and it was the saddest, but also the most touching event I have ever been a part of. She brought so many people together and we all knew she was there with us every step of the way ... from all the little stories I heard throughout the few days, then the cell phone ringing just as the priest asked for a moment of silence and we all couldn't help but giggle, then to the limo having car trouble right before the funeral procession was set to begin ... this funeral had my sister's name all over it and we couldn’t help but laugh.

The most special moment of it all for me happened before I left. I woke up in the morning wanting to go and check on her resting place before I left for the airport. While driving in the car, my younger sister talked about how she had really wished she remembered to take a yellow rose home from the cemetery the day before. They were beautiful and she wanted to dry one and save it but was disappointed to find out that it was now too late because all the roses were buried with her the day before. Only a short while later when we arrived and walked over to the spot where she had been laid to rest, I looked over on the sidewalk and there was a stem with 4 roses on it just lying there - I was overwhelmed. It looked as though it was laid there just for us. I needed no other confirmation to believe that she was there and she was listening and she left a gift for us and I was so grateful for that. I knew it meant she was still all around us - watching and listening. I believe that to this day and it is a moment that I will carry around in my heart forever.

Be open to what you see and what you hear. These are signs meant for you to show you that you are loved and supported on your journey, and proof that your loved ones are never really that far away.



In love and light,

Fran

You Got This

When I started my blog, my intention was to pay forward everything I have learned and show that I am proof there is light after darkness, struggle and chaos. I know from talking to a lot of you who read my blog that you are doing the work and are in the midst of this journey. I wanted to take this week to refresh on what I mentioned in the first few blogs so that you can check in with yourself and notice how much work you are doing and how far you have come in the past five months. Sometimes this journey is a very lonely one because it is all about self and healing self, so I am here to tell you and/or to remind you that you got this – we got this.

I wrote in my second blog that changing your life becomes the fight of your life, but I know with hard work it is possible to come out on the other side stronger and more secure in who you are than you have ever been. I believe this for you with everything I am because I lived through it. I am re-posting my mini-guide to healing for you so you can do a check-in with yourself and see how far you have come or what changes you still want to make in your daily life. Remember you are worth it and continue to be present in every choice you make for yourself.

I know from my own journey that it is very easy to get tired and feel like you aren’t making any progress, but trust that you are. One minor change still creates change so be proud of yourself for where you are at on this journey. Be kind to yourself while you go through this struggle. Remember it is ok to cry – that is part of healing and letting go. Remember that it is ok to nap and to sleep when you are tired – healing is a lot of work and takes a toll on your body. You are healing your body, mind and soul, so you need good nutrition, healthy sleep habits, and time for yourself. Learn to listen to the signals that your body and soul are giving you because they always know what you need. Trust your intuition because it is trying to guide you while you make changes. You are learning all about self-love and self-care and growing stronger every day. You may not feel that way because you have been facing your demons and your struggles head-on. This can be an exhausting experience, so just know that you will be tired and rest is needed. This healing journey requires you to put your needs first and to take care of yourself. I learned that the down-time and needing rest is also where you will learn to be kind to yourself and get to know yourself again. Embrace this time because it will not always be like this. Once you start healing, life will start to pick up again – but in a good way. Rest now and be ready for it.

… and the journey continues.


In love and light,

Fran



Your Mini Guide to Healing

Remember that healing is work but worth every second.

Healing isn’t a destination it is a journey and can take years to a lifetime to achieve.

Be prepared for how different life will look in the beginning - you will feel as if you just took off a pair of sunglasses. You will be amazed and angry at what you see and wonder how you let things get that out of control. You must remind yourself that you did the best you could with what information you had available to you at that moment in time and moving forward you will promise yourself to do better and be better.

Don’t get angry at other people when you are angry with yourself.

Forgive yourself for where you are and what you didn’t know or couldn’t see and then move forward.

Remember your will for change has to be stronger than your fear of change.

Keep your eyes forward and out of the past. Focus on the here and now.

Remember that focusing on the past brings pain - the future brings worry - the present brings peace.

Love yourself. This journey is about self-love, so you have to love yourself and take time for yourself first. Loving yourself first is the only way you will have enough left over to give to everyone else.

Take 5 minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful.

Respect yourself - if you don’t then you can’t expect anyone else to either - you set the standard for how to be treated.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness - forgiving others helps to heal yourself.

Be grateful for who you are and what you have.

Learn to go with the flow - if you are forcing something to happen then don’t do that - that is a block put up to protect you and help you from going off your own life path.

When you hear something or see something three times pay attention – the message is for you.

Breathe.

Eat healthy - sleep 7-8 hours - drink water. Everything else is ok but in moderation.

Live a balanced life: Work - Rest - Play - Pray - Exercise.

Make room for the people and things that bring joy to your life: Live - Love – Laugh.

Meditate - even if meditation for you means sitting still with your own thoughts for a few minutes.

Pay attention to your thoughts and trust your intuition and you will be Divinely guided in the right direction.

While you are working on yourself try and stay away from negative news, tv, movies and negative people.

Find at least one thing to be grateful for every day. When you are grateful for what you already have then you will automatically receive more.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it special and pick up a notebook with your favorite color and a cool pen you like, or you can get a small box or jar and write on post it notes and put them in it. If you don’t want to keep a real journal with pen and paper, then use the notes on your phone. I believe journals become like a portal to the other side and magical things happen when you show gratitude. At the end of the year, you can have a ceremony for yourself where you burn your journals. Ten years ago, I did a ceremony with a few friends and burned eight journals and it was a very healing experience.

Use crystals, sage, essential oils, meditation, prayer, Reiki or whatever speaks to you to protect yourself and make a safe space for yourself. Even a nice chair in the corner near a window can become a safe space to think, write or just be alone with your thoughts.

Manifest the Life You Want

Last week I spoke about decluttering your life, and now that you have the old exiting your life, you will want to replace it with new. That is where manifesting what you want your life to look like comes in. This is a hard one because, in the beginning, we are constantly being pulled back into old ways of thinking and doing. The lesson is to know that you are deserving of anything you can vision for yourself. This part is all about understanding and putting out into the universe that you are worthy of change – you are deserving of better. This part is all about self-love.

