Seasons of Change

The signs of Fall are all around me which led to the title of this week’s blog, Seasons for Change. While living in Florida everyday felt like Summer and sunshine, so now that I am living up north again, I am hypersensitive to the changes in nature around me. While looking at the leaf on my chair as I was having coffee the other day, I was reminded of how we are parallel to the seasons and how are lives are in a constant state of change. The world around us is always changing and moving forward, so our external world never staying the same is the one thing we can always rely on. When we refuse to move along with those changes, we remain stuck and faced with the consequences of holding on to a past we should have already moved on from. We aren’t allowing ourselves to move with the changes of life, and sometimes in doing that, we allow something great that is meant for us to slip right through our fingertips.

This is why it important to not be attached to outcomes and learn to go with the flow. When going through a hard time, it is important to remember that this is just a season of your life, it is not the rest of your life. Just like Summer turns to Fall, and Fall turns to Winter, our lives will move through seasons as well. When looking back on your life you can see the different seasons you have been through and how you handled those times in your life. Learn from your mistakes. Sometimes you were happy, sometimes sad, sometimes struggling and sometimes successful. We move through many phases, and our choices can always be seen in hindsight. Now that you are growing stronger and making better choices, you will move through these seasons more quickly. I always say I was a slow learner when it came to boundaries, so the seasons of my life that were hard for me were longer seasons than they should have been. Now I can look back with clarity and see my mistakes, so now when those lessons are presented to me again, I face them in a new way. I face them in a healthier way.

I am at a point in my life right now, where I know I am being asked if the changes I made for myself and the lessons I learned for the past decade are going to stick or am I going to have to relearn these hard lessons. Am I confident? Do I have boundaries? Am I settling for less than? Am I putting my needs first or am I continuing to give my power away to people and circumstances. Do I make decisions from fear or confidence? Have I let go of my past? Have I learned from it? Have I forgiven myself for not knowing what I know now? Remember that we can only make choices based on what we know and can’t continue beating ourselves up for what we didn’t in our past. Maybe the people who were supposed to teach us didn’t and we were left to fend for ourselves. Maybe we didn’t have good role models, so we had to stumble along learning what other people already knew. Now that we have taken back control of our lives, we are different, we have more knowledge, and yes, now we are responsible for making better choices for ourselves and for the people we love and care about.

One of the biggest changes I am making for myself right now revolves around my work, so the one thing I will be changing is I will be posting my blog later in the day on Wednesdays. I am working and training for a new career, so my days are full, and my time is limited and sometimes dictated by external training. I am embracing the changes because I know they are for my better good and the goals I set for myself. I am learning to make the changes and when needed, adjust accordingly. I know to keep this pace I must put eating healthy and sleep first. When you do that everything else follows suit and you will be able to accomplish what you wish. It is important to think of your body as a car that you want to rely on. You must take care of it if you want it to continue to run. Focus on your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health, and in doing so, you will be able to move through the seasons of your life with much more ease.

I always say it is important to keep your eyes forward, but to see how far you have come look back on the past year and see what changes you have made. Are you stuck in a season or are you moving through it just fine. Be patient and kind to yourself while making changes. You can’t rush change just like you can’t rush Winter. When you are in the midst of change you may feel like the world is heavy and the sun will never shine again. Remember that Summer always comes, and the light at the end of your tunnel will too. Keep moving through the seasons of your life. I promise you will be so happy that you did.

 

In love and light,

Fran

One Day at a Time

We are now on Blog 32 and after this week we will have twenty more to go. I hear from a lot of you about doing the work and making changes, and so grateful for your input and that this journey is making a difference for you. In my first blog I stated that “my plan for the next year is to blog weekly about everything I learned from my studies and from my experience. My hope is that it can help others on their healing journey, and I also look forward to seeing where the next year of blogging will take me on mine.” It warms my heart when I hear feedback from you since when I started this blog, my thought process was that I would be putting out what I had learned to help others. The part I wasn’t ready for was that a new level of change and healing was getting ready to present itself for me. Most of the time now, when I write this blog, I am talking about things I have learned that I want to share with you, and it is also the lessons I am revisiting at that moment. I am learning that healing and change never stops, you just reach a new level of healing, knowledge and enlightenment. The goal for all of us is to then share what you have learned with the next person who needs it. We are all connected and that is how we heal and grow.

What I have been presented with lately is remembering to take this journey one step at a time and one day at a time. In my fifth blog I wrote, “this journey may seem overwhelming at first, but just remember it is a process and baby steps are needed. The truth is it took a long time to lose yourself, so the process of finding yourself again can take just as long. The comforting part is that as soon as you set the intention to make changes, then change starts to happen. Please do not get discouraged when first starting out. This is all about baby steps and moving forward one step at a time. Your baby steps may be three steps forward and two steps back, or if you are carrying around as much baggage as I was, then it may seem like two steps forward and three steps back. You may journal one day and get triggered and lose your balance and find that it takes days for you to recover. Remember no matter what happens pick yourself up and keep going. You may feel like you are starting over again and again but remember you are not. Each step forward you will be bringing the knowledge and lessons learned with you, so that next step forward may take you half the time as the last. Be kind to yourself on this journey. Everyone has their own story and baggage, so everyone moves at their own pace, and that is ok and part of healing. The goal is self-love, peace and happiness and is all that matters. Remember it takes as long as it takes.” Now that we are months beyond that time, and change is happening, it is important to remember that those baby steps forward also entail taking it one day at a time.

I was familiar with that term but really didn’t understand its meaning until about a decade ago. When you are so far in darkness and can’t see straight, and looking to make changes, the only way out and to survive is taking it one day at a time. You cannot look back, you cannot look forward, you must look only at the present. You must face the now. I am familiar with that feeling when waking up and showing up takes all the energy you have and anything more than that seems impossible. That is a sign self-focus and self-love is needed and to focus on the one day at a time. Ask yourself, what do I have to do today. You may have many things to do and feel overwhelmed but learn to break it down. Just for today, what is a priority. Some things can wait until tomorrow and some cannot. Focus on necessities and priorities and the things you need to do for today that will bring you a sense of peace and accomplishment – everything else can be for another day. Set goals, both long term and short term, but then break it down again to monthly, weekly, daily, hourly and learn to be in the present. You have heard me use terms like Let Go, Let God and this is where that comes into play. You have a goal and now give the rest to the Universe, trusting that they will guide you. Show up every day for yourself and the rest will work itself out. You are learning an important lesson and that is that focusing on the past brings sadness, the future brings anxiety, but focusing on the present brings peace.

This is where I am at on my journey as well. When I look back it comes with confusion and woulda, coulda, shoulda and those words have no place in our lives. You cannot change the past, so just learn from it. When I look down the road at everything, I want to accomplish I have to refocus on today or else I will give myself anxiety. There is too much I want to get done so my focus is what do I have to do today to get there and that is my focus, The rest I am giving to God and trusting that He has my back. I always say that if you show up in the right way with only good, positive intentions, then you can’t go wrong. Be present. Focus on today. Focus on you. Give love and consideration to everyone that shows up for you today, everyone else detach with love. People and situations that are supposed to be there for you will show up for you. Always do your best and give your best. Be the light for someone else’s darkness. Take this life one day at a time and give it your all and see what shows up for you.

