Obstacles

The hardest part of this healing journey is knowing when to rest and when to move forward. We oversee our own life, but Divine guidance is always out there, and that guidance sometimes shows up as obstacles. We are making changes, we are journaling, we are being present, we are practicing self-love and then bam – life hits us right in the face again. Our first reaction is to get angry and look up with an "are you kidding me, I’m doing everything right, what is going on". We must remember that these obstacles and struggles are happening for us, not to us. We don’t grow and learn the most when life is easy, we gain our knowledge and strength during the hard times. When faced with an obstacle, we must remember to take a moment and regroup and see if we are on the right path. I have learned that the obstacles are placed in front of us to help us take a moment and rest and gather up our strength for the next chapter, and then sometimes obstacles are placed in front of us because we are heading the wrong way and must change direction.

Trust me when I say that I know this all sounds easier said than done. I still struggle with knowing whether this is just me making mistakes, or is this a sign, should I stay, should I go, decisions, decisions, decisions. This is where journaling, meditation and being present comes into play. We get caught up in life just doing, doing, doing and forget to listen and forget to pay attention. Divine guidance is always there to help keep us on track, so of course that is when the obstacles will show up. The obstacles, both big and small, are sometimes placed there to slow us down. I can remember a while ago, before my healing started, when I was stuck at home because my car broke down and I didn’t have the money to fix it. I was angry, I was sad, and I felt like here we go again. Looking back, I can see that it was set up that way to make me stay put because the time was not right for me to move yet. I was struggling and wanted no part of where I was in life, and if I had money and a car, I would have taken off instead of figuring it out. I ended up staying in Florida for another decade and that was exactly where I needed to be. There were things I needed to take care of, more learning I had to do, kids I had to raise, people I needed to help, and looking back, I wouldn’t trade that time in my life for anything. That is the time in my life where I found my true calling, and once the obstacles were removed, I was able to leave. I left Florida a year and half ago with everything wrapped up the right way. The kids were grown and supportive, no hard feelings, no relationships up in the air, no loose ends, it was a very peaceful transition. That was a very new experience for me considering my past was always filled with such chaos. I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and just leave because it was hard, and I had enough. Ironically, running away from the hard would have made my life even harder than it was, and I would have missed out on so many important lessons in life that made me so much stronger. My healing journey and all the obstacles put in my way have shown me a much better way to approach life.

The next lesson to navigate through when faced with obstacles is do I go through this alone or do I ask for help. You must learn to find the balance. Some doors and lessons we are meant to go through alone. Those times require detaching from negative people and situations and going within. Those are the times that require solitude and getting to know yourself again. Journaling, meditation and focusing on self is meant for that time. Other times, we are meant to reach out because we are not meant to always go through life alone. Solitude for reasons of avoidance and withdrawal are not healthy and that is the time to reach out for help. That is the time if a hand is offered to you, reach back and take a hold of that hand knowing that you are loved and supported on your journey. There are also times when the obstacles are so hard and knock us completely off our path, and that is when an angel will step in to help pick us up. Those are the times in my life I am most grateful for. Those are the times when we are so lost in our own bubble that we can’t see that we have been camping out at the obstacle not even trying to get to the other side of it. We didn’t even realize that we gave up.

Balance is always the key to everything and while you are healing you will learn how to distinguish what is an obstacle, what isn’t, and what is healthy and unhealthy behavior. You will get to know yourself again and understand your wants and your needs. You will find your strength deep within and you will find your voice. Obstacles that stop you in your path and make you forget who you are will be a thing of the past. Life is not a destination, it is a journey, so be sure that you will meet up with other obstacles as you move forward. The difference is they will no longer paralyze you with fear, but just be something to work through. Each time you face another, you will have more knowledge and more strength to overcome them, and they won’t seem so hard. You will have a new view of them and a new outlook on life. You will understand that obstacles in life are there to help you, they are not there to hurt you. You will embrace change and whatever obstacles come with that change. You will understand that you are being Divinely guided and in complete control of your own destiny.


In love and light,

Fran

Being Present

Have you ever reached for your coffee and didn’t notice you already drank it? Or driving down the road and wondering how you got there? Lose your keys? Misplace your wallet? Many times, we just move through life on autopilot not taking the time to notice our surroundings. We spend time with people but not really present, or we just rush through our day not taking the time to enjoy the moments. We move mindlessly through our lives just doing, but not necessarily being. I have learned through this healing journey how precious life is and the importance of taking it all in. We are never promised tomorrow, so it is important to appreciate everything that life has to offer us today.

I noticed when I was on vacation recently how I was not doing that anymore. My brain is all over the place and I’m only half listening. I’m not watching where I am going and covered in bruises from bumping into things. In that moment I realized I am on the opposite side of mindfulness; I am no longer present. I think a lot of times that happens when we make major life changes and start to feel overwhelmed. I made a major life move a year and a half ago, and I’m sure that is also the time I stopped practicing mindfulness. We get thrown in survival mode, doing what is needed, forgetting that life is passing us by. The important lesson about living a healthy, happy life is to understand that it is all about the journey, not the destination. We must remember to take it all in, because every step of the way is important and can be so beautiful, but we must be present enough in our own lives to be able to see it. We should appreciate the people in our lives and make them feel important while we are here.

I was happy I noticed that in the first few days of my recent trip because I was able to be present with my boys and take it all in. This was the first time in five years that we were all together, and we ate, we laughed, and we were fully present and engaged. My heart is full, and I will remember conversations and every moment of my trip with them. I also came back knowing that it is time for me to be present and mindful once again in every aspect of my daily life. I must come off autopilot and come out of survival mode. Once again, I can see myself slipping and allowing my past to dictate my present. In my past blogs, I always talk about how you must be present while trying to heal and it is very true, and it is always ongoing. I may have healed so much in the past decade, but each step has a new step after that, and it is very easy to get lost and remain stagnant on a step. We get tired, we get complacent, but the trick is to keep moving and keep growing.

I mentioned that life is a journey not a destination, but we do have to set goals for ourselves that we want to reach. Once you reach that goal make a new one. Keep moving. My goal was to get to New Jersey and start a new life for myself. I have achieved the beginning part of that goal, but my life still doesn’t look exactly how I imagined it. Yes, I made it here, but what I realized on my trip is that I am not living, I am just surviving again. I am stuck on a step. My life looks different than what I imagined it would be once I got here because, as usual, the Universe had other plans for me. That is ok but I think I got lost and confused about what to do next. What I must do now is be present and be mindful and pay attention to the signs and listen for the guidance. When we are living one day at a time and one moment at a time, then that guidance does come, and we can see it and hear it. When we are all over the place like I have been, then it is easy to miss it. I became complacent, I became stagnant. I settled for less than. Once again, it is time for me to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. It is time to make moves and oversee my destiny. I know better than to let life happen to me. The lesson is to just keep going. Be in the moment. Be mindful. The Universe always has a better plan than anything I could imagine.

I have to be present and trust. You have to be present and trust.



In love and light,

Fran

 

 

Healing through Prayer

 When I attended SWIHA over a decade ago I was introduced to a world of religion, spirituality and many forms of prayer that I didn’t even know existed and developed a deep respect for all of them.

If I was asked ten years ago what my sense of what union with God or ultimate reality or the Divine is, my answer would be much different than it is today. I have always believed in God, dragged to church as a child, and then as an adult found comfort in that space. There were times in my life, the very dark times, when just sitting in church or going to light a candle, I would find myself in tears with an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love. Some people already grow up with such a connection to themselves and their belief systems, but my belief is that for people like me, there must be some sort of trauma or awakening that happens before you realize the union with Spirit and the union with self, we all have. Once you have that awakening life is never the same. You see life from a different perspective and everything changes. Life has new meaning, and your life seems to have more purpose. You realize that what you have heard over and over to be true, and that is, we are spiritual beings having a physical human experience rather than physical human beings having a spiritual experience.