This part of the journey was the hardest for me because I didn’t realize how far down my wounds really went. I knew I wasn’t happy, and I knew I needed to change, but I didn’t realize this part would force me to be present in what I am thinking and doing. I didn’t realize how my own negative thinking was creating my own unhappiness. Old wounds tell you that you are stuck, and you aren’t going to do better, and you aren’t going to be better. When we aren’t present, we resort back to old ways that no longer serve us. You must find a way to break old cycles and shut down those voices and manifest new voices. Voices that are loving and supportive and tell you to be anything you want to be, the voices that want you to be happy. Manifestation and setting intentions will help to create the life we want and then believing in it helps us to achieve those intentions. We must stay active and present in our thoughts and in our lives. We must oversee our destiny. Our ego likes to hold onto the old ways of doing things because it’s easy and its comfortable, but to find happiness you must break free from the old ways of doing things and find your true self. You must create a vision and a plan for change.

When I first started out, I had no idea what manifestation meant – I just knew that I needed a new way of doing things. The easiest way for me to get started was to create a vision board. I purchased a large cork board, and I put pictures and index cards with motivational quotes on them, and a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. I added both short-term and long-term goals to my vision. Short term goals can be immediate or weeks, months maybe a year away. Long term goals are different. These can be buying a car or a house, losing weight, getting a new job or a degree, things that take time but you want for yourself. My long-term goal I have always wanted to go on an art trip to Europe and see everything that I spent my life studying, and I know that when the time is right, I will go, and it will be with the right person. That is my long-term goal and always a part of my vision and what I want for myself. Every year on New Years Day, I update the board and update the goals. The old list stays and sometimes I add new ones, and I cross out what I accomplished and write thank you next to it. You do want to utilize gratitude for this part. The more grateful you are for what you already have and what you have accomplished the more you get. This is how you create positive change.

The other way I utilize manifestation is to work on changing my negative way of thinking and this is ongoing. When your mind runs nonstop with nonsense that isn’t true, manifestation and understanding The Law of Attraction helps to change that. We can’t have a positive happy life if our thoughts are always negative. We can’t create change if our mind is telling us we can’t. Negative breeds negative and positive breeds positive, it is as simple as that. Change the tapes. In the beginning stages of my healing journey, I taped stickies and index cards all over my house with positive things to say to myself every day. I am worthy, I am deserving, I am abundant, I am happy, I am enough. I would read them and say them out loud anytime I found my mind racing and drifting off to a negative scenario. This is also the time I became very in tune with my spirituality – and it is the time I learned to distinguish between the negative loud voices that said I wasn’t enough and started hearing the whispers that said I was. Eventually the positive whispers quieted down the negative chatter because I was forcing myself to listen and trust my intuition. Remember the positive voices will never be loud or say anything negative to you, the negative loud voices are the dark, shadow side of our pain so don’t listen to those. They are loud because they are fearful of change and trying to be heard and make you stay in your comfort zone and stay the same. This is why change is so hard and why you must fight for change. Don’t feed the negative voices by giving them energy – learn to ignore them and replace them with a positive thought. The lesson is that you are worthy of the fight and can move on from a toxic, chaotic, negative past. The lesson is that self-love always wins. Self-love and self-care will always bring the positive change you desire and create the life you want for yourself.

Setting intentions, creating vision boards, and positive self-talk are all ways to help you manifest the life you want. Read what you can about The Law of Attraction because it will be very helpful in changing your mindset. Our thoughts create our life. Our energy manifests our life. These are phrases you will hear and yes, they are all true. Manifestation is where you will start to see a world outside of yourself and understand you are not alone on this journey. You will start to understand signs, and you will start to question your old ways of doing things. Remember you are growing and you are learning. Pay attention to what you see or hear three times because it is guidance being sent to you. Learn to trust it. Learn to trust yourself. Be present. Manifest the life you want. This is the part of the healing journey where you are learning to love yourself and create the positive changes you want for yourself.


In love and light,

Fran

DeClutter Your Life

 

When we speak about decluttering the first thing that comes to mind is our closet. Most of us have way too many clothes, shoes, purses, ties, socks, papers and can use a moment of out with the old to make room for the new. Spiritually speaking, decluttering your life means getting rid of everything that no longer serves you. Decluttering includes material things, thoughts, people, bad habits, anything that makes you feel tied down to a past that no longer fits into your new life and new mindset. The first and easiest place to start, yes, that would be in your closet.

As you move along in your healing journey you may notice that your old clothes no longer fit who you are and make you feel uncomfortable. I know this happened for me because I get emotionally attached to everything, so everything I wear mentally relates to a time in my life. Some of the clothes I was wearing no longer had room in my life because what they represented was a time I was moving on from. They made me feel uncomfortable wearing them, so I knew they had to go. Go out and find a new look that better portrays who you are now. Maybe you need to bring more color into your life, or maybe just need an update. You are getting to know yourself again and becoming your own best friend, so look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Are you portraying your true self to the world or are you like I was and find yourself hiding behind black or baggy clothes – or both. Embrace the weight you are, embrace the age you are, and just learn to embrace your true self. You will feel so much better when you just accept you for being you.

Decluttering anything from your life always feels good because you are releasing. When you find yourself hanging on too tightly to material things, ask yourself, “would someone else get more enjoyment out of this than I do?” When your answer to this question is yes, then donate it. I read somewhere that it is selfish for us to hang on to things and not use them when someone else could be finding use for it, and that stuck with me and gave me a new perspective on the material world. Things we have outgrown others may have a need for, so look at it as being generous. Look at it as you are helping someone else have the joy that you did, and now you are letting it go to make room for the new in your life. Follow the rule that for every one new item you bring into your life, one old one has to go. You are healing and growing and changing and have respect for that. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and don’t understand why, just follow your intuition. Get rid of it. Why would you hang on to something that doesn’t make you feel good. Let it go and find something else that does.

That concept also goes for thought patterns we have. Learn to declutter your mind. Old ways of thinking won’t hold a place in your healed life. Remember that until you are in total control of your life, old thought patterns will keep screaming to be heard until you learn to release them. Don’t let anyone or anything rent free space in your mind. Learn to control your thoughts. It sounds easier said than done, but the trick is to shut it down as soon as it starts. I have spoken the words, shut up, out loud, when I know I am spiraling down an old thought pattern that holds no space for where I am and who I am now. Quiet your mind and move on. Do something else. Go for a walk. Learn to declutter your mind by filling it with something that looks good, feels good, anything positive. Think about ice cream if you have to, that will make almost anyone feel good. Ice cream doesn’t work for you, then try something else that will. The only way old thought patterns can become old thought patterns is to replace them with new ones. Utilize the same concept as getting rid of clothes and that is a new one in means an old one out.