Wishing you continued peace and happiness on this journey.

 

In love and light,

Fran

 

Find Your Safe Space

When I started this blog almost eight months ago, I had a plan and knew exactly what I wanted to write about. I had been working on my second book for the past decade, and this blog was my way of putting all of that together. My plan at the end of this year of blogging is to have my book finished. I had all the titles written out ahead of time, but then a few weeks into this journey, I realized that there was a bigger plan at play that I had nothing to do with. I would hear from you that what I wrote about was exactly what you were going through – and this began to happen week after week. I understand that when you have faith and trust there are no coincidences, so that was when I decided to just listen and wait before I would commit to start writing. I knew what I wanted to write about, but I also knew if I waited and stayed out of it the words would flow through me more freely. I would find the topics and the words that were meant to reach you. I believe in Divine timing, so I began to look at my blog the same way I deal with life. I no longer get attached to my outcome or my way of doing things, so I do not get attached to what I plan to write about for the week. We are all connected, and all being guided so I wait before I start to write. I wait for the ideas, the nudges, the struggles, and the synchronicities. I wait for everything to be presented to me, and every week without fail it all comes together. I am learning to let go and let God and in turn that helps us all.

I wasn’t sure what I would be writing about this week and then I was hanging out with my cousin and the title for this week presented itself. She mentioned reading my blog last week and was very touched that I was very grateful that right now I am in a very peaceful, stable environment where I feel very safe. I understood in that moment that I found my safe space and while you are healing you will have to do the same. You must find the people and places that help you feel safe while you are making changes. You must fill up your well and replenish your energy. Right now my cousin does that for me. Your safe space can be a person, it can be a room in your home, a chair, a park, a place where you go and grab a coffee, it can be anywhere. Your family can be your safe space or if your family is your issue then you will have to create one for yourself. You must put in the positive while you are removing the negative. Your life must always be about balance. When I first started my healing journey, my safe space was sitting in my car while my son was at the skatepark. I had a coffee, a journal and a pen and an hour to myself and looking back now, those moments I took for myself saved me.

When I was younger, I always had a chaotic, non-traditional home life, but I always had family around and that was my safe space. I always say that my siblings were my world, but my extended family is what gave me structure and a sense of belonging. They are why I had a shot at normalcy. Growing up without a mom took that feeling of normalcy away from me. I always felt different because of that, but what saved me was my cousins. Once I made this move back up north, they once again became my sense of belonging. Cousins are your best friends through family and accept you for who you are no matter what. They helped me find a sense of belonging because as kids they were my childhood and everything that is fun and then as adults, they remember everything about my life that trauma may have erased. They are my past, the rocks for my present and my cheerleaders for my future. They are my tribe.

If you aren’t blessed to have cousins and family and friends in your life - then find your tribe or create one. Find the people, or even one person, who helps you to feel comfortable in your own skin – the person who accepts you for being you. I have my family and friends who go back to childhood, but I also have a soul family who I have met along the way. These are the people who understand my spirituality - understand phrases like Divine timing - let go Let God - be mindful - the moon is full tonight charge your crystals - that’s because Mercury is retrograde - just sage it – etc. These are my people who understand me on a soul level and the reasons why I no longer hide who I am and what I do. They helped me to feel safe to be myself. They embraced who they were which made me want to embrace who I was. I no longer felt the need to hide that I was different, I was free to be me.

Most of us on this journey have learned to shut down and isolate and stay quiet because that was easier. Healing requires you to come out of that shell and change the old way of doing things. It requires you to be vulnerable. It requires you to come out of your comfort zone and be around people. That vulnerability must be balanced and won’t come out without an internal or external place of feeling safe to do that. If you are not ready for that just yet, then this blog every week can be your safe space. Your safe space becomes the place where you find mental and emotional stability, so setting time aside every week to read will help you begin to create that safe space for yourself, within yourself. As children, we may have been denied that feeling of safety, but as adults we can get it back. We can create what we didn’t have. We become our own advocates for self-love and safety. We spent a lifetime seeking love and validation outside of ourselves, not realizing that the secret to having it all lies within. We create our life, we create our destiny, and we create our own happiness.



In love and light,


Fran

Pause

The last thing I wrote last week was that we are the creators of our life and no one else should own that copyright. Now that my week has ended and my move complete, I am realizing that statement also comes with the responsibility that every choice you make comes with a consequence and that is all on you. The momentum of change has begun but you must take the time to reflect on where you have been and where you want to go. There comes a moment when you must pause. You must give yourself time to be still and just sit in the moment, so you don’t repeat old patterns and make the same mistakes. In times of stress, we resort back to our old ways of doing things. This is the time to change the old patterns and work on a new vision. We are trying to create a new life independent from our past and that requires conscious choices. Pause and reflect before moving forward. Be true to yourself and to be kind to yourself. Honor the changes you have made this far and then show gratitude.

There is a great book titled, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, that a college professor introduced me to years ago, and I am thinking that this is a good time to reread that book. We make great strides moving forward, creating change, and then fear and doubt slip in and we want to stop in our tracks. Remember that fear is ok, the trick is to power through it. Everyone is afraid at one time or another, what makes us different from each other is whether we allow fear to dictate our choices moving forward. Feel the fear, honor your feelings, and then use that to move forward towards your goals. I am sure that every successful and happy person out there will tell you that they have been afraid, but that fear was just a feeling that didn't dictate their life.

This is the stage I am at right now and I can feel my insides wanting to scream, wanting to run, wanting to hide, but I know that is just fear of change wanting to show its ugly head. I am trying to ignore those feelings, remembering that I initiated this change and now I must stay committed to it. I am very grateful that right now I am in a very peaceful, stable environment where I feel very safe. I am outside right now writing my blog and all I hear is the sound of nature. I find that to be the most peaceful sound and feeling in the world. It allows me to bond with the outside world where, at times, I feel like I have more of a relationship than the real one. I understand that those are just walls of protection I have built up over time and I am working on slowly taking them down.

When you are codependent or a people pleaser like I was, you tend to give away your choices to other people. When I was younger, I didn’t realize that I would wait until I gauged the temperature of the day from my surroundings before I would decide how I would feel. Were the people I was with happy, ok then I was too, were the people I was around on edge, ok then I was too. There was no distinction between where I started, and they ended so it all became one. There was no sense of self – I was always a part of a chaotic dynamic and that’s who I was. When I was older and married, I did the same thing. I wouldn’t know how I felt until I knew how they felt. It wasn’t until long after my second divorce that I realized I was holding the key to my misery, but I was also holding the key to my happiness. This was the time I embraced everything about myself and learned about what it was to be an empath. I learned that I was going about it all wrong and there was a way to gain strength from who I was while learning to put up boundaries with others. There is a place where I end, and you begin. There is a sense of self, my feelings matter and I have control of those feelings. I didn’t have to live my life as a chameleon and giving my power away. I could still be a good person even if I put up boundaries. My role in this life is to love myself and protect myself and I could do that from a very loving place. I could still show up how I want to without giving my sense of self away in the process. That knowledge and that awakening is when my healing journey began.