I know that, for me, once that awakening happened and my spiritual journey began, my soul was touched, and I felt the Divine everywhere. Divine timing, Divine interaction, Divine protection, I was suddenly aware that I was being guided and I was being protected and help and guidance was always available I just had to ask for it. There was a connection that is hard to explain and was a different feeling that I had while sitting in church as a child. I could hear it, see it, touch it and developed a trust and faith in it. I finally understood that we are all one and connected. Life suddenly lost that lonely feeling of wandering around a planet with no purpose. I realized the higher purpose and that purpose is we are here to help guide people to their own awakening. The sense of that union blesses us with more patience, more compassion and a strength that makes us feel like we can do anything. We shine our light brightly awaiting the day that we return home.

The sense of that union with God and with each other also erased the fear of death. I found that very comforting since I have been dealing with death and losing close loved ones since the age of nine. Reincarnation suddenly made sense, and the pieces all fit together. We don’t die, we move on. Material things of the physical world don’t hold as much value, but you realize that we need this physical world to learn and grow. We can feel that middle place between Heaven and earth. We know that there is so much more out there than the eyes can see. It is such a beautiful, comforting feeling to know that. Once awake we have a deep love connection to spirit and to self. It is a love that is everlasting and a realization that so are we. Looking back, I could never imagine being pulled into such a dark place, but I always say that faith and prayer is what helped me through. When you believe in a force outside of yourself you always look up and ask for help, you can ask for guidance, you can be grateful, and you learn to quiet your mind and listen. You listen for guidance.

Prayer comes in many forms and can be done anywhere. When I was younger church on Sunday was where we went to pray, and I still have a deep love and connection with church. The difference now is that I no longer need church to pray or to feel closer with God. I pray and practice gratitude every day, so I now feel closer to God, the Universe and the spirit world more than I ever did while growing up. My way of prayer and worship now may not be for everyone, but it works for me and has gotten me through some very dark times in my life. Crucifix, rosary beads, candles are all items I was already familiar with to show reverence, but when you weren’t raised with a structured religion, then mala beads, incense, essential oils, Angel oracle cards, anything that speaks to you can also be used to set those same intentions and help you to form a relationship with God, the Divine, the Universe, whatever name you have for it. Utilize whatever makes you feel comfortable. Some people aren’t comfortable going to church but find that same sense of unconditional love just sitting and meditating at the beach or at the park. When you sit alone with yourself and practice self- love and gratitude you are coming from a very good place and can find so much comfort and healing with that. We may all worship and go about prayer differently, but the main goal is always the same. Healing. Love. Love for self and love for each other.

Structured religion has many prayers that are used depending on your religion, but if you just need to feel connected you may use the prayers below, that I have written, or just journal and see what comes up and write your own.



In love and light,

Fran





Prayer for Healing

Dear God, please take my pain

Help me to move forward in my life with confidence and grace

Knowing that everything that happens to me is happening for me

Give me the strength to see the lessons I have learned

Knowing that I must detach in love while leaving the rest behind

I look to the future with faith and acceptance of the plan you have set for me

I am grateful for all that I am and all the potential I have to be.

Amen



Affirmative Prayer

There is one Universe, and the loving Spirit is generous with all its resources

I trust and understand that I am one with the Divine and worthy of these resources

I see and feel the power of these gifts all around me

I allow Spirit to give to me in overflowing abundance

I accept these gifts knowing that they will help me on my path

I promise to utilize these gifts by living my life with the Highest Intentions set for myself and for everyone in my life.

I have faith that financial success will continue, and my life will exceed what I can imagine.

I am grateful for the peace, love, joy and stability brought into my life

Amen



Prayer for Thanks

Thank you for everything I have

Thank you for everything I am

Thank you for everything I can do

Thank you for giving me the strength and confidence to live my life

Always making a difference.

Amen

Self-Love

 I know I have been talking a lot about self-love and self-care in my previous blogs, but what does that mean? I know just a decade ago the concept of self-love was as unfamiliar to me as a foreign language. I viewed saying no to anyone or taking time for myself as selfish, but now I see it as the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me. Self-love makes me a priority too and allows me to put up boundaries and protect my energy. Self-love allows me to fill up my cup, so I have enough to spread around. Self-love and self-care keep me from feeling overwhelmed and burnt out and keeps me from feeling cranky and snapping at everyone around me. Self-love allows me to spread more joy and more peace and bring more love into my life.

I knew this week I wanted to write about the topic of self-love, and I do most of my writing on Monday when I’m off. This week I had to work six days in a row, and I was finally off yesterday and beyond feeling burnt out. I was completely drained and looking at a blank page, in no way able to concentrate and write anything. The universe has been guiding me what to write since starting this journey eleven weeks ago, so I knew it was no coincidence that I was being forced to practice what I wanted to write about. I had to practice self-love and self-care so that I could replenish myself so that I would be able to write and not miss this week’s blog – and it worked. I took this week’s topic as something I had to do for myself yesterday, and now I feel so much better today.

When you aren’t sure what self-love is or how to go about practicing it, then just think of self-love as getting to know yourself again. Think of it as being your own best friend and giving yourself what you need. What do you like to do, what do you like to eat, do you need to exercise, or go to the doctor, do you need to talk, do you need to socialize, do you need to rest, do you need to be alone, ask yourself what you need. I was feeling depleted because I had just spent six days talking to people and giving of my time and energy and I knew I had to put that back. I had to ask myself what I needed. I looked around my apartment yesterday and realized I needed clean clothes so I should do laundry, I needed to journal, I needed to ice my back, I needed sunshine, and it was a beautiful day, so I wanted to sit outside. The more I checked in what I needed and did for myself throughout the day, the better I felt. I put music on and tended to my plants. I made myself a BLT. I went and sat out on my porch again. The more I did for myself, the more energy I got back. I was slowly refilling my cup.

Now imagine if I didn’t do those small things for myself and I kept going, going, going. I would be coming from a depleted place, and I would feel tired, and resentful that I felt so awful. The truth is if I didn’t set a boundary yesterday and just concentrate on myself, then feeling exhausted and drained today when I had to go back to work would be no one’s fault but my own. We must take time for ourselves and make ourselves a priority. We must tune into ourselves for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. We owe that to ourselves, and we owe it to the people around us who we encounter every day. The day is so much better when it can be faced with a smile and a positive attitude, rather than facing it with a look of despair and exhaustion because we didn’t take time for ourselves to refill our cup.

Self-love activities can be big or small and the list is endless. The most important part is to tune in to yourself and ask what you like to do. I am sure you are a giver and asking yourself what you like is never on the top things you think about. How about a bubble bath, a walk outside, a trip to the beach, go get a coffee or tea, just sit in your backyard and bird watch, do any one of these things and watch how fast your cup fills back up. Pay attention to how small things for yourself increase your energy level. Look at how positive your interactions with people become. I mentioned in a previous blog how I liked to journal in the morning because that is how I make time for myself before my day starts. Journaling in the morning helps me put myself first and then I don’t feel resentful throughout the day for giving to everyone else and then feeling like I never make time for myself. I make time for myself first and then the rest of the day I feel good about sharing of myself. I filled my cup first and then able to share my cup with everyone else. The same way they tell us on an airplane to put the oxygen mask on yourself first so you can help others, this is the same idea. You must love yourself first before you can love anyone else; you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. This seems like a simple concept to learn, but it took me a lifetime to figure out.

