DeClutter Your Life

 

When we speak about decluttering the first thing that comes to mind is our closet. Most of us have way too many clothes, shoes, purses, ties, socks, papers and can use a moment of out with the old to make room for the new. Spiritually speaking, decluttering your life means getting rid of everything that no longer serves you. Decluttering includes material things, thoughts, people, bad habits, anything that makes you feel tied down to a past that no longer fits into your new life and new mindset. The first and easiest place to start, yes, that would be in your closet.

As you move along in your healing journey you may notice that your old clothes no longer fit who you are and make you feel uncomfortable. I know this happened for me because I get emotionally attached to everything, so everything I wear mentally relates to a time in my life. Some of the clothes I was wearing no longer had room in my life because what they represented was a time I was moving on from. They made me feel uncomfortable wearing them, so I knew they had to go. Go out and find a new look that better portrays who you are now. Maybe you need to bring more color into your life, or maybe just need an update. You are getting to know yourself again and becoming your own best friend, so look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. Are you portraying your true self to the world or are you like I was and find yourself hiding behind black or baggy clothes – or both. Embrace the weight you are, embrace the age you are, and just learn to embrace your true self. You will feel so much better when you just accept you for being you.

Decluttering anything from your life always feels good because you are releasing. When you find yourself hanging on too tightly to material things, ask yourself, “would someone else get more enjoyment out of this than I do?” When your answer to this question is yes, then donate it. I read somewhere that it is selfish for us to hang on to things and not use them when someone else could be finding use for it, and that stuck with me and gave me a new perspective on the material world. Things we have outgrown others may have a need for, so look at it as being generous. Look at it as you are helping someone else have the joy that you did, and now you are letting it go to make room for the new in your life. Follow the rule that for every one new item you bring into your life, one old one has to go. You are healing and growing and changing and have respect for that. When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and don’t understand why, just follow your intuition. Get rid of it. Why would you hang on to something that doesn’t make you feel good. Let it go and find something else that does.

That concept also goes for thought patterns we have. Learn to declutter your mind. Old ways of thinking won’t hold a place in your healed life. Remember that until you are in total control of your life, old thought patterns will keep screaming to be heard until you learn to release them. Don’t let anyone or anything rent free space in your mind. Learn to control your thoughts. It sounds easier said than done, but the trick is to shut it down as soon as it starts. I have spoken the words, shut up, out loud, when I know I am spiraling down an old thought pattern that holds no space for where I am and who I am now. Quiet your mind and move on. Do something else. Go for a walk. Learn to declutter your mind by filling it with something that looks good, feels good, anything positive. Think about ice cream if you have to, that will make almost anyone feel good. Ice cream doesn’t work for you, then try something else that will. The only way old thought patterns can become old thought patterns is to replace them with new ones. Utilize the same concept as getting rid of clothes and that is a new one in means an old one out.

Decluttering your life may also include releasing people who no longer fit into your new life. Self-love and self-care raise your vibration. People in your life who aren’t doing the same work and stuck in a negative way of living will no longer be a match for you and will make you feel uncomfortable. This is where you detach in love. Respect people for where they are at and move on. Be grateful for the time you had together and everything they taught you on your journey so far and release them. Some people are only meant to be in our life to teach us things about ourselves that we couldn’t learn without them. Dragging out the lesson creates chaos and disappointment for everyone. Learn to trust yourself when its time to let go and move forward.

Decluttering isn’t something that happens overnight. Letting go happens in stages. I have been decluttering my life for years now, and yes that includes material things, thoughts, habits and people, and my life has slowly taken on a new look and a new feel. I am starting to feel like myself again. I am in tune with my sense of self, so I can tell what can stay and what must go because I have learned to trust myself and my intuition. When I find myself resorting back to old ways, I do a check in. I ask myself what I need, what has to change, what has to go. Decluttering is an ongoing process and one that helps me to feel free and at peace – on the outside and on the inside.

Remember that decluttering is the same as your healing journey, it is a process. Your life is never about the destination, but always about the journey.



In love and light,

Fran

Gratitude

Every week I usually just wait to hear what I should write about and am not really sure of the topic until it presents itself. Then I hear from my readers that it is exactly what they needed to hear, or it is exactly what they are going through, and noticed that we are all going through the same thing. Our lives and our situations may be different, but the core of the lessons we are learning is all the same. The common thread is self-care and self-love.

The time I have spent on healing you would think I would have this perfected by now, but I don’t. It is a continuous journey of healing, lessons learned, falling back into old patterns, getting back up, finding our voice, moving forward, repeat. I am way beyond where I was a decade ago, but I am still fumbling around trying to be the best version of myself. I still deal with abandonment issues, trust issues, low self-esteem, lack of confidence in myself, never feeling like enough and every time I think I have it figured out and well on my way, an old hurt or trauma that I think I healed from shows its ugly face and I am left to deal with my inner demons again. Last week I woke up from the worst nightmare and couldn’t breathe and I haven’t had one of those in over a decade. I took it as a sign that something in my life is triggering old wounds that need to be dealt with when I am awake. I took it as a sign that just when I thought I was healed, I am being shown that I am ready to start dealing with the next layer of that onion that I wasn’t strong enough to face earlier. A new layer of healing always shows up exactly when it is supposed to and you either ignore it or face it head on. My advice for you is to just know that you can only ignore it for so long before it starts screaming at you to be heard and dealt with.

Signs are great but what to do with them is another story, and that is where gratitude comes in. While on this healing journey you will find yourself in places where you have come so far yet finding yourself feeling so confused. I believe that happens right before our life is going to be making a big shift again. We put in the work, we made goals, we are staying positive, we are trying to show up more confident, but then you wake up feeling like you have no idea what you are doing. Are you feeling lost right now? Are you moving or must move soon? Thinking of a new job? A new relationship? Are you just feeling tired and lost and at a stopping point? Look at it as a resting point and start practicing gratitude to find the answers and find your strength to keep going. Being grateful for what we have always opens doors to receiving more – it opens the door to receiving answers from God, Source, The Universe, whatever you are comfortable calling that force outside of yourself. That force is there for guidance and answers and the best way to receive that guidance is to be grateful for everything you have right now. You may not be where you want to be, but being grateful for the little things that show up on the journey is a great way to bring yourself out of your head and back to reality. Gratitude is the best way to get in a mindset of abundance rather than lack. You will be forced to see what you have rather than what you don’t.

The other important part of being grateful is to understand that when you aren’t thankful for what you do have and appreciating what has been given to you on this journey, then it will slowly be taken away from you. We are then forced to live without what we just took for granted. This is a very hard lesson to learn when you have walls up, or feel like you have nothing, or when you feel like you have been waiting and waiting for something or someone and they never show up. The truth is maybe you were missing all the small things and gestures that were being given to you. Sometimes it takes them being taken away to really have your eyes opened to see what you had. Gratitude keeps you humble, and gratitude keeps the people around you feeling loved and feeling safe to keep loving you. Gratitude leaves you feeling like you have everything you need. The lesson is that having that gratitude for the little that you have or what you are receiving is when even more of everything you ever wanted shows up tenfold.

I can remember back to when I first learned about practicing gratitude and at that time, I had nothing. I had just sold everything I had so I was forced to ask myself how do I show gratitude when I am feeling a little hurt and betrayed that I just had to sell everything and every piece of jewelry I had from when I was a teenager to an adult – but I was determined to make these changes so I started being grateful for everything. I was taught that you will get back everything you lost if you just try and stay positive so I put all my trust in that (and yes that part is true – if you stay on this journey, you will eventually get it all back). That is also the time I started keeping a gratitude journal. I was grateful for waking up, grateful that my car was working, grateful for my work, and my kids, and my life and always, always grateful that I had my health. I learned not to ever take that for granted because that is the one thing that I had that could keep me doing everything else I had to. Life was hard but imagine how hard it would be if I wasn’t as healthy as I was. I knew that without my health I would really have nothing, so that was what I would be grateful for everyday when I woke up. That was over a decade ago and I am still grateful for that every day and something I will never take for granted.