I know a lot of you are on the same journey and currently going through many changes. Our lives are in a constant state of change, so this is a great time to learn to embrace those changes. We are at the end of Summer here up north and everything is changing right now. Beach days are dwindling, winter clothes will soon be coming out of hiding, the leaves will be changing, change is all around us. This is the perfect time to take a pause before the next chapter, the next season. Know that it is ok to take a moment for yourself. Be confident knowing there is a difference between taking a moment to pause and staying stuck. Staying stuck means you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results (which is the definition of insanity). Taking a moment means you are in a flux of change and just need to pause to see where you have been and where you are going. You need to regroup because you have been doing things differently and viewing things differently and wanting something better for yourself. You are not stuck but taking leaps of faith. You are trusting your intuition. You are expecting more and not accepting less. You are different. You have released fear. You have changed. Take that moment to be proud of yourself and to be grateful. You, my loves, are healing.

In love and light,

Fran

Relax and Just Breathe

Last week I titled my blog Change is Here and this week, for myself, that is a very literal statement. I am surrounded by boxes and spackle because I hang way too much wall art and have way too many books and accessories. My artist’s life is not one of being a minimalist, but my home is always a place of comfort and things that make me feel safe and happy. Right now, all of those things are heading to storage while I make space for change.

When I moved here two years ago, I left Florida with a dream in my eyes and a plan. I quickly learned that God had a different plan so, as usual, my plan went by the wayside as soon as I got here. I thought I was returning home healed, not realizing that there was another level of healing that had to be unraveled. When you stuff your past like I did, it will always show back up when you least expect it. Trauma, hurt, disappointment, regret it all must be dealt with to move forward and truly be healthy and happy. You must take a good look at the person you were and the person you would like to be. I am learning that no matter how much you think you have healed, you will not be allowed to move forward until it is all dealt with – even the parts that you regret the most and almost destroyed you.

The most important part of this for me is to remember to just relax and breathe and go with the flow. I make plans but I don’t stay attached to them. I know I am moving forward because I am not in the same place I was when I got here two years ago, both internally and externally. My son always says that he has watched me live more of a life since I moved two years ago than I have over the past decade. He is happy to see me happy. My life is changing constantly as I try and figure out my next step and settle into a new life. I am starting a new career while re-emerging an old one. I am heading back to my safe space (thank you Cuz!) while I regroup and set up for my next place. The friends and family I have in my close-knit circle help me to stay grounded remembering how much I am loved and how good this change is for me. I have made new friends and new coworkers in the last year that I am sure will be around for a very long time. I used to be a bit of a loner living in a safe bubble I created for myself, but I am once again becoming more open to allowing change to happen knowing that what is meant for me will show up and what or who doesn’t show up for me isn’t meant to be in my next chapter. I am slowly detaching in love from my past while embracing a new future.

I mention relax and just breathe because this part of the journey can feel very overwhelming. You make plans and then the momentum is here, and you look around surrounded by chaos. Remember this isn’t chaos like the past, this is change. These are conscious choices that were made and not fallout from catering to someone else’s choices that you allowed to be made for you. There is such a difference, and you will know, and you can feel the difference. When you make changes for yourself, and they are not forced or being made by someone else you don’t feel resentment – you feel a sense of pride. Yes, it’s scary, but you are learning to trust your choices and your intuition and the decisions you make for yourself. Deep down you can feel it and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

My blog this week is a little shorter than usual, but I know that’s ok. I am learning that you can only give what you can give and do what you can do, more than that is just extra baggage we place on ourselves. Perfection is just an illusion and a way for us to try and control our outside environment. I understand that I have little control of what I have created for myself for today – the only control I have is to stay focused and do the best I can. I am surrounded by things I must do before heading to work because I switched my days off for my final moving day. The only way to get through today is just trust that everything will be fine. I will remember to relax and just breathe. This is not chaos – this is change. This is the change that I created, and I trust it.

We are the creators of our life - no one else should ever own that copyright.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Change is Here

One of the first few blogs I wrote about was being ready for change. I wrote that “nothing changes until something changes - a powerful statement that I heard many years ago. Powerful because it is a reminder that on the journey for change, the only thing not tolerated is standing still and doing things the same as before. This concept may seem overwhelming at first, so in the beginning, just pick one thing to do differently.” I know many of you, including myself, have picked at least one thing to change. Those of you who have been reading my blogs weekly and doing the work, I am sure you can see that change is here. Sometimes that change is a scary thing so I thought I would write about that this week before we go any further.

Big changes require big organizational skills, so keep notes, keep a calendar, whatever you must do to stay on track. I mentioned a few weeks ago that changes usually come fast and all at once, so we aren’t spending half of our life trying to make big changes for ourselves. It does become a bit overwhelming and why it is important to trust this process and just go with it. Trust that if you are doing the work and coming from a positive viewpoint, then you will end up exactly where you are supposed to. We are learning to let go of a negative mindset. We are learning to let go of people and situations that no longer serve our highest good. I am amid very big changes right now and lately finding myself all over the place. I am in the middle of packing and moving and almost forgot that today is Wednesday. I was packing up my room and suddenly remembered oh my gosh, my blog! That is how that little voice and guidance show up. They will never let you fail if you just do the work and listen.

The most important thing to remember as you are making changes for yourself is to go with the flow. Make decisions for yourself and then trust that those decisions are right for yourself. When we start making changes and the momentum starts picking up, we tend to start second guessing ourselves. The Universe also likes to throw tests our way to see if we trust ourselves enough or want these changes enough to stay on track. This is where trusting your intuition and listening to that positive voice in your head, not the negative chit chat, will come in handy. That negative chit chat is what makes you start second guessing yourself. Quiet those voices knowing they are just placed there to help you strengthen your own inner compass and intuition. Part of this journey of self-love requires learning that important lesson.

The second thing to remember is to not get too attached to outcomes. We have goals but it is ok if we find that we must make tweaks here and there. Sometimes what we asked for shows up but in a different way than we expected, and that is because what we ask for shows up better than we could have imagined. Trust that we are worthy of better for ourselves. Learn to trust that you are being guided. Things always move smoothly and with ease once we are heading in the right direction, but then once that path or lesson has run its course its time to start moving again. You may find yourself at another crossroads wondering which way to go. Trust the guidance, dig deep and see what knowledge and healing comes up to help guide you. Lessons are being learned every day and these lessons become your steppingstones to guide you forward. The great thing about healing is once the lessons are learned you will never have to go through that life lesson ever again. You will not make those mistakes again. The knowledge and the struggle are now a part of you and a part of the strength and knowledge that you now carry with you. Our struggles become an inner badge of courage that we carry for never giving up and that courage is what keeps us moving forward. Nothing will stand in your way of healing. You will have the mentality of well I got through that of course I can get through this. Change is happening and you begin to cherish and be proud of everything you are accomplishing. This is all you and no one else and when things start working out your self-love and confidence slowly works its way back into your life.

Change is here. We are learning to be awake, and be present, and be grateful for everything we are. We are learning to embrace our past while slowly letting it go and moving into our future. We are learning to live in the present and be in the moment. The past is gone, the future isn’t here yet, the present is the only thing in our control and where you can create change and find your happiness. This may sometimes feel like a lonely journey but remember it isn’t. You always have guidance whenever you need it. Also, look around you and see those people that show up for you every day. This may be at work or in your personal life but take a good, hard look at your life right now. Who is there, who is your cheerleader, who loves you for exactly who you are. Be grateful for those people. Those are the people placed on your path to be there for right now while on your journey. Sometimes it is in a small way and sometimes in a very big way. These people may leave a mark on your world that you don’t realize until further down the road. That’s why it is important to be grateful for everything and everyone you have in your life and in doing that, life will only get better.