I was thinking back to a decade ago when I first started this journey and didn’t really know where to start. When you are out of the bubble it seems easy, but I can remember being in it and feeling so broken and lost and all the joy sucked out of my insides. I do receive feedback and know that many of you are in that space right now and I just want to say keep going, keep fighting for yourself. I promise you that it does get easier. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time really does help and it all starts with self-love and self-care. I want to give you a list to help you get started and know that as you get to know yourself again, you will come up with a list for yourself. That list will include everything that brings you joy, brings you peace and brings you happiness, and you will learn to incorporate them into your daily life. You will be healed and then moving forward you will pass on all your knowledge to the next person you meet on your journey who will look to you to see how it is done.



In love and light,

Fran



Practicing Self-Love:

Love yourself and follow your intuition

Make yourself a priority

Set boundaries

Journal

Forgive yourself for all your mistakes

Be kind to yourself and practice positive self-affirmations

Learn to ask for help

Practice gratitude

Practice self-care

Eat healthy and get enough sleep

Be your own best friend

Learn to say no

Learn to detach in love

Meditate, journal, go for a walk anything to clear your mind

Go to the beach, go to the park, go on a hike, take a drive

Socialize, call a friend, join a club, be part of a group

Read a book, take a bubble bath

Watch a movie, go to see a play

Reiki, Massage, get your nails done, get a haircut

Mow the lawn, wash your car, do your laundry, tend to your plants

Draw, paint, play an instrument, listen to music

Try something new

Do anything, even for one minute a day, that brings you joy

Your Inner Child

Looking back to your childhood, what do you see? Imagine yourself five years old, nine years old, twelve, a teenager, what feelings come up for you. Most of us on this journey look back on childhood with mixed emotions. You may remember very fun times filled with laughter and normalcy, but you also held deep dark secrets of pain, guilt, shame, and fear that you didn’t share with anyone. These feelings left you feeling unworthy and stole your self-esteem and confidence. Looking back, I can remember feeling completely lost and disconnected from the rest of the world. I taught myself to shut down those feelings and put on a smile for the world to see. I wanted to fit in and seem normal to the outside world when that was the furthest from what I was feeling. I always felt like an outsider looking in. Those moments in time are where our childhood wounds began. Those are the moments that set up the lessons to learn throughout our lifetime.

Inner child work can bring up a lot of old junk, so may be something that you would like to seek counseling for. Professionals can help you deal with trauma in an extremely healthy way. When I was younger therapy was a sort of taboo, but fortunately that outlook has changed and today seeking outside help is very accepted and encouraged in our society. Until you are ready to do that, the best advice I can give is to focus on self-love and learn to be your own best friend. Give yourself the love that you feel you were not given or could not be given as a child. We learned to put our needs last or felt that we were not deserving of love so now take the time to give that love to yourself. Get to know yourself again. Look back to childhood what did you like to do – paint, draw, color, play music, sports, cooking. What did you like to wear – hats, sneakers, a frilly dress. Think about what made you smile, what will make you happy and learn to fit that back into your life, fit joy back into your life. Don’t think too much about it just do it. The best lesson we can learn from kids is that they know how to just be without analyzing everything first. Healing your inner child requires just that, learn to have fun again.

I spoke about journaling in a previous blog and how important it was to go out and buy yourself a cool notebook and a pen. Small things like that for yourself will go a long way. Take yourself out on a date. Go to the park, the beach, just outside for a walk. Learn to quiet your mind as soon as it tries to talk you out of it – and trust me it will. I recently went back to attending classes for exercising and meditation, and I can’t begin to tell you the number of excuses going through my mind before class for why I shouldn’t go. Learn to quiet those thoughts and go anyway. Remember that the “good’ voices will never try to talk you out of doing nice things for yourself. The negative voices, on the other hand, will do that all day long if you allow it.

Inner child wounds are usually at the root of what keeps us from having healthy adult relationships. Do you find yourself in volatile relationships? They say that anger is trapped trauma that needs to be released. Journaling and getting to know yourself again can help you work through that. I can tell you that after healing my past I hardly ever raise my voice or react with anger. I can always see ten steps ahead of what happens when you interact that way. My peace is so important to me that you can tell me that two plus two is five and I will not argue that you are wrong. I will say ok and be on my way because I no longer feel the need to be right. I do not seek outside approval because I have learned the importance of self-love and self-healing. I understand that everyone has their own wounds and ways of healing and dealing with things, so I do my best to respect that. Do I mess up sometimes, absolutely. The difference now is that as soon as it starts to happen, I am very aware that it is a very uncomfortable feeling and makes me feel bad for not having more control of my emotions and reactions. Anger, fighting, conflict, anything on the negative side of the spectrum no longer fit into my world. Fear and defense mechanisms no longer run my life. Reminding my inner child that I am in charge now helps quiet those wounds and keep negativity out of my life. My inner child being happy and feeling safe is important to me because that is also what keeps me happy, healthy and feeling safe.

Healing your inner child wounds is important because those wounds are usually what keeps us from doing what we want to in life. Fear and being vulnerable is what keeps us stuck and holds us back. We must learn to heal our inner child and help them to feel safe. Remember that wanting to be healthy must be stronger than the fear you have of the outside world. Remind yourself those fears are outdated. They are based on a past that is no longer here. Decisions need to be based on the present. Let your inner child know that you oversee your life now. My inner child knows that I have her back and I have enough love to give her. I make sure she is happy, I make sure she is loved, I make sure I do things that I know she needs in her life. Being alone and protective bubbles are not what she wants. She wants to be seen, she wants to have fun, she wants to interact with people, she wants to draw and read, and laugh. She wants what life has to offer and wants to be the person she was before self-protective boundaries were put up. She understands that to receive love you must also give it. The walls of fear must be taken down so that living a full, healthy and happy life can enter.

Embrace your inner child and embrace who you are. Healing your inner child heals your soul.


In love and light,

Fran

 

Self-Care of Your Mind

The drawing I have included for this week’s post is a self-portrait I did for a class almost twenty years ago. When I look at it now, I feel sad for the girl in the drawing because she was visibly not practicing self-care of her mind. Looking back to the time when I did that drawing, I can tell you that I wasn’t practicing self-care of anything. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I can see clearly now that when you give, give, give and do, do, do without practicing self-love and self-care that is what happens. You get lost. My drawing clearly shows what I was feeling at the time, but I wasn’t present enough in my own journey to notice. I was more involved with my external world and the needs of everyone around me. My husband, at the time, was overseas, I was home taking care of the house and the kids and going to school to finish my bachelor’s degree. I thought I had it all together not realizing that everything would come crashing down only a few years later.

A few weeks back I talked about self-care of your body. This week I want to talk about the self-care of your mind. The mind is a very powerful thing and can be your best ally or, if you allow it, can be your worst enemy. That little voice inside your head can control you if you aren’t careful, and the people around you will control you as well. Your mind and people will speak to you of things that aren’t true and work overtime to take away your self-esteem and self-confidence. When you aren’t in control you believe them and their distorted truth becomes your distorted truth. When you are in charge people around you can speak and say anything, and it won’t affect you. When you aren’t in charge and instead looking to the outside world for validation then everything affects you. The lesson is to stand your ground and trust yourself. Learn how to quiet your mind and control your own thoughts so you are the only one in charge. When you start waking up and wanting to heal this may seem like a very hard thing to do, but I am living proof that it can be done.