The best way to start practicing gratitude is to just be thankful for everything. Be grateful for the people in your life that show up for you. You want more of anything, then be thankful that many times a day. I remember when I first started, I would say thank you with every step I took walking to my car. Then I would do it again getting out of my car. I had thank you stickies all over my house. Thank you for this, thank you for that, thank you, thank you, thank you. I had to get out of my head with being so angry at everything I had lost, so being grateful was going to help me with that. That was a big lesson back then, and one I find myself going back to right now. Start writing in your gratitude journal. Whenever life is getting hard and you are faced with dealing with the unknown, then the best path to take for the right now is to practice gratitude.

 

In love and light,

Fran

 

Raise Your Vibration

Once you have been on this healing journey long enough, you begin to understand that everything is about positive and negative energy. The hardest part is learning to walk away from the negative while protecting the positive. This is done with strong boundaries. You will begin to feel what is right for you and what is wrong for you. I always mention in my blog how I protect my peace with everything I am and that is because it took me so long to get here. I had to learn to embrace the positive and walk away from the negative. Now that you are on this journey, you will learn to do that as well.

Energy is everywhere and you can feel it. Have you ever walked into a room, and it just doesn’t feel right – or be around someone who is just so negative. This is where you are going to learn to protect yourself and to level-up and raise your vibration. This is a very important lesson to learn while trying to create a new life. Our thoughts and our actions create our life, so we want to be positive. We must be positive to attract positive. We are trying to undo a negative past, so if you sit around arguing, or gossiping, or partaking in negative behaviors, then that is exactly the type of energy you are still attracting. Learn to level-up and learn to walk away. You don’t have to be rude about it, you don’t even have to say anything. Someone is reeling you into an argument, walk away - you notice the people around you are talking about a co-worker, walk away – someone asking you about your ex and you feel the need to talk negative about them, don’t engage. Learn not to partake of anything that will keep you at a low vibration. You want to lift yourself up and you want to lift up the people around you. Be compassionate, be respectful, be understanding of others, practice forgiveness. That is how you will create happiness for yourself and anything else will keep you in chaos and despair. We attract who we are so become the person you want to be with – attract the people you want to be with.

We all go through very hard times and very low times in our lives. The lesson is not to stay there. I have been in that low place, and I understand that even though it is a very unhappy place it can get very comfortable because moving out of it is hard and requires work. That is the moment to level up knowing that you want to be better than your past. Learn from those moments and move forward taking the knowledge with you. The difference between living at a high vibration and a low one is all in your attitude. Situations around us don’t change, how we look at those situations and handle those situations is what changes. Learn to be the better person. Learn to value yourself because once you do that you no longer feel the need to always feel right. You will value yourself enough to know that others can have a different opinion, but you can still have yours. Agree to disagree. Detach in love. These small things will help you to keep peace on the outside and on the inside while you are trying to change your life.

Everyone has a different story and situation, so leveling-up will mean different things to different people. My situation, raising my vibration means I walk away from anything negative, and I stay away from negative news, negative movies, negative tv shows, anything that doesn’t have a feel good, positive message I stay away from. I do this because I do not want anything to get in the way of how I feel or what I am thinking. Movies and news affect us more than you think, so for me this is how I stay in a place where I can change my life and attract only the positive. Others it may be walking away from confrontation, learning not to argue, eating healthy, not drinking, exercising, anything to change your lifestyle that raises your vibration. You may have a messy house, clean it and get organized and see what it does for your mood. Do the same for your car. Walk away from someone trying to start an argument and see how good you feel that you kept your cool. Raise your vibration. Protect your peace and your happiness with everything you are. Once you find that place, the outside world doesn’t have as big of an effect on you – you will remain strong through anything.

I understand that this can be very hard to do. People around us affect us. They affect our life; they affect our mood, and they can bring us down to their level if we aren’t careful. You must get to a place where you understand that people must rise up to you, not the other way around. As soon as you engage in negative energy through behaviors or conversation, you are brought down to that level, you are brought down to that lower vibration. That is why taking the high road and staying in your higher vibration is very important. Let others rise to the occasion and meet you where you are, don’t allow yourself to be brought down. Stay strong in how far you have come. The people who don’t respect where you are will eventually phase out of your life, but remember that will be their choice. We can only control ourselves – we are not meant to control or be controlled by others. We must respect everyone’s personal journey.


In love and light,

Fran

Here are a few ways to get you started on raising your vibration:

Eat healthy

Exercise

Call a friend

Smile at a stranger

Go for a walk

Watch a funny movie

Listen to music

Clean your house

Donate your old clothing or furniture

Learn a new hobby

Pray / Go to Church

Avoid arguments and gossip

Shut down negative thinking

Only use positive words in your vocabulary

Be compassionate

Forgive someone (remember forgiveness is always for us)

 

The In-Between

Last week I mentioned that healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. This week I thought it was important to talk about that moment in healing that I like to call the in-between. This moment comes after you have been doing so much work on yourself, and you reach a point where you start to question yourself and you begin to doubt yourself. You are journaling, you are practicing self-care, you are no longer feeding negative people and situations, and then one day you wake up and feel lost. You look around and realize that you no longer feel comfortable in your old life. Negativity and toxicity no longer fit you like a glove. The opposite is true, which is why your old life makes you feel very uncomfortable. You find yourself feeling uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. This place is what I refer to as the in-between because you feel confused. You no longer fit into your old life, but you haven’t yet reached the part where you are in a new normal of your transformed life. You begin to second guess your choices and wonder if you are doing the right thing for yourself. This can be a very scary place. You are at the in-between.

The good news is that this place is where you find yourself again. This is the place where it is very important to trust yourself. Trust that you are changing for the better. Trust that it is ok to feel confused and not know where you are going. This is where that trust in the universe and in yourself will come into play. You will be tested. You will have to make choices that show how much you are serious about wanting change and wanting a new life. Your old life, no matter how toxic and negative, also became your comfort zone. Once you release that comfort zone you will set yourself free. Learn to be comfortable in the quiet. Learn that life doesn’t have to be all about drama. You will be tested to see if you want to go back to it. People who are in your life and not on the same journey will show up to test you. Detach in love. Stand strong in your power and remember this is your life. You will be tested to see if you choose healing. This journey is all about self-love, so you will be tested to see if you are choosing you.

The in-between is an important part of this experience because many of us on this journey suffer from black and white thinking. We go to the extremes in our thinking and feel that it must be this way or that way. That is why the in-between makes us feel very uncomfortable. We want it all now. But there is another way. Once you find yourself at a stopping point in your healing practice gratitude, practice patience. Learn to get comfortable in the gray area because most of life happens in the gray area. Life doesn’t have to be only about extreme highs and extreme lows. We lived in trauma and chaos, so that was all we knew. The gray, quiet and peaceful area of life makes us feel very uncomfortable because we aren’t used to that kind of living. Learn to live life one day, one moment, one hour, one minute at a time. Remember when you feel uncomfortable, those are just old tapes playing until you get used to your new normal. Ignore those thoughts and learn to embrace the quiet. You will get to know yourself in the quiet, and you will learn to embrace a non-stressful, chaotic life. Once you move along on your journey the quiet and your peace become something you cherish. I know that I worked very hard to find that place and that is why I protect it with everything I am.