In love and light,

Fran

Unleash Your Creativity

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” - Pablo Picasso

I had this hanging in my art studio for years. This quote is a very inspiring statement because it is very true. Every child has an artist living within and when we are younger, we have no trouble expressing that artist and we do so with such ease … and then life happens. We forget how to just be and how to just create for the act of creating. We become our own worst enemies and stop doing things for fear of being judged. We forget how we just loved to draw, paint, and color and just be in the moment. Look back to your childhood and remember what was your go-to for expressing yourself. Was it crayons, markers, and paint, or was it scissors, glue and paper? Did you like to play an instrument, play pretend, or just play in the dirt, or maybe sports and softball and hockey was your go to. We didn’t think about it, we just let ourselves be who we were. We knew how to find joy in life by living in the moment and feeling free to express ourselves. This week I want you to look back and remember what made you happy. What did you want to try but never did? Give yourself permission to try that now.

Once you begin this healing journey you may find yourself needing an outlet for all the feelings you have swirling around. This is where respecting your inner child comes into play. Our inner child is sometimes in the background waiting to be heard and needs you to remember what it was like to express yourself free from judgement. There can be a lot of healing attached to just sitting in silence with a pen and paper or with music in the background just doodling away your thoughts. Sometimes we just need our brain to refocus on something other than our worries. This week I would like you to try that for yourself. Grab a piece of paper and a crayon or marker and just see what comes up for you. Doodle shapes, circles, dots, anything you feel inclined to do. Art really isn’t your thing then try something else. Did you like playing in the dirt, then go outside and do some gardening. Was music your thing? Sing and dance like no one is watching. Grab an instrument and play even if you aren’t that good. Love sports then go out and shoot some hoops even if you don’t make one basket. You are not here to win a medal or run a marathon. This is all about the process not the finished product so there is no wrong way to do this. This is all about self-expression and this is all about you.

An easier way to do this is to keep a special journal just for expressing yourself. I always talk about keeping a journal for getting out the negative and another journal for practicing gratitude, but I also keep a journal that is strictly for doodling. I have one that is filled completely with doodling roses. I have been doing that since I was a little girl, so a few years back I started doing it again to honor my younger self. These drawings are for my eyes only and just a way to refocus. Sometimes I don’t feel like writing, so I keep crayons, markers and colored pencils with my notebook and try and make this an exercise free from censorship. It is a nice way to see what comes up. Sometimes these drawings will be nothing and sometimes they may bring out something buried way down in my subconscious. Art can be a very healing activity because it taps into a place where you can just get lost in what you are doing. That is why it is important to not put too much thought into this – keep your thoughts out of it and just be. Let your creative self-flow. Learn what it feels like to just be in the moment. Children don’t need permission to be creative and use their imagination, they just do it. Sometimes adults do need permission because they fear not being good enough or being compared to someone else. Remember this exercise is for you and no one will see the finished product but you.

I started and completed this blog this morning as I usually do on Wednesday mornings, and then I accidentally deleted the file. I had plans with my family today, so there was no way to rewrite it this morning before my usual 11:11am posting. I didn’t completely lose it and instead phoned a friend and decided that I would still post at 11:11 but it would have to be pm instead of am. Problem solved. I was very proud of myself since it was a reminder of how far I have come on this journey and shows I have learned to let go of my unhealthy, perfectionist ways and think before reacting with emotions. Even my sister said I should write about how I remained so calm. I am sure she was as surprised as I was that I didn’t lose it lol. I am learning to let go of what I can’t control and just focus and keep my eyes forward. I shook it off and went about my day and had a great day. Of course, I was a little annoyed that I would have to sit and rewrite what I already wrote, but I am pretty sure the message of what I was trying to say is coming through a little more clearly because I had to start over. The whole situation and rewriting this now reminded me to let you know that there are no mistakes in art – just happy accidents.

Allow yourself the freedom to find joy in the simplicity of life and allow yourself to be an artist now that you are all grown up.


In love and light,

Fran

Reflection

We are now at the halfway mark on our journey together. I committed to doing a year of weekly blogging and we are now at week 26. Those of you who also made a commitment and are reading weekly and doing the work, I am sure your life looks a little different and feels a little different than it was 26 weeks ago when we first started. Remember when you look back that even small changes are big changes.

I decided that this week I will talk about reflecting on the past six months, so you can see how far you have come. I will also put a list of the previous blogs in order so you can see if there are any titles that jump off the page and maybe a sign that you would like to re-read that one again. You can go to the archives on the right of the page and click on those links to view a previous blog. I know this is a hard journey and we must keep our eyes forward, but every now and again you must look back and see and be proud of how much work you have done. Be kind to yourself and give yourself praise and credit where it is due, practice your self-love. Sometimes when you are caught up in your journey and your changes, it’s hard to see that. You are in a healing bubble and sometimes life just feels hard. That is why I want you to take this week to look back. Have you changed any habits, brought on new ones, eating better, taking more time for yourself, journaling, thinking things through instead of reacting, any little changes that have been helping you move forward. Have you noticed that you want to be more creative? Have you taken on a new hobby, are you walking or exercising? Do a check-in with yourself and see what changes you have made and the ones you would still like to make. I know for myself I have been wanting to start going to the gym. I still haven’t made it there, but I am still always thinking and talking about it. I know it’s just a block that I must work my way through. Usually, blocks are put there because once you break through them, you level up in a way and then new doors open for you. You gain new confidence and look better and feel better about yourself. This is the momentum of change. Sometimes we are stuck and have a fear of change, or maybe just taking a rest before making the next move, so keep an eye on yourself and trust your intuition to know the difference.

When you start feeling that momentum of change, sometimes it feels so fast and like you are now on a ride and you can’t get off. This is the moment that it is important to trust and go with the flow. Your life is now moving in the direction it’s supposed to be, and many changes are taking place, so it feels very fast. You will start to feel anxious wanting to yell wait, wait, I wasn’t ready for this, but be confident and know that you are. You are healing many things about your life so it must happen quickly and all at once or else you would be spending decades trying to heal and move forward. Trust the process knowing that you are the one who activated these changes for yourself. Be confident that you can handle this and one day you will look back on these moments and see clearly that these moments are where you find your strength.

Thank you for being on this journey with me. I am looking forward to seeing where the next 26 weeks takes us. May you find peace and happiness as you continue on with your healing.