We all have a good side that lives inside of us and a dark side as well. That dark side is full of lies and is a very negative space. This voice will tell you that you aren’t good enough, you are wrong, and everything else to make you doubt yourself. This voice is like an unruly child who talks non-stop and screams to be heard. The good pure part of us is the opposite of that and is soft-spoken and only has good things to say and always comes from a place of grace. Learn to listen to this voice and quiet down the other. When you are first setting out to make changes it is hard to decipher the two. Remember the voice coming from a place to give you the best life that God intended for you will never speak loudly or talk down to you or say anything negative. That voice is your true guide. Learn to journal that negative voice right out of your life. Write down everything this voice tells you and then let it go. Remember who you are. Remember that you have all the power inside of yourself to live your life as the best version of yourself.

Signs that change and self-care of your mind is needed is if you are seeking external validation or feeling overwhelmed or staying in situations out of fear, guilt, shame, complacency or because you gave up - those are signs change is needed, and you are not where you should be in life. You are not making decisions from a healthy place, but from a place where you are giving your power away to someone or something else. Trust your mind and trust your intuition and follow through. When something needs to end in your work life or your personal life, then end it and break free from that cycle of despair. Sometimes we hang on to situations and relationships that have already run their course, and in doing so, we create new issues for ourselves. We create mental issues for ourselves. The soul knows when something isn’t good for us and will give us sign after sign to move on. When we ignore the signs and stay stuck, situations will come up that force us to change. Change is always easier when we are open to the ebb and flow of the Universe. When we hang on because of ego or stubbornness or giving our power away, we set ourselves up for unhappiness. The Universe will only let us go so far down the wrong path before we eventually get a kick in the butt to make the change that we refused to make for ourselves because we were stuck in our ways. Trust me when I tell you it is easier when we do it for ourselves, rather than the Universe stepping in and forcing the changes upon us. The more we ignore the lesson, the harder the lesson becomes.

Communication is one of the most important things to learn to facilitate change. We can easily get lost in our mind and have thoughts that aren’t true. Open honest communication with yourself and others is the key. Speak up for yourself and learn to listen. When you can master these two parts of the equation, life becomes much easier. People are not mind readers so don’t expect them to be and to just know what you are thinking or feeling. Get out of your own head and communicate your wants, desires, fears, concerns as well as gratitude. A lot of us on this journey trained ourselves to avoid confrontation and shut down and detach and not speak up. We created a version of reality in our mind that is based on the past. We are the ones setting ourselves up to not have the life we want because we are coming from a place of walls and defense mechanisms. We don’t speak our truth, and we don’t communicate. When we are lost in our unhealthy mind, we become part of the problem.

When parts of your life are no longer serving you and you are ready to move on and make positive changes for yourself, you must honor that part of yourself. As soon as you are ready to start making changes, start having conversations with the people in your life no matter how hard and painful they may be. Journal about it first to find clarity. Healing is happening and your life is changing, and parts of your life may be ending to make room for the new. This is an important part of growth and healing. Endings do not have to be ugly and dramatic. Detach in love and give space for everyone to accept blame and take responsibility for their part in the ending and then move on. Be honest with yourself and everyone you are in contact with. You do not want endings to be about new issues created because you have already mentally and emotionally checked out. You want to have conversations and make changes that will allow yourself room for healthy change. The conversations are important because you want to give everyone room to take responsibility for their part and then be able to move on too. Don’t deny other people their truth or their own lessons – they are on their own journey so give them a chance to find their own happiness too. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the people you are with. Honesty is where your mind finds peace. Anything else creates a loop of confusion and unhappiness for everyone involved.

Most of us on this healing journey eventually find ourselves on a spiritual journey. We learn the importance of never making decisions or taking actions from low level places. No matter what the situation, you can never level down - you must always level up. Be a role model for those around you. When you heal, your loved ones heal. Try to set the tone for what you want your life to look like. My son loves the phrase fake it til you make it. Create a safe place to work on yourself and heal without any negativity in the way. Giving space allows everyone to work through a hard time. Healing requires letting go of that which no longer serves us, so sometimes parting ways becomes necessary. Remember that endings are never easy even when it’s the right thing for everyone involved. We are always asked to make decisions and take actions from a healthy place. Learn to decipher what your mind is telling you. Listen for the good versus the darker side of things. We are asking for everything good that life has to offer, so remember to always come from a place of integrity because that’s who you are now.

I went to a Zen Meditation the other evening and it was run by a Buddhist monk. We meditated for half an hour and then he talked to us for the rest of the class. He spoke about the mind. I have read so many books on the power of the mind over the past decade, so a lot of what he was saying I have already heard and is what I had already started writing about in my blog for this week. My first thought was strange coincidence or message from the Universe that I am on track and to keep going. I always say there are no coincidences because everything is a message and part of a bigger plan, so I really paid attention to what he was saying. The most powerful thing I took away from what he said was that we must learn to acknowledge but not engage. He said if you are angry then be angry, but don’t engage and then feel the need to bring everyone around you into your anger. When you are coming from a place of extreme, uncontrolled emotions then you are spreading chaos within yourself and out to the world. The lesson is to not engage, but to just acknowledge everything you are thinking and feeling and then let it go. He said when you can find that kind of control and peace within yourself then you are helping to spread peace. We are all connected so that is something I truly believe. Everything starts and ends with you and only you.

Learning to control your thoughts and your mind is where you will find peace and happiness.



In love and light,

Fran

A Spiritual Life

Once you heal from trauma and devastation in your life the next step is usually a spiritual path. You see the light after darkness, and you are left with such gratitude for making it through. Your eyes are open, and you see the world in an all-new way. You can see negativity for the imposter that it really is, and it becomes something that you can no longer have in your life. Anger no longer fits you like a glove because coming from a loving heart is your new armor. You realize that prayer and meditation and accepting God in your life and being grateful for every day is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Protecting your peace becomes very important because it took so long to find it.

I know a lot of you are following me every week, so I thought this would be a good time to introduce myself and my story, so you understand how I got here and how I am just like you. On this journey, I have met people who are ten years ahead of me and I have met people who are ten years behind me in their healing. I am sure it is set up that way so I can see where I am going and then, when needed, I can see where I have been. It is also set up that way so I can meet people who can teach me and then I meet those who want to be taught. Everyone is a teacher, and everyone is a student. As you progress on your journey, people will be brought into your circle who need your knowledge and wisdom, and it will be your duty to give that knowledge freely. We are all here to learn and to progress to a higher level of knowledge and happiness and we need each other to do that. We all end up in the same place when we die, but while we are here our individual stories are who we meet along the way. Some stay in our lives for a long time, some are in and out, and some come back – but it is always about what they teach us and all the lessons we learn during our time here.

When I look back on my life, I can see how it all was orchestrated to get me right here. I am who I am because of every single experience, and take one of those out, and I would be different. I love my kids, and they are my everything, so for that reason alone I have no regrets in my life and would not change a thing. Could I have made it easier, absolutely, but then I would have skipped a lesson, and those lessons are where I found all my knowledge and found all my strength. When life is easy, we aren’t learning, it is in the struggles and the hard times where we grow.