The in-between is the time to journal about your fears and where you want to go. Don’t try to rush the process, because this is the time to relax and meditate about what you want your future to look like. Think about it, envision yourself there. Fake it til you make it is a phrase used a lot because it works. Old tapes will try to keep looping in your head and your job is to turn them off. Your goal is to start playing new tapes for yourself. Even if you aren’t there yet, play those future tapes. Set goals for yourself. Keep your new routines. Look back to see how far you have come on your journey. Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend and cheer yourself on. My son likes to call them little w’s and big w’s. Big wins and little wins. The nice thing about healing is that every little w counts and gets you further on your journey. Remember this is a journey not a destination, so the in-between is just as important as where you want to be, and those little w’s will add up. You will learn lessons you didn’t even know you needed. The in-between is where you find your strength and confidence in yourself. The in-between is where you find all the knowledge you will need for the next chapter.

You will have many in-betweens on your journey because we are always growing. I started this journey over a decade ago and I am still learning new things about myself every day. Once you meet a goal you will set another one. You will gather up all your information and start to move forward and then find yourself at another crossroads. Every crossroad you will have more knowledge to fall back on than you did before. Each crossroad is easier because you know yourself better and you are treating yourself better. This is the time to rest and regroup and do a check-in with yourself to make sure you are heading in the right direction. Remember everything you have learned so far and congratulate yourself for how much you have grown. Heal – Rest – Grow - Repeat.


In love and light,

Fran

Build a Routine

Healing is like having a second job and we must make time for it. Healing just doesn’t show up for you one day – it is something that we must work at every single day. We became stagnant in our lives and allowed toxic people and situations that aren’t going to just leave because we want them to. People get used to how we are and get confused when we show up differently, and we face resistance. Change takes a lot of work and determination, but it can be done. We must be stronger than the resistance we face. We must be in charge. Healing is a complete overhaul of your mindset and your lifestyle. Setting boundaries and building a routine that you can stick to will help you stay organized and on track.

When I first started my healing journey, I purchased a calendar and put it on my refrigerator. I wrote down everything that I wanted to accomplish every hour of every day of the week, from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I did that and stuck to that schedule for years until it became my new normal and I no longer needed a reminder to schedule relaxation and fun into my life. I also carried a small notebook with me and made a list of things to do every day. When dealing with toxicity and negativity, the mind becomes very active with nonsense, and you become very forgetful. The notes and the calendars helped me with this until a new, positive routine became a part of my world. I still use the notepad on my phone to help me stay on track with my list of things to do. I still do this because once you write it down, you no longer must store it in memory and that frees up space in your mind for more important things. I have become so reliant on my lists that I joke around now that if it isn’t on my list of things to do then it isn’t getting done.

A new routine is very important because most of us get stuck in a rut of where life is happening to us, and we are no longer running the show. We allowed people and situations to rule our day, forgetting that we have the power to say no or to do things differently. A routine puts us back in charge. Everyone’s routine will look different because it is personal, it is yours. Do you want to join the gym, then make time for that, do you want to start going to church, put that on your schedule and stick to it. Do you want to make time for friends and loved ones, then make it a conscious choice to block out time for that. We always complain that we don’t have time, but it is crazy how we can find the time when we really want to. I work a full-time job and would have been the first to complain that I don’t have time to write a blog. I made a strict schedule for myself and now I work full time, write a weekly blog and I am taking an online course to get my real estate license. My weekly routine is set in stone right now so that I can achieve the goals I set for myself. Once those goals are achieved, then I can readjust my schedule and have more free time on my days off, but my basic daily routine will always stay the same. I stick to my routine because life works better for me that way. I feel in charge and in control of my time, my life and in control of myself. I decide how much sleep I need to function at my best, what I eat, where I go, who I allow into my life, what boundaries I need, and my routine helps me to do that.

Building a new routine does require discipline and a new way of thinking, so we stumble around at first until we find what works best. When we are lost in negativity, it is easy to lose control of our life, but a healthy routine helps us to gain control and develop a new, healthy mindset, which in turn helps to live a healthy, happy life. Once you build a healthy routine for yourself, then there are certain things you will do every day that are never changing. A healthy sleep and eating schedule are the most important, so find what works for you. Remember to journal every day. As I mentioned in a previous blog, remember to take five minutes for yourself every morning before your day starts then no matter what happens during the day you know you gave to yourself first and will never feel resentful. I have been on this journey for a while and have turned those five minutes into an hour. I make myself go to bed by 11pm every night because I want to sleep 7-8 hours every night and want to be up between 6-7am. When I do that, I have enough time for myself before work so that fits best with my schedule right now. Some people like to exercise in the morning before work, some prefer after work. You have been getting to know yourself again, so figure out what you want in your life and find what schedule works best for you.

Routines are important but don’t get so reliant on them that when you are forced to adjust for something unexpected, you get lost and angry. Sometimes we are tested and forced to face how badly we want a new life. We are forced to fight for our new life and our new routine. We were once at the hands of a very negative lifestyle and that past will show up and test us. Those are the times it is important to remain calm and dig deep and pull out everything you know to be true about who you are now. Building a routine requires a new mindset and all the lessons you will be learning will come into play. Balance is always key. Learn to go with the flow and readjust. Stay in charge. Be positive. Enjoy your life.


In love and light,

Fran

Obstacles

The hardest part of this healing journey is knowing when to rest and when to move forward. We oversee our own life, but Divine guidance is always out there, and that guidance sometimes shows up as obstacles. We are making changes, we are journaling, we are being present, we are practicing self-love and then bam – life hits us right in the face again. Our first reaction is to get angry and look up with an "are you kidding me, I’m doing everything right, what is going on". We must remember that these obstacles and struggles are happening for us, not to us. We don’t grow and learn the most when life is easy, we gain our knowledge and strength during the hard times. When faced with an obstacle, we must remember to take a moment and regroup and see if we are on the right path. I have learned that the obstacles are placed in front of us to help us take a moment and rest and gather up our strength for the next chapter, and then sometimes obstacles are placed in front of us because we are heading the wrong way and must change direction.

Trust me when I say that I know this all sounds easier said than done. I still struggle with knowing whether this is just me making mistakes, or is this a sign, should I stay, should I go, decisions, decisions, decisions. This is where journaling, meditation and being present comes into play. We get caught up in life just doing, doing, doing and forget to listen and forget to pay attention. Divine guidance is always there to help keep us on track, so of course that is when the obstacles will show up. The obstacles, both big and small, are sometimes placed there to slow us down. I can remember a while ago, before my healing started, when I was stuck at home because my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to fix it. I was angry, I was sad, and I felt like here we go again. Looking back, I can see that it was set up that way to make me stay put because the time was not right for me to move yet. I was struggling and wanted no part of where I was in life, and if I had money and a car, I would have taken off instead of figuring it out. I ended up staying in Florida for another decade and that was exactly where I needed to be. There were things I needed to take care of, more learning I had to do, kids I had to raise, people I needed to help, and looking back, I wouldn’t trade that time in my life for anything. That is the time in my life where I found my true calling, and once the obstacles were removed, I was able to leave. I left Florida a year and half ago with everything wrapped up the right way. The kids were grown and supportive, no hard feelings, no relationships up in the air, no loose ends, it was a very peaceful transition. That was a very new experience for me considering my past was always filled with such chaos. I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and just leave because it was hard, and I had enough. Ironically, running away from the hard would have made my life even harder than it was, and I would have missed out on so many important lessons in life that made me so much stronger. My healing journey and all the obstacles put in my way have shown me a much better way to approach life.