In love and light,

Fran



List of previous blogs to reflect back on:

Blog 1: Out of Darkness

Blog 2: The Journey Begins

Blog 3: Ready for Change

Blog 4: Let it Go (Journaling)

Blog 5: Baby Steps

Blog 6: Self-Care of Your Body

Blog 7: Chained to Your Past

Blog 8: Love vs Darkness

Blog 9: A Spiritual Life

Blog 10: Self-Care of Your Mind

Blog 11: Your Inner Child

Blog 12: Self-Love

Blog 13: Healing Thru Prayer

Blog 14: Being Present

Blog 15: Obstacles

Blog 16: Build a Routine

Blog 17: The In-Between

Blog 18: Level Up

Blog 19: Gratitude

Blog 20: De-Clutter Your Life

Blog 21: Manifest the Life You Want

Blog 22: You Got This

Blog 23: Signs from Above

Blog 24: Trust Your Intuition

Blog 25: A Reason, A Season, For Life

Blog 26: Reflection 

A Reason, A Season, For Life

I received a call the other day from an old coworker who was more than a coworker and became a very good friend. The place I worked for almost a decade became my home away from home and the people there became like family. It was the second time I had that experience in my life, and I know deep in my heart it is always orchestrated that way. Life is all about relationships and what we make of them, and people are put in our lives to teach us lessons we could never learn on our own. Other times those relationships are placed there because we need an anchor to hold us down while we go through the turbulence of life, we need them while we are going through the big lessons and doing the most learning and gaining the most strength. Those are the people who touch our lives in a big way, and we forever hold a special place in our hearts for them. We may part ways, but the impact of that moment in time is carried with us as we move forward on our journey. They help shape who we are.

My phone call the other day lasted for almost an hour, and my old coworker joked around that he reads my blog but hasn’t read anything about himself in it yet. I thought that was funny, but then it made me think of how my next blog should be about that time and about relationships. There is a big age gap between us, but something about us from the very beginning just clicked. We understood each other in a professional way and the age gap and watching the interaction he had with his family gave me hindsight of a personal life I had already lived. At that time, my coworkers and I were all going through our own personal experiences, but work was the place where we really had it together. We worked well as a team, our store was very successful, and we formed a very strong bond for that time we were there. I was already well into my spiritual healing, and I am very grateful that I understood why we were brought together for that period of our lives. I understood that it wouldn’t last because it was just a season in our lives where we would gather up the strength we needed before moving on to the next step. That decade in time was where I healed from my past, went through some very difficult experiences, got my youngest son through high school as a single mom, and that job was exactly the place where I needed to do that. I always say that I couldn’t have gotten through that time in my life being anywhere else. My manager and my coworkers were my support system. I loved going to work, I had financial security, and I am very grateful for everyday that I spent with them. Most of the people I worked with were younger than me, and I was being given a glimpse to see the world and the mistakes I had made through a new set of eyes. They helped shape who I would become moving forward and, in that time, I became a better employee, coworker, salesperson, manager, designer, a better mom, and a good friend. I walked away from that experience with more knowledge than I went in with, and a better understanding of who I was as a person. After we hung up, I took notice of how far I have come and how much my life has changed since we worked together. I could look back with clarity and see how grateful I am for that time and embrace that right now I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

We go through life having work relationships and personal relationships and a lot of times people are in and out but leave a very big mark on our lives. Those are the people that are here for a reason. They aren’t meant to stay, but maybe just meant to teach us something, or give us a new viewpoint, or shake us up because we aren’t quite on the right path. Everyone is a teacher if you can look at everyone with an open mind and be grateful for every interaction. I am very blessed and have many people who have been in my life for a season and left a big mark on my life before heading on their way. I am also very blessed and have many people who are in my life for life. Those are the family and friends that know you, support you, and are always there for you no matter what. Years can go by, even forty years, and you pick up right where you left off. They accept you flaws and all. You are witnesses to each other’s lives beginning to end. You are who you are because of them. They are the opposite of the people who you look back and say that you are who you are in spite of them. Those are the people who may not be your biggest cheerleaders, but they are your biggest teachers. They hold your lessons, and they hold the mirror up to show you who are you and what you need to change. They teach you what it means to practice self-love.

At the end of the day, our relationships are what we make of them. Our relationships, both good and bad, have an impact on who we are. We must be open to change and be open to letting people be who they are, and if needed, let them go. They are in our lives to love us, or maybe just to teach us to love ourselves when we aren’t. The lesson is to be grateful for every single person who touches our lives while they are there, because you never know if God’s plan is for them to be there for just a reason, just a season, or for life.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Trust Your Intuition

My last post I wrote about signs and to be open to what you see and what you hear. Once you are willing and open to doing that, the next step is to believe the signs you see and what you hear and the only way to accomplish that is by trusting your intuition.

Trusting your intuition is the best way to show love and respect to yourself. All relationships start with self and how healthy or unhealthy those relationships are depends on how we are treating ourselves and how we are showing up for ourselves every day. When we go through trauma or a life where we give our needs and power over to other people, trusting our intuition is a very hard thing to do. We worry too much about what other people think or say. We are filled with doubt and find it hard to rely on ourselves, trust ourselves, and to listen and trust that little voice inside that is always trying to guide us. You know that little voice that we ignore and then once we ignore it and don't listen to it, quickly realize that yes, we should have listened because it was right. Well, that is you. Learn to listen to you and not ignore yourself. You know what is right for you, your guides know what is right for you, you just need to listen and trust. We must learn to block out the noise, the opinions of others, and learn to trust that we know what is best for ourselves. Once we do that everything else falls into place.

Sometimes trusting your intuition is hard because when you are trying to heal from your past, your ego is in the way still trying to protect you. We must teach ourselves to come out of survival mode and let our walls down. We are learning to be vulnerable and see a world outside of chaos and not always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is why trusting our intuition and our guidance becomes very important. A healthy ego knows the difference between what is ok for us and what is a threat. When we live through trauma, our ego views everything as a threat. We spend our life walking around with our guard up and walls so high and so thick nothing can get in or out. We are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, not realizing that those walls are also keeping us from being loved, giving love to others and experiencing life in a healthy way. We are sabotaging our own happiness. Trusting our intuition and embracing who we really are helps us find that healthy ego once again. We begin to understand the difference between living and being stuck in survival mode. We must remind ourselves that life is different now and that level of protection is no longer needed. Our bodies know the old way, and we have to teach it a new way. We must learn to relax our bodies and our mind and come off of always being on high alert. Listening and trusting our intuition is where we find the strength and the guidance to do that.

When I look back on my life, I can see clearly now when I did not trust myself and trust my intuition and ended up going down a very difficult path. The signs were there, and all the red flags were flying in my face, but I chose to ignore them anyway. Remember we do have free will so everything is a choice and ignoring our needs, handing over our power to others, and ignoring our intuition is also a choice. I really don’t have all the answers as to why I did that, but I can see how experiencing those difficult times made me stronger and wiser and I came out on the other side with very valuable lessons. I can tell you without a doubt that all the lessons revolve around self-love. The lessons were needed because of the self-love I was not giving to myself. Those mistakes I made came from not believing in myself and not trusting myself. I have since learned to forgive myself for what I didn’t know at the time. Now that I know better, I try not to ignore that little voice and the guidance that is given to me. My gut and my intuition are and have always been right and I have learned to respect that.

The best advice I can give on how to learn to trust your intuition and your guidance is to slow down. Learn to embrace the quiet and the stillness because it is in the quiet that we find the answers. Keep journaling because that is also where we find the answers. Listen to yourself. We live in a very fast world, so it must be a conscious effort to find the quiet. The noise drowns out your inner voice so finding peace is important. Remember every day that you deserve to have peace and quiet in your life. Take those moments for yourself every single day and let your intuition guide you to happiness.