Decluttering your life may also include releasing people who no longer fit into your new life. Self-love and self-care raise your vibration. People in your life who aren’t doing the same work and stuck in a negative way of living will no longer be a match for you and will make you feel uncomfortable. This is where you detach in love. Respect people for where they are at and move on. Be grateful for the time you had together and everything they taught you on your journey so far and release them. Some people are only meant to be in our life to teach us things about ourselves that we couldn’t learn without them. Dragging out the lesson creates chaos and disappointment for everyone. Learn to trust yourself when its time to let go and move forward.

Decluttering isn’t something that happens overnight. Letting go happens in stages. I have been decluttering my life for years now, and yes that includes material things, thoughts, habits and people, and my life has slowly taken on a new look and a new feel. I am starting to feel like myself again. I am in tune with my sense of self, so I can tell what can stay and what must go because I have learned to trust myself and my intuition. When I find myself resorting back to old ways, I do a check in. I ask myself what I need, what has to change, what has to go. Decluttering is an ongoing process and one that helps me to feel free and at peace – on the outside and on the inside.

Remember that decluttering is the same as your healing journey, it is a process. Your life is never about the destination, but always about the journey.



In love and light,

Fran

Gratitude

Every week I usually just wait to hear what I should write about and am not really sure of the topic until it presents itself. Then I hear from my readers that it is exactly what they needed to hear, or it is exactly what they are going through, and noticed that we are all going through the same thing. Our lives and our situations may be different, but the core of the lessons we are learning is all the same. The common thread is self-care and self-love.

The time I have spent on healing you would think I would have this perfected by now, but I don’t. It is a continuous journey of healing, lessons learned, falling back into old patterns, getting back up, finding our voice, moving forward, repeat. I am way beyond where I was a decade ago, but I am still fumbling around trying to be the best version of myself. I still deal with abandonment issues, trust issues, low self-esteem, lack of confidence in myself, never feeling like enough and every time I think I have it figured out and well on my way, an old hurt or trauma that I think I healed from shows its ugly face and I am left to deal with my inner demons again. Last week I woke up from the worst nightmare and couldn’t breathe and I haven’t had one of those in over a decade. I took it as a sign that something in my life is triggering old wounds that need to be dealt with when I am awake. I took it as a sign that just when I thought I was healed, I am being shown that I am ready to start dealing with the next layer of that onion that I wasn’t strong enough to face earlier. A new layer of healing always shows up exactly when it is supposed to and you either ignore it or face it head on. My advice for you is to just know that you can only ignore it for so long before it starts screaming at you to be heard and dealt with.

Signs are great but what to do with them is another story, and that is where gratitude comes in. While on this healing journey you will find yourself in places where you have come so far yet finding yourself feeling so confused. I believe that happens right before our life is going to be making a big shift again. We put in the work, we made goals, we are staying positive, we are trying to show up more confident, but then you wake up feeling like you have no idea what you are doing. Are you feeling lost right now? Are you moving or must move soon? Thinking of a new job? A new relationship? Are you just feeling tired and lost and at a stopping point? Look at it as a resting point and start practicing gratitude to find the answers and find your strength to keep going. Being grateful for what we have always opens doors to receiving more – it opens the door to receiving answers from God, Source, The Universe, whatever you are comfortable calling that force outside of yourself. That force is there for guidance and answers and the best way to receive that guidance is to be grateful for everything you have right now. You may not be where you want to be, but being grateful for the little things that show up on the journey is a great way to bring yourself out of your head and back to reality. Gratitude is the best way to get in a mindset of abundance rather than lack. You will be forced to see what you have rather than what you don’t.

The other important part of being grateful is to understand that when you aren’t thankful for what you do have and appreciating what has been given to you on this journey, then it will slowly be taken away from you. We are then forced to live without what we just took for granted. This is a very hard lesson to learn when you have walls up, or feel like you have nothing, or when you feel like you have been waiting and waiting for something or someone and they never show up. The truth is maybe you were missing all the small things and gestures that were being given to you. Sometimes it takes them being taken away to really have your eyes opened to see what you had. Gratitude keeps you humble, and gratitude keeps the people around you feeling loved and feeling safe to keep loving you. Gratitude leaves you feeling like you have everything you need. The lesson is that having that gratitude for the little that you have or what you are receiving is when even more of everything you ever wanted shows up tenfold.

I can remember back to when I first learned about practicing gratitude and at that time, I had nothing. I had just sold everything I had so I was forced to ask myself how do I show gratitude when I am feeling a little hurt and betrayed that I just had to sell everything and every piece of jewelry I had from when I was a teenager to an adult – but I was determined to make these changes so I started being grateful for everything. I was taught that you will get back everything you lost if you just try and stay positive so I put all my trust in that (and yes that part is true – if you stay on this journey, you will eventually get it all back). That is also the time I started keeping a gratitude journal. I was grateful for waking up, grateful that my car was working, grateful for my work, and my kids, and my life and always, always grateful that I had my health. I learned not to ever take that for granted because that is the one thing that I had that could keep me doing everything else I had to. Life was hard but imagine how hard it would be if I wasn’t as healthy as I was. I knew that without my health I would really have nothing, so that was what I would be grateful for everyday when I woke up. That was over a decade ago and I am still grateful for that every day and something I will never take for granted.

The best way to start practicing gratitude is to just be thankful for everything. Be grateful for the people in your life that show up for you. You want more of anything, then be thankful that many times a day. I remember when I first started, I would say thank you with every step I took walking to my car. Then I would do it again getting out of my car. I had thank you stickies all over my house. Thank you for this, thank you for that, thank you, thank you, thank you. I had to get out of my head with being so angry at everything I had lost, so being grateful was going to help me with that. That was a big lesson back then, and one I find myself going back to right now. Start writing in your gratitude journal. Whenever life is getting hard and you are faced with dealing with the unknown, then the best path to take for the right now is to practice gratitude.

 

In love and light,

Fran

 

Raise Your Vibration

Once you have been on this healing journey long enough, you begin to understand that everything is about positive and negative energy. The hardest part is learning to walk away from the negative while protecting the positive. This is done with strong boundaries. You will begin to feel what is right for you and what is wrong for you. I always mention in my blog how I protect my peace with everything I am and that is because it took me so long to get here. I had to learn to embrace the positive and walk away from the negative. Now that you are on this journey, you will learn to do that as well.