The next lesson to navigate through when faced with obstacles is do I go through this alone or do I ask for help. You must learn to find the balance. Some doors and lessons we are meant to go through alone. Those times require detaching from negative people and situations and going within. Those are the times that require solitude and getting to know yourself again. Journaling, meditation and focusing on self is meant for that time. Other times, we are meant to reach out because we are not meant to always go through life alone. Solitude for reasons of avoidance and withdrawal are not healthy and that is the time to reach out for help. That is the time if a hand is offered to you, reach back and take a hold of that hand knowing that you are loved and supported on your journey. There are also times when the obstacles are so hard and knock us completely off our path, and that is when an angel will step in to help pick us up. Those are the times in my life I am most grateful for. Those are the times when we are so lost in our own bubble that we can’t see that we have been camping out at the obstacle not even trying to get to the other side of it. We didn’t even realize that we gave up.

Balance is always the key to everything and while you are healing you will learn how to distinguish what is an obstacle, what isn’t, and what is healthy and unhealthy behavior. You will get to know yourself again and understand your wants and your needs. You will find your strength deep within and you will find your voice. Obstacles that stop you in your path and make you forget who you are will be a thing of the past. Life is not a destination, it is a journey, so be sure that you will meet up with other obstacles as you move forward. The difference is they will no longer paralyze you with fear, but just be something to work through. Each time you face another, you will have more knowledge and more strength to overcome them, and they won’t seem so hard. You will have a new view of them and a new outlook on life. You will understand that obstacles in life are there to help you, they are not there to hurt you. You will embrace change and whatever obstacles come with that change. You will understand that you are being Divinely guided and in complete control of your own destiny.


In love and light,

Fran

Being Present

Have you ever reached for your coffee and didn’t notice you already drank it? Or driving down the road and wondering how you got there? Lose your keys? Misplace your wallet? Many times, we just move through life on autopilot not taking the time to notice our surroundings. We spend time with people but not really present, or we just rush through our day not taking the time to enjoy the moments. We move mindlessly through our lives just doing, but not necessarily being. I have learned through this healing journey how precious life is and the importance of taking it all in. We are never promised tomorrow, so it is important to appreciate everything that life has to offer us today.

I noticed when I was on vacation recently how I was not doing that anymore. My brain is all over the place and I’m only half listening. I’m not watching where I am going and covered in bruises from bumping into things. In that moment I realized I am on the opposite side of mindfulness; I am no longer present. I think a lot of times that happens when we make major life changes and start to feel overwhelmed. I made a major life move a year and a half ago, and I’m sure that is also the time I stopped practicing mindfulness. We get thrown in survival mode, doing what is needed, forgetting that life is passing us by. The important lesson about living a healthy, happy life is to understand that it is all about the journey, not the destination. We must remember to take it all in, because every step of the way is important and can be so beautiful, but we must be present enough in our own lives to be able to see it. We should appreciate the people in our lives and make them feel important while we are here.

I was happy I noticed that in the first few days of my recent trip because I was able to be present with my boys and take it all in. This was the first time in five years that we were all together, and we ate, we laughed, and we were fully present and engaged. My heart is full, and I will remember conversations and every moment of my trip with them. I also came back knowing that it is time for me to be present and mindful once again in every aspect of my daily life. I must come off autopilot and come out of survival mode. Once again, I can see myself slipping and allowing my past to dictate my present. In my past blogs, I always talk about how you must be present while trying to heal and it is very true, and it is always ongoing. I may have healed so much in the past decade, but each step has a new step after that, and it is very easy to get lost and remain stagnant on a step. We get tired, we get complacent, but the trick is to keep moving and keep growing.

I mentioned that life is a journey not a destination, but we do have to set goals for ourselves that we want to reach. Once you reach that goal make a new one. Keep moving. My goal was to get to New Jersey and start a new life for myself. I have achieved the beginning part of that goal, but my life still doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it. Yes, I made it here, but what I realized on my trip is that I am not living, I am just surviving again. I am stuck on a step. My life looks different than what I imagined it would be once I got here because, as usual, the Universe had other plans for me. That is ok but I think I got lost and confused about what to do next. What I must do now is be present and be mindful and pay attention to the signs and listen for the guidance. When we are living one day at a time and one moment at a time, then that guidance does come, and we can see it and hear it. When we are all over the place like I have been, then it is easy to miss it. I became complacent, I became stagnant. I settled for less than. Once again, it is time for me to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. It is time to make moves and oversee my destiny. I know better than to let life happen to me. The lesson is to just keep going. Be in the moment. Be mindful. The Universe always has a better plan than anything I could imagine.

I have to be present and trust. You have to be present and trust.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Healing through Prayer

 When I attended SWIHA over a decade ago I was introduced to a world of religion, spirituality and many forms of prayer that I didn’t even know existed and developed a deep respect for all of them.

If I was asked ten years ago what my sense of what union with God or ultimate reality or the Divine is, my answer would be much different than it is today. I have always believed in God, dragged to church as a child, and then as an adult found comfort in that space. There were times in my life, the very dark times, when just sitting in church or going to light a candle, I would find myself in tears with an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love. Some people already grow up with such a connection to themselves and their belief systems, but my belief is that for people like me, there must be some sort of trauma or awakening that happens before you realize the union with Spirit and the union with self, we all have. Once you have that awakening life is never the same. You see life from a different perspective and everything changes. Life has new meaning, and your life seems to have more purpose. You realize that what you have heard over and over to be true, and that is, we are spiritual beings having a physical human experience rather than physical human beings having a spiritual experience.

I know that, for me, once that awakening happened and my spiritual journey began, my soul was touched, and I felt the Divine everywhere. Divine timing, Divine interaction, Divine protection, I was suddenly aware that I was being guided and I was being protected and help and guidance was always available I just had to ask for it. There was a connection that is hard to explain and was a different feeling that I had while sitting in church as a child. I could hear it, see it, touch it and developed a trust and faith in it. I finally understood that we are all one and connected. Life suddenly lost that lonely feeling of wandering around a planet with no purpose. I realized the higher purpose and that purpose is we are here to help guide people to their own awakening. The sense of that union blesses us with more patience, more compassion and a strength that makes us feel like we can do anything. We shine our light brightly awaiting the day that we return home.

The sense of that union with God and with each other also erased the fear of death. I found that very comforting since I have been dealing with death and losing close loved ones since the age of nine. Reincarnation suddenly made sense, and the pieces all fit together. We don’t die, we move on. Material things of the physical world don’t hold as much value, but you realize that we need this physical world to learn and grow. We can feel that middle place between Heaven and earth. We know that there is so much more out there than the eyes can see. It is such a beautiful, comforting feeling to know that. Once awake we have a deep love connection to spirit and to self. It is a love that is everlasting and a realization that so are we. Looking back, I could never imagine being pulled into such a dark place, but I always say that faith and prayer is what helped me through. When you believe in a force outside of yourself you always look up and ask for help, you can ask for guidance, you can be grateful, and you learn to quiet your mind and listen. You listen for guidance.