In love and light,

Fran

 

Signs from Above

Those of us on this journey sometimes struggle to know if we are on the right path. Yes, we do the work and we follow our intuition, but we still have doubts and seek confirmation that we are heading in the right direction. My advice is always signs, signs, look for the signs.

Some people will say these signs aren’t real and it is all in your head, but that is their take on it and it doesn’t have to be yours. Learn to trust what you believe and block out the noise. We all receive signs; it is just being open to them that sets us apart from each other. Signs are everywhere. Look and you shall find. They may come in a word, in a song, in a picture, in a number, in a tiny voice you hear, just be open to guidance and you will receive it. My cousin and I are big believers in pennies really are from Heaven and a loving hello from the other side and we find them everywhere. I have a jewelry box filled with pennies that I find on the ground. You can say that it’s a coincidence and pennies are everywhere, but when you put it in the context that I usually find them when I’m going through a hard time, or when I am thinking about someone who has passed, then it is hard to view it as just a coincidence. Plus, I am a believer that there are no coincidences, and everything is on purpose and for a bigger reason that we just can’t see.

I will share a few signs that I look for, but everyone is different and stay open and you will begin to rely on your own signs for guidance. Many people have not heard of angel numbers, yet there are people, like me, who believe deeply in the symbolism of angel numbers and their powers. Since ancient times, it was believed that Divine forces send us messages through different numbers, and each number has its own symbolism, and it will bring us a different message. Once you start googling numbers that you see all the time, you will begin to understand the message sent to you from the other side. The more you do it the more comfort you begin to find. I research them as I go. I will google Angel Number XXX or XXXX and take notice of the one that speaks to me. There is one website I use a lot, but see what speaks to you, and be open and see where your guidance takes you. Pay attention to numbers and patterns you see. You may be nudged to look at the clock at times throughout the day. I always see ,my dad’s birthday and find comfort in that he is watching over me. Take note if you see 111 or 1111 … those are angel numbers and usually show up a lot in the beginning when you start your healing journey. I take seeing those numbers as a sign that I am on the right path or the thought I just had is right. They are like your cheerleaders letting you know you are doing the right thing. Everyone will have a different perspective, my son sees them as a sign to make a wish for what you desire. In the beginning I would see 222, 333, 444 and 555 alot – and that’s how I first navigated through this while looking for confirmation that the guidance I was receiving was real and meant for me. See what opens up for you and look it up. It is a wonderful way to feel guidance and that you are not alone on this journey.

Music is a very big one for me – music is my love language and also where I find signs and my guidance. Music hits me deep down to my soul so it is something I always pay attention to.

What I am going to share with you is my favorite experience of a sign being sent to me and why I am such a believer in being watched over from the other side. Over a decade ago, I traveled from Florida to New York to bury my older sister and it was the saddest, but also the most touching event I have ever been a part of. She brought so many people together and we all knew she was there with us every step of the way ... from all the little stories I heard throughout the few days, then the cell phone ringing just as the priest asked for a moment of silence and we all couldn't help but giggle, then to the limo having car trouble right before the funeral procession was set to begin ... this funeral had my sister's name all over it and we couldn’t help but laugh.

The most special moment of it all for me happened before I left. I woke up in the morning wanting to go and check on her resting place before I left for the airport. While driving in the car, my younger sister talked about how she had really wished she remembered to take a yellow rose home from the cemetery the day before. They were beautiful and she wanted to dry one and save it but was disappointed to find out that it was now too late because all the roses were buried with her the day before. Only a short while later when we arrived and walked over to the spot where she had been laid to rest, I looked over on the sidewalk and there was a stem with 4 roses on it just lying there - I was overwhelmed. It looked as though it was laid there just for us. I needed no other confirmation to believe that she was there and she was listening and she left a gift for us and I was so grateful for that. I knew it meant she was still all around us - watching and listening. I believe that to this day and it is a moment that I will carry around in my heart forever.

Be open to what you see and what you hear. These are signs meant for you to show you that you are loved and supported on your journey, and proof that your loved ones are never really that far away.



In love and light,

Fran

You Got This

When I started my blog, my intention was to pay forward everything I have learned and show that I am proof there is light after darkness, struggle and chaos. I know from talking to a lot of you who read my blog that you are doing the work and are in the midst of this journey. I wanted to take this week to refresh on what I mentioned in the first few blogs so that you can check in with yourself and notice how much work you are doing and how far you have come in the past five months. Sometimes this journey is a very lonely one because it is all about self and healing self, so I am here to tell you and/or to remind you that you got this – we got this.

I wrote in my second blog that changing your life becomes the fight of your life, but I know with hard work it is possible to come out on the other side stronger and more secure in who you are than you have ever been. I believe this for you with everything I am because I lived through it. I am re-posting my mini-guide to healing for you so you can do a check-in with yourself and see how far you have come or what changes you still want to make in your daily life. Remember you are worth it and continue to be present in every choice you make for yourself.

I know from my own journey that it is very easy to get tired and feel like you aren’t making any progress, but trust that you are. One minor change still creates change so be proud of yourself for where you are at on this journey. Be kind to yourself while you go through this struggle. Remember it is ok to cry – that is part of healing and letting go. Remember that it is ok to nap and to sleep when you are tired – healing is a lot of work and takes a toll on your body. You are healing your body, mind and soul, so you need good nutrition, healthy sleep habits, and time for yourself. Learn to listen to the signals that your body and soul are giving you because they always know what you need. Trust your intuition because it is trying to guide you while you make changes. You are learning all about self-love and self-care and growing stronger every day. You may not feel that way because you have been facing your demons and your struggles head-on. This can be an exhausting experience, so just know that you will be tired and rest is needed. This healing journey requires you to put your needs first and to take care of yourself. I learned that the down-time and needing rest is also where you will learn to be kind to yourself and get to know yourself again. Embrace this time because it will not always be like this. Once you start healing, life will start to pick up again – but in a good way. Rest now and be ready for it.

… and the journey continues.


In love and light,

Fran



Your Mini Guide to Healing

Remember that healing is work but worth every second.

Healing isn’t a destination it is a journey and can take years to a lifetime to achieve.

Be prepared for how different life will look in the beginning - you will feel as if you just took off a pair of sunglasses. You will be amazed and angry at what you see and wonder how you let things get that out of control. You must remind yourself that you did the best you could with what information you had available to you at that moment in time and moving forward you will promise yourself to do better and be better.

Don’t get angry at other people when you are angry with yourself.

Forgive yourself for where you are and what you didn’t know or couldn’t see and then move forward.

Remember your will for change has to be stronger than your fear of change.

Keep your eyes forward and out of the past. Focus on the here and now.

Remember that focusing on the past brings pain - the future brings worry - the present brings peace.

Love yourself. This journey is about self-love, so you have to love yourself and take time for yourself first. Loving yourself first is the only way you will have enough left over to give to everyone else.

Take 5 minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful.

Respect yourself - if you don’t then you can’t expect anyone else to either - you set the standard for how to be treated.

Forgiveness isn’t weakness - forgiving others helps to heal yourself.

Be grateful for who you are and what you have.