My life may have been considered hard and from the age of nine years old filled with more death, divorces, heartache and despair than one person would sign up for. Looking back now, I can see how my life has shown me both sides of the coin and has set me up for a life of spiritual service to others. That is why I carry no grudges and can respect that everyone is on their own journey and has their own story and lessons to learn. That is also why in my blog, I will never use names or detailed stories. This is my journey, and no one’s story but my own. I am not here to judge or place blame on anyone. I have loved and been loved, and I have been hurt, and I have hurt others. Every choice I made in my life was my choice and I take full responsibility for everything good and bad, happy and sad, that has happened to me in my life. I will tell you that I have first-hand experience and can relate to dealing with death, losing both parents before the age of eighteen, divorce, starting over, being a single mom, military spouse, PTSD, alcoholism, cancer, suicide, along with the many good things that life has to offer such as being an artist, designer, teacher, writer, healer, wife, mother, college graduate, home owner, business owner, sister, niece, aunt, cousin, lover, best friend and everything good that life has to offer. This is my perspective, and these are my lessons. People who are, and have been, in my life signed up for their own journey and their own lessons so their perspective is different than mine and their story is only theirs to tell. This is all me – the same way your journey is all you.

I have known from the time I was a little girl that something about myself was different, but I did not embrace that difference until much later in life. Once I understood what an empath was, everything about myself made sense. I can feel what others are feeling, but I didn’t learn how to navigate through what that meant until later in life. When I was younger, I was a chameleon and took on everyone’s feelings as my own. Looking back, that was the root of my issues because instead of letting people work through their issues, I mistakenly believed they were mine. I couldn’t tell the difference between what my feelings were and what others were feeling. I would wait to see what people were feeling and that is how I determined how to act, how to react, that is who I was. There was a very thin line of where they ended, and where I began. Through my studies I have learned how to control what is mine and set boundaries for what isn’t. Over the past decade I have been mastering control over my thoughts and emotions, and I no longer hide the fact that I am an intuitive empath who receives messages and guidance through clairaudience. Once I embraced that spiritual side of myself, I became stronger and more confident in who I am. That was a very long road for me, but one I am very grateful for. That road is where I healed and gained all the knowledge which I am now passing on to you through my blogs every week.

My first glimpse into a spiritual world which included strength, confidence and healing was about fifteen years ago when I met a girl who taught me so much about what I know. She was a healer, and I have already mentioned her a few times throughout my posts. She introduced me to crystals, chakra balancing, essential oils and energy healing. She opened the door to a whole new world that I related to on every level and the validation I needed that I was not crazy - I was just different. From the moment we met, I began to understand who I was and everything about myself. When you come from a childhood filled with ghosts and people second guessing what you are experiencing, you begin to doubt yourself and hide that part of yourself from the world. My saving grace for not ever completely doubting myself was I had a childhood friend who experienced a few of these events with me. He is always my anchor to remember who I am and the one I look back on as a reminder that these experiences were real and did happen to me. We also used to go haunted house hunting, which looking back now, as people who were very open to experiencing the supernatural, was probably not a good idea lol. But we had fun doing it and it is a memory with him that I cherish to this day.

As I got older, I was always afraid of that side of myself. I didn’t understand what it was, and I didn’t understand what it meant to be open to that world. I felt like a freak, so I didn’t talk about it to anyone. I was no longer in contact with that one person who embraced that side of me, so I kept it hidden and tried to stuff it down as far as I could. What I have learned from this journey is that the further down you stuff parts of yourself, the stronger and louder they scream. At that same time after my whole life came crumbling down around me is when I made the decision to work on myself and listen to everything that was screaming to be heard. I began to listen. I began to love and accept everything about myself and in doing so I began to heal. I made the decision to embrace knowing that the first fifty years of my life were hard, but the next fifty I would be happy.

A few years later, I was led to The Southwest Institute of Healing Arts where I enrolled in their online Integrative Healing Arts Practitioner Program. It was an extensive two-year program where the goal is to help yourself so that you can help others. The program was life changing and the place where I met so many people who also had special gifts that they were keeping hidden, and they had also been through trauma and ready to take responsibility for their own lives. Knowing there was a whole community of people just like me was very comforting, and my learning became my safe space. My studies included classes about spiritual healing, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, transpersonal psychology, religion, life coaching, meditation, stress and relaxation techniques and getting ready for a life of service. I was committed and for two years my life consisted of only what was necessary and that was work, kids, homework, and writing. I was hyper focused on healing from my past and taking control of my future and I had no space for anything else.

A few years ago, is when I really began to branch out and received my certification in Advanced Hypnotherapy, took a course in Healing through Art, and studied Reiki and became a Reiki Level 2 Practitioner. I felt that everything I learned was setting myself up for that moment. Then life, as always, had other plans and that old childhood friend reached out, burst the protective bubble I was living in, and I found myself packing up my life and moving back up north. I had been living in Florida, and after thirty years, I was ready to go back home and face the past I ran away from. I learned the hard way that you can run as far away from your past as you want, but it will always be right there waiting for you. Just when I thought I was healed, another layer of healing appeared. The comforting part is that each level is harder but is also easier because you are stronger and have learned to have trust and faith in yourself, in other people, and in life. You can see that we are all connected and there is a bigger plan in place for us and you must be open and trust the process. Even at 60 years old I am still a work in progress.

I have a niece who is very spiritual like me, but I am always amazed because she came into this world already knowing and understanding what it took me a lifetime to figure out. My take on that is it is orchestrated that way so we are all on the same level, at the same time, and we can relate to each other. Lightworkers are here and we must work together. When I was attending SWIHA the one thing we all had in common was we were ready to heal from our past, embrace who we are, and shine our light. My niece and people like her are born already shining their light. We are here on the same level now and with the same goal and, that is, to embrace our light and help each other heal. I am sure if you have made it this far in my blog, that is why you are here as well.

Wishing you peace, love and happiness on your journey.



In love and light,

Fran

Love vs Darkness

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs; love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1Corinthians 13:4

I have a plaque hanging on my wall with these words. I have had it for years and years. I can remember the day about 15 years ago when I was looking at it and a lightbulb went off. I was reading the words and thinking those words are the opposite of the reality of my life, and it was in that moment that I began the process of waking up. I could see clearly how all the choices I made throughout my life had brought me the opposite of having real love in my life. My comfort zone was the opposite of love – it was darkness and chaos. What I saw as love was just negativity disguised as love because I had no boundaries and always settled for less than I deserved. Self-love and self-care weren’t a part of my world. My unhappiness was no one’s fault but my own and change was needed.

Love is everything about our true self – it is who we are. When we are balanced, we come from a place of love, and we can give it and accept it freely. Love is patient, it is compassionate and kind, it feels good, it is positive, and it is balanced. Love is the equivalent to God and everything we see as good in the world. People who are spiritual believe that love is the only thing that is real and everything else is an illusion and a lesson to get us to a place of self-love and true happiness.

Darkness and negativity are the opposite of that. When you are living in that space what you think is love, it really isn’t. The reality of that existence is the opposite of my plaque, and it is not kind, is not patient, it is rude, it is easily angered, and you feel as if you are always walking on eggshells. That is not love. We don’t really see it because we are living in a bubble that we have created for ourselves. We have lost perspective of what is love and what isn’t, behavior we should accept and what we shouldn’t, our boundaries are non-existent, and we have opened the door to being disrespected and taken advantage of. We were not respected by others because we weren’t respecting ourselves. We were looking outside of ourselves for love and validation, and never found it, because all along we should have been looking to ourselves for it first.

Love includes a healthy sense of self-love, boundaries and ego. A healthy ego is ok and helps to keep us motivated - but once you go past the point of not having compassion and empathy for our fellow human beings then you are in dark territory, and you are coming completely from your ego and that is a very unhealthy place to be. The ego and negativity become wrapped up into one when you are coming from a dark place. That place is a very me centered place and sees life that way and you have lost all sense of self. You live life with a wall up where you cannot give love or receive love. There is no light in your life - it is all darkness. I have first-hand experience watching this happen to someone and it becomes a very painful experience for all involved. The person you knew is still standing right in front of you, but they have become the exact opposite version of themselves. This happens after hurt and past trauma are buried so far down and you have created a false self to show to the world. Spiritually speaking you have holes in your true self and your aura that have allowed negativity to pass through and you completely lose your sense of self.