Prayer comes in many forms and can be done anywhere. When I was younger church on Sunday was where we went to pray, and I still have a deep love and connection with church. The difference now is that I no longer need church to pray or to feel closer with God. I pray and practice gratitude every day, so I now feel closer to God, the Universe and the spirit world more than I ever did while growing up. My way of prayer and worship now may not be for everyone, but it works for me and has gotten me through some very dark times in my life. Crucifix, rosary beads, candles are all items I was already familiar with to show reverence, but when you weren’t raised with a structured religion, then mala beads, incense, essential oils, Angel oracle cards, anything that speaks to you can also be used to set those same intentions and help you to form a relationship with God, the Divine, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. Utilize whatever makes you feel comfortable. Some people aren’t comfortable going to church but find that same sense of unconditional love just sitting and meditating at the beach or at the park. When you sit alone with yourself and practice self- love and gratitude you are coming from a very good place and can find so much comfort and healing with that. We may all worship and go about prayer differently, but the main goal is always the same. Healing. Love. Love for self and love for each other.

Structured religion has many prayers that are used depending on your religion, but if you just need to feel connected you may use the prayers below, that I have written, or just journal and see what comes up and write your own.



In love and light,

Fran





Prayer for Healing

Dear God, please take my pain

Help me to move forward in my life with confidence and grace

Knowing that everything that happens to me is happening for me

Give me the strength to see the lessons I have learned

Knowing that I must detach in love while leaving the rest behind

I look to the future with faith and acceptance of the plan you have set for me

I am grateful for all that I am and all the potential I have to be.

Amen



Affirmative Prayer

There is one Universe, and the loving Spirit is generous with all its resources

I trust and understand that I am one with the Divine and worthy of these resources

I see and feel the power of these gifts all around me

I allow Spirit to give to me in overflowing abundance

I accept these gifts knowing that they will help me on my path

I promise to utilize these gifts by living my life with the Highest Intentions set for myself and for everyone in my life.

I have faith that financial success will continue, and my life will exceed what I can imagine.

I am grateful for the peace, love, joy and stability brought into my life

Amen



Prayer for Thanks

Thank you for everything I have

Thank you for everything I am

Thank you for everything I can do

Thank you for giving me the strength and confidence to live my life

Always making a difference.

Amen

Self-Love

 I know I have been talking a lot about self-love and self-care in my previous blogs, but what does that mean? I know just a decade ago the concept of self-love was as unfamiliar to me as a foreign language. I viewed saying no to anyone or taking time for myself as selfish, but now I see it as the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. Self-love makes me a priority too and allows me to put up boundaries and protect my energy. Self-love allows me to fill up my cup, so I have enough to spread around. Self-love and self-care keep me from feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and keeps me from feeling cranky and snapping at everyone around me. Self-love allows me to spread more joy and more peace and bring more love into my life.

I knew this week I wanted to write about the topic of self-love, and I do most of my writing on Monday when I’m off. This week I had to work six days in a row, and I was finally off yesterday and beyond feeling burnt out. I was completely drained and looking at a blank page, in no way able to concentrate and write anything. The universe has been guiding me what to write since starting this journey eleven weeks ago, so I knew it was no coincidence that I was being forced to practice what I wanted to write about. I had to practice self-love and self-care so that I could replenish myself so that I would be able to write and not miss this week’s blog – and it worked. I took this week’s topic as something I had to do for myself yesterday, and now I feel so much better today.

When you aren’t sure what self-love is or how to go about practicing it, then just think of self-love as getting to know yourself again. Think of it as being your own best friend and giving yourself what you need. What do you like to do, what do you like to eat, do you need to exercise, or go to the doctor, do you need to talk, do you need to socialize, do you need to rest, do you need to be alone, ask yourself what you need. I was feeling depleted because I had just spent six days talking to people and giving of my time and energy and I knew I had to put that back. I had to ask myself what I needed. I looked around my apartment yesterday and realized I needed clean clothes so I should do laundry, I needed to journal, I needed to ice my back, I needed sunshine, and it was a beautiful day, so I wanted to sit outside. The more I checked in what I needed and did for myself throughout the day, the better I felt. I put music on and tended to my plants. I made myself a BLT. I went and sat out on my porch again. The more I did for myself, the more energy I got back. I was slowly refilling my cup.

Now imagine if I didn’t do those small things for myself and I kept going, going, going. I would be coming from a depleted place, and I would feel tired, and resentful that I felt so awful. The truth is if I didn’t set a boundary yesterday and just concentrate on myself, then feeling exhausted and drained today when I had to go back to work would be no one’s fault but my own. We must take time for ourselves and make ourselves a priority. We must tune into ourselves for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. We owe that to ourselves, and we owe it to the people around us who we encounter every day. The day is so much better when it can be faced with a smile and a positive attitude, rather than facing it with a look of despair and exhaustion because we didn’t take time for ourselves to refill our cup.

Self-love activities can be big or small and the list is endless. The most important part is to tune in to yourself and ask what you like to do. I am sure you are a giver and asking yourself what you like is never on the top things you think about. How about a bubble bath, a walk outside, a trip to the beach, go get a coffee or tea, just sit in your backyard and bird watch, do any one of these things and watch how fast your cup fills back up. Pay attention to how small things for yourself increase your energy level. Look at how positive your interactions with people become. I mentioned in a previous blog how I liked to journal in the morning because that is how I make time for myself before my day starts. Journaling in the morning helps me put myself first and then I don’t feel resentful throughout the day for giving to everyone else and then feeling like I never make time for myself. I make time for myself first and then the rest of the day I feel good about sharing of myself. I filled my cup first and then able to share my cup with everyone else. The same way they tell us on an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, this is the same idea. You must love yourself first before you can love anyone else; you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. This seems like a simple concept to learn, but it took me a lifetime to figure out.

I was thinking back to a decade ago when I first started this journey and didn’t really know where to start. When you are out of the bubble it seems easy, but I can remember being in it and feeling so broken and lost and all the joy sucked out of my insides. I do receive feedback and know that many of you are in that space right now and I just want to say keep going, keep fighting for yourself. I promise you that it does get easier. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time really does help and it all starts with self-love and self-care. I want to give you a list to help you get started and know that as you get to know yourself again, you will come up with a list for yourself. That list will include everything that brings you joy, brings you peace and brings you happiness, and you will learn to incorporate them into your daily life. You will be healed and then moving forward you will pass on all your knowledge to the next person you meet on your journey who will look to you to see how it is done.



In love and light,

Fran



Practicing Self-Love:

Love yourself and follow your intuition

Make yourself a priority

Set boundaries

Journal

Forgive yourself for all your mistakes

Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-affirmations

Learn to ask for help

Practice gratitude

Practice self-care

Eat healthy and get enough sleep

Be your own best friend

Learn to say no

Learn to detach in love

Meditate, journal, go for a walk anything to clear your mind

Go to the beach, go to the park, go on a hike, take a drive

Socialize, call a friend, join a club, be part of a group

Read a book, take a bubble bath

Watch a movie, go to see a play

Reiki, Massage, get your nails done, get a haircut

Mow the lawn, wash your car, do your laundry, tend to your plants

Draw, paint, play an instrument, listen to music

Try something new

Do anything, even for one minute a day, that brings you joy

Your Inner Child

Looking back to your childhood, what do you see? Imagine yourself five years old, nine years old, twelve, a teenager, what feelings come up for you. Most of us on this journey look back on childhood with mixed emotions. You may remember very fun times filled with laughter and normalcy, but you also held deep dark secrets of pain, guilt, shame, and fear that you didn’t share with anyone. These feelings left you feeling unworthy and stole your self-esteem and confidence. Looking back, I can remember feeling completely lost and disconnected from the rest of the world. I taught myself to shut down those feelings and put on a smile for the world to see. I wanted to fit in and seem normal to the outside world when that was the furthest from what I was feeling. I always felt like an outsider looking in. Those moments in time are where our childhood wounds began. Those are the moments that set up the lessons to learn throughout our lifetime.