Learn to go with the flow - if you are forcing something to happen then don’t do that - that is a block put up to protect you and help you from going off your own life path.

When you hear something or see something three times pay attention – the message is for you.

Breathe.

Eat healthy - sleep 7-8 hours - drink water. Everything else is ok but in moderation.

Live a balanced life: Work - Rest - Play - Pray - Exercise.

Make room for the people and things that bring joy to your life: Live - Love – Laugh.

Meditate - even if meditation for you means sitting still with your own thoughts for a few minutes.

Pay attention to your thoughts and trust your intuition and you will be Divinely guided in the right direction.

While you are working on yourself try and stay away from negative news, tv, movies and negative people.

Find at least one thing to be grateful for every day. When you are grateful for what you already have then you will automatically receive more.

Keep a gratitude journal. Make it special and pick up a notebook with your favorite color and a cool pen you like, or you can get a small box or jar and write on post it notes and put them in it. If you don’t want to keep a real journal with pen and paper, then use the notes on your phone. I believe journals become like a portal to the other side and magical things happen when you show gratitude. At the end of the year, you can have a ceremony for yourself where you burn your journals. Ten years ago, I did a ceremony with a few friends and burned eight journals and it was a very healing experience.

Use crystals, sage, essential oils, meditation, prayer, Reiki or whatever speaks to you to protect yourself and make a safe space for yourself. Even a nice chair in the corner near a window can become a safe space to think, write or just be alone with your thoughts.

Manifest the Life You Want

Last week I spoke about decluttering your life, and now that you have the old exiting your life, you will want to replace it with new. That is where manifesting what you want your life to look like comes in. This is a hard one because, in the beginning, we are constantly being pulled back into old ways of thinking and doing. The lesson is to know that you are deserving of anything you can vision for yourself. This part is all about understanding and putting out into the universe that you are worthy of change – you are deserving of better. This part is all about self-love.

This part of the journey was the hardest for me because I didn’t realize how far down my wounds really went. I knew I wasn’t happy, and I knew I needed to change, but I didn’t realize this part would force me to be present in what I am thinking and doing. I didn’t realize how my own negative thinking was creating my own unhappiness. Old wounds tell you that you are stuck, and you aren’t going to do better, and you aren’t going to be better. When we aren’t present, we resort back to old ways that no longer serve us. You must find a way to break old cycles and shut down those voices and manifest new voices. Voices that are loving and supportive and tell you to be anything you want to be, the voices that want you to be happy. Manifestation and setting intentions will help to create the life we want and then believing in it helps us to achieve those intentions. We must stay active and present in our thoughts and in our lives. We must oversee our destiny. Our ego likes to hold onto the old ways of doing things because it’s easy and its comfortable, but to find happiness you must break free from the old ways of doing things and find your true self. You must create a vision and a plan for change.

When I first started out, I had no idea what manifestation meant – I just knew that I needed a new way of doing things. The easiest way for me to get started was to create a vision board. I purchased a large cork board, and I put pictures and index cards with motivational quotes on them, and a list of goals I wanted to accomplish. I added both short-term and long-term goals to my vision. Short term goals can be immediate or weeks, months maybe a year away. Long term goals are different. These can be buying a car or a house, losing weight, getting a new job or a degree, things that take time but you want for yourself. My long-term goal I have always wanted to go on an art trip to Europe and see everything that I spent my life studying, and I know that when the time is right, I will go, and it will be with the right person. That is my long-term goal and always a part of my vision and what I want for myself. Every year on New Years Day, I update the board and update the goals. The old list stays and sometimes I add new ones, and I cross out what I accomplished and write thank you next to it. You do want to utilize gratitude for this part. The more grateful you are for what you already have and what you have accomplished the more you get. This is how you create positive change.

The other way I utilize manifestation is to work on changing my negative way of thinking and this is ongoing. When your mind runs nonstop with nonsense that isn’t true, manifestation and understanding The Law of Attraction helps to change that. We can’t have a positive happy life if our thoughts are always negative. We can’t create change if our mind is telling us we can’t. Negative breeds negative and positive breeds positive, it is as simple as that. Change the tapes. In the beginning stages of my healing journey, I taped stickies and index cards all over my house with positive things to say to myself every day. I am worthy, I am deserving, I am abundant, I am happy, I am enough. I would read them and say them out loud anytime I found my mind racing and drifting off to a negative scenario. This is also the time I became very in tune with my spirituality – and it is the time I learned to distinguish between the negative loud voices that said I wasn’t enough and started hearing the whispers that said I was. Eventually the positive whispers quieted down the negative chatter because I was forcing myself to listen and trust my intuition. Remember the positive voices will never be loud or say anything negative to you, the negative loud voices are the dark, shadow side of our pain so don’t listen to those. They are loud because they are fearful of change and trying to be heard and make you stay in your comfort zone and stay the same. This is why change is so hard and why you must fight for change. Don’t feed the negative voices by giving them energy – learn to ignore them and replace them with a positive thought. The lesson is that you are worthy of the fight and can move on from a toxic, chaotic, negative past. The lesson is that self-love always wins. Self-love and self-care will always bring the positive change you desire and create the life you want for yourself.

Setting intentions, creating vision boards, and positive self-talk are all ways to help you manifest the life you want. Read what you can about The Law of Attraction because it will be very helpful in changing your mindset. Our thoughts create our life. Our energy manifests our life. These are phrases you will hear and yes, they are all true. Manifestation is where you will start to see a world outside of yourself and understand you are not alone on this journey. You will start to understand signs, and you will start to question your old ways of doing things. Remember you are growing and you are learning. Pay attention to what you see or hear three times because it is guidance being sent to you. Learn to trust it. Learn to trust yourself. Be present. Manifest the life you want. This is the part of the healing journey where you are learning to love yourself and create the positive changes you want for yourself.


In love and light,

Fran

DeClutter Your Life

 

When we speak about decluttering the first thing that comes to mind is our closet. Most of us have way too many clothes, shoes, purses, ties, socks, papers and can use a moment of out with the old to make room for the new. Spiritually speaking, decluttering your life means getting rid of everything that no longer serves you. Decluttering includes material things, thoughts, people, bad habits, anything that makes you feel tied down to a past that no longer fits into your new life and new mindset. The first and easiest place to start, yes, that would be in your closet.

As you move along in your healing journey you may notice that your old clothes no longer fit who you are and make you feel uncomfortable. I know this happened for me because I get emotionally attached to everything, so everything I wear mentally relates to a time in my life. Some of the clothes I was wearing no longer had room in my life because what they represented was a time I was moving on from. They made me feel uncomfortable wearing them, so I knew they had to go. Go out and find a new look that better portrays who you are now. Maybe you need to bring more color into your life, or maybe just need an update. You are getting to know yourself again and becoming your own best friend, so look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Are you portraying your true self to the world or are you like I was and find yourself hiding behind black or baggy clothes – or both. Embrace the weight you are, embrace the age you are, and just learn to embrace your true self. You will feel so much better when you just accept you for being you.