When you do not help yourself and do the work to heal trauma then darkness takes over who you are and over time you become a very angry, bitter, resentful, mean spirited, self-centered, negative individual. Darkness takes over the light in you, which is where all your decisions and actions that benefit the goodness in the world come from. When you come from a place of darkness then you no longer come from a place of love and compassion. That darkness creates a wall around your true self, and you cannot hear or feel goodness and love because the ego is now at the surface of who you are and is the one running the show. You have a distorted view of the world and hear and see everything in a negative way. “You” are buried way, way deep under that darkness that surrounds you and you are its prisoner. When taken to the extreme, it becomes a narcissists’ existence, and they have usually passed the point of no return. You can usually spot them because everything is about them and everything about them is negative. You can just feel uneasy in their presence, and they lack having empathy and compassion for anyone. That is why it is so important to deal with your pain and your trauma before it takes over who you are. I have been at the crossroads of that feeling of being so tired and shutdown and just wanting to give up. Remember there is always a choice. The choice is to give into darkness and let it take over who you are, or fight and choose to take back your life. Self-love and focusing on healing and living will always allow you to break free from the grips of darkness.

People who I have met on this journey are very good people and carry a very bright light. People who have gotten lost on their path and forgot to keep healthy boundaries can become magnets for darkness and negativity until they heal themselves. We become the perfect victim for the codependent narcissist dance. When not healed, we take on others' darkness instead of staying in our light. Narcissists see our compassionate side as weakness (which it is not, once we are healed it is our best strength) and they try to feed off our goodness and steal our light because they have none left of their own. This becomes the battle of good vs evil - even in our own homes. In a spiritual sense, they become our best teachers on our journey because they shine a flashlight on all the places of ourselves that need to be healed. They show us where we have allowed their darkness in because we weren’t loving ourselves or treating ourselves with love, kindness and compassion. We accepted less than what we deserved and not being treated with love and respect by others became our normal. They show us where to draw boundaries and the places in ourselves where we need healing so that love can enter our lives again. They wake us up and show us what we are lacking in our lives … which is self-love. Once we practice self-love and self-care, and do the work and healing needed, we can break free from the grips of darkness and negativity. That is when we are able to live in a place of goodness surrounded by love and light. We will be free to allow and accept joy and happiness into our lives - we will be healed.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Chained to Your Past

Trauma, death, divorce, betrayal, addiction, loss, every one of these will stop us in our tracks and life becomes unrecognizable. At that moment we either go off the track, stay the same, or pick ourselves up and move forward. I have been through all the above scenarios and witness to many ways of dealing with life, but I can say without a doubt that change at any stage of the game is possible. This journey is all about healing, and I understand that can be very hard to do when we are struggling with our present and still feeling chained to our past.

My youngest son, we always joke, has the best attitude towards life and we all want to grow up to be just like him. We all agree he is the function in our dysfunction. Looking at him you would think he was born into an easy life, but as his mom, I can tell you for a fact that he was not. The difference between him and the rest of us is he does not focus on the past or let it affect him; he lives in the present and his eyes are always straight forward. He has the best attitude towards life and just takes it as it comes. He holds onto nothing. We have taken on his attitude through our healing journeys, and we are all doing better for it.

Freedom from your past means releasing whatever and whoever is keeping you chained to it. Some of us are open to change and some of us, like myself, must have the Universe knock you on your butt to see that change is needed. Signs you are still chained to your past are always right there for you to see if you just open your eyes. Sometimes when we are hit with a life changing event, or just unhappy in a relationship or situation, we may shut down and give up. Doing anything other than the same thing over and over feels like too much work. You feel tired, beaten down and slowly your light begins to fade. You may feel like you are dying inside – and this is because, spiritually speaking, you are. Your soul and your spirit and everything that makes you who you are, slowly starts to disappear. You stop being you. What we don’t realize in that moment is there is a stronger you waiting to emerge.

When you make the decision to give up and just stay where you are and stop caring about what happens to yourself you open the door to negativity and darkness. By not being fully present your life gets put on autopilot, you get put in survival mode and all the happiness and joy in life seems minimal or non-existent. You are numb to all of it. Your past slowly takes over and hijacks both your present and your future. You seem to stop in time, there is no more growth, and you just stay the same. Over time you may start to feel broken inside. You become unhappy, and in a way, give up your life and your needs, lose boundaries, and act like everything about you doesn’t matter anymore. But if you are still here reading then you have already decided that now it does, and yes you do matter, and life will start to change.

Change is always a scary thing, and not knowing where you are heading when you want to release your past is even scarier. As we move through life, sometimes we make decisions without even realizing that we are making them based on our past instead of on our current situations. We do things because we just assume that is how it was so that is how it will always be. That is false. The best thing about life is it is ever changing. We can jump on board with change or stay the same – the decision is always ours. We can release past hurt and old ways of doing things by being present in our life. The decision to move forward comes by accepting that the past is the past and you did the best you could with the information given to you at that time. I know from my experience that not wanting to change sometimes came from a place of loyalty, tradition, society, wanting to see the good in people, or thinking that the old ways of doing things were the right way, there are many, many reasons. What I have learned from my experience is those reasons we give ourselves are also excuses and the real thing keeping us from change is fear. Fear of making a mistake, fear of being judged, fear of moving out of our comfort zone, fear of the future, fear of the unknown, the list goes on. The lesson is to acknowledge the thoughts and the fear and make those changes anyway. Detach in love and move on. Trust in yourself and your intuition and trust in God and trust that the Universe will always have your back. You are never alone. You can always trust that part of the journey if everything you are doing is coming from a good place.

My kids and I now joke that if we want to make a change, set an intention and then stay out of it, because life will always work out better that way. We have all stopped trying to control everything and learning to go with the flow. Let Go and Let God. You must learn to trust that there is a better life out there for yourself. When you come from a place of hurt and pain and trauma all you want to do is control everything and usually end up making more of a mess of your life than it was before. The reason for that is because you are still a product of your situation and trying to control everything in your outer world. No matter what you do or try to do, the result is always the same. That way of doing things will never work because you haven’t healed yet and have not taken control of your inner world. Inner chaos breeds outer chaos. Once you take control of your inner world and learn to control your thoughts and emotions and how you think and how you react, then your outer world will become a reflection of that. Release any attachments and practice self-love, forgiveness and acceptance. When you find inner peace and learn to trust in yourself, that is when the chains from the past are broken. You will accept everything about your past, both good and bad, because it made you who you are. That is when you are free to move forward and create the life you have always dreamed of.

You, and only you, will be in control of your present and your future.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Self-Care of Your Body

Self-love, self-care, this journey is all about giving to your “self”. This is not a selfish thing to do since the end goal is the same as it was before, only now you want to be able to give to others and share of yourself without feeling depleted in the process. Everyone benefits when you take the proper time and energy for yourself first and then have enough left over to give to everyone else. There is no exhaustion, stress, anxiety or resentment attached to that way of living your life. Some people already instinctively know this is the way to do things, others like me must fall on their face first before realizing that there is an easier, healthier way to live life.