Inner child work can bring up a lot of old junk, so may be something that you would like to seek counseling for. Professionals can help you deal with trauma in an extremely healthy way. When I was younger therapy was a sort of taboo, but fortunately that outlook has changed and today seeking outside help is very accepted and encouraged in our society. Until you are ready to do that, the best advice I can give is to focus on self-love and learn to be your own best friend. Give yourself the love that you feel you were not given or could not be given as a child. We learned to put our needs last or felt that we were not deserving of love so now take the time to give that love to yourself. Get to know yourself again. Look back to childhood what did you like to do – paint, draw, color, play music, sports, cooking. What did you like to wear – hats, sneakers, a frilly dress. Think about what made you smile, what will make you happy and learn to fit that back into your life, fit joy back into your life. Don’t think too much about it just do it. The best lesson we can learn from kids is that they know how to just be without analyzing everything first. Healing your inner child requires just that, learn to have fun again.

I spoke about journaling in a previous blog and how important it was to go out and buy yourself a cool notebook and a pen. Small things like that for yourself will go a long way. Take yourself out on a date. Go to the park, the beach, just outside for a walk. Learn to quiet your mind as soon as it tries to talk you out of it – and trust me it will. I recently went back to attending classes for exercising and meditation, and I can’t begin to tell you the number of excuses going through my mind before class for why I shouldn’t go. Learn to quiet those thoughts and go anyway. Remember that the “good’ voices will never try to talk you out of doing nice things for yourself. The negative voices, on the other hand, will do that all day long if you allow it.

Inner child wounds are usually at the root of what keeps us from having healthy adult relationships. Do you find yourself in volatile relationships? They say that anger is trapped trauma that needs to be released. Journaling and getting to know yourself again can help you work through that. I can tell you that after healing my past I hardly ever raise my voice or react with anger. I can always see ten steps ahead of what happens when you interact that way. My peace is so important to me that you can tell me that two plus two is five and I will not argue that you are wrong. I will say ok and be on my way because I no longer feel the need to be right. I do not seek outside approval because I have learned the importance of self-love and self-healing. I understand that everyone has their own wounds and ways of healing and dealing with things, so I do my best to respect that. Do I mess up sometimes, absolutely. The difference now is that as soon as it starts to happen, I am very aware that it is a very uncomfortable feeling and makes me feel bad for not having more control of my emotions and reactions. Anger, fighting, conflict, anything on the negative side of the spectrum no longer fit into my world. Fear and defense mechanisms no longer run my life. Reminding my inner child that I am in charge now helps quiet those wounds and keep negativity out of my life. My inner child being happy and feeling safe is important to me because that is also what keeps me happy, healthy and feeling safe.

Healing your inner child wounds is important because those wounds are usually what keeps us from doing what we want to in life. Fear and being vulnerable is what keeps us stuck and holds us back. We must learn to heal our inner child and help them to feel safe. Remember that wanting to be healthy must be stronger than the fear you have of the outside world. Remind yourself those fears are outdated. They are based on a past that is no longer here. Decisions need to be based on the present. Let your inner child know that you oversee your life now. My inner child knows that I have her back and I have enough love to give her. I make sure she is happy, I make sure she is loved, I make sure I do things that I know she needs in her life. Being alone and protective bubbles are not what she wants. She wants to be seen, she wants to have fun, she wants to interact with people, she wants to draw and read, and laugh. She wants what life has to offer and wants to be the person she was before self-protective boundaries were put up. She understands that to receive love you must also give it. The walls of fear must be taken down so that living a full, healthy and happy life can enter.

Embrace your inner child and embrace who you are. Healing your inner child heals your soul.


In love and light,

Fran

 

Self-Care of Your Mind

The drawing I have included for this week’s post is a self-portrait I did for a class almost twenty years ago. When I look at it now, I feel sad for the girl in the drawing because she was visibly not practicing self-care of her mind. Looking back to the time when I did that drawing, I can tell you that I wasn’t practicing self-care of anything. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I can see clearly now that when you give, give, give and do, do, do without practicing self-love and self-care that is what happens. You get lost. My drawing clearly shows what I was feeling at the time, but I wasn’t present enough in my own journey to notice. I was more involved with my external world and the needs of everyone around me. My husband, at the time, was overseas, I was home taking care of the house and the kids and going to school to finish my bachelor’s degree. I thought I had it all together not realizing that everything would come crashing down only a few years later.

A few weeks back I talked about self-care of your body. This week I want to talk about the self-care of your mind. The mind is a very powerful thing and can be your best ally or, if you allow it, can be your worst enemy. That little voice inside your head can control you if you aren’t careful, and the people around you will control you as well. Your mind and people will speak to you of things that aren’t true and work overtime to take away your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you aren’t in control you believe them and their distorted truth becomes your distorted truth. When you are in charge people around you can speak and say anything, and it won’t affect you. When you aren’t in charge and instead looking to the outside world for validation then everything affects you. The lesson is to stand your ground and trust yourself. Learn how to quiet your mind and control your own thoughts so you are the only one in charge. When you start waking up and wanting to heal this may seem like a very hard thing to do, but I am living proof that it can be done.

We all have a good side that lives inside of us and a dark side as well. That dark side is full of lies and is a very negative space. This voice will tell you that you aren’t good enough, you are wrong, and everything else to make you doubt yourself. This voice is like an unruly child who talks non-stop and screams to be heard. The good pure part of us is the opposite of that and is soft-spoken and only has good things to say and always comes from a place of grace. Learn to listen to this voice and quiet down the other. When you are first setting out to make changes it is hard to decipher the two. Remember the voice coming from a place to give you the best life that God intended for you will never speak loudly or talk down to you or say anything negative. That voice is your true guide. Learn to journal that negative voice right out of your life. Write down everything this voice tells you and then let it go. Remember who you are. Remember that you have all the power inside of yourself to live your life as the best version of yourself.

Signs that change and self-care of your mind is needed is if you are seeking external validation or feeling overwhelmed or staying in situations out of fear, guilt, shame, complacency or because you gave up - those are signs change is needed, and you are not where you should be in life. You are not making decisions from a healthy place, but from a place where you are giving your power away to someone or something else. Trust your mind and trust your intuition and follow through. When something needs to end in your work life or your personal life, then end it and break free from that cycle of despair. Sometimes we hang on to situations and relationships that have already run their course, and in doing so, we create new issues for ourselves. We create mental issues for ourselves. The soul knows when something isn’t good for us and will give us sign after sign to move on. When we ignore the signs and stay stuck, situations will come up that force us to change. Change is always easier when we are open to the ebb and flow of the Universe. When we hang on because of ego or stubbornness or giving our power away, we set ourselves up for unhappiness. The Universe will only let us go so far down the wrong path before we eventually get a kick in the butt to make the change that we refused to make for ourselves because we were stuck in our ways. Trust me when I tell you it is easier when we do it for ourselves, rather than the Universe stepping in and forcing the changes upon us. The more we ignore the lesson, the harder the lesson becomes.

Communication is one of the most important things to learn to facilitate change. We can easily get lost in our mind and have thoughts that aren’t true. Open honest communication with yourself and others is the key. Speak up for yourself and learn to listen. When you can master these two parts of the equation, life becomes much easier. People are not mind readers so don’t expect them to be and to just know what you are thinking or feeling. Get out of your own head and communicate your wants, desires, fears, concerns as well as gratitude. A lot of us on this journey trained ourselves to avoid confrontation and shut down and detach and not speak up. We created a version of reality in our mind that is based on the past. We are the ones setting ourselves up to not have the life we want because we are coming from a place of walls and defense mechanisms. We don’t speak our truth, and we don’t communicate. When we are lost in our unhealthy mind, we become part of the problem.