Energy is everywhere and you can feel it. Have you ever walked into a room, and it just doesn’t feel right – or be around someone who is just so negative. This is where you are going to learn to protect yourself and to level-up and raise your vibration. This is a very important lesson to learn while trying to create a new life. Our thoughts and our actions create our life, so we want to be positive. We must be positive to attract positive. We are trying to undo a negative past, so if you sit around arguing, or gossiping, or partaking in negative behaviors, then that is exactly the type of energy you are still attracting. Learn to level-up and learn to walk away. You don’t have to be rude about it, you don’t even have to say anything. Someone is reeling you into an argument, walk away - you notice the people around you are talking about a co-worker, walk away – someone asking you about your ex and you feel the need to talk negative about them, don’t engage. Learn not to partake of anything that will keep you at a low vibration. You want to lift yourself up and you want to lift up the people around you. Be compassionate, be respectful, be understanding of others, practice forgiveness. That is how you will create happiness for yourself and anything else will keep you in chaos and despair. We attract who we are so become the person you want to be with – attract the people you want to be with.

We all go through very hard times and very low times in our lives. The lesson is not to stay there. I have been in that low place, and I understand that even though it is a very unhappy place it can get very comfortable because moving out of it is hard and requires work. That is the moment to level up knowing that you want to be better than your past. Learn from those moments and move forward taking the knowledge with you. The difference between living at a high vibration and a low one is all in your attitude. Situations around us don’t change, how we look at those situations and handle those situations is what changes. Learn to be the better person. Learn to value yourself because once you do that you no longer feel the need to always feel right. You will value yourself enough to know that others can have a different opinion, but you can still have yours. Agree to disagree. Detach in love. These small things will help you to keep peace on the outside and on the inside while you are trying to change your life.

Everyone has a different story and situation, so leveling-up will mean different things to different people. My situation, raising my vibration means I walk away from anything negative, and I stay away from negative news, negative movies, negative tv shows, anything that doesn’t have a feel good, positive message I stay away from. I do this because I do not want anything to get in the way of how I feel or what I am thinking. Movies and news affect us more than you think, so for me this is how I stay in a place where I can change my life and attract only the positive. Others it may be walking away from confrontation, learning not to argue, eating healthy, not drinking, exercising, anything to change your lifestyle that raises your vibration. You may have a messy house, clean it and get organized and see what it does for your mood. Do the same for your car. Walk away from someone trying to start an argument and see how good you feel that you kept your cool. Raise your vibration. Protect your peace and your happiness with everything you are. Once you find that place, the outside world doesn’t have as big of an effect on you – you will remain strong through anything.

I understand that this can be very hard to do. People around us affect us. They affect our life; they affect our mood, and they can bring us down to their level if we aren’t careful. You must get to a place where you understand that people must rise up to you, not the other way around. As soon as you engage in negative energy through behaviors or conversation, you are brought down to that level, you are brought down to that lower vibration. That is why taking the high road and staying in your higher vibration is very important. Let others rise to the occasion and meet you where you are, don’t allow yourself to be brought down. Stay strong in how far you have come. The people who don’t respect where you are will eventually phase out of your life, but remember that will be their choice. We can only control ourselves – we are not meant to control or be controlled by others. We must respect everyone’s personal journey.


In love and light,

Fran

Here are a few ways to get you started on raising your vibration:

Eat healthy

Exercise

Call a friend

Smile at a stranger

Go for a walk

Watch a funny movie

Listen to music

Clean your house

Donate your old clothing or furniture

Learn a new hobby

Pray / Go to Church

Avoid arguments and gossip

Shut down negative thinking

Only use positive words in your vocabulary

Be compassionate

Forgive someone (remember forgiveness is always for us)

 

The In-Between

Last week I mentioned that healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. This week I thought it was important to talk about that moment in healing that I like to call the in-between. This moment comes after you have been doing so much work on yourself, and you reach a point where you start to question yourself and you begin to doubt yourself. You are journaling, you are practicing self-care, you are no longer feeding negative people and situations, and then one day you wake up and feel lost. You look around and realize that you no longer feel comfortable in your old life. Negativity and toxicity no longer fit you like a glove. The opposite is true, which is why your old life makes you feel very uncomfortable. You find yourself feeling uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. This place is what I refer to as the in-between because you feel confused. You no longer fit into your old life, but you haven’t yet reached the part where you are in a new normal of your transformed life. You begin to second guess your choices and wonder if you are doing the right thing for yourself. This can be a very scary place. You are at the in-between.

The good news is that this place is where you find yourself again. This is the place where it is very important to trust yourself. Trust that you are changing for the better. Trust that it is ok to feel confused and not know where you are going. This is where that trust in the universe and in yourself will come into play. You will be tested. You will have to make choices that show how much you are serious about wanting change and wanting a new life. Your old life, no matter how toxic and negative, also became your comfort zone. Once you release that comfort zone you will set yourself free. Learn to be comfortable in the quiet. Learn that life doesn’t have to be all about drama. You will be tested to see if you want to go back to it. People who are in your life and not on the same journey will show up to test you. Detach in love. Stand strong in your power and remember this is your life. You will be tested to see if you choose healing. This journey is all about self-love, so you will be tested to see if you are choosing you.

The in-between is an important part of this experience because many of us on this journey suffer from black and white thinking. We go to the extremes in our thinking and feel that it must be this way or that way. That is why the in-between makes us feel very uncomfortable. We want it all now. But there is another way. Once you find yourself at a stopping point in your healing practice gratitude, practice patience. Learn to get comfortable in the gray area because most of life happens in the gray area. Life doesn’t have to be only about extreme highs and extreme lows. We lived in trauma and chaos, so that was all we knew. The gray, quiet and peaceful area of life makes us feel very uncomfortable because we aren’t used to that kind of living. Learn to live life one day, one moment, one hour, one minute at a time. Remember when you feel uncomfortable, those are just old tapes playing until you get used to your new normal. Ignore those thoughts and learn to embrace the quiet. You will get to know yourself in the quiet, and you will learn to embrace a non-stressful, chaotic life. Once you move along on your journey the quiet and your peace become something you cherish. I know that I worked very hard to find that place and that is why I protect it with everything I am.