When I was younger, I was the codependent queen, and had absolutely no boundaries and no idea what self-love and self-care looked like. In all honesty, until later in life, I didn’t even know there was such a thing. I also didn’t eat right, I didn’t sleep much, I don’t ever remember drinking water and thought if I was working hard or going to school and still taking care of the kids then I was doing the right thing. I used to joke that I would pass out from exhaustion at the end of the day, but that was ok because in my mind I was ambitious and hard working. What I didn’t realize was that not having boundaries or putting my needs at the forefront, I was setting myself up for a complete physical, mental, and emotional breakdown. I learned the hard way that when you don’t take care of your mind, body and spirit, then eventually you will be forced to.

Journaling and baby steps are what will get you started on the self-care of your mind and your inner world, and focusing on your physical health will get you started on the self-care of your body and your external world. Just like you can’t give, give, give without refueling yourself on the inside so you have more left to give, you can’t live the physical life you want to without the proper care of your body and physical health. A healthy body requires you to eat healthy, drink water, exercise and sleep. You take care of your car and respect it so that it continues to get you around and you must give that same respect, care and maintenance to your body so it will continue to get you around. When you neglect yourself, you neglect your health. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, not sleeping and many other issues are sometimes signs that your body is giving that you aren’t taking proper care of it. Listen to your inner voice and listen to your body – they will always guide you in the right direction. Practicing self-care of your body will help with your healing and in turn help you to feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself that will trickle down to everyone you are in contact with. Be a role model to those around you and watch them follow your lead.

This is a mind, body, spirit journey and they work together to create balance, so you will have to get serious about treating your body with respect. The same concept I mentioned last week that losing yourself took time so finding yourself again is a process, remember that it doesn’t take a day to get out of shape so getting back in shape is a long process as well. My suggestion to help get you started in the self-care of your body is to make food and cooking a joyful part of your life. We all have a relationship with food, and it can be a wonderful thing when it is a positive relationship - but just like with people, our relationship with food can become toxic. I used to love to gather recipes and cook when I was younger - and then for a long time I didn’t. I just ate to eat and, most of the time, I was eating the wrong thing, eating too late before bed, or not eating at all during the day until dinner and putting myself in starvation mode. There was no joy in cooking, I was just robotic about eating and would prepare and eat the same things over and over. Now I love to cook again, and I spend a lot of time talking food with my kids and coworkers and swapping recipes. Every time I get together with my kids, who are now grown adults, it’s all about the food and what you buy and where and how you make it and what’s for dessert and are we going to make it or buy it. My son and I swap photos when we make something healthy – it helps keep us accountable. He is on this same journey, so eating right and exercise is what is helping him refocus as well.

You will find that eating healthy in this grab and go society is not easy, but the advice that was given to me was plan your meals ahead and shop the perimeter of the store because that is where all the real food is. Pay attention to the layout: bread, meat, fruit, veggies, nuts, milk, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs - that is all on the perimeter. Try to stay away from the inside aisles because that is where the artificial sugars and preservatives live. The cavemen had it right - so gauge it like that - if it isn’t or wasn’t alive or comes out of the earth then it probably isn’t good for you. Eat clean. Try to find a fresh market and shop there for your fruits and vegetables - it makes eating healthy quite easy. Shopping there becomes an experience, and you will be taking time for yourself. Try to eat 3-5 small meals a day, and if you are away from the house a long time every day, make it convenient for yourself. Eating healthy is much easier if you prepare for it every day. Go out and buy yourself a cool lunch bag - a nice size one - and pack your food to take with you. Lunch boxes were a big thing back in the day so tap into your inner child in the process. Ask yourself what color you want - do you want pockets - what would make you smile when you look at it. This is a small way to remind yourself that you matter.

Exercise is important as well. When I lived in Florida, I noticed that the older generation there have it all figured out and that’s why they are living their best life well into their 80’s and 90’s. They are at the gym and walking the mall every day because they know the secret - keep moving. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. My son gave me advice that he heard, and it was pick your hard. Do you want a hard life when you are older filled with medical issues and doctor visits or do you want the hard right now of eating right and exercising. They are both hard so pick your hard. You make choices for yourself everyday just try to make a better choice each time. We also tend to make excuses for ourselves why we can’t do things so start slow. You do not want to join the gym – that’s fine then go outside and walk. Love carbs - fine just make sure to balance it with protein. Eat salad - it’s the easiest way to get a lot of nutritious things in one meal. You don’t like lettuce - do a pasta or spinach salad - find what works for you. Cold cuts, soup, and things like that have a high sodium content so make sure to read the labels it will blow your mind. Remember that eating healthy does not mean denying yourself. Everything in moderation is ok and everything must have a balance. This part of the healing journey saves your life because we need our health to be able to live a long happy life. Being healthy requires coming off autopilot so be present in the decisions of eating and exercise the same as you are doing for everything else.

My belief is that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience not the other way around, so if we want to continue with the experience, we must respect our health. This is true for every age, but when you get older it becomes game on. I always feel like after a certain age we are asked do you want to continue because if you do then get it together because you are not a kid anymore and can’t eat like one. If you want to stay here on this earth, then you must put in the work and eat right and exercise. You will be decluttering your life as well, which we will talk about in a future blog, but eating healthy and exercise are a way to declutter your body. Excess weight and extra pounds are sometimes just a wall of protection we put up and can be trauma and/or resentment which we are holding onto. Let it go. Journal. Free yourself up and you will feel lighter physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is all connected. Make a conscious decision to want to be here and take care of you because you matter.

This life is worth living.

In love and light,

Fran

Baby Steps

This journey may seem overwhelming at first, but just remember it is a process and baby steps are needed. The truth is it took a long time to lose yourself, so the process of finding yourself again can take just as long. The comforting part is that as soon as you set the intention to make changes, then change starts to happen.

Please do not get discouraged when first starting out. This is all about baby steps and moving forward one step at a time. Your baby steps may be three steps forward and two steps back, or if you are carrying around as much baggage as I was, then it may seem like two steps forward and three steps back. You may journal one day and get triggered and lose your balance and find that it takes days for you to recover. Remember no matter what happens pick yourself up and keep going. You may feel like you are starting over again and again, but remember you are not. Each step forward you will be bringing the knowledge and lessons learned with you, so that next step forward may take you half the time as the last. Be kind to yourself on this journey. Everyone has their own story and baggage, so everyone moves at their own pace, and that is ok and part of healing. The goal is self-love, peace and happiness and is all that matters. Remember it takes as long as it takes.

Healing and making big changes for yourself can sometimes feel like a lonely journey while you are releasing the old and unsure of the new. You will be releasing unhealthy habits and sometimes unhealthy people as well, so it will be important to always reach out to family and close friends to help you stay grounded. Please keep an eye on yourself and reach out for additional professional counseling if needed. The stigma attached to needing help is being removed from our society, so please embrace that if needed. Seeking help is no longer viewed as a sign of weakness – it is a sign of strength.

Last week I mentioned that journaling is the easiest way to get started because that is the easiest way to let things go, but it is also the easiest way get to know yourself again. When you are first getting started, try and bring your thoughts back to the beginning - go back to the core of who you are. What did you like? What did you see for yourself in your future? Are you doing that? Have you forgotten who you are? Does someone else dictate your downtime? Right now, if I asked you what your favorite color is would you even know? Your answer to any of these questions can signal that you have lost yourself somewhere along the way. This journey is about self-love and becoming your own best friend so you may have to go back to the beginning to get to know yourself again. The nice thing about getting to know yourself again is that you will remember that your favorite color matters – you matter.