When parts of your life are no longer serving you and you are ready to move on and make positive changes for yourself, you must honor that part of yourself. As soon as you are ready to start making changes, start having conversations with the people in your life no matter how hard and painful they may be. Journal about it first to find clarity. Healing is happening and your life is changing, and parts of your life may be ending to make room for the new. This is an important part of growth and healing. Endings do not have to be ugly and dramatic. Detach in love and give space for everyone to accept blame and take responsibility for their part in the ending and then move on. Be honest with yourself and everyone you are in contact with. You do not want endings to be about new issues created because you have already mentally and emotionally checked out. You want to have conversations and make changes that will allow yourself room for healthy change. The conversations are important because you want to give everyone room to take responsibility for their part and then be able to move on too. Don’t deny other people their truth or their own lessons – they are on their own journey so give them a chance to find their own happiness too. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the people you are with. Honesty is where your mind finds peace. Anything else creates a loop of confusion and unhappiness for everyone involved.

Most of us on this healing journey eventually find ourselves on a spiritual journey. We learn the importance of never making decisions or taking actions from low level places. No matter what the situation, you can never level down - you must always level up. Be a role model for those around you. When you heal, your loved ones heal. Try to set the tone for what you want your life to look like. My son loves the phrase fake it til you make it. Create a safe place to work on yourself and heal without any negativity in the way. Giving space allows everyone to work through a hard time. Healing requires letting go of that which no longer serves us, so sometimes parting ways becomes necessary. Remember that endings are never easy even when it’s the right thing for everyone involved. We are always asked to make decisions and take actions from a healthy place. Learn to decipher what your mind is telling you. Listen for the good versus the darker side of things. We are asking for everything good that life has to offer, so remember to always come from a place of integrity because that’s who you are now.

I went to a Zen Meditation the other evening and it was run by a Buddhist monk. We meditated for half an hour and then he talked to us for the rest of the class. He spoke about the mind. I have read so many books on the power of the mind over the past decade, so a lot of what he was saying I have already heard and is what I had already started writing about in my blog for this week. My first thought was strange coincidence or message from the Universe that I am on track and to keep going. I always say there are no coincidences because everything is a message and part of a bigger plan, so I really paid attention to what he was saying. The most powerful thing I took away from what he said was that we must learn to acknowledge but not engage. He said if you are angry then be angry, but don’t engage and then feel the need to bring everyone around you into your anger. When you are coming from a place of extreme, uncontrolled emotions then you are spreading chaos within yourself and out to the world. The lesson is to not engage, but to just acknowledge everything you are thinking and feeling and then let it go. He said when you can find that kind of control and peace within yourself then you are helping to spread peace. We are all connected so that is something I truly believe. Everything starts and ends with you and only you.

Learning to control your thoughts and your mind is where you will find peace and happiness.



In love and light,

Fran

A Spiritual Life

Once you heal from trauma and devastation in your life the next step is usually a spiritual path. You see the light after darkness, and you are left with such gratitude for making it through. Your eyes are open, and you see the world in an all-new way. You can see negativity for the imposter that it really is, and it becomes something that you can no longer have in your life. Anger no longer fits you like a glove because coming from a loving heart is your new armor. You realize that prayer and meditation and accepting God in your life and being grateful for every day is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Protecting your peace becomes very important because it took so long to find it.

I know a lot of you are following me every week, so I thought this would be a good time to introduce myself and my story, so you understand how I got here and how I am just like you. On this journey, I have met people who are ten years ahead of me and I have met people who are ten years behind me in their healing. I am sure it is set up that way so I can see where I am going and then, when needed, I can see where I have been. It is also set up that way so I can meet people who can teach me and then I meet those who want to be taught. Everyone is a teacher, and everyone is a student. As you progress on your journey, people will be brought into your circle who need your knowledge and wisdom, and it will be your duty to give that knowledge freely. We are all here to learn and to progress to a higher level of knowledge and happiness and we need each other to do that. We all end up in the same place when we die, but while we are here our individual stories are who we meet along the way. Some stay in our lives for a long time, some are in and out, and some come back – but it is always about what they teach us and all the lessons we learn during our time here.

When I look back on my life, I can see how it all was orchestrated to get me right here. I am who I am because of every single experience, and take one of those out, and I would be different. I love my kids, and they are my everything, so for that reason alone I have no regrets in my life and would not change a thing. Could I have made it easier, absolutely, but then I would have skipped a lesson, and those lessons are where I found all my knowledge and found all my strength. When life is easy, we aren’t learning, it is in the struggles and the hard times where we grow.

My life may have been considered hard and from the age of nine years old filled with more death, divorces, heartache and despair than one person would sign up for. Looking back now, I can see how my life has shown me both sides of the coin and has set me up for a life of spiritual service to others. That is why I carry no grudges and can respect that everyone is on their own journey and has their own story and lessons to learn. That is also why in my blog, I will never use names or detailed stories. This is my journey, and no one’s story but my own. I am not here to judge or place blame on anyone. I have loved and been loved, and I have been hurt, and I have hurt others. Every choice I made in my life was my choice and I take full responsibility for everything good and bad, happy and sad, that has happened to me in my life. I will tell you that I have first-hand experience and can relate to dealing with death, losing both parents before the age of eighteen, divorce, starting over, being a single mom, military spouse, PTSD, alcoholism, cancer, suicide, along with the many good things that life has to offer such as being an artist, designer, teacher, writer, healer, wife, mother, college graduate, home owner, business owner, sister, niece, aunt, cousin, lover, best friend and everything good that life has to offer. This is my perspective, and these are my lessons. People who are, and have been, in my life signed up for their own journey and their own lessons so their perspective is different than mine and their story is only theirs to tell. This is all me – the same way your journey is all you.

I have known from the time I was a little girl that something about myself was different, but I did not embrace that difference until much later in life. Once I understood what an empath was, everything about myself made sense. I can feel what others are feeling, but I didn’t learn how to navigate through what that meant until later in life. When I was younger, I was a chameleon and took on everyone’s feelings as my own. Looking back, that was the root of my issues because instead of letting people work through their issues, I mistakenly believed they were mine. I couldn’t tell the difference between what my feelings were and what others were feeling. I would wait to see what people were feeling and that is how I determined how to act, how to react, that is who I was. There was a very thin line of where they ended, and where I began. Through my studies I have learned how to control what is mine and set boundaries for what isn’t. Over the past decade I have been mastering control over my thoughts and emotions, and I no longer hide the fact that I am an intuitive empath who receives messages and guidance through clairaudience. Once I embraced that spiritual side of myself, I became stronger and more confident in who I am. That was a very long road for me, but one I am very grateful for. That road is where I healed and gained all the knowledge which I am now passing on to you through my blogs every week.

My first glimpse into a spiritual world which included strength, confidence and healing was about fifteen years ago when I met a girl who taught me so much about what I know. She was a healer, and I have already mentioned her a few times throughout my posts. She introduced me to crystals, chakra balancing, essential oils and energy healing. She opened the door to a whole new world that I related to on every level and the validation I needed that I was not crazy - I was just different. From the moment we met, I began to understand who I was and everything about myself. When you come from a childhood filled with ghosts and people second guessing what you are experiencing, you begin to doubt yourself and hide that part of yourself from the world. My saving grace for not ever completely doubting myself was I had a childhood friend who experienced a few of these events with me. He is always my anchor to remember who I am and the one I look back on as a reminder that these experiences were real and did happen to me. We also used to go haunted house hunting, which looking back now, as people who were very open to experiencing the supernatural, was probably not a good idea lol. But we had fun doing it and it is a memory with him that I cherish to this day.