The in-between is the time to journal about your fears and where you want to go. Don’t try to rush the process, because this is the time to relax and meditate about what you want your future to look like. Think about it, envision yourself there. Fake it til you make it is a phrase used a lot because it works. Old tapes will try to keep looping in your head and your job is to turn them off. Your goal is to start playing new tapes for yourself. Even if you aren’t there yet, play those future tapes. Set goals for yourself. Keep your new routines. Look back to see how far you have come on your journey. Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend and cheer yourself on. My son likes to call them little w’s and big w’s. Big wins and little wins. The nice thing about healing is that every little w counts and gets you further on your journey. Remember this is a journey not a destination, so the in-between is just as important as where you want to be, and those little w’s will add up. You will learn lessons you didn’t even know you needed. The in-between is where you find your strength and confidence in yourself. The in-between is where you find all the knowledge you will need for the next chapter.

You will have many in-betweens on your journey because we are always growing. I started this journey over a decade ago and I am still learning new things about myself every day. Once you meet a goal you will set another one. You will gather up all your information and start to move forward and then find yourself at another crossroads. Every crossroad you will have more knowledge to fall back on than you did before. Each crossroad is easier because you know yourself better and you are treating yourself better. This is the time to rest and regroup and do a check-in with yourself to make sure you are heading in the right direction. Remember everything you have learned so far and congratulate yourself for how much you have grown. Heal – Rest – Grow - Repeat.


In love and light,

Fran

Build a Routine

Healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. Healing just doesn’t show up for you one day – it is something that we must work at every single day. We became stagnant in our lives and allowed toxic people and situations that aren’t going to just leave because we want them to. People get used to how we are and get confused when we show up differently, and we face resistance. Change takes a lot of work and determination, but it can be done. We must be stronger than the resistance we face. We must be in charge. Healing is a complete overhaul of your mindset and your lifestyle. Setting boundaries and building a routine that you can stick to will help you stay organized and on track.

When I first started my healing journey, I purchased a calendar and put it on my refrigerator. I wrote down everything that I wanted to accomplish every hour of every day of the week, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I did that and stuck to that schedule for years until it became my new normal and I no longer needed a reminder to schedule relaxation and fun into my life. I also carried a small notebook with me and made a list of things to do every day. When dealing with toxicity and negativity, the mind becomes very active with nonsense, and you become very forgetful. The notes and the calendars helped me with this until a new, positive routine became a part of my world. I still use the notepad on my phone to help me stay on track with my list of things to do. I still do this because once you write it down, you no longer must store it in memory and that frees up space in your mind for more important things. I have become so reliant on my lists that I joke around now that if it isn’t on my list of things to do then it isn’t getting done.

A new routine is very important because most of us get stuck in a rut of where life is happening to us, and we are no longer running the show. We allowed people and situations to rule our day, forgetting that we have the power to say no or to do things differently. A routine puts us back in charge. Everyone’s routine will look different because it is personal, it is yours. Do you want to join the gym, then make time for that, do you want to start going to church, put that on your schedule and stick to it. Do you want to make time for friends and loved ones, then make it a conscious choice to block out time for that. We always complain that we don’t have time, but it is crazy how we can find the time when we really want to. I work a full-time job and would have been the first to complain that I don’t have time to write a blog. I made a strict schedule for myself and now I work full time, write a weekly blog and I am taking an online course to get my real estate license. My weekly routine is set in stone right now so that I can achieve the goals I set for myself. Once those goals are achieved, then I can readjust my schedule and have more free time on my days off, but my basic daily routine will always stay the same. I stick to my routine because life works better for me that way. I feel in charge and in control of my time, my life and in control of myself. I decide how much sleep I need to function at my best, what I eat, where I go, who I allow into my life, what boundaries I need, and my routine helps me to do that.

Building a new routine does require discipline and a new way of thinking, so we stumble around at first until we find what works best. When we are lost in negativity, it is easy to lose control of our life, but a healthy routine helps us to gain control and develop a new, healthy mindset, which in turn helps to live a healthy, happy life. Once you build a healthy routine for yourself, then there are certain things you will do every day that are never changing. A healthy sleep and eating schedule are the most important, so find what works for you. Remember to journal every day. As I mentioned in a previous blog, remember to take five minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful. I have been on this journey for a while and have turned those five minutes into an hour. I make myself go to bed by 11pm every night because I want to sleep 7-8 hours every night and want to be up between 6-7am. When I do that, I have enough time for myself before work so that fits best with my schedule right now. Some people like to exercise in the morning before work, some prefer after work. You have been getting to know yourself again, so figure out what you want in your life and find what schedule works best for you.

Routines are important but don’t get so reliant on them that when you are forced to adjust for something unexpected, you get lost and angry. Sometimes we are tested and forced to face how badly we want a new life. We are forced to fight for our new life and our new routine. We were once at the hands of a very negative lifestyle and that past will show up and test us. Those are the times it is important to remain calm and dig deep and pull out everything you know to be true about who you are now. Building a routine requires a new mindset and all the lessons you will be learning will come into play. Balance is always key. Learn to go with the flow and readjust. Stay in charge. Be positive. Enjoy your life.


In love and light,

Fran

Obstacles

The hardest part of this healing journey is knowing when to rest and when to move forward. We oversee our own life, but Divine guidance is always out there, and that guidance sometimes shows up as obstacles. We are making changes, we are journaling, we are being present, we are practicing self-love and then bam – life hits us right in the face again. Our first reaction is to get angry and look up with an "are you kidding me, I’m doing everything right, what is going on". We must remember that these obstacles and struggles are happening for us, not to us. We don’t grow and learn the most when life is easy, we gain our knowledge and strength during the hard times. When faced with an obstacle, we must remember to take a moment and regroup and see if we are on the right path. I have learned that the obstacles are placed in front of us to help us take a moment and rest and gather up our strength for the next chapter, and then sometimes obstacles are placed in front of us because we are heading the wrong way and must change direction.

Trust me when I say that I know this all sounds easier said than done. I still struggle with knowing whether this is just me making mistakes, or is this a sign, should I stay, should I go, decisions, decisions, decisions. This is where journaling, meditation and being present comes into play. We get caught up in life just doing, doing, doing and forget to listen and forget to pay attention. Divine guidance is always there to help keep us on track, so of course that is when the obstacles will show up. The obstacles, both big and small, are sometimes placed there to slow us down. I can remember a while ago, before my healing started, when I was stuck at home because my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to fix it. I was angry, I was sad, and I felt like here we go again. Looking back, I can see that it was set up that way to make me stay put because the time was not right for me to move yet. I was struggling and wanted no part of where I was in life, and if I had money and a car, I would have taken off instead of figuring it out. I ended up staying in Florida for another decade and that was exactly where I needed to be. There were things I needed to take care of, more learning I had to do, kids I had to raise, people I needed to help, and looking back, I wouldn’t trade that time in my life for anything. That is the time in my life where I found my true calling, and once the obstacles were removed, I was able to leave. I left Florida a year and half ago with everything wrapped up the right way. The kids were grown and supportive, no hard feelings, no relationships up in the air, no loose ends, it was a very peaceful transition. That was a very new experience for me considering my past was always filled with such chaos. I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and just leave because it was hard, and I had enough. Ironically, running away from the hard would have made my life even harder than it was, and I would have missed out on so many important lessons in life that made me so much stronger. My healing journey and all the obstacles put in my way have shown me a much better way to approach life.