Decluttering anything from your life always feels good because you are releasing. When you find yourself hanging on too tightly to material things, ask yourself, “would someone else get more enjoyment out of this than I do?” When your answer to this question is yes, then donate it. I read somewhere that it is selfish for us to hang on to things and not use them when someone else could be finding use for it, and that stuck with me and gave me a new perspective on the material world. Things we have outgrown others may have a need for, so look at it as being generous. Look at it as you are helping someone else have the joy that you did, and now you are letting it go to make room for the new in your life. Follow the rule that for every one new item you bring into your life, one old one has to go. You are healing and growing and changing and have respect for that. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and don’t understand why, just follow your intuition. Get rid of it. Why would you hang on to something that doesn’t make you feel good. Let it go and find something else that does.

That concept also goes for thought patterns we have. Learn to declutter your mind. Old ways of thinking won’t hold a place in your healed life. Remember that until you are in total control of your life, old thought patterns will keep screaming to be heard until you learn to release them. Don’t let anyone or anything rent free space in your mind. Learn to control your thoughts. It sounds easier said than done, but the trick is to shut it down as soon as it starts. I have spoken the words, shut up, out loud, when I know I am spiraling down an old thought pattern that holds no space for where I am and who I am now. Quiet your mind and move on. Do something else. Go for a walk. Learn to declutter your mind by filling it with something that looks good, feels good, anything positive. Think about ice cream if you have to, that will make almost anyone feel good. Ice cream doesn’t work for you, then try something else that will. The only way old thought patterns can become old thought patterns is to replace them with new ones. Utilize the same concept as getting rid of clothes and that is a new one in means an old one out.

Decluttering your life may also include releasing people who no longer fit into your new life. Self-love and self-care raise your vibration. People in your life who aren’t doing the same work and stuck in a negative way of living will no longer be a match for you and will make you feel uncomfortable. This is where you detach in love. Respect people for where they are at and move on. Be grateful for the time you had together and everything they taught you on your journey so far and release them. Some people are only meant to be in our life to teach us things about ourselves that we couldn’t learn without them. Dragging out the lesson creates chaos and disappointment for everyone. Learn to trust yourself when its time to let go and move forward.

Decluttering isn’t something that happens overnight. Letting go happens in stages. I have been decluttering my life for years now, and yes that includes material things, thoughts, habits and people, and my life has slowly taken on a new look and a new feel. I am starting to feel like myself again. I am in tune with my sense of self, so I can tell what can stay and what must go because I have learned to trust myself and my intuition. When I find myself resorting back to old ways, I do a check in. I ask myself what I need, what has to change, what has to go. Decluttering is an ongoing process and one that helps me to feel free and at peace – on the outside and on the inside.

Remember that decluttering is the same as your healing journey, it is a process. Your life is never about the destination, but always about the journey.



In love and light,

Fran

Gratitude

Every week I usually just wait to hear what I should write about and am not really sure of the topic until it presents itself. Then I hear from my readers that it is exactly what they needed to hear, or it is exactly what they are going through, and noticed that we are all going through the same thing. Our lives and our situations may be different, but the core of the lessons we are learning is all the same. The common thread is self-care and self-love.

The time I have spent on healing you would think I would have this perfected by now, but I don’t. It is a continuous journey of healing, lessons learned, falling back into old patterns, getting back up, finding our voice, moving forward, repeat. I am way beyond where I was a decade ago, but I am still fumbling around trying to be the best version of myself. I still deal with abandonment issues, trust issues, low self-esteem, lack of confidence in myself, never feeling like enough and every time I think I have it figured out and well on my way, an old hurt or trauma that I think I healed from shows its ugly face and I am left to deal with my inner demons again. Last week I woke up from the worst nightmare and couldn’t breathe and I haven’t had one of those in over a decade. I took it as a sign that something in my life is triggering old wounds that need to be dealt with when I am awake. I took it as a sign that just when I thought I was healed, I am being shown that I am ready to start dealing with the next layer of that onion that I wasn’t strong enough to face earlier. A new layer of healing always shows up exactly when it is supposed to and you either ignore it or face it head on. My advice for you is to just know that you can only ignore it for so long before it starts screaming at you to be heard and dealt with.

Signs are great but what to do with them is another story, and that is where gratitude comes in. While on this healing journey you will find yourself in places where you have come so far yet finding yourself feeling so confused. I believe that happens right before our life is going to be making a big shift again. We put in the work, we made goals, we are staying positive, we are trying to show up more confident, but then you wake up feeling like you have no idea what you are doing. Are you feeling lost right now? Are you moving or must move soon? Thinking of a new job? A new relationship? Are you just feeling tired and lost and at a stopping point? Look at it as a resting point and start practicing gratitude to find the answers and find your strength to keep going. Being grateful for what we have always opens doors to receiving more – it opens the door to receiving answers from God, Source, The Universe, whatever you are comfortable calling that force outside of yourself. That force is there for guidance and answers and the best way to receive that guidance is to be grateful for everything you have right now. You may not be where you want to be, but being grateful for the little things that show up on the journey is a great way to bring yourself out of your head and back to reality. Gratitude is the best way to get in a mindset of abundance rather than lack. You will be forced to see what you have rather than what you don’t.

The other important part of being grateful is to understand that when you aren’t thankful for what you do have and appreciating what has been given to you on this journey, then it will slowly be taken away from you. We are then forced to live without what we just took for granted. This is a very hard lesson to learn when you have walls up, or feel like you have nothing, or when you feel like you have been waiting and waiting for something or someone and they never show up. The truth is maybe you were missing all the small things and gestures that were being given to you. Sometimes it takes them being taken away to really have your eyes opened to see what you had. Gratitude keeps you humble, and gratitude keeps the people around you feeling loved and feeling safe to keep loving you. Gratitude leaves you feeling like you have everything you need. The lesson is that having that gratitude for the little that you have or what you are receiving is when even more of everything you ever wanted shows up tenfold.

I can remember back to when I first learned about practicing gratitude and at that time, I had nothing. I had just sold everything I had so I was forced to ask myself how do I show gratitude when I am feeling a little hurt and betrayed that I just had to sell everything and every piece of jewelry I had from when I was a teenager to an adult – but I was determined to make these changes so I started being grateful for everything. I was taught that you will get back everything you lost if you just try and stay positive so I put all my trust in that (and yes that part is true – if you stay on this journey, you will eventually get it all back). That is also the time I started keeping a gratitude journal. I was grateful for waking up, grateful that my car was working, grateful for my work, and my kids, and my life and always, always grateful that I had my health. I learned not to ever take that for granted because that is the one thing that I had that could keep me doing everything else I had to. Life was hard but imagine how hard it would be if I wasn’t as healthy as I was. I knew that without my health I would really have nothing, so that was what I would be grateful for everyday when I woke up. That was over a decade ago and I am still grateful for that every day and something I will never take for granted.

The best way to start practicing gratitude is to just be thankful for everything. Be grateful for the people in your life that show up for you. You want more of anything, then be thankful that many times a day. I remember when I first started, I would say thank you with every step I took walking to my car. Then I would do it again getting out of my car. I had thank you stickies all over my house. Thank you for this, thank you for that, thank you, thank you, thank you. I had to get out of my head with being so angry at everything I had lost, so being grateful was going to help me with that. That was a big lesson back then, and one I find myself going back to right now. Start writing in your gratitude journal. Whenever life is getting hard and you are faced with dealing with the unknown, then the best path to take for the right now is to practice gratitude.

 

In love and light,

Fran