Baby steps are needed because at times you will feel like an emotional wreck, but please find comfort in knowing that it’s just part of the process. You will slowly be reminded of who you are and in turn may dig up something that has been buried and you need to let go of. You will also deal with things while you are asleep which is why on some days you may wake up feeling differently than when you went to sleep. Your dreamworld may become very active and you may start to have very vivid dreams and/or nightmares because your subconscious is also working on healing while you are asleep. This is why morning journaling helps because you immediately dump everything you woke up with on paper and left feeling lighter and free to start your day.

When you spend a lifetime giving, giving, giving with no boundaries set for yourself and stuffing your emotions, once you think you are finished something new will come up. There is no way we can deal with all of it at once, so it comes out slowly. The reference it’s like peeling back an onion fits perfectly. Once you heal a layer you are ready to deal with the next. Each layer may be harder to deal with, but each layer removed you will feel stronger and more empowered than before. Think of the layers as sweaters of protection you kept putting on that eventually covered up who you really were, and now you are slowly removing them to reveal your true self.

When I first started this journey, I remember I used to make lists for everything. My goal was to live a balanced life, but I was so lost and didn’t know where to start, so I began to make lists of things to do in a day. I wrote down everything – wake up, journal, shower, get kids ready, work, go to the store, make dinner, rest, hang out with kids, clean house, I wrote down everything and kept it in a notepad and carried it everywhere with me to help keep me on track. Eventually that daily list became a weekly list, and I added “fun” to the list. I printed out a weekly calendar and filled in every day on it and kept it on my refrigerator. The list was a reminder to work, rest, exercise, pray and play. Sometimes we are stuck in survival mode and fun, happiness and joy have been taken completely out of the picture, and now we must make it a conscious choice to put them all back in.

Those of us on this journey are good people with good hearts, but now we are learning to give that same love and compassion to ourselves. We are learning how to express our feelings, we are learning about healthy relationships, healthy boundaries, and in the extreme if your situation calls for it, you will remember that you deserve to be loved and trusted. You will start to feel stronger and letting someone else have control over you or making you feel like a prisoner in your own home will no longer be tolerated. The life that once felt so comfortable and familiar will start to feel very uncomfortable and scream out for change. Listen to that little voice inside your head - trust your intuition - and that’s how you will get through this and eventually have the life you want and always envisioned for yourself.

Go slow … and always remember to take it one step at a time.

In love and light,

Fran

 

Let it Go

Journaling every day is the easiest way to get started on this journey of healing and change and will also be the most important tool you take away from this experience. I am a big believer in using writing to help heal yourself when you are not the big talking about your problems type. Journaling is also very personal and a great way to get to know yourself again. Most of us on this journey got lost somewhere along the way, and this will help you find yourself again. You will be journaling about your fears, your desires, your anger, your love and every feeling, both good and bad, that you hold inside of yourself. There is something very therapeutic about putting things down on paper. You get it out, release it and then let it go (yes, my dear sister, just like the song lol). I share with others now that when you really want to heal your soul and live your life as a happier, balanced, more positive person, then journaling becomes like a doorway to Heaven and your prayers really are answered.

Some of the reasons why we do things the way we do goes back to the “junk” we carry from our childhood, and journaling becomes that place where you dump that junk and work through it. I mentioned in my last blog that finding a place in your home to create a safe space for writing or just sitting with your own thoughts is very important. Journaling gives the room and space to get to know yourself again while your mind, body and soul heals and accepts it’s new normal without any external influences. Our mind and body love to keep playing old tapes, that’s why in the beginning everything you do has to be a conscious choice. Journaling will also have to be a conscious choice.

I always keep two journals, a gratitude journal to put the good stuff in and a healing journal to get the bad stuff out. Some people are good at being open and talking about their problems, but some of us spend a lifetime stuffing our sorrows, our traumas and our feelings and need a little help. My experience is you can keep stuffing your feelings all you want, but eventually they are going to show their ugly faces. Those stuffed feelings may show up as anger, addiction, depression and may even manifest as illness because everything stuffed needs a way to escape. Trauma gets locked in our bodies and needs a release and that is where journaling comes into play. When you first start your healing journey it will feel like you stirred up a pot of soup that’s been sitting for a long time, and then suddenly everything is swirling around and needs somewhere to go. Those feelings will show up as anger, sadness, confusion, and many other negative feelings, so journaling will help to get them all out and released.

A gratitude journal will be the easier one because being grateful just requires you to be thankful for what you already have. Thank God, thank yourself, be grateful for your job, the people in your life, money you have, food on the table, good things that happen, be grateful for having the strength to get through another day, the list is endless for what we can be grateful for. Keep this journal separate and write in it every morning before you start your day or at night when you have completed your day. I always liked to take a few minutes every morning before my day started because I was stuck in a cycle of over-giving, and doing this for myself in the morning helped me get through my day. I noticed when I took just a few minutes in the morning to write in my journal and be grateful, then I was starting my day seeing the positive side, giving to myself first, and then I wouldn’t feel resentful for not having any time left for myself throughout the day. I was learning to put myself first. Like I stated previously, I do believe that gratitude journals become like a portal to the other side. Magical things happen when you show gratitude.

My gratitude journal simply states gratitude right across the front for everyone to see. The other journal, your healing journal, will be more private because it is ends up being our darkest thoughts and fears. This journal is personal and for your eyes only. This journal I kept tucked away in a drawer and when I wrote in it, I did it in handwriting that couldn’t be read back. I would write very fast in a scribbling sort of way, so that even if it was found no one could read it – I couldn’t even read it.  I was free to write whatever I wanted without the fear of it being read and judged by someone who found it. This allows you to not edit or judge what you write and, in the moment, just let those feelings go. Write down any sad, angry, hateful, ugly, painful, resentful thoughts or feelings that come up that you would never share with anyone. Those feelings are toxic to your physical body when they are kept inside and need to be released. They are your past and you are meant to keep your eyes forward so don’t go back and read what you wrote. Put a pen to paper and just see what comes up for you. Don't worry how much you write - it can be one sentence, one paragraph, one page, ten pages, just get it down. Take your thoughts out of it and just write and you will be surprised what comes up. Things you forgot about and didn’t realize you were holding onto will come up too. I can remember trying to write as the tears were falling down my face and landing on the pages. My advice is to just keep going because this is when healing is taking place. Releasing this pain and hurt is the best gift you will ever give to yourself. Those tears will help wash away the pain and start the path towards peace and happiness.

When I first started to make changes and heal, I had to remember that some thoughts and feelings are not about our present but just our past on replay. We learn to see those feelings for what they are and work through them and let them go. This is not an overnight process and will take some time for you to let go of the old while trying to embrace the new. Remember that the body is always behind the mind and spirit and takes a while to catch up. You will feel uncomfortable with that in between space, the place where you are outgrowing your past, but you still haven’t embraced where you are going. The fear of the unknown can take over, so it is very important to stay in the present moment and live life one day at a time. The body will eventually know it doesn’t have to be on high alert waiting for the other shoe to drop because it will be caught up with your new normal. You will know you have healed and will be in balance. Change (and journaling) can be a beautiful and powerful thing.

When I am finished writing in my journals, I let them go too. I make it a ceremony and offer them up with gratitude for everything I’ve been through in my life and grateful for who I am right now in this moment. Ten years ago, I did a ceremony for myself with a few friends and burned eight journals and it was a very powerful and healing experience. Another time I had a box filled with gratitude notes and offered them up into a campfire while playing music. If you can’t burn them, then throw them away but make it a special experience for yourself. You can wrap them up like a gift and before you throw them away offer up gratitude for the experience and the gift of healing. Whatever ceremony speaks to you do that for yourself.

Now go out and buy yourself a journal and start writing. Your inner child will be grateful that you did.

 

In love and light,

Fran