The next lesson to navigate through when faced with obstacles is do I go through this alone or do I ask for help. You must learn to find the balance. Some doors and lessons we are meant to go through alone. Those times require detaching from negative people and situations and going within. Those are the times that require solitude and getting to know yourself again. Journaling, meditation and focusing on self is meant for that time. Other times, we are meant to reach out because we are not meant to always go through life alone. Solitude for reasons of avoidance and withdrawal are not healthy and that is the time to reach out for help. That is the time if a hand is offered to you, reach back and take a hold of that hand knowing that you are loved and supported on your journey. There are also times when the obstacles are so hard and knock us completely off our path, and that is when an angel will step in to help pick us up. Those are the times in my life I am most grateful for. Those are the times when we are so lost in our own bubble that we can’t see that we have been camping out at the obstacle not even trying to get to the other side of it. We didn’t even realize that we gave up.

Balance is always the key to everything and while you are healing you will learn how to distinguish what is an obstacle, what isn’t, and what is healthy and unhealthy behavior. You will get to know yourself again and understand your wants and your needs. You will find your strength deep within and you will find your voice. Obstacles that stop you in your path and make you forget who you are will be a thing of the past. Life is not a destination, it is a journey, so be sure that you will meet up with other obstacles as you move forward. The difference is they will no longer paralyze you with fear, but just be something to work through. Each time you face another, you will have more knowledge and more strength to overcome them, and they won’t seem so hard. You will have a new view of them and a new outlook on life. You will understand that obstacles in life are there to help you, they are not there to hurt you. You will embrace change and whatever obstacles come with that change. You will understand that you are being Divinely guided and in complete control of your own destiny.


In love and light,

Fran

Being Present

Have you ever reached for your coffee and didn’t notice you already drank it? Or driving down the road and wondering how you got there? Lose your keys? Misplace your wallet? Many times, we just move through life on autopilot not taking the time to notice our surroundings. We spend time with people but not really present, or we just rush through our day not taking the time to enjoy the moments. We move mindlessly through our lives just doing, but not necessarily being. I have learned through this healing journey how precious life is and the importance of taking it all in. We are never promised tomorrow, so it is important to appreciate everything that life has to offer us today.

I noticed when I was on vacation recently how I was not doing that anymore. My brain is all over the place and I’m only half listening. I’m not watching where I am going and covered in bruises from bumping into things. In that moment I realized I am on the opposite side of mindfulness; I am no longer present. I think a lot of times that happens when we make major life changes and start to feel overwhelmed. I made a major life move a year and a half ago, and I’m sure that is also the time I stopped practicing mindfulness. We get thrown in survival mode, doing what is needed, forgetting that life is passing us by. The important lesson about living a healthy, happy life is to understand that it is all about the journey, not the destination. We must remember to take it all in, because every step of the way is important and can be so beautiful, but we must be present enough in our own lives to be able to see it. We should appreciate the people in our lives and make them feel important while we are here.

I was happy I noticed that in the first few days of my recent trip because I was able to be present with my boys and take it all in. This was the first time in five years that we were all together, and we ate, we laughed, and we were fully present and engaged. My heart is full, and I will remember conversations and every moment of my trip with them. I also came back knowing that it is time for me to be present and mindful once again in every aspect of my daily life. I must come off autopilot and come out of survival mode. Once again, I can see myself slipping and allowing my past to dictate my present. In my past blogs, I always talk about how you must be present while trying to heal and it is very true, and it is always ongoing. I may have healed so much in the past decade, but each step has a new step after that, and it is very easy to get lost and remain stagnant on a step. We get tired, we get complacent, but the trick is to keep moving and keep growing.

I mentioned that life is a journey not a destination, but we do have to set goals for ourselves that we want to reach. Once you reach that goal make a new one. Keep moving. My goal was to get to New Jersey and start a new life for myself. I have achieved the beginning part of that goal, but my life still doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it. Yes, I made it here, but what I realized on my trip is that I am not living, I am just surviving again. I am stuck on a step. My life looks different than what I imagined it would be once I got here because, as usual, the Universe had other plans for me. That is ok but I think I got lost and confused about what to do next. What I must do now is be present and be mindful and pay attention to the signs and listen for the guidance. When we are living one day at a time and one moment at a time, then that guidance does come, and we can see it and hear it. When we are all over the place like I have been, then it is easy to miss it. I became complacent, I became stagnant. I settled for less than. Once again, it is time for me to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. It is time to make moves and oversee my destiny. I know better than to let life happen to me. The lesson is to just keep going. Be in the moment. Be mindful. The Universe always has a better plan than anything I could imagine.

I have to be present and trust. You have to be present and trust.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Healing through Prayer

 When I attended SWIHA over a decade ago I was introduced to a world of religion, spirituality and many forms of prayer that I didn’t even know existed and developed a deep respect for all of them.

If I was asked ten years ago what my sense of what union with God or ultimate reality or the Divine is, my answer would be much different than it is today. I have always believed in God, dragged to church as a child, and then as an adult found comfort in that space. There were times in my life, the very dark times, when just sitting in church or going to light a candle, I would find myself in tears with an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love. Some people already grow up with such a connection to themselves and their belief systems, but my belief is that for people like me, there must be some sort of trauma or awakening that happens before you realize the union with Spirit and the union with self, we all have. Once you have that awakening life is never the same. You see life from a different perspective and everything changes. Life has new meaning, and your life seems to have more purpose. You realize that what you have heard over and over to be true, and that is, we are spiritual beings having a physical human experience rather than physical human beings having a spiritual experience.