As I got older, I was always afraid of that side of myself. I didn’t understand what it was, and I didn’t understand what it meant to be open to that world. I felt like a freak, so I didn’t talk about it to anyone. I was no longer in contact with that one person who embraced that side of me, so I kept it hidden and tried to stuff it down as far as I could. What I have learned from this journey is that the further down you stuff parts of yourself, the stronger and louder they scream. At that same time after my whole life came crumbling down around me is when I made the decision to work on myself and listen to everything that was screaming to be heard. I began to listen. I began to love and accept everything about myself and in doing so I began to heal. I made the decision to embrace knowing that the first fifty years of my life were hard, but the next fifty I would be happy.

A few years later, I was led to The Southwest Institute of Healing Arts where I enrolled in their online Integrative Healing Arts Practitioner Program. It was an extensive two-year program where the goal is to help yourself so that you can help others. The program was life changing and the place where I met so many people who also had special gifts that they were keeping hidden, and they had also been through trauma and ready to take responsibility for their own lives. Knowing there was a whole community of people just like me was very comforting, and my learning became my safe space. My studies included classes about spiritual healing, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, transpersonal psychology, religion, life coaching, meditation, stress and relaxation techniques and getting ready for a life of service. I was committed and for two years my life consisted of only what was necessary and that was work, kids, homework, and writing. I was hyper focused on healing from my past and taking control of my future and I had no space for anything else.

A few years ago, is when I really began to branch out and received my certification in Advanced Hypnotherapy, took a course in Healing through Art, and studied Reiki and became a Reiki Level 2 Practitioner. I felt that everything I learned was setting myself up for that moment. Then life, as always, had other plans and that old childhood friend reached out, burst the protective bubble I was living in, and I found myself packing up my life and moving back up north. I had been living in Florida, and after thirty years, I was ready to go back home and face the past I ran away from. I learned the hard way that you can run as far away from your past as you want, but it will always be right there waiting for you. Just when I thought I was healed, another layer of healing appeared. The comforting part is that each level is harder but is also easier because you are stronger and have learned to have trust and faith in yourself, in other people, and in life. You can see that we are all connected and there is a bigger plan in place for us and you must be open and trust the process. Even at 60 years old I am still a work in progress.

I have a niece who is very spiritual like me, but I am always amazed because she came into this world already knowing and understanding what it took me a lifetime to figure out. My take on that is it is orchestrated that way so we are all on the same level, at the same time, and we can relate to each other. Lightworkers are here and we must work together. When I was attending SWIHA the one thing we all had in common was we were ready to heal from our past, embrace who we are, and shine our light. My niece and people like her are born already shining their light. We are here on the same level now and with the same goal and, that is, to embrace our light and help each other heal. I am sure if you have made it this far in my blog, that is why you are here as well.

Wishing you peace, love and happiness on your journey.



In love and light,

Fran

Love vs Darkness

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs; love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1Corinthians 13:4

I have a plaque hanging on my wall with these words. I have had it for years and years. I can remember the day about 15 years ago when I was looking at it and a lightbulb went off. I was reading the words and thinking those words are the opposite of the reality of my life, and it was in that moment that I began the process of waking up. I could see clearly how all the choices I made throughout my life had brought me the opposite of having real love in my life. My comfort zone was the opposite of love – it was darkness and chaos. What I saw as love was just negativity disguised as love because I had no boundaries and always settled for less than I deserved. Self-love and self-care weren’t a part of my world. My unhappiness was no one’s fault but my own and change was needed.

Love is everything about our true self – it is who we are. When we are balanced, we come from a place of love, and we can give it and accept it freely. Love is patient, it is compassionate and kind, it feels good, it is positive, and it is balanced. Love is the equivalent to God and everything we see as good in the world. People who are spiritual believe that love is the only thing that is real and everything else is an illusion and a lesson to get us to a place of self-love and true happiness.

Darkness and negativity are the opposite of that. When you are living in that space what you think is love, it really isn’t. The reality of that existence is the opposite of my plaque, and it is not kind, is not patient, it is rude, it is easily angered, and you feel as if you are always walking on eggshells. That is not love. We don’t really see it because we are living in a bubble that we have created for ourselves. We have lost perspective of what is love and what isn’t, behavior we should accept and what we shouldn’t, our boundaries are non-existent, and we have opened the door to being disrespected and taken advantage of. We were not respected by others because we weren’t respecting ourselves. We were looking outside of ourselves for love and validation, and never found it, because all along we should have been looking to ourselves for it first.

Love includes a healthy sense of self-love, boundaries and ego. A healthy ego is ok and helps to keep us motivated - but once you go past the point of not having compassion and empathy for our fellow human beings then you are in dark territory, and you are coming completely from your ego and that is a very unhealthy place to be. The ego and negativity become wrapped up into one when you are coming from a dark place. That place is a very me centered place and sees life that way and you have lost all sense of self. You live life with a wall up where you cannot give love or receive love. There is no light in your life - it is all darkness. I have first-hand experience watching this happen to someone and it becomes a very painful experience for all involved. The person you knew is still standing right in front of you, but they have become the exact opposite version of themselves. This happens after hurt and past trauma are buried so far down and you have created a false self to show to the world. Spiritually speaking you have holes in your true self and your aura that have allowed negativity to pass through and you completely lose your sense of self.

When you do not help yourself and do the work to heal trauma then darkness takes over who you are and over time you become a very angry, bitter, resentful, mean spirited, self-centered, negative individual. Darkness takes over the light in you, which is where all your decisions and actions that benefit the goodness in the world come from. When you come from a place of darkness then you no longer come from a place of love and compassion. That darkness creates a wall around your true self, and you cannot hear or feel goodness and love because the ego is now at the surface of who you are and is the one running the show. You have a distorted view of the world and hear and see everything in a negative way. “You” are buried way, way deep under that darkness that surrounds you and you are its prisoner. When taken to the extreme, it becomes a narcissists’ existence, and they have usually passed the point of no return. You can usually spot them because everything is about them and everything about them is negative. You can just feel uneasy in their presence, and they lack having empathy and compassion for anyone. That is why it is so important to deal with your pain and your trauma before it takes over who you are. I have been at the crossroads of that feeling of being so tired and shutdown and just wanting to give up. Remember there is always a choice. The choice is to give into darkness and let it take over who you are, or fight and choose to take back your life. Self-love and focusing on healing and living will always allow you to break free from the grips of darkness.

People who I have met on this journey are very good people and carry a very bright light. People who have gotten lost on their path and forgot to keep healthy boundaries can become magnets for darkness and negativity until they heal themselves. We become the perfect victim for the codependent narcissist dance. When not healed, we take on others' darkness instead of staying in our light. Narcissists see our compassionate side as weakness (which it is not, once we are healed it is our best strength) and they try to feed off our goodness and steal our light because they have none left of their own. This becomes the battle of good vs evil - even in our own homes. In a spiritual sense, they become our best teachers on our journey because they shine a flashlight on all the places of ourselves that need to be healed. They show us where we have allowed their darkness in because we weren’t loving ourselves or treating ourselves with love, kindness and compassion. We accepted less than what we deserved and not being treated with love and respect by others became our normal. They show us where to draw boundaries and the places in ourselves where we need healing so that love can enter our lives again. They wake us up and show us what we are lacking in our lives … which is self-love. Once we practice self-love and self-care, and do the work and healing needed, we can break free from the grips of darkness and negativity. That is when we are able to live in a place of goodness surrounded by love and light. We will be free to allow and accept joy and happiness into our lives - we will be healed.

In love and light,

Fran