I know that, for me, once that awakening happened and my spiritual journey began, my soul was touched, and I felt the Divine everywhere. Divine timing, Divine interaction, Divine protection, I was suddenly aware that I was being guided and I was being protected and help and guidance was always available I just had to ask for it. There was a connection that is hard to explain and was a different feeling that I had while sitting in church as a child. I could hear it, see it, touch it and developed a trust and faith in it. I finally understood that we are all one and connected. Life suddenly lost that lonely feeling of wandering around a planet with no purpose. I realized the higher purpose and that purpose is we are here to help guide people to their own awakening. The sense of that union blesses us with more patience, more compassion and a strength that makes us feel like we can do anything. We shine our light brightly awaiting the day that we return home.

The sense of that union with God and with each other also erased the fear of death. I found that very comforting since I have been dealing with death and losing close loved ones since the age of nine. Reincarnation suddenly made sense, and the pieces all fit together. We don’t die, we move on. Material things of the physical world don’t hold as much value, but you realize that we need this physical world to learn and grow. We can feel that middle place between Heaven and earth. We know that there is so much more out there than the eyes can see. It is such a beautiful, comforting feeling to know that. Once awake we have a deep love connection to spirit and to self. It is a love that is everlasting and a realization that so are we. Looking back, I could never imagine being pulled into such a dark place, but I always say that faith and prayer is what helped me through. When you believe in a force outside of yourself you always look up and ask for help, you can ask for guidance, you can be grateful, and you learn to quiet your mind and listen. You listen for guidance.

Prayer comes in many forms and can be done anywhere. When I was younger church on Sunday was where we went to pray, and I still have a deep love and connection with church. The difference now is that I no longer need church to pray or to feel closer with God. I pray and practice gratitude every day, so I now feel closer to God, the Universe and the spirit world more than I ever did while growing up. My way of prayer and worship now may not be for everyone, but it works for me and has gotten me through some very dark times in my life. Crucifix, rosary beads, candles are all items I was already familiar with to show reverence, but when you weren’t raised with a structured religion, then mala beads, incense, essential oils, Angel oracle cards, anything that speaks to you can also be used to set those same intentions and help you to form a relationship with God, the Divine, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. Utilize whatever makes you feel comfortable. Some people aren’t comfortable going to church but find that same sense of unconditional love just sitting and meditating at the beach or at the park. When you sit alone with yourself and practice self- love and gratitude you are coming from a very good place and can find so much comfort and healing with that. We may all worship and go about prayer differently, but the main goal is always the same. Healing. Love. Love for self and love for each other.

Structured religion has many prayers that are used depending on your religion, but if you just need to feel connected you may use the prayers below, that I have written, or just journal and see what comes up and write your own.



In love and light,

Fran





Prayer for Healing

Dear God, please take my pain

Help me to move forward in my life with confidence and grace

Knowing that everything that happens to me is happening for me

Give me the strength to see the lessons I have learned

Knowing that I must detach in love while leaving the rest behind

I look to the future with faith and acceptance of the plan you have set for me

I am grateful for all that I am and all the potential I have to be.

Amen



Affirmative Prayer

There is one Universe, and the loving Spirit is generous with all its resources

I trust and understand that I am one with the Divine and worthy of these resources

I see and feel the power of these gifts all around me

I allow Spirit to give to me in overflowing abundance

I accept these gifts knowing that they will help me on my path

I promise to utilize these gifts by living my life with the Highest Intentions set for myself and for everyone in my life.

I have faith that financial success will continue, and my life will exceed what I can imagine.

I am grateful for the peace, love, joy and stability brought into my life

Amen



Prayer for Thanks

Thank you for everything I have

Thank you for everything I am

Thank you for everything I can do

Thank you for giving me the strength and confidence to live my life

Always making a difference.

Amen

Self-Love

 I know I have been talking a lot about self-love and self-care in my previous blogs, but what does that mean? I know just a decade ago the concept of self-love was as unfamiliar to me as a foreign language. I viewed saying no to anyone or taking time for myself as selfish, but now I see it as the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. Self-love makes me a priority too and allows me to put up boundaries and protect my energy. Self-love allows me to fill up my cup, so I have enough to spread around. Self-love and self-care keep me from feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and keeps me from feeling cranky and snapping at everyone around me. Self-love allows me to spread more joy and more peace and bring more love into my life.

I knew this week I wanted to write about the topic of self-love, and I do most of my writing on Monday when I’m off. This week I had to work six days in a row, and I was finally off yesterday and beyond feeling burnt out. I was completely drained and looking at a blank page, in no way able to concentrate and write anything. The universe has been guiding me what to write since starting this journey eleven weeks ago, so I knew it was no coincidence that I was being forced to practice what I wanted to write about. I had to practice self-love and self-care so that I could replenish myself so that I would be able to write and not miss this week’s blog – and it worked. I took this week’s topic as something I had to do for myself yesterday, and now I feel so much better today.

When you aren’t sure what self-love is or how to go about practicing it, then just think of self-love as getting to know yourself again. Think of it as being your own best friend and giving yourself what you need. What do you like to do, what do you like to eat, do you need to exercise, or go to the doctor, do you need to talk, do you need to socialize, do you need to rest, do you need to be alone, ask yourself what you need. I was feeling depleted because I had just spent six days talking to people and giving of my time and energy and I knew I had to put that back. I had to ask myself what I needed. I looked around my apartment yesterday and realized I needed clean clothes so I should do laundry, I needed to journal, I needed to ice my back, I needed sunshine, and it was a beautiful day, so I wanted to sit outside. The more I checked in what I needed and did for myself throughout the day, the better I felt. I put music on and tended to my plants. I made myself a BLT. I went and sat out on my porch again. The more I did for myself, the more energy I got back. I was slowly refilling my cup.

Now imagine if I didn’t do those small things for myself and I kept going, going, going. I would be coming from a depleted place, and I would feel tired, and resentful that I felt so awful. The truth is if I didn’t set a boundary yesterday and just concentrate on myself, then feeling exhausted and drained today when I had to go back to work would be no one’s fault but my own. We must take time for ourselves and make ourselves a priority. We must tune into ourselves for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. We owe that to ourselves, and we owe it to the people around us who we encounter every day. The day is so much better when it can be faced with a smile and a positive attitude, rather than facing it with a look of despair and exhaustion because we didn’t take time for ourselves to refill our cup.

Self-love activities can be big or small and the list is endless. The most important part is to tune in to yourself and ask what you like to do. I am sure you are a giver and asking yourself what you like is never on the top things you think about. How about a bubble bath, a walk outside, a trip to the beach, go get a coffee or tea, just sit in your backyard and bird watch, do any one of these things and watch how fast your cup fills back up. Pay attention to how small things for yourself increase your energy level. Look at how positive your interactions with people become. I mentioned in a previous blog how I liked to journal in the morning because that is how I make time for myself before my day starts. Journaling in the morning helps me put myself first and then I don’t feel resentful throughout the day for giving to everyone else and then feeling like I never make time for myself. I make time for myself first and then the rest of the day I feel good about sharing of myself. I filled my cup first and then able to share my cup with everyone else. The same way they tell us on an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, this is the same idea. You must love yourself first before you can love anyone else; you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. This seems like a simple concept to learn, but it took me a lifetime to figure out.

I was thinking back to a decade ago when I first started this journey and didn’t really know where to start. When you are out of the bubble it seems easy, but I can remember being in it and feeling so broken and lost and all the joy sucked out of my insides. I do receive feedback and know that many of you are in that space right now and I just want to say keep going, keep fighting for yourself. I promise you that it does get easier. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time really does help and it all starts with self-love and self-care. I want to give you a list to help you get started and know that as you get to know yourself again, you will come up with a list for yourself. That list will include everything that brings you joy, brings you peace and brings you happiness, and you will learn to incorporate them into your daily life. You will be healed and then moving forward you will pass on all your knowledge to the next person you meet on your journey who will look to you to see how it is done.



In love and light,

Fran



Practicing Self-Love:

Love yourself and follow your intuition

Make yourself a priority

Set boundaries

Journal

Forgive yourself for all your mistakes

Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-affirmations

Learn to ask for help

Practice gratitude

Practice self-care

Eat healthy and get enough sleep

Be your own best friend

Learn to say no

Learn to detach in love

Meditate, journal, go for a walk anything to clear your mind

Go to the beach, go to the park, go on a hike, take a drive

Socialize, call a friend, join a club, be part of a group

Read a book, take a bubble bath

Watch a movie, go to see a play

Reiki, Massage, get your nails done, get a haircut

Mow the lawn, wash your car, do your laundry, tend to your plants

Draw, paint, play an instrument, listen to music

Try something new

Do anything, even for one minute a day, that brings you joy

Your Inner Child

Looking back to your childhood, what do you see? Imagine yourself five years old, nine years old, twelve, a teenager, what feelings come up for you. Most of us on this journey look back on childhood with mixed emotions. You may remember very fun times filled with laughter and normalcy, but you also held deep dark secrets of pain, guilt, shame, and fear that you didn’t share with anyone. These feelings left you feeling unworthy and stole your self-esteem and confidence. Looking back, I can remember feeling completely lost and disconnected from the rest of the world. I taught myself to shut down those feelings and put on a smile for the world to see. I wanted to fit in and seem normal to the outside world when that was the furthest from what I was feeling. I always felt like an outsider looking in. Those moments in time are where our childhood wounds began. Those are the moments that set up the lessons to learn throughout our lifetime.

Inner child work can bring up a lot of old junk, so may be something that you would like to seek counseling for. Professionals can help you deal with trauma in an extremely healthy way. When I was younger therapy was a sort of taboo, but fortunately that outlook has changed and today seeking outside help is very accepted and encouraged in our society. Until you are ready to do that, the best advice I can give is to focus on self-love and learn to be your own best friend. Give yourself the love that you feel you were not given or could not be given as a child. We learned to put our needs last or felt that we were not deserving of love so now take the time to give that love to yourself. Get to know yourself again. Look back to childhood what did you like to do – paint, draw, color, play music, sports, cooking. What did you like to wear – hats, sneakers, a frilly dress. Think about what made you smile, what will make you happy and learn to fit that back into your life, fit joy back into your life. Don’t think too much about it just do it. The best lesson we can learn from kids is that they know how to just be without analyzing everything first. Healing your inner child requires just that, learn to have fun again.

I spoke about journaling in a previous blog and how important it was to go out and buy yourself a cool notebook and a pen. Small things like that for yourself will go a long way. Take yourself out on a date. Go to the park, the beach, just outside for a walk. Learn to quiet your mind as soon as it tries to talk you out of it – and trust me it will. I recently went back to attending classes for exercising and meditation, and I can’t begin to tell you the number of excuses going through my mind before class for why I shouldn’t go. Learn to quiet those thoughts and go anyway. Remember that the “good’ voices will never try to talk you out of doing nice things for yourself. The negative voices, on the other hand, will do that all day long if you allow it.

Inner child wounds are usually at the root of what keeps us from having healthy adult relationships. Do you find yourself in volatile relationships? They say that anger is trapped trauma that needs to be released. Journaling and getting to know yourself again can help you work through that. I can tell you that after healing my past I hardly ever raise my voice or react with anger. I can always see ten steps ahead of what happens when you interact that way. My peace is so important to me that you can tell me that two plus two is five and I will not argue that you are wrong. I will say ok and be on my way because I no longer feel the need to be right. I do not seek outside approval because I have learned the importance of self-love and self-healing. I understand that everyone has their own wounds and ways of healing and dealing with things, so I do my best to respect that. Do I mess up sometimes, absolutely. The difference now is that as soon as it starts to happen, I am very aware that it is a very uncomfortable feeling and makes me feel bad for not having more control of my emotions and reactions. Anger, fighting, conflict, anything on the negative side of the spectrum no longer fit into my world. Fear and defense mechanisms no longer run my life. Reminding my inner child that I am in charge now helps quiet those wounds and keep negativity out of my life. My inner child being happy and feeling safe is important to me because that is also what keeps me happy, healthy and feeling safe.

Healing your inner child wounds is important because those wounds are usually what keeps us from doing what we want to in life. Fear and being vulnerable is what keeps us stuck and holds us back. We must learn to heal our inner child and help them to feel safe. Remember that wanting to be healthy must be stronger than the fear you have of the outside world. Remind yourself those fears are outdated. They are based on a past that is no longer here. Decisions need to be based on the present. Let your inner child know that you oversee your life now. My inner child knows that I have her back and I have enough love to give her. I make sure she is happy, I make sure she is loved, I make sure I do things that I know she needs in her life. Being alone and protective bubbles are not what she wants. She wants to be seen, she wants to have fun, she wants to interact with people, she wants to draw and read, and laugh. She wants what life has to offer and wants to be the person she was before self-protective boundaries were put up. She understands that to receive love you must also give it. The walls of fear must be taken down so that living a full, healthy and happy life can enter.

Embrace your inner child and embrace who you are. Healing your inner child heals your soul.


In love and light,

